Sitting Down With Ron the Gamer*


Sure, other sites may give you interviews of "Jon The Gamer", such and such. Well, we thought we would go a step ahead and interview someone who actually exists. So without further ado, we give you, Ron the Gamer*.



Vine: Thank you, Ron, from taking time out from your hectic lifestyle to answer our thought-provoking questions.

Ron: Nothin' to it. I just gots to watch mah beans, there's a ruckus about.

Vine: Heh heh. There sure is! So, after visiting E3 and sampling all of Rare's upcoming games, which would you say is the best (like we need to ask).

Ron: (stares blankly)

Vine: Ron?

Ron: Oh, yeah. One time, I done saw a herd of buffalo eatin' mah beans. I got mah trusty shootin' gun and pumped 'em full of Jesse James medicine.

Vine: So very true. So, Ron, now that you are definitely going to buy Donkey Kong 64, will you be tuning in to our site more often?

Ron: Mah dog, Rufus, he went to mix me some perch for dinner, but he done got his paws stuck in a bear trap. Some youngun's been settin' traps in mah beans.

Vine: That's incredible! So, out of all of the games in the Donkey Kong Universe, which one do you enjoy the most?

Ron: Games? Sometimes me and Maw put on an old 8-track of Jeff Foxworthy and play Crazy Eights. One time I was playin' Crazy Eights, and I had the eight and Maw wouldn't let me change the number, so I whacked her with a fryin' pan.

Vine: Ahh, yes. Do you remember when Donkey Kong Country came out, and it completely obliterated the Sega Genesis's reputation?
Ron: Yup. Just the other day I done went out to mah bean field and there was a Lima Bean the size of a turkey gizzard! I plucked it off and took it the County Fair. I would have won, but Rufus ran up and took a bite out of the giant Squash and they kicked me out onto mah britches. I got plumb mad and hit Rufus with one of them fancy phonebooks. 'Course I don't got no telephone machine, so I just yell for the kids to come eat supper.

Vine: Haha! You're too funny, Ron! So with both Donkey Kong 64 and the Sega Dreamcast's launches on the horizon, how do you think DK64 will effect it?

Ron: What? Dreamy? Hey, Maw! Dreamy's back! You watch the beans while I go get Dreamy out of the sherrif prison, Maw!

Vine: Thank you for your cooperation, Ron, and may your gaming harvest this year be a large and prosperous one.


*Feel free to replace "gamer" with "bean farmer".