"I'm Sorry": Behind the Scenes of Popular Cameo Games
Everyone's decided to start whining about DKU games, so it's my turn now. Too bad. You started it. Wrath of Andrey indeed. What, so does he start putting mind-eating slugs into your head to make you go insane and kill your fellow crew members? ...nevermind.
Moving on, let's talk about how much fun Mario Party is. Yeah. Obviously, a game which spawned two sequels must have been very creative and unique throughout, with a new and fresh take on the series while staying true to the original format, right? Yeah - sure. Well, they certainly were able to stay true to the original format of the games - THREE TIMES IN A ROW. Below is a sample conversation at Hudson Soft of the origin of Mario Party:
Crazy Hudson Soft Executive: Heya! Let's make one complete and freshness game with Mario characters - completement with utility on board with a board game together with loveliness!
Crazy Hudson Soft Sub-Employees: Sounds hilarious! We will take completement and fufilment and merge them to create the harmonious gaming experience for you, the player, at home!
Crazy Hudson Soft Employee: What about including crazy bug-eyed characters from Rare, the ludicrious company with filthy Westernised scum?
Crazy Hudson Soft Executive: What about it?
Crazy, badly timed, poorly synched, chanting laughter ensues
At the very same time, HAL Laboratories are adding their finishing touches to Super Smash Bros., Nintendo's popular Mascot-based fighter:
Wacky HAL Supervising Technician: Okay, one crazy class group of designer teams! We need to be adding special characters to our work of art game. Ideas from your bulging craniums, pleasing?
Wacky HAL Lower Designer: Whatta bout Cappan Falcon? He is one homo-erotic innavidual! We are also needing Jiggypuff - we can use Kirby without moves to save space!
Wacky HAL Supervising Technician: Done and done! You are one super-efficient clever designer! You will be finding an extra Nissan when you are to be getting home tonight! I also am having the space saving design! Luigi! Green Mario is eqqual to exxra charrata!
Wacky HAL Lower Designer: You are super cranium heady genius, sir! Thassa why you the Suppavising Technician!
Wacky HAL Level Designer: Sir! Sir! We have huge level problem type thing! We have levels, but due to charrata cutting out, we are the having one level exxra than charratas! Should I add the sacraligious Rare charrata of Diddy Kong?
Wacky HAL Supervising Technician: Not yet, sir! Simply add all charratars in and colour them PURPLE! Silly English-speaking scum never know tha difference!
Big grins all around, shaking of hands, followed by poorly-dubbed laughter
And you get the idea. But what about that brilliant sequel, Mario Party 2...?
Crazy Hudson Soft Senior Programmer: We ah to be needing the wonderfulment of windy fresh sequel, cheap labour! Wha make same game look new?
Crazy Hudson Soft Employee: How abou new charrata, boss sir man!!!
Crazy Hudson Soft Senior Programmer: Nooooo, not yet in this time period of awakening. Let us save that for a time that is later and add another item.
Crazy Hudson Soft Employee: Hmmm. I do not know.
Crazy Hudson Soft Senior Programmer: Aha! Haha! You are a foolish employee! Hats are what this game will be needing!
Crazy Hudson Soft Employee: I am ashamed to have dishonored you. HATS!
Meanwhile, over at Camelot:
Zany Camelot Executive Producer: I justta came back from a craazee game of tennis! I love tennis, because I dress up in extra-super-happy fluroescent colours thatta blind the opposition into loss!
Team Stares at Zany Camelot Executive Producer
Zany Camelot Design Manager: Sir, we havva the big bright happy fluroescent idea just for you, the manager to please! We make super-colour-happy tennis game WITH MARIO!
Zany Camelot Executive Producer: Brilliant! I shall not use the painful hot coals on your feet this day! Cancel plans for 'Super Poking Stick For Pain and Irritation 4'!
After which, Hudson furiously begins work on Mario Party 3:
Crazy Hudson Soft Middle Manager: Ah! We ah to be milking the cash cow that is Mario once again! Evveyone, at time this is the new needing of characters new!
Crazy Hudson Soft Sub Employee: Whatta bout crazy European Rare-completement company? They have-a plenny characters for taking!
Crazy Hudson Soft Middle Manager: Forra last time NO! Crazy European Rare-company has no business with our paragon of purity! Next thing you be saying you wanna one Dixie Kong and Banjo Bear! Our two new characters will be...
Unveils hidden board with game design
...totally unknown characters DAISY AND WARRUUIGI!
Smattering of applause, followed by poorly synched laughter
Currently though, HAL Laboratories are working on the sequel to Smash Bros., Super Smash Bros. Melee. And here's a peek behind the scenes:
Wacky HAL Supervising Technician: Gaming Cube has a super-large-big-huge storaging capacity of 1.5 GB per disc. What new characters should we star in this huge big major event?
Wacky HAL Lower Designer: We have negative news, boss sir! We're out of ideas for new charratas to put into the game! We shall have to resort to using white Rare devils' charratas of Diddy Kong, Dixie Kong, Banjo Bear and Kazooie!
Wacky HAL Supervising Technician: This is indeed a sad day for us. I am losing one of my previously-best staff members as I will be cutting off your air supply and destroying all your shameful family members that have dishonoured us. You agreed to this when signing you contract.
Irritating IGN Staff Member: This is IGN.com from the USA. All the IGN Cube staff have been demanding that you put Nana and Popo from the game Ice Climber (which no-one has heard of in over twenty years) into your next Smash Bros. game. Good day.
Wacky HAL Staff: We are saved!
Yes, congratulations, IGN. You suck.
And God only knows what Hudson's doing with Mario Party 4:
Crazy Hudson Soft Executive: Online gaming? No, no a thousand and one times NO! I tell you, now is not the time! Mario Party 4 reqiures ROLLER SKATES!
Aussie Ben says "Le Wagon Wheel! Eat le Wagon Wheel!"