"Oh look. I've been Spuzzwicked all over my face!"
"Here we go again! But this time, it's all different! Yes, I'm still Helmost the Dreadfully Evil, DK Vine's ripped and delicious E3 2015 mascot and part-time necromancer! That part hasn't changed! However, despite being a ghost, the denizens of E3 and the Los Angeles Convention Center will now be able to see me! How's that? Do I have to explain everything to you? Just read how it happened in Helmost Conquers Los Angeles! While I won't be the News Whore this year (got to give that layabout Joe Mudd something to do, am I right?), I will be moderating the E3 2015 Discussion on the DK Vine Forum! There's never been a better time to join!
"I suppose the big news this year is that Chad and Hyle will be joining me in Los Angeles and will personally be roaming the show floor. Well, assuming they both don't get sick and die, which I hear is a real possibility. Ah, fuck 'em! I'll just necromance them and have them cover breaking Donkey Kong Universe news anyway. Why? Because as the kids say, it's the #Rarenaissance! Yes, with Rare promising one of the best games they've ever made and rumours swirling on the Nintendo front, we could be seeing the most thrilling E3 of all time. Or it could be a complete fucking disappointment like most years. I, Helmost the Dreadfully Evil, make no guarantees. Except that I DO guarantee there will once again be daily Kongversations from Sunday to Tuesday, and maybe even bonus episodes sprinkled throughout! You'll also want to subscribe to our YouTube channel, because I hear the boys will be uploading exclusive video footage from the show! Meanwhile, Nick Prol, aka Spuzzwick, makes his presence known as the newest DK Vine staffer by having daily DKU Comix as well!
"Oh, and the 2015 DK Vine Hall of Fame induction ceremony will still be hosted by me, Helmost the Dreadfully Evil! I bet you're wondering who got in. Well, I promise you this: It wasn't that fucker Rodney the hare. Sorry, sorry. Spoilers!"