The Kiddy Taboo


Surprisingly, a feature has never come up on this subject, and the advent of Barrel Blast's imminent release means that now is as a good a time as ever to talk about this subject. Sorry for the misleading title, child pornographers. This isn't the feature for you.

By now, we all know more of less the complete Barrel Blast roster, featuring Kongs we?ve come to know, love, and grieve (in Wrinkly's case?). Yet once again, a Kong has gotten the figurative shaft for reasons unknown. That Kong, if you haven?t been deceived by the title (or are a child pornographer still reading this, in which case you need to die horribly), is Kiddy Kong. Notable for his only appearances in both versions of DKC3 and Land III, he brings the most mixed reactions in DK fans compared to the other original three main characters in the trilogy. Ask anyone outside of here (and maybe in here to a lesser extent) who starred in the DKC Trilogy, and their answers would probably range between DK, Diddy, Dixie, and "that other Kong/the baby/Kiddie [sic]." Even back then, he was considered the unpopular Kong.

Personally, I'm pro-Kiddy. He brought the heavyweight back in the trilogy, wore snazzy blue pajamas and cried in a way that doesn?t make eardrums bleed to death. In a time when child/baby characters reigned, Kiddy was the least irritating. Yet the impression I get from the majority is not so positive for the opposite reasons I stated. Despite his unpopularity/hatred, the games he's starred in have sold considerably well in total.

This is what baffles me. Despite the games he's been in selling well, he's not been seen in a game (sans DKC ports) since 1997. Even counting the DKC3 port, I'm even more baffled. Why hasn't he been in any other game since then?

When Diddy Kong Racing DS came out, those paying attention knew that Banjo and Conker would in all likelihoods be replaced due to legal issues. Indeed they were replaced with Dixie Kong and an angsty Super Sweet 16 Tiny Kong, as the artist rendition shows. If Kiddy Kong's considered underappreciated, Tiny Kong fit that bill and wore it all the way to the cash register. Disliked for essentially being a Dixie clone in an era where Dixie was popular, Tiny was considered a travesty. Yet here she was on my DS months ago, with that pubescent shrilly voice that only a teenager can painfully portray. The question comes to me: Why did Rare bring back (and redesign, to boot) a character that wasn't even that loved in the first place compared to the original four?

As mentioned earlier, Barrel Blast's roster has made me question why Kiddy's not in the game. In his place we got Lanky Kong, who not only seems to attract the more disturbing people of the world into our forums, but has only appeared in one game, not counting the DKC3 port. Besides those longing for the return of the arse-slapping orangutan, why was he favored over Kiddy, who arguably deserves a position more than Lanky (who, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against)?

Is there something preventing Rare in their ports and PAON in their new games from bringing Kiddy back that we should know about, like a virgin blood vow or an ancient prophecy that will lead to death if not followed? Do the developers really hold him in the same regard as those who dislike him and/or couldn't care less?

Could it be something simpler, such as a dual fear of either keeping him as is, or aging him as Tiny did in DKR DS, as evidenced by this artist's rendition? Either of these decisions are sure to bring controversy in the fanbase, without question. Is the future itself cockblocking Kiddy Kong of a return to a DK game?

Whatever the case may be in the future, I live in hope that Kiddy Kong will make a comeback regardless of what design he sports, if any. If Tiny Kong can come back twice, then surely the most underrated main Kong can as well. Only time, the continuation of the King of Swing/Jungle Climber/Sultan of Expedition series, Rare, and PAON spies will tell.

Special thanks to Forum Moderator Cammi for the artist renditions.

A baboon-filled observation by Mark