DK Vine: July, 2000 Accounts

07/01/00

Slush: Let me just say something about the first of the month. It involves gathering together all your Accounts (which are usually spread out, written either on your computer or some sort of physical object), putting them in order, typing them out, and so forth. The whole process for me (since I'm so disorganized) takes about an hour and a half. I really hate Accounts. Which is why I'm not going to say much tonight. I just got done taking care of the June Accounts for crying out loud.

Chad: I did the Accounts html and passed out. Fun for the whole family.

07/02/00

Slush: We updated with my favorite update tonight, Letters. Letters is always fun for me, because it allows us to go through our mail and either see how much thought provoking, intelligent thoughts we've recieved...or see how many moronic readers we're attracted since the last edition. But (I know you can't start a sentence with "but", but this ain't grammer school, chocko!) that's why we invented the Mr. Mooney Award: to either award intelligence or stupidity. Of course, people usually try acting like a total dick in order to get one, instead of opting for the classier route. Oh well. F-ck them.

Chad: Well, it finally looks like we've got a solid date on the Bulletin Board......tomorrow! Whoo! It's 4:07 AM and my entire face is twitching and spasming, but I finally hacked through all the UBB files to set the template to look like ours. And I made some logo images. Shudder..... I'm going to sleep......

07/03/00

Slush: Well, we finally got a Bulletin Board today. I've been avoiding talking about it in previous Accounts because I wanted to be sure that the plan wouldn't fall through, but it hasn't. We never initially even wanted a message board of any kind, but after enough people asked for it we decided we should cave in because 1) Less junk mail and 2) There really aren't any quality places to discuss the DKU on the web. Anyway, it's kind of fun actually being able to control one of these suckers instead of getting kicked off of them.

Chad: Some final Bulletin Board junk, and it's up. HUZZAH!!! Right, now I'm going to watch the board slowly gain members, then stop at around three. G'night.

07/04/00

Slush: It was the Fourth of July tonight, and I did my patriotic duties by setting off a wad of illegal fireworks. Seriously, there was enough to take out Rhode Island. There were these one things called "Ass Choppers" that spun up in the air. It said on the package that it had a "kick ass effect." I wasn't sure what that kick ass effect was, but when I did find out, it kicked the sh-t out of my ass. It spun up in the air, fell back to the ground, and literally blew away a chunk of my lawn. The explosion was so powerful it kicked me in the ass. Be VERY careful if you ever buy Ass Choppers. Not to be confused with ther Ass Choppers you can buy at Gay Bondage stores.
Our Friend: Whatever happened to the G rated site you and Chad were determined to keep clean for all ages? You f--king got lazy.

Chad: It was Independence Day in the States, so I watched some fireworks. Slush BOUGHT illegal ones. He said there was one called the "Ass Chopper", which knocked him off his feet and made a crater in his yard. Hah! Well, I'm sure you read about that in his Accounts, so I'll shut up now.

07/05/00

Slush: I didn't do much today. Played around with the Bulletin Board some more. I'm tired. Good night.
Our Friend: There, you f--king got lazy again.

Chad: Well, I went to check the mail and what should be there, but a key! It was for the package bin! I opened it up and I could tell from the sender that it was the two diecast car repicas I won on eBay (DK64 and SSB). Well, I grabbed the letter mail, and what fell out but ANOTHER KEY! YAHOO! So I opened the second mail bin, and there it was. The coveted Virtual Boy! With the only three games worth owning on the system: Wario Land, Mario's Tennis, and (droooooolllll) Galactic Pinball! The latter is by far the best game. It has this outerspacey feel to it. Oh, and my cat, Sabre's Outer Space smell changed into more of a hand-lotion smell, so I don't sniff him any more. Instead, just as Slush said, Virtual Boy smells like Outer Space. He described it as spaceship exhaust, and that's exactly correct! WHOO! ACK! CONAN! Okay, tomorrow then.

07/06/00

Slush: Today we put forth the first part of our plans for our One Year Anniversary next month. I'm not at liberty to say what we do have planned, but if you read the update you'll know it involves you the readers greatly. We've been planning this for months now, but like I said, I'm not allowed to exactly say what it is. Hopefully it will be enjoyable though.
Our Friend: As enjoyable as shooting homeless people with paintball guns?

Chad: Today we announced our big anniversary thing. Wheeeee! Goodnight.

07/07/00

Slush: Wow, today was certainly a hair raising day in the news of Donkey Kong. Yes, Donkey Kong Jr. is in Mario Tennis. My heart stopped when I read that on Nintendo's site. Approximately five seconds later I realized the whole deal with Baby Mario/Mario, and figured it was the same thing. No big deal. I'm the master of the "No Prize Award" (an award Marvel Comics gave to readers who were able to come up with a logical solution to an error in continuity). Oh, and the reason I wrote my Feature on Virtual Boy (which I had planned to do yesterday, but wasn't able to) was because Chad recently got his Virtual Boy, and it brought back memories of my favorite bastardized past time. So I took VB out of the Virtual Boy carrying case that used to belong to Blockbuster Video (but I got for free when Nintendo bailed on the system) and began playing Galactic Pinball again. If you've never played a Virtual Boy or Galactic Pinball, I should hunt you down right now and maim you until the cows come home. Galactic Pinball is perhaps the greatest game Nintendo doesn't want you to remember.
Our Friend: You couldn't maim a blind chicken stuck in a beaver hole.

Chad: Uh.... Conan O'Brien is pushed back by the stupid Wimbeldon tourney, so I'll have to wait until 2:40 AM to watch the show. Then I have to wake up at 8:00 AM tomorrow to watch MST3K. I swear, local NBC and the Sci Fi channel are teaming up to creat the most agonizingly impossible scedule of show for me to watch. Next thing I know NBC will be playing all the Hilton commercials in a big block at 4:32 AM. Anyway, Camelot is trying to screw over the DKU by having Miyamoto's Donkey Kong in the same game as Rare's Donkey Kong. THEY'RE THE SAME BLOODY CHARACTER! ARGH!!! Fortunately we can make up excuses about Master Hand's chect of time. I'd like to thank HAL for helping maintain our sanity.

07/08/00

Slush: Ho-hum. A lazy Saturday this was, and once again the fact that I'm too tired is restricting me for making a long, drawn out account of today's events. Good night.
Our Friend: Ever danced with the devil in the pale moon light?
Why the hell are you ending all of my Accounts?
Our Friend: I'm just trying to liven up what pathetic excuse you're now presenting as Accounts. If you want, I'll stop. Of course, I'll see to it that I'll eat your future children.
You don't have a digestive system, ass.

Chad: Not much today, except that Slush and I had a long, drawn-out conversation about DKU music, and that the puck from Galactic Pinball has become my favorite non-DKU character. WHOOO!!!

07/09/00

Slush: Sunday is an incredibly boring excuse of a day. NOTHING is on television, and if you do go outside to do something, Bible thumping Christians will run out and yell at you, "YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ON SUNDAY! YOU'LL BURN IN HELL!" Which got me to thinking something. Why would God really care anyway? Seriously. Do you think it would concern the all mighty master of the universe if you mow the lawn on Sunday? Do you think it upsets him if you don't worship him in church, a place as corupt as Walt Disney and Adolph Hitler were? Some people need to wake up.

Chad: I made a wallpaper of the puck from Galactic Pinball. Hurrah!

07/10/00

Slush: One of those days. You know, one of those days where there is NOTHING to update on. Most sites would just not even bother to update, but if we're capable of reaching our computers and getting them to work, we feel obligated to give the people who check our site each day at least something to make their trip worthwhile. So we give them a Swanky's Strife. Our hits go down. At least we tried, right?

Chad: Heh heh, I've been slacking off on Accounts. As I type this it's actually the 12th. Let me see what happened today..... uh...... nothing. Nothing at all happened. NOTHING!!! ARGH! Crap, Conan's on. I'll have to write the 11th Account tomorrow. Hahaha!

07/11/00

Slush: Let me just say right now that I do not believe Banjo-Tooie will be released the day after Christmas. That's the most stupidest thing I've ever heard. What if Wal-Mart started selling Halloween costumes on November 1st? It's the exact same principle. The videogame industry revolves around the holidays. I don't believe it.

Chad: Yippie. It's the eleventh. Cough. My scanner hates me. And I decided to watch Drew Carey Show at 11:00 PM tonight before updating. HUZZAH! My Accounts this month suck ass.

07/12/00

Slush: I finally updated the TimeVine today with Donkey Kong 64 info. Yeah, I know it's LONG overdue, but give me a break. I'm too tired to argue with the people who won't even read this for another few weeks.

Chad: Daily Radar gave Donkey a spot as best Nintendo mascot. Wheee. But the DKC series didn't even make their Top 50 videogames of all time. UGH.

07/13/00

Slush: My favorite update struck again tonight. Chad was right when he said it was massive in Updates. We're both probably going to develop Carpel Tunnell Syndrome in a few years. Stupid computer age, it will be the bane of me yet.
Our Friend: You know how I've developed Carpel Tunnell?
Not this again...

Chad: We did Letters. Wheee! It was a bloody massive edition. Oh yeah, and I feel like I'm going to throw up. I really do. Ouuugh. Oh yeah, and for some reason I think you'll be able to go inside a Chompa in Banjo-Tooie. Slush thinks I'm insane, but I have this nagging feeling.....

07/14/00

Slush: I went to see the X-Men movie today. I was very surprised about how well done it was. It's not your typical superhero movie (like the abomination that was Batman and Robin). I'd recommend it to anyone, mainly because it has great interaction between the characters. Yeah, I enjoyed that more than the violence. What has become of me? Don't worry, I'm still low class, as the best part of the movie (not to give anything away, but...) was when Wolverine flipped Cyclops the finger with one of his claws. That's classic.

Chad: I worked some more on the site's anniversary thing. That takes a LOT of work. I hope I can finish in time. Then I went and saw the X-Men movie. Heh heh, there was one part where Wolverine flipped off Cyclops with his claws . It was great. I don't feel quite as prone to purging as I did last night, which is always a good thing. Ah, tomorrow I have to wake up in five hours. I'd better get off to sleep, then. On another note, I'm finally caught up with Accounts. Huzzah!

07/15/00

Slush: We went crazy with the bios today. We figured it was time to do a hefty amount of them, as they were a part of the site that was falling behind. Even though I'm not sure how many people are going to care about the history of Juju. Here's a little behind the scenes tidbit for you though: for Bazooka Bear, I wanted to find a MIDI of the song "War" to go along with it. I was hunting the internet all night, and I couldn't find it. The problem was I just couldn't find the artist, as most MIDI sites group their songs by the artist. Chad helped out though by going to a Simpsons fan site, going into the trivia section, and asking who the artist was of the song Homer danced nude to in the church of one of the Halloween Episodes (the story was called the Homega Man). He got the answer, and viola. We found it with relative ease. I'm glad I've put you to sleep now, as you won't be concerned with the rest of the Accounts this month. Now I can do a pathetic job and nobody will notice!

Chad: Slush did 6 bios tonight and I sat back and did nothing except the html and pictures. And I started sneezing uncontrollably. Wheeeee!

07/16/00

Slush: I don't feel like talking tonight. I had a bad day. My cat (named Diddy) was hit by a car and died.

Chad: Slush's cat died today. I never actually got to meet her, but I'll really miss Diddy.

07/17/00

Slush: I had a bit better of a day today. I've gone through the five stages of grief. I've finally hit acceptance. Oh, and instead of resorting to alcholism, instead I went out and bought some really expensive Star Wars sh-t. Nothing comforts me quite as much as Greedo and Dengar. Wait...isn't Dengar a Pokemon? SCREW YOU, that's not what I meant. He's also my favorite bounty hunter in Star Wars. Boba Fett don't have nothing on Dengar, let me tell you that.

Chad: The UBB is doing well. Ugh, and I just realized that my summer is over August 9th. That's bloody insane. The UBB is going well. Did I already say that? I learned that Diddy jumps off the wooden parts of that moving platform level with the gas in DKC if you stay on the wooden plant and let it go underneath you. He throws down his hat and jumps off! Hahahahaha! The UBB is doing well.

07/18/00

Slush: Feeling pretty good today, I decided to once again tackle our ongoing Pass the Story. GOOD LORD this thing is getting putrid. It's also getting incredibly fun. I challenge anyone to read it from beginning to end and make sense of it. Seriously, I challenge somebody to do it, right now. GO!

Chad: Slush did a new insane chapter of the Big Ol' Not a Cock and Bull Story thing. I just realized that I've spent over $200 this summer in DKU merchandise from eBay, but I earned back well over that working, so I'm okay. UBB's going well, except everybody keeps saying Our Friend isn't real. His bloody picture is on the webmasters page! How can you say that's NOT real? ARGH!

07/19/00

Slush: Nothing worthwhile to talk about today. I do want to bring up something though. A few months back, I asked our readers in Accounts to help me come up with a new catchphrase that somehow involved the word "boobie." I haven't gotten a single e-mail yet. So please, send in your suggestions to SirSlush2@dkvine.com. I'll pick the best one after an undetermined period of time. The winner gets...nothing, but that may change...if I change my mind.

Chad: I worked some more on the thing for August. I also made a mock-up of the DKC cartridge. It's my favorite mockup thus far. Oh, and I think we finally have all the fan submissions for the August project that we're going to take. I'm not sure if Slush will want to announce them tomorrow or not.

07/20/00

Slush: Whoa! Another edition of Letters was featured tonight. The third one this month. Not too shabby. Or very shabby, if you consider the quality of the Letters and how "great" our responses were. Trashing us AND our readers is my new national past time.

Chad: I really don't feel like writing Accounts tonight, so whatever Slush wrote I'm going to paste and pretend that I wrote it. Okay?

Whoa! Another edition of Letters was featured tonight. The third one this month. Not too shabby. Or very shabby, if you consider the quality of the Letters and how "great" our responses were. Trashing us AND our readers is my new national past time.

07/21/00

Slush: When I was mowing the lawn this evening, I was trying to come up with an update. I decided that our site needed an atlas of all the major villians in the DKU, so I proposed it to Chad. He was confused for awhile, and I had to resort to illustrations to show him what I meant. Sad how we do business here, isn't it? Oh, and while I haven't mentioned this directly on the site yet, I'm going on a vacation to a woodland resort tomorrow (actually, I'm stopping by Pennsylvania first to see some of my relatives, and then going to the resort on Monday). I'll be back Wednesday, but I went ahead and wrote tomorrow's update (in super low quality) and wrote the update with no MEAT for Monday. Tomorrow it's writing Accounts by hand again. Super.

Chad: YES! I just got done with the hardest part of the...... er.... August 1-year anniversary thing. I'll probably be able to finish now. And I made $45 bucks in ninety minutes today! SWEET! That's four more Banjo-Tooie action figures I'll be able to buy this Christmas! (I'm going to buy multiple copies of the Mumbo figures.....because Mumbo deserves it).

07/22/00

Slush: I'm in Pennsylvania at the moment. While it's embarrising, my cable company at home sucks. They don't even get Comedy Central, but they get Black Entertainment Televison. I have nothing against an entire channel that has African Americans bashing "white folk" 24 hours a day (calling them racist....would it be racist of me to shout "DOUBLE STANDARD?" Oh well, I enjoy Chris Rock's humor. He can bash me all he wants and I'll still laugh), but Comedy Central is a basic cable channel now. At my relatives' house they have DirecTV, and it's what I'm going to be getting when I get back home. I've already fallen in love with Comedy Central, and "the Man Show." ....pull your favorite private part, it's the Man Show!

Chad: Well, today we updated in the wee hours of the morn because Slush will be on a four-day hiatus. He left today around 2:30. I've been working on the site birthday project ever since. And I'm bored. I decided to cure my boredom by watching Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, but in my boredom I forgot to switch tapes and I ended up watching Last Crusade twice. And that makes me mad, because Temple of Doom is a far better movie.

07/23/00

Slush: Still in PA as of this writing. I'm now a Comedy Central junkie. It's my own version of crack. Probably because it's been a year since I've last seen it (in a hotel room) and I'm trying to soak in all the channels in addition to it that I can before I go home to my pathetic cable lineup. What's this? They have five porn channels...FOR FREE? Good thing Our Friend isn't here.

Chad: Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! No. I don't know. Slush is gone and I'm gradually going insane. Slowly at first... yes... ever so slowly. That's how it always happens. Always. Slush went to a woodland resort. I don't know what that is, but I INTEND TO FIND OUT!!!!! I WILL FIND OUT!!!

07/24/00

Slush: Well, I'm at the resort right now. This is perhaps the funniest thing I've ever seen. There are lodges for the guests to stay at. The lodge I'm in is called BEAVER LODGE. Yes, I know. It's funny, but there are animals called beavers. Big deal. However, the people behind this resort must be bigger perverts than I, because it's sitting right next to WOODCOCK LODGE. WOODCOCK? BEAVER AND WOODCOCK LODGE? You don't realize how hard I was laughing when I saw that.

Chad: I am not one step closer to finding out what a woodland resort is. Well, I am one step closer. I found a step on the stairwell downtown (you know, the big downtown stairwell) that said "woodland resorts are HERE!" but there was nothing there. I hope my quest to discover what a woodland resort is will come to a conclusion soon, as I fear my sanity will not last many days more.

07/25/00

Slush: My last full day here on vacation. I watched the British version of "Who's Line is It Anyway?" tonight, and I thought some parts were much funnier than the American version, simply because they can get away with more on British television. On Conan tonight they had Harrison Ford, and Conan did the weirdest stuff with him. You'd never expect anybody to have the guts to do this stuff with Harrison Ford, but somehow Conan pulled it off. Anyway, hopefully I'll make it back home tomorrow without a traffic accident, flat tire, or the Armageddon. Good night.

Chad: I decided to not go to sleep tonight. I just don't want to go to sleep. And I still don't know what a woodland resort is. But I will fight it! I WILL FIGHT THE WOODLAND RESORT WITH NO SLEEP! NO SLEEP! HARPO MARX!

07/26/00

Slush: I'm home, but that's not what I'm going to talk about right now. Tonight Conan had MR. T as a guest. Mr. T is perhaps the coolest person that ever lived, and it was perhaps the greatest episode of Conan ever, especially when he and T started dancing (Conan got up and danced on his desk while T shuffled around on the floor). Mr. T also promoted his new Chia Pet. I WANT ONE OF THOSE.

Chad: I haven't slept in 36 hours. I'm tired, Slush is back, I'm sane but really tired, and I still don't know what a woodland resort is. So I asked Slush to do my Accounts for me. Here you go.

Blah blah, today I had fun! I watched Monty Python, and then went out and found a Dragonheart cracker box! Guh huh!

07/27/00

Slush: My Time Attack times suck. You have to understand that I beat Donkey Kong Land III very shortly before Diddy Kong Racing came out, so my only concern was beating the set times to get 103%. I wasn't concerned how great they were, because at the time I never imagined they would go on the internet for everyone to laugh at.

Chad: Er.... the message board is full of idiots! IDIOTS! ALL OF THEM! MYSELF AND SLUSH INCLUDED!

07/28/00

Slush: YES! Mario Party 3 and Mario Kart Advance, huh? Cameos, cameos everywhere. The majority of my fun today came from purchasing a Game Boy Camera. It was the most surreal feeling I've ever gotten seeing my face on Game Boy. For a second I could taste God himself, but then it got old, so I started taking pictures of toliet clogs. The thing that excites me the most about this is the pornography possibilities. Stay with me on this. Game Boy Advance might be able to hook up to the internet or it's own version of the internet, correct? You can also use Game Boy Camera to show yourself to other videogame players when playing against somebody over the internet. That alone opens TONS of porn options. Hey, porn is where the money is at. It's nice to know I finally have an outlet if I ever had to turn to that option.

Chad: Loveday updated with a pointless edition of Ask Uncle Tusk. usually Tusk dishes out some good info, but he seemed to be lacking today. Perhaps they aren't tugging on his leash hard enough. That aside, Famitsu blah blah, Mario Kart and MP3. I swear, it's going to get confusing with Mario Party 3 (MP3) as well as .MP3 files. Hoo, yeah. Hey, I just got a letter from a Brazilian guy who likes the site and wants renders. Okay, then, RENDERS HE SHALL RECIEVE!

07/29/00

Slush: So, Mario Tennis for Game Boy Color will be coming out in January JUST A WEEK BEFORE BFD? Not that I'm worried, as BFD will probably shuffle around before that anyway. Still, I wish Nintendo wouldn't do that to us.

Chad: It's really a quite boring day, isn't it? Yeah, well, that's how it should be anyway. Ugh, I don't know what I'm talking about. G'night.

07/30/00

Slush: Tonight we did our little feature about the Top Ten DKU Melodies. We strongly believe that we made the right choices too. It was kind of hard though trying to narrow it down, as we had to leave out such classics as the theme from Hot Top Volcano in Diddy Kong Racing, the theme from Creepy Castle in Donkey Kong 64, and more. Oh well. I don't have any regrets.

Chad: We did a Top Ten list today that I've ben wanting to do for quite some time now. Well, we finally did it. It's a good one too, it is. Although the MP3s are taking my primitive computer literally hours to upload. And the stupid service keeps signing me off in mid-upload. I've uploaded all but #8 and #9. I'll do them tomorrow or something.

07/31/00

Slush: The end of another month is here. Anyway...
Our Friend: Damn straight, so let me vent a few things before you cut me off once again. I hate those guys who have short dark hair with splotches of blond in them, wearing their orange shirts and khaki shorts. I mean, have you looked around recently? THEY'RE F-CKING EVERYWHERE! AND THEY TALK LIKE THE BIGGEST PUSSIES AROUND! F--K THEM! I HATE THOSE PREPPY B-TCHES!
Are you done?
Our Friend: Yeah, I've shot my wad off, and I'm happy too.
Thanks. I was going to say something, but Our Friend completly made me forget what I was going to talk about. Good night!

Chad: Ugh. We were supposed to do Letters today, but that fell through when Slush's power went out, so I grabbed a bunch of Japanese text and called it an update! And the half-wit visitors will never know the truth! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!! Oh, wait... SH-T!