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Rumble in the Jungle GONE WILD!!!111
Bet you weren't expecting something actually relating to the DKC games that you likely hadn't seen before. I was wise enough to purchase this at one of those book fairs, a whopping 8 years ago. As an avid 8-year-old DKC fan, I was floored at the prospect of reading our favorite primates' adventures in novel form. However.....Just read this for yourself. I'll provide a nice MST3K-ing of each chapter. And now, with a feeling I wish I could call pride, I present:
Donkey Kong Country: Rumble in the Jungle. Written by Michael Teitelbaum, and illustrated by Leif Peng. Weee.
Chapter 1
The morning sun glimmered brightly over Donkey Kong Island. Standing under his tree house, Donkey Kong looked up through the branches and smiled. "It's a beautiful day for flying," he said to Diddy Kong, the young monkey standing next to him.
"I can't wait!" replied Diddy excitedly. "I've been looking forward to this for weeks."
Suddenly the quiet of the jungle morning was shattered by the sound of an airplane engine roaring overhead.
"There he is!" shouted Diddy, pointing straight up. "Look!"
Donkey Kong looked up and spotted the plane. The custom-built flying machine looked like an oversized barrel that had sprouted wings and a tail.
The plane looped, then dove right at the ground.
"Something's wrong!" cried Diddy. "He's going to crash!"
Donkey Kong and Diddy ran for cover as the plane continued to plunge toward the ground. At the last possible second, the flying barrel pulled out of its dive and coasted to a smooth landing, right in front of the two Kongs. The cockpit door flew open and out stepped the pilot, Funky Kong.
"Just surfing the wind currents, dudes," said Funky Kong. "Nothing to get uptight about. Stay mellow, stay cool."
Donkey Kong cleared his throat. "Uh, we knew that," he said. "Funky Kong, I'd like you to meet my little buddy, Diddy."
"Hey there, dude," said Funky, "Ready for a ride?"
Diddy hesitated for a second, thinking about the landing Funky had just made.
"It's okay, Diddy," said Donkey Kong. "I've flown with Funky a lot, and I'm still around to talk about it. In fact, Funky's business is taking folks from place to place on Donkey Kong Island. He's got lots of experience in the air."
Diddy put aside his fears and headed for the barrel plane.
"Here you go, Donkey," said Funky, handing him a walkie-talkie. "You can use this to talk to us while we're zooming through the sky."
Just then a voice called out from behind them. "Hold on a vine-swinging minute!" It was Cranky Kong, Donkey Kong's granddad. "What in the name of monkey madness do you think you're doing?"
"Diddy's going on his first plane ride ever, Pops," explained Donkey Kong.
"I hate flying!" snapped back Cranky Kong. "Why, if apes were meant to fly, they'd have wings. Yes, sir, I like it right here on the ground. And if you had any sense, you'd stay put with your feet firmly planted on the jungle floor!"
"I'll be okay, Cranky," said Diddy. "Funky's a great pilot."
"The coolest of the cool, little dude," said Funky. "Hop in!"
As Cranky continued to complain about how much he hated flying, Diddy climbed into the barrel plane, followed by Funky. Diddy's heart pounded with excitement as Funky started up the engines. "Hang on," said the pilot. "We're out of here!"
With a powerful whoosh that practically knocked Cranky and Donkey Kong over, the barrel plane took off. It soared above the trees into the sky.
"Whooo!" shouted Diddy, looking down at the jungle beneath him.
Donkey Kong heard him on the walkie-talkie.
"How are you doing, little buddy?" asked Donkey Kong.
Diddy's voice came crackling through the walkie-talkie's speaker. "This is great!" I can see the whole island from here. We-whoaa..."
Funky took Diddy on a wild ride through the sky, looping-the-loop, plunging down until they were just above the treetops, and then pulling out of the dive at the last minute and soaring straight up.
 "This is so cool!" Diddy shouted as the world rushed past him in a blur.
"I told you it would be," said Donkey Kong from the speaker on the cockpit's dashboard.
"Hey, Donkey," said Diddy. "I can see the snow-covered mountains, the ocean, the Tree Top Town-even the old ruins!"
"Better to see some of those places from the air than to be in them, that's for sure," said Donkey Kong.
Off in the distance Diddy spotted what looked like a huge city. "What's that?" he asked, pointing to the buildings that made up the city's skyline.
"That used to be the biggest city on Donkey Kong Island," explained Funky. "It's called Big Ape City."
Once again Donkey Kong's voice came from the dashboard. "Lots of folks on the island used to live there. But over the years more and more of them moved out. They moved to the jungles, caves, treetops, mountains, all over. The city fell into ruins. It's been completely abandoned for years and years."
"Oh, yeah?" said Diddy. "Well, if no one lives there anymore, how come I see smoke and lights coming from the city?"
"You got me, little dude," replied Funky. He pulled out his binoculars and peered into the distance. "Diddy is right, Donkey Kong. It looks like something's happening down there. I see black smoke. Pretty weird."
"Let's go check it out," said Diddy, hoping for an adventure. "We could probably fly there in no time!"
"Put the brakes on, little dude," said Funky, shaking his head. "I don't go looking for trouble, and most of the time it doesn't come looking for me. If anything weird is going on in Big Ape City, I'm the last guy who's going to stick his good-looking neck out to see what it is. Now just stay cool and enjoy the rest of the flight."
Diddy Kong was a bit disappointed, but he still enjoyed the rest of his first plane ride. Funky zoomed down for one of his hair-raising landings, which left Diddy squeezing his eyes shut and screaming with hoy at the top of his lungs.
Back on the ground Diddy leaped from the plane, did a cartwheel, and ran over to Donkey Kong. "That was the most fun I've ever had!" said Diddy.
"I knew you'd like flying," said Donkey Kong, smiling.
"Bah! Flying!" groaned Cranky. "A waste of time if you ask me. There's nowhere any self-respecting ape would want to go that he can't get to on his own two hairy feet!"
Diddy turned to Funky, who had just stepped from the barrel plane. "Thanks a lot, Funky. That was great!"
"Anytime, little dude!" replied Funky. "Any old time."
Just then a beeping came from the cockpit of the barrel plane. "They're playing my tune," said Funky. "Someone must need a flight." Funky Checked in with the beeper in his plane.
"I've got to go pick up a passenger on the other side of the island," explained Funky. "So I'm out of here. Stay cool and catch a wave if you can, dudes!"
Funky hopped back into the barrel plane and took off. As the plane disappeared from view, Donkey Kong realized he still had Funky's walkie-talkie. "Oops," said Donkey Kong. "I forgot to give it back."
Donkey Kong flipped on the walkie-talkie. "Hey, Funky, forget something?"
"I guess I did," replied Funky, hearing Donkey Kong's voice come out his cockpit dashboard. "I'll pick it up after I make this passenger run. Oh, by the way, tell Diddy that the route I have to take will bring me right over Big Ape City. I'll take a peek down for him as I fly over."
A short while later the walkie-talkie beeped. Funky's voice came through, only now it was very faint and interrupted by loud static. "I'm over.....Big....City....very weird...flying pigs..."
"Did he say flying pigs?" asked Diddy.
"That's what it sounded like to me," said Donkey Kong. "But it's hard to hear him through all this static."
"....pigs....swarming around the plane..." came Funky's voice again.
Then the Kongs heard a terrible sound from the speaker. "It sounds like gunshots or explosions!" said Donkey Kong, growing alarmed.
"....been hit...going down....going to crash!"
Then the speaker went silent.
More to come!
MST3King Chapter 1:Whoo. So it begins. I'm going to flat-out say it: I hate this chapter. It's dull, unentertaining, and is only good for setting up the plot. I guess it was cool to find out the origin of Big Ape City, but this chapter did three things wrong: Funky and Diddy apparently had never met before(You'll soon see this takes place after DKC.), Funky talks way too proper, and the phrase "Which left Diddy squeezing his eyes shut and screaming with joy at the top of his lungs" sounds simply wrong to me. Whatever. Don't worry, I promise you things get a little better.
A painstaking reproduction by Behonkiss.
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Donkey Kong Universe is an independent game news source with no affiliation to Nintendo, Microsoft, or any other developer. All original content copyright © 1999 - 2008 File Two Productions.
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