"Aye, and yet I'm still paid to deny climate change!"
"Hello once again. It is still I, Helmost the Dreadfully Evil! DK Vine's supernatural but suave E3 2014 mascot and part-time necromancer! Good news! I've escaped from Hell and I'm going to E3 in Los Angeles! You can read the sordid details in Escape to E3 2014. Additionally, for the first time ever I'll also be serving as the E3 News Whore. Who's your bitch, baby?
"So what exactly does DK Vine have for you this year? Why, a sexual menagerie of Donkey Kong Universe-related fetishes. What else? In addition to the aforementioned up-to-the-minute news postings by me, Helmost the Dreadfully Evil, there will once again be daily Kongversations from Sunday to Tuesday. This will be where the bulk of your Donkey Kong Universe information coming out of the show will be contained. Oh, did I mention the liveblogs? No? Fuck off! They're LIVE TWEETS now.
"Finally, we'll have more original video content for you this year, including the 2014 DK Vine Hall of Fame induction ceremony hosted by me, Helmost the Dreadfully Evil! Really, I'm the only reason you come here. Now that I'm back on Earth, maybe we should get together for beers and pizza. However, I'm an evil undead monster. Make sure you order from Papa John's."