The Fox on the Ground


I'm sure everyone is tiring of this topic. Everything that can be said should have been said by now, is the informed public's sentiment. So what if the game has had a cosmetic change? So what if an original franchise has been viciously whored and gold-mined of any and all wealth? All we, the dedicated are doing now is crying over spilled milk. But I don't think it is spilled milk. It is an issue that must be vocalized because there are many things about it that are suspicious and infuriating. Chad touched on this briefly in his previous feature, but he didn't go into it because, again, he had nothing left to say. Unfortunately, I could not co-write it with him because of my current geographical location, but I have a definite issue with Dinosaur Planet that I must now voice on my own.

I, personally, have a deep underappreciation of "the man" and anyone that would claim to occupy a similar position. It angers me when I see the bigshots screwing over the prolitariot. I see it happen here in Russia and I see it happening in Nintendo. The sad thing is that we know the puppeteers are there, but can't actually do anything but watch the show. As I stated in my Miyamoto Feature, Fox McCloud belonged nowhere near Dinosaur Planet. He was force-fed to Rare for reasons unknown. We can guess that these reasons were purely a superiority issue, as I also stated earlier.

The official statement is very clean-cut. Two similar games were being worked on and were combined into one. However, one barely needs to resort to Reductio Ad Absurdum to see flaws here. It is absurd to begin with. A Star Fox Adventure would sell squarely for the reason that it has Star Fox attached to it and Dinosaur Planet would have sold even more, because of everything Chad listed in his previous feature. It was pure, ineffable quality. So why have one big seller when you could have two? An aging N64? But Dino Planet was moved to GCN before it's Fox-over. There was no need to combine them.

Superiority issues.

The sad thing is, a Nintendo-heralded plan to completely destroy everything Dinosaur Planet stood for is working perfectly. The hamsters are all running in their wheels. Here is a direct quote from the recent scribes:

"Just last night, one of us stumbled upon an article on IGN about SFA. We were all over it, but, when we looked deeper into it, we were met with disappointment. Some of our members looked deeper into the original screenshots for Dinosaur Planet, and saw the original character simply written over with Fox. This made many people start saying things to the extent that this action is nothing but a desperate cry from Rare trying to sell a game by putting a popular game face in it. I for one share this sentiment. StarFox, to us, is a sci-fi adventure space shooter, with some dramatic storylines on the side[...]This is Zelda meets Banjo-Kazooie with Fox thrown in for popularity."

That's right. Fox was thrown in because Dinosaur Planet would not succeed if he wasn't. The fact is, ladies and gentlemen, Fox was thrown in because DP WOULD have succeeded. And now Nintendo will be heros if a Star Fox RPG is accepted. If it isn't, as you can see, Rare will be the ones to take the heat. The high and mighty are screwing over the commoner yet again and we are, again, powerless.

A game that could have been released in the winter of 2000 has been delayed until 2002 and every last trace of the wonder and awe it once enstilled has been eviscerated. Oh well. At least now it has brand-name characters attached and doesn't differ from other titles in the genre in any immidiately apparent way. When SFA is released now, it will be a lot closer to the release of GCN's Zelda and nobody will pay it much attention. All because of the man, once again screwing the commoner, to paraphrase Chad, up the posterior.

There is nothing we can do with this knowledge. Nowhere we can go. Just sit here and cry over our spilled milk. I'm not suggesting we do anything, either, because it won't get very far and will only make us look stupid. Our bread has been taken from us, so why not eat cake, right? Because we made the bread. And the cake belongs to them, not us. Yet, it will be forced down our throats and we will enjoy it. At least we'd better, or Rare might feel the consequences.

Just making sure you know.

An editorial by Andrey