 |
|
 |
| |
  09/01/00Slush: Well, today's the first of the month, so we did the Accounts HTML uploaded new Banjo-Tooie screenshots ripped off of a movie Loveday put up. On a personal (how can it be personal if it's in Accounts?) note, my computer is totally starting to crap out. Totally, dude. I've only got about 29 MBs of memory currently. Something's going to have to give soon. At least it's Friday, am I right?Chad: Wow, Rare released a Banjo-Tooie movie, so we decided not to update with Accounts and put it off until tomorrow. Heh heh heh. Anyway, the movie is great. I love those firey hand things in Hailfire Peaks that act the part of Chompas / Cluckers. I assume you fight fire with fire eggs, but perhaps there's another way. There's something wrong with my Quicktime player, though. It starts the volume about two seconds after the video, so everything is out of sync. Blargh.09/02/00Slush: It was a lazy Saturday today, that involved nothing but playing Mario Party 2 and putting up the belated Accounts. You know, what's the purpose of Accounts if nothing ever interesting happens? I might have to start bull sh--ing some stories, like getting abducted by a pack of bikers or dying and then coming back as four different people, ala Superman. Hey, you'd like to see "Steel Slush" and "Cyborg Slush," wouldn't you?Chad: I hate Accounts, which we did today, so I'll talk about something else. Yesterday I said Blargh. I haven't said that in a long time. Recently, we dropped the "L" and just say "Blagh". Blagh is easier to type. I like Blagh. But Blargh holds a special place in my heart. Damn, I hate writing Accounts. I wish we could quit it, but people seem to like it a lot. Ugh.09/03/00Slush: Chad wrote the Update in Spanish today. The thing he forgot is that you don't translate your name. If his name is Chad in English, it's Chad in Spanish (not Sabalo). What else happened today? Well, my computer ate AOL (stop snickering...we all know I use AOL by now). Yes, so I had to reinstall it, but now everything is screwed up. For some reason the way we format the site isn't coming across on my computer anymore, and it's a just a jumbeled mess. Sigh. I'm going to have to break down and get a new computer soon. The Memory Monster has completly destroyed this one. Chad: Hahaha, Slush found this sweet online translator and we spent about an hour converting stuff to Spanish and then back, and laughing at how far off the translation was. I decided to write my update in Spanish using it and he wrote Capitulo Once. And that's....it.09/04/00Slush: I went to the site after the update was uploaded tonight and I saw that our seperation bars were overlapping on the picture of Captain Blackeye in Updates. I can't bear to look at the site with my computer anymore. Until I get a new computer, I'm probably only going to go to the Bulletin Board (which is the only place on the site that comes across the same way it did before on my computer). Chad: We updated on crap today. Just some news that everybody already knew about Captain Blackeye. But I did get to force Our Friend to get a good picture of Captain Blackeye... something I've been meaning to do for a while now. 09/05/00Slush: I'm starting to become disinterested with the site. I mean, if you pour your heart into something, and when you look at it, it resembles rancid diarrhea, would you want to put hard work into it anymore? No, I'm not quitting the site. I just don't really care about it if I can't enjoy it.Chad: Dinosaur Planet's at ECTS. Who'dve thought? We just uploaded with this news, and some more Banjo-Tooie news. Yawn. You know what I mate? When ever page of a site had MIDIs in it. Whenever I use DOS it messes up my MIDIs, so the whole site sounds like crap. We only use MIDIs when it makes a good point or souns cool. For example, "War" in Bazooka Bear's biography.09/06/00Slush: It's hump day (snicker...tee hee...*blush*), and as far as the DKU goes we discovered that Conga will be returning with a JOB this time! I always liked Conga, as he represented apes alongside Chimpy in Banjo-Kazooie, and I'm glad he's returning. If Rareware would throw Tiptup, Wizpig, and Winky in B-T; it would be better than sex!Chad: My apartment smells weird today. Very weird. Sweet, kind, of, but also sickening. I bet it's one of those Glade plug-in things I bought. Those are a tool of the devil, they are. Oh, and I ate a bunch of taquitos and got sick. Huzzah!09/07/00Slush: Chad got Mario Tennis tonight, and since I don't care much for the site at the moment, I figured it would be a good oppurtunity to stick him with the workload and take the night off. I'm such a cruel bastard, but yet I'm so damn cute (put finger up to mouth and winks).Chad: No more ECTS stuff. Oh, and today I decided to eat a packet of ketchup to see what would happen. Nothing. No super-powers, no mutations, no third eyes, NOTHING! They just don't make ketchup (or catsup, as it were) like they used to.09/08/00Slush: The thing I love about updating with Artworks is that we always have such a feeling of guilt afterwards, like we should have done something instead of just letting our readers do all the work. I mean, if your readers do the update for you, doesn't that make them readers of themselves? That's bordering near a Chinese proverb, and I don't know jack about manufacturing fortune cookies. BUT GOOD NEWS ELSEWHERE TONIGHT!. I went looking for a new computer tonight. When I first purchased the piece of crap I use now, computers only came with 2 gigabytes. Now I'm shocked to see they go up to 50 gigabytes and higher. That's like watching The Andy Griffith Show your whole life, and then suddenly being introduced to a balding Ron Howard. The reaction that comes out of you is similar to p-ssing out of your mouth in shock.Chad: I fixed some of the Heroes of Kazaam bugs. I'll fix more tomorrow night. Oh, and I'm sure Slush or myself have covered this in a previous Account, but who the hell was the genius behind the concept of baths? How does soaking in your own filth make you clean? No wonder the French are such dirty people...09/09/00Slush: Being Saturday night, I could have gone out and had a good time. That is, if I had an ounce of a life. Instead, I stayed in and played Galactic Pinball while Chad fixed Heroes of Kazaam. If you don't own a Virtual Boy and have never played Galactic Pinball, purchase them on eBay right now. If you're twisted freaks like us, you won't regret it.Chad: Uploaded the fixed Heroes of Kazaam. Whee. Ate a cookie. Whee. Passed out. Whee. Woke up in a cheap, urine-soaked motel room with a hangover. Whee. Tried to flee the trashed motel room, but was caught and incarcerated. Whee. Paid bail. Whee. Went to sleep, ever fearful of having unconciously impregnated someone. Whee.09/10/00Slush: Well, I'm typing this account on a (drumroll please, Our Friend).........NEW COMPUTER! That's right, I've finally entered the 20th century with 3 months to spare before it becomes the 21st century. I purchased a Sony Vaio with DVD player, CD burner, incredible sound system, and 30 gigabytes of raw power. Insert Tim Allen macho man/dog grunt here. For the first time since I've met him, I have more technological horsepower than Chad does. Well, he still has the site's scanner, and Our Friend. Our Friend just lives with him though, and since the Vine is opposed to slavery, we can't say with good intentions that he owns him either. Oh, I'm just rambling now because I love the sweet feel of my new keyboard underneath my long, slender fingers. Chad: Slush misses Labor Day as if it were a lost lover. AND THAT'S A FACT, JACK!09/11/00Slush: Monday is Monday, meaning the world goes back to their occupational grinds. It doesn't really bother me right now though, because I have a new computer! I've downloaded a Realplayer, and I've finally played Heroes of Kazaam (hey, I couldn't before with only so much memory). I'm also considering purchasing a scanner of my own, to put my ass cheeks up on the net for the world to see, just like the Olsen twins will in four years!Chad: Today I woke up, threw up, and holed up. Wonderful day. I really miss Hogwashes and Nemos. Donkey Kong Land is my favorite Game Boy game ever. I think Hogwashes and Nemos would translate brilliantly into 3-D, and I hope they make a return. Also, I want my favorite DKL series location, Kremlantis, to return in 3D. It was an incredible area. There's traces of it in Banjo-Tooie screenshots, but the actual title is up in the air. I'm really REALLY hoping for it to be called Kremlantis. They could even stick Kremling heads on the sunken columns, like in Donkey Kong Land. Drool.09/12/00Slush: I tested out a new catchphrase tonight (LICK OUR SODSŪ), and while I'll probably use it again in the future, I didn't care for it. I've mentioned this about two other times in Accounts before, but I need your help in coming up with a new catchphrase for the site (we have to think t-shirts here). If you can think of a new catchprhase that involves the word "booby" or "boobies" (and that's a must), send it to SirSlush2@dkvine.com. Don't delay, I'm running out of clever things to say!Chad: We updated with Artwork. I asked Santiago Lopez to try to cut back on the render copies and make original scenes and he got all PMS-ey about it. Oh well. Hah, I'm sure he'll send me an angry letter or two after reading this.09/13/00Slush: We finally saw pictures of the Banjo-Kazooie GAMECUBE demo today. Even though it didn't look as impressive as the other demos, it was still pretty good considering Rare had to throw it together at the last minute. I can't wait for Banjo-Kazooie GAMECUBE, whatever it looks like. Maybe it'll connect with Banjo-Kazooie GAMETOOBIE, which will connect with Banjo-Kazooie GAMEBOOBIE. Hey, by now you know I have a one track mind. Psh-haw!Chad: I'm tired, so I'll let Our Friend do my Account.Our Friend: F-ck off.09/14/00Slush: We got some clearer B-T screenshots today. That's it.Chad: Ooo. Fancy Banjo-Tooie wallpaper. Too bad I'm so attached to the photorealistic post-apocalyptic render I made for my own wallpaper. HAH. 09/15/00Slush: It's Friday! For some reason I almost always have to mention that. Something about Friday sounds so great, and it's not the fact that it's the end of the standard work week either. Think about it for a second. What's usually considered the best two days of the week? That's right, it's Friday and Saturday. They're also the two days that sound the most entertaining as well. Friday sounds like Fry-day, which I incorporate into burning people alive and some cheery fun-filled raunchy violence. Saturday sounds like a lemon lime beverage. So you see, the Wednesdays and Tuesdays of the world just can't compete with Friday and Saturday.Chad: Has anyone here ever seen Powerpuff Girls? It comes on Cartoon Network. It's one of the best shows on TV right now. Hahaha, that show is so great. I definitely reccommend watching it if you never have, and if you have seen it but don't like it, I definitely reccommend a lobotomy.09/16/00Slush: Chad whipped up an entertaining update tonight. Well, actually we've been sitting on these movies for months now. That's our dedication to you. We actually do several things months ahead of their day of update, just to make sure they all pass the standards of quality that we hold so dear to our hearts. That's why we update with Artworks so frequently. Oh, and let me tell you something. You can whine all you want about how illegal Napster is. However, Metallica can bite me, because downloading illegal MP3s is cool, everybody is doing it, and it feels good.Chad: Ahahahaha, we finally got to do the Monkeypiece Theater thing. I've been holding on to those videos for ages now. Glad to get them out and into the open, so everybody can see my crappy stopmotion skills. I could make a much better movie with clay (which I have a lot of), but I had these nice action figures already made for me. I didn't want to arse myself over that. Maybe in the future I'll make a Tiptup guy out of clay, but not right now. No sirrie. Yawn.09/17/00Slush: I noticed Chad says "bloody" a lot. To set the record straight once and for all, Chad is not British. He was born in the United States. Despite his love for England and it's crazy (frighteningly gothic) culture, he's American made! You hear me Chad, you're an American and you can't do a damn thing about it! Ahahaha, you sucker! Join us or die!Chad: Probably lock-on. Horray!09/18/00Slush: I had to explain to Chad my frequent Richard Gere/Gerbil jokes tonight. Some people put their gerbils in wheels, others....Chad: I love my Mumbo sculpture. It's really rather accurate. It just breaks very easily. All three feathers have broken off in numerous places, and his entire right arm broke off the other day. You can't tell on the arm unless you look under it (which is near impossible without a flashlight), but you can tell obviously on the feathers. No problem. I'm not going to sell it or anything. On the other hand, there's a crappy paper-mache mask of an ant I made in an art class several years ago. I could spraypaint it grean and sell it as a "Limited Edition Jet Force Gemini Spiner Drone Promo Mask" on eBay. Oh yes.09/19/00Slush: Chad and I concocted what is perhaps the most vile Pikachu drawing ever tonight. Oh man, if Nintendo ever sees these, our ass is grass.Chad: Updated Letters. Collapsed. So read Slush's Account instead09/20/00Slush: I was very surprised by McCanna's reaction to the possible Sega/Nintendo crossover gala tonight. I thought the idea sounded ingenious, as it was something five years ago we never though we'd see. I mean, having worlds collide is something television shows (Urkel on Full House, Urkel on Step by Step), comic books (Marvel versus DC), and even holidays (did "Santa and Dracula Meet the Easter Bunny and a Living Firework Day" actually happen, or did I just dream it?) have done. So why can't Nintendo/Sega do it? Chad: I always like when we update with news, because I get to test my Paint Shop Pro skills and make a fancy, clever image to go along with the news. This time there was the utterly ridiculous notion of a Sega/Nintendo mascot RPG game. I blew it out of the water (to Slush's chagrin) with a Donkey Kong Country 2 graphic, in which Rare subtlely defamed the Sega Genesis system. Oh yes.09/21/00Slush: Bleh. We updated with crap tonight, and I made Chad mention in his update that we'd update with something better tomorrow. Bleh.Chad: Petra.09/22/00Slush: I'm really impressed with how our pass the story Feature is coming along. It's starting to come together a little better, and is getting even more incoherrent and out there at the same time. Since I've been bored all month with writing these Accounts, I think for the rest of the month I'll type them with "Helpful Hints" at the end of each one. I must warn you though. Some of them will probably be seriously strange and deranged, and are not intended for younger or sensitive readers. Which is pretty much the standard of the entire site anymore.Chad: We each wrote a chapter to the Cock and Bull Thing. Then I played some hard-core Galactic Pinball. Oh, baby. Virtual Boy is one of my favorite systems now. Moo09/23/00Slush: Today I wrote and Chad (with Our Friend as cameraman) filmed an insane new movie. I didn't understand it myself, and the thing came out of my own damn head. MAMA SLUSH'S HELPFUL HINT OF THE DAY: Pubic hair and tomato juice heated at 300 makes an excellent "Pubic Stew."Chad: I made a site about One Armed Donny, whom you people may be vaguely familiar with (see the March, 2000 Accounts). He's an eviscerated Burger King toy. The URL is http://www.stas.net/6/1armeddonny/. Also, I made a new Monkeypiece Theater. I don't like how it turned out, but so far the feedback has been good. And you get to see my foot. 09/24/00Slush: I made a bet with all of you tonight that if tomorrow's update isn't up to task, I'm going to get a tattoo of Gary Coleman on my forehead. Am I that insane and stupid? MAMA SLUSH'S HELPFUL HINT OF THE DAY: If you have a racoon problem, don't get a shotgun. Get some toenail clippers, and squeeze their hairy little flesh until it slices into a bloody mess!Chad: I really want Slush to get that Gary Coleman tattoo, don't you? I think I'll make him get one regardless of tomorrow's update.09/25/00Slush: I typed a new Feature today, at Chad's suggestion last minute today. I'm dead serious here, as I don't joke around when I say that...I'm dead serious. I was actually going to tattoo my forehead if the update sucked tonight. I was sweating bullets until about 10 PM my time, when Chad suggested the Feature. Well, no problem there then. MAMA SLUSH'S HELPFUL HINT OF THE DAY: Nothing goes with shaving your arms better than uncooked meat.Chad: Slush made a feature, and drugged me before I could remember about vowing to give him a tattoo of Gary Coleman on his forehead regardless. What the hell am I talking about?09/26/00Slush: We really came up with a sh--ty update tonight. MAMA SLUSH'S HELPFUL HINT OF THE DAY: Don't get mad. Kill the bastard.Chad: Just so you know, whenever we update with the FAQ it's because there's no news, no Artwork, and we'd be otherwise screwed. Ahaha.09/27/00Slush: Nothing much to say tonight either. MAMA SLUSH'S HELPFUL HINT OF THE DAY: Pleasuring yourself in the exhaust pipe of a car isn't the most intelligent idea you can come up with.Chad: Just so you know, whenever we update with Swanky's Strife it's because there's no news, no Artwork, no FAQ ideas, and we'd be otherwise screwed. Ahaha.09/28/00Slush: I'm headed to Pennsylvania tomorrow (again). So Chad will have the site to himself for the weekend. I hope he doesn't do something stupid like write another chapter in the pass a story where he kills off all the main characters (for the fourth time) or urinates on the toliet seat. MAMA SLUSH'S HELPFUL HINT OF THE DAY: Whenever you have the runs, don't try to be parsimonious and use only one sheet of toliet paper at a time.Chad: Yes! It's the 28th! I'm almost done with Accounts! WHOOO!!!!09/29/00Slush: I'm in Pennsylvania watching the Olympics on a small television screen right now. It's late at night, and a 5 minute Jay Leno segment has just ended. It's cold here. I'm staring at a moose head that's on the wall of my relatives' home. It's a dead moose head, and yet I find it soothing for some reason. MAMA SLUSH'S HELPFUL HINT OF THE DAY: Rape is not a funny party trick. Trust me.Chad: Slush left me to the site this weekend. He's somewhere seeing his cousin get married in Pennsylvania. Oh well. I plinked out two biographies and made my own render of Wild Sting, by moving up a Flotsam's eyes. Heh heh, I'm a conniving little bastard.09/30/00Slush: Yep, still in the northern Quaker Keystone Lion state. Yep...it's Saturday night. Yep... MAMA SLUSH"S HELPFUL HINT OF THE DAY: BOMB ONTARIO!Chad: Fine. We gave in. There's a new thing on the Bulletin Board. Ugh. I hate it. It fills me with hate. And I hate it. Irrelevant Garbage on a DKU site. Ough. Now everybody's going to post there and the DKU forums will be postless. This was a BRILLIANT maneuver on our part. Oh, yes. Hmm, oh well. HEY, I just thought of something! Who the hell thought up the concept of drinking milk? Did they look at a cow and say "I'm going to squeeze these things and drink whatever comes out"? That's a rather unsanitary thing to go around doing. |
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
