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It's here, in the hallowed halls hall of the F.A.Q. where we answer some commonly asked questions about Donkey Kong, the site, and changes that your body is currently going through. Plus, it's now been steamlined, with less rubbish than ever before!
1: Who are you, and what have you done with the DK Vine staff?
We are the DK Vine staff, stupid. Or if you're talking about the old staff, they shut the site down because they were too cool for a video game web site or something, and they went their seperate ways. Aussie Ben works as an Australian correspondant for Planet GameCube, as well as contributing to The Rubber Chicken Andrey's now working with the rest of the staff of RareOps (which, by the way, shut down a while ago) on a new site, and Chad and Slush created a short-lived webcomic called Green Porn City. Green Porn City has been shut down since, and now Slush is starting a new DKU site. Hey, it seems that Ben is the only one who hasn't shut down a web site since DK Vine (Chad's actually shut down two). Something tells me Planet GameCube's going down. It's like that "Seinfeld curse." Or maybe this is different. Maybe Ben's the one who can break the DK Vine curse that never really existed.
Apologies for putting Green Porn City on the level of The Michael Richards Show.
2: Wait a minute, if Donkey Kong was in Mario Kart 64, Mario Party, etc.; and Diddy was with DK in Donkey Kong Country; and Diddy was with Conker in Diddy Kong Racing; does that mean Conker exists in the same universe as Mario? And the same thing goes for Banjo and Kazooie.
You're stupid. Yes, that means Mario exists in the same "game universe" as Conker and cohorts, but that doesn't mean games like Super Mario Bros. 2 take place in the same universe. Let us explain. We look at things through the eyes of Rare's "DK Universe", meaning any game that doesn't have a DK character in it is disregarded and left for the Mario fans or what have you. Let's say there was a glitch in continuity in Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island in the "Mario Universe" (and there was). Well, that game never really happened in the "DK Universe", although similar events may have, so we don't have to worry (we as the DK obsessed fans). Also, the original arcade DK games never happened either in the new "DK Universe", but the events happened, although not exactly as depicted in the games. And finally, Mario and DK do not live near each other. Mario lives in the Mushroom Kingdom, which is in a separate dimension that Mario and Luigi got sucked into on a routine plumbing job, and Donkey Kong lives on Donkey Kong Island (which is off the coast of Africa). The way they interact is through collisions between the two dimensions (through rips in the space time continuum), the "master" warp pipe (which was created around Mario Party) that can take you anywhere between and in dimensions that you want to go, and magical beings that can transport other people and themselves at will (like in Super Smash Bros.). And there you go.
3: Why does your site often refer to Cranky as Donkey Kong's dad? Cranky Kong is DK's grandfather! Get your facts straight.
Get 'yo facts straight! Cranky and Donkey's family relationship has often been debated. The "grandfather" side was usually always in the lead, since at the end of DKC2, Cranky called Donkey his grandson. But now the "father" side has won. Leigh Loveday of Rare's website, and text writer for all Rare games, revealed that Cranky is in fact Donkey's father, meaning Donkey is the same Donkey Kong Jr. of yore (since it has always been known Cranky was the original DK). When Cranky said "grandson" in DKC2, he meant "grand son", as in his son is grand. But he blurped his words together. That's happened to all of us a few times. So if you see Cranky referred to as Donkey's grandfather anywhere else (like in a DK coloring book, a DK cartoon show, a video game magazine, etc.), burn or pee on that object.
4: Why is (insert game title that has yet to come out yet) taking so freakin' long? Has it been canceled? And is Rare or (insert cameo game developer here) making a (insert rumored game here)?
Okay, okay. Splash some water on your face or other body section. Now then. Donkey Kong Universe games, whether fans of other games like to admit it or not, are always of the highest quality. It takes a very long time to make a good game. Donkey Kong 64 alone was getting off the ground around 1995 (while actual graphical development may have started a year later, they WERE working on it then). A game is hardly ever canceled, and if Rare or someone else announced a game, it most certainly WILL be out, 99.9% positive. As for rumored games, here's the lowdown (ugh). If you've heard a great deal about a game that has not been announced officially by Nintendo or Rare (or someone else), chances are it's being made. Rare is notorious for leaking game info out while Nintendo continues to deny it's existence (once again, ala DK64). Have you heard a great deal about "Donkey Kong's Japanese Martial Arts Feces Fling?" Who knows? Start saving up money now!
5: Where is Spiral Mountain, anyway?
We used to think that it was connected to the Northern Kremisphere, but this has been debunked. Spiral Mountain is in fact part of the Isle O' Hags, which only makes us wonder why the hell Banjo would choose to live on an evil island owned by powers of darkness. Probably because it was cheap, and he's a poor retarded hilbilly.
6: On your "Big Ol' DK Character List (In English)," you name some characters I've never heard of. Christine? Squeaks? Flapper? Lardmaster 2000? WHO????
You can also add such gems like Pierre and Quarto on there. This is basically how we came up with those names (and who they belong to). We're creative. Some characters have names never mentioned in the games or game materials. Well, we fix that. Squeaks and Flapper are the two purple parrots seen in DKC2, DKL2, and DKC3. We got their names from Swanky's Bonus Bananza in Krem Quay (from DKC2). Swanky asks what your parrot buddies name is. The other two options besides the obvious are Squeaks and Flapper. Since this question takes place before they are introduced in Krazy Kremland (the next world in the game), it could very well be the two parrots names. And you know what? IT IS. Now, Lardmaster 2000 may be familiar to some of you. About one third of you basically. It was one of the names Brentilda gave in Banjo-Kazooie for the brandname/name of Gruntilda's broomstick (who was brought to life by Grunty). Since there are three possible answers (random, but they never change on a current file your playing...but they do if you delete that file), there are three possible names. Lardmaster 2000 was the name on Slush's game. It could very well be different on yours. So feel free to replace Lardmaster 2000 with whatever it is on your favorite file of B-K. Now......Christine. Remember the nice coconuts/melons from the ending of Banjo-Kazooie? And remember the fruit that was being carried in front of them? Well, the "coconut/melon woman" has been named Christine by us. Why? Just seems to work. As for Pierre and Quarto, they were two Mushroom People in Mushroom Village (Mario Party). Pierre ran the store, Quarto was one of the guys in the bank. Pierre looked French, so we gave him that name. Quarto worked with Porto, so there you go. The Donkey Kong 64 names were largely made up entirely by us, as most minor characters weren't given titles. To prevent headaches, we felt it would be easier just to dub them ourselves, until Rare decides to actually give them names (of course, they may never do that). As for any other names you're wondering about, just do a little digging. You'll find out who they are.
7: When will you guys report on the DKC cartoon show?
How about.....even if the hottest regions of "Heck" freeze over, we WILL NOT cover it? I suppose you need reasons, huh? Ugh, just to think, we have to MENTION the show on this site. Shudder. The reasons are this. It's not Donkey Kong Universe relevant. Sorry to all you fans of the blasted cartoon, but Bluster Kong does not exist in the DK Universe. Candy Kong has blonde hair and is a gorilla, not an orangutan. There is no single all powerful Crystal Coconut. Klaptraps aren't wacked balls of energy shot out of guns. Donkey Kong is not a moronic beatnik and has no "super powers". And there is no interspecies attraction going on. Oh, and it's called DONKEY KONG ISLAND, not "Kongo Bongo Island". The cartoon show (and direct to video "movie," which was just a few episodes of the show pasted together) have no right claiming they're Donkey Kong, because they're not. The overall feel of the cartoon is way off from the games (if you didn't know, the cartoon is French in origin). So if you like the show, get out of our faces. Finally, DK and pals don't break out in song at the stupidest moments (don't hold the DK Rap against us either, that's just a game intro).
8: In Super Smash Bros. under Donkey Kong's character bio, it says Diddy is his "favorite nephew." That means Donkey is Diddy's uncle, right?
Don 't waste our time with this stupid question. The answer is obvious , but since we have no time to waste, we'll answer it. Donkey is NOT D iddy's uncle, nor is Diddy is blood nephew (Donkey=gorilla, Diddy=monkey). Here's the scoop: Diddy was always referred to by Donkey as his little buddy (just like Alan Hale would to Bob Denver), and Diddy sometimes called Donkey his big buddy. Ah, nicknames. But after awhile, they became like family, with Donkey thinking of Diddy as "a nephew he never had". After Donkey came back from the grueling mini-game overflow of the Mario Party adventure, he was very glad to see his friends and family again. And from that point he referred to Diddy as his little buddy and his "favorite nephew". He apparently uses both (little buddy is probably still used the most because it sounds "cooler") now. And that leads us into Super Smash Bros. and the bio. Thank you.
9: What species is Mumbo Jumbo?
The thing is, only Rare knows the truth (or do they?), and they're not coughing it up. The most popular theory for awhile among the mass morons was that he was a Jinjo, but that theory was screwed off a cliff by Rare. Then Slush came up with a theory that he was a Kremling. Rare screwed that one off a cliff as well. It was originally planned that after Gruntilda was beaten in B-K, Mumbo's face would return to normal and we would be able to see what he was. Rare didn't like the way he looked and decided to keep him disfigured. So I guess the story now goes if Gruntilda dies, not if she's just beaten, then only Mumbo Jumbo's face will return to normal, and we can see what species he is once and for all. In face, with potential time travel in Grunty's Revenge, we may get another opportunity to finish off the witch. Disembowling would do nicely, don't you think?
10: Why don't you cover the DK games that came before Donkey Kong Country?
That's easy....they're not DK Universe games. One of the main purposes in Nintendo letting Rare use DK characters to make Donkey Kong Country was to "restart" or "recreate" the Donkey Kong franchise that was basically dead. That included (by Rare) character redesigns, story changes, and more (there wasn't much established history to the DK mythos either, which is another reason Nintendo wanted DK in Rare's new ACM game). The old DK and the DK Universe games can be viewed as two seperate game series. But as started above, the events of Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong Jr. (Probably not Donkey Kong 3) basically happened in the DKU pre-history. And Cranky won't let us forget it, especially in Donkey Kong 64, with his Donkey Kong arcade machines.
11: In your TimeVine, it says that the events of the orignal arcade Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong Jr. took place in the early 1970's. They didn't come out until the early 1980's. Are you stupid?
As we've stated many times now, the events of the original DK series took place in the DK Universe's pre-history, but not in the exact way they were depicted in the games. For Donkey and Cranky to be as old as they are now, those events couldn't have taken place in the early 80's. So after some serious debating, researching, and what have you, it was revealed that those events would have to take place 10 years or so earlier. Get it?
12: Ha HAH! I found a continuity error that messes up the entire DKC series. In DKC, the jungle Donkey lives in is called the "Kongo Jungle", but in Super Smash Bros., it's called the "Congo Jungle"! Can you explain this major gaping hole?
It's not a hole. It's very simple to explain, as most stuff in the Donkey Kong Universe is. The ones you should feel sorry for are the poor Zelda fans. To make their continuity work, they need to have three different Links and three different Zeldas! Cripes! AnyHOO, there really is a Congo Jungle, and Donkey Kong Island is obviously near it, so that stretch of jungle DK and assorted pals live in is the Congo Jungle. But since the apes' last name is "Kong", the citizens of DK Island have nicknamed it the "Kongo Jungle." Anyway, HAL have seen their error, and in Super Smash Bros. Melee, the level is correctly called "Kongo Jungle". Plus, Congo has been spelled "Kongo" in real-life Africa for tribes and geographic locations in the past as well. We're not lying either. It's true. Huzzah, to us!
13: Why is Donkey Kong Island so mindf-ckingly small in Donkey Kong 64?
We all know there's no way the wildlife of Donkey Kong Island could live on such a small (and shockingly barren) area, and there's also no way that open-skied jungle existed INSIDE the Kong head carving. The "DK Isles" level in Donkey Kong 64 served as a 3-D map screen. The areas that you travelled to were merely in that general location on the island, albeit extremely magnified. After all, it's not possible for a clearly outdoor jungle to be located inside a rock. We learned that the hard way.
14: Why did Rare change Conker's game into a rabid swearfest, and what happened to Twelve Tales?
We could make up a story about Conker being originally modelled after Eddie Murphy (circa 1985), but Rare have released a staement on their own, so here's the cheaply copyed-and-pasted response:
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Because we wanted to have something to offer all audiences. The average age of gamers is rising, and there's surprisingly little in the way of choice for the older sector. As for the character of Conker appearing in 'kiddy' games in the past, hey - everyone grows up. Everyone gets disillusioned. Conker's no different.
Well, there you have it. As for the unfinished Twelve Tales, there's probably some dusty closet in Rare HQ where K.O. the Kat and Sabre meet for burritos. Or they just have the files stored on a CD, I don't know.
15: Donkey Kong Jr. is in Mario Tennis at the same time as Donkey Kong in his current form. How does this effect the series?
While Camelot obviously has no knowledge of the Donkey Kong series's history, don't fret. Yes, Miyamoto's design and Rare's design happen to be the same character, albeit at different ages, and yes, they are on the court at the same time. But so are Mario and Baby Mario. This can occur because of the abadoned Chest of Time that Master Hand created in Super Smash Bros. (that allowed people from the past, present, and future to duke it out). We don't know why Mario or DK would want to pull out their former selves from the past (well, DK probably did it to compete with Mario on a more level basis), but it won't upset anything too badly, as both younger characters are babies and likely won't remember a thing.
16: Does Banjo-Tooie connect to Banjo-Kazooie, and if so, how?
Probably not. It's been one of the bigger mysteries of the DKU as of late. Rare had been "quoted" as saying that the games do connect as originally envisioned, but we're not sure if this was a misunderstandment on either their part or FGNOnline's part (who first broke the story that the games still connect). There are many mysteries still left undiscovered in B-T though (like the purpose of Captain Blackeye), but wouldn't Rare have said something by now, since Banjo-Tooie has been available worldwide for over two years?
17: How the frick do you beat Canary Mary the second time in Cloud Cuckooland in Banjo-Tooie?
Good question. It's a tad hard to explain too, but we'll do our best. While we all know that if you get too far ahead, she'll "boost" ahead, making her impossible to beat. Judging from how two of our former staffers beat her, you have to stay behind the entire time. While you can be neck and neck with her or go slightly ahead and she still won't turn on her boosters, staying behind the whole time seems to build her confidence levels or some shit. Once you reach the purple land area where Wumba's wigwam is sitting upon, set down your controller on the floor and press the "A" button with your index finger as fast as humanlly possible. Don't slow down even the slightest bit. This should be enough to overtake her. To review, stay behind no matter what until you reach the final purple stretch of land. Don't go neck and neck with her, no matter what (although there are probably people out there that beat her, and still did this). If it worked for us, it should work for you. Bitch.
18: What has become of Donkey Kong Racing? Has it been retooled? Canceled? Is Nintendo working on it? And what about Rare's GBA titles? Answer me, dammit!
The only thing we really know is that it's definitely not being ported to XBox as Donkey Kong Racing, seeing how Nintendo owns the rights to Donkey Kong and friends. We are also fairly certain that Nintendo hasn't taken over development. So that leaves two possibilities: it's been retooled, possibly using characters and locations from other Rare franchises (Rare still owns the rights to most of the Diddy Kong Racing characters), or it's been canceled. As for Rare's Game Boy Advance games, the future is unknown on Diddy Kong Pilot and Donkey Kong Coconut Crackers. However, Rare can still develop for GBA, and Banjo-Kazooie: Grunty's Revenge is still coming out. The Grunty's Revenge team said that the game was near completion a while ago, though it's curious that we haven't heard anything else about it since those early screen shots at Eł two years ago.
19: Can I get a job on the site? Please? I'll be your shoeshine boy if you let me on staff!
Ugh, where do we start? Sorry, boobies, but every position at the Vine is filled. We really don't need anybody else: the 5 of us are more than capable of handling the place ourselves. If you really want to pitch in, then write up a fancy review or draw a pretty Artwork and send it to us. There's your 15 seconds of fame right there, assuming anybody bothers to look at it. If that doesn't quench your thirst, then make your own damn Donkey Kong websites, leeches.
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Donkey Kong Universe is an independent game news source with no affiliation to Nintendo, Microsoft, or any other developer. All original content copyright © 1999 - 2008 File Two Productions.
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