The 1st Annual DKU New Years Forecast
2000 'o Fun



Okay, so the new millennium doesn't begin until 2001, and the Vine is against getting drunk and/or wasted this New Years. But why not get hammered in a different way....hammered by the Donkey Kong Universe? Nostradamus knew squat, because the year 2000 will be a great one for the DKU. How can any game follow DK64? It's a tough task, but these surefire million sellters are up to the task.



1: Mario Party 2 (Nintendo 64)
''Sea chanty?  Sea Chanty my furry red tush, let's hum porno music!'' First out of the gates early this new year will be the sequel to the popular 1999 cameo game Mario Party. This isn't just a rehash though, as it's crammed to the gills with new and exciting features. The character selection is the same (DK, Mario, Luigi, Peach, Yoshi, and Wario) but this time both Bowser and his prime Baby Bowser cohort will play much larger roles. Expect return appearances from cameo favorites Toad, Cap'n Shyguy, and maybe even Master Hand (we said "maybe"). New characters such as new Mushroom People helpers (to replace "Fun" Gus, Porto, and the others) and party crashers should make this THE cameo game of 1999. Coming January 24th you can party like it's 1999 (even though you'd be a little late, but we at the Vine are partying like it's 1987, so don't feel bad).
The Wow-O-Meter Ranking: 6/10



2: Banjo-Tooie (Nintendo 64)
Mother Of Mercy... OH YEAH!!!! Banjo's third DKU appearance is highly anticipated, especially after the screenshots Rare and Nintendo released shortly before Loveday sipped Tequila and built a bomb shelter for "apocalyptic asteroids." There is just too much to talk about in this game, but let's just say it's probably the second most anticipated DKU game ever (behind DK64). Not only with this be a JACKED game, it will add some replay value to Banjo-Kazooie as well (how many sequels can do that?). Tons of new characters, terminations for the lesser liked characters, the T-Rex Spell, the possible Lava World, more mysteries surrounding Captain Blackeye, Mumbo as a playable character, Kazooie leaving Banjo's backpack, Jinjos in an expanded role, the B-K mysteries, and hopefully more of KLUNGO KLUNGO KLUNGO. Oh yeah, and Banjo's still a redneck. Sweet!
The Wow-O-Meter: 9/10



Anything Else?: Okay, so these games are the only ones announced to come out in the year 2000.......so far. Here is a possible list of games that haven't been officially announced for 2000 release (or in most cases haven't been announced at all). Keep this in mind before you go to your local feedbag and reserve them.



*Twelve Tales: Conker 64 (Nintendo 64)
I'm guessing he's the ''ugly?'' The oft delayed booty shaking squirrel's high impact game's status is still a mystery at this point. All references to the wonder squirrel have been removed from Rarewhere. Still, Nintendo keeps it on it's future release list. So what's the deal? Our guess is that it's being totally revamped to seperate it from B-K, DK64, and B-T. Hopefully this means more full frontal nudity (with Christine, the melon woman making a cameo). We'll announce anything that comes out on this game (or anybody that comes out IN this game, in the Evil Acorn's case) as it happens.
The Wow-O-Meter: 7/10 (Would Recieve A Higher Wow, But We Have No Idea What This Game Will Look Like Or Be Like When It's Released)



*Super Smash Bros. 2 (Nintendo 64)
? We pretty much know that this gem is coming. The sequel to Super Smash Bros. is inevitable. Hopefully next time they will put less Pokemon in it (since it's fizzled out in Japan....HAHAHA!) and more DKU. That's right. Along with DK it's been heavily rumored that Diddy will be in this game as either a playable character from the start or a hidden character. Chad wants Mumbo to be in it, and Slush wants Nibblenut. Our Friend wants Ted the boatbuilder. As long as there is a DKU character in it (c'mon, you know there will with DK64's popularity), then we'll buy it and report on it.
The Wow-O-Meter: 6/10



*Donkey Kong GBC (Game Boy Color)
? What's this? Speculation, nothing more. NOTE: RARE HAS NOT ANNOUNCED ANYTHING ON THIS GAME, AND NEITHER HAS NINTENDO OR ANY OTHER WEBSITE. It's just that it's common for Rare to release a Game Boy follow up to their big Kong game about 7-11 months later. This game (if released) could be anything from a top down CPT style game to a 2-D hop 'n bop DKC/DKLish game of yore. Look for DK, Diddy, Lanky, Tiny, and Chunky to return as well. Knowing Game Boy Kong games, it will take place in levels that resemble their console counterparts. This should be FUN (if released).
The Wow-O-Meter: 8/10



And there you have it. A year full of fun, joy, tears, and big explody things. Apes, bears, humans, mushrooms, dinosaurs, and ?s (for Mumbo, that is). Those religious zealots that are predicting the end of the world just want money. However......we DO believe the world is coming to an end this year. When Banjo-Tooie is released, India and Pakistan will fight over who gets the most copies and fire nuclear missiles at each other, throwing us into a nuclear winter. The only game companies that will survive will be Rare, Hudson, and HAL. They will all merge, and due to the fact that guns will be no longer needed in the Eutopia that forms after the snow melts, first person shooters will be a thing of the past. The Walt Disney Empire will be overthrown, so no more Disney games either. That means the only thing they can work on are what they do best.......DKU games. They will launch their own system called the Rarephin, and it's launch game will be called Donkey Kong Rarephin. OH YES......we see it now........

Happy New Year, and a cheerful apocalypse.