Ten Things I Hate About [the DK-] U
The DKU is pretty cool, you know? The games are fun to play, when I'm not out on dates with my hot girlfriend (Who DOESN'T SLIT HER WRISTS, SEY!). I'm going to review my all-time favorites here.
Donkey Kong Country: This game was all right. I mean, yeah, it was fun, but the designs were all for the kiddies (Like SEY DATES!). I give it three coconuts out of five.
Donkey Kong Country 2: This one was worse. They tried to make it more "adult", but failed. Damn brits (Like SEY!). Sorry, Chad, I"ll have to give it only a half-coconut.
Speaking of Chad, he's a huge dick (Like mine). I mean, all he does is yell and ban ppl. He's a meanie-head. So is Slush. And look:
He's a goddamned FURRY. Yes, he likes dressing up like "Picklechutes" nd having hot sex with other "Pokingman" fanatics. Pokemon is for three year old GIRLS, you ass faggot. Jesus, I might ban you with my new powers (Like you do, rofll).
In fact, let's switch to my gallery of HATE OF DKU EDITORS! Let's start with my least favorite (Next to Chad):
Ben: Now HERE'S a dickhead. He writes for the Rubber Chicken, who I willn't grace with a link they suck as bad, especially Happybob, who will be spotlighted in my upcoming in my gallery of HATE OF RUBBER CHICKEN EDITORS! (Ben is second to him, he sucks so bad). He lives in Australia, which is a piss-poor society where they drink beer all day. God, what gives the right to say anything? They're so stupid, and drunk. Hey Ben, I hear a DINGO eating your BABY! (No, not SEY)
Andrey: He works for TRC to, like every DICKHEAD. God, they're such a dick-munity. Maybe I should go post this on their forums to make them less fagots. Andrey comes from Russia, which is worse than Australia. All they do is wait for more cereal to be delivered by Yak, so they can start doing that crazy Russkie breakdance. I hate these people, they're so poor, this is ALL THEY DO ALL DAY!. They wouldn't support our war, which means they're pussy libercrats. Damnit, I fought in Vietnam, and they piss off vets like me. Plus, we kicked their asses in both World Wars. Pussy wimps.
Sean: The LORD dickhead. He's into those japanese mango comics, which are pathetic. Japan is the worst shitheap in the world, and should have been bombed in Korea, like Macarthur wanted to do. They crashed planes into us in WW2, and they probably did it on Sept. 11. And as my parents dies in the WTC attacks, they fucking sicken me. God. Look at his pic, he looks like those damn foreigners on CTN at one in the morning. Hey, why not go find the sword of NOT BEING A TOTAL DICKASS +666, YOU HIPPERALCRAT!
That's enough of that for now. Now let's go onto my DKU forcast, a few months early:
MKDD: These cars are like clown cars. A clown raped me. Next! (Five bananas out of five)
DKa: This game is OK. Yeah, you damn Daschles and Gray Davis's out there, this game is bad, but comically so. It's so bad, it's GOOD. Get over it! (Four bananas out of five)
Mario Golf GBA: The GCN title sucked. It really did. It was cool, but then it started sucking. Golf is British, and they piss me off to, with their hoighty-toighty "Monty Pythons". Damn them and they're idiocy. America has the best pop culture, and Bush is smarter than Queen Elizabeth, anyway. I bet SEY likes their pop culture, no wait, he'd like JAPAN better! Why not go get some VENDING MACHINE PANTIES, SEY! (One banana out of five)
C:L&U: Yes! Blood and violence! And mebbe sex! Yes! (Seven bananas out of five)
Well, I'm out now. See you all tomorrow!
Article by Lankydavid.