Top Ten DKU Fearbringers 3
Beating an Undead Horse



10.
Banjo-Kazooie
Mad Monster Mansion
Satan Church

The Church of Ernest Borgnine. Okay, so maybe it really isn't that frightening compared to recent "scary-like" levels in games like Conker's Bad Fur Day. Back in the day though, there wasn't much to work with, and compared with the other games in the series, it was slightly eerie. Now though, it's number ten. How the once mighty have fallen!




9.
Donkey Kong Country 2
Gloomy Gulch
Haunted Hall

The bandana really brings out his sockets. Well, those Kackles still do look pretty realistic. With the GAMECUBE's flagship title, Luigi's Mansion, shipping in a few weeks, it's interesting to look at DKC2 and see how much more realistically ghosts were handled in another "cutesy" game. The question is, would more realistic ghosts give Luigi's Mansion a creepier feeling?




8.
Mario Golf
Golf Guru's Pitch and Putt

The piece of excrement floating in the kiddy pool of life. If the Prince of Darkness was a fictional character made of sprites, this would be him. Last year at this time we considered to be the most vile force in all of the Donkey Kong Universe, a mind-maddening flamer with an Obi-Wan Kenobi complex. Unlike Alec Guiness however, he didn't have the common sense to just die. Bam! Offensive comment, I bow to thee. No matter, this year someone has surpassed him. Maybe not in terms of sheer difficulty, but it's a fresh pester all the same...




7.
Banjo-Tooie
Cloud Cuckooland
Canary Mary Part Deux

Written by Charlie Demafeliz. Keep in mind that in order for this list to be well-rounded, it couldn't all be about the supernatural. This year's first new entry takes the form of your second race with Canary Mary, this time situated in Cloud Cuckooland. But wait, you may be saying. Wouldn't this nearly impossible race have more elements of frustration than actual fear in it? True, but consider this. With the amounts of frustration that can occur, you'll realize that you can't even beat a simple game. This causes you to slink into a deep depression, and sooner or later, you may develop an alternative personality so you won't feel so inferior. If television is any indication, there will be a great inner struggle between you and your new personality, driving one or both sides criminally insane. You'll go on a muderin' spree, killing livestock and the such, before you're locked away in the local fruit bin. Frontal lobotomy, sir?




6.
Donkey Kong 64
Creepy Castle
The Crypt

''Summer in the crypt, beneath the trees... while you're on the beaches, I'll be eating rancid peaches.'' Perhaps this was forshadowing the zombies in Bad Fur Day, but any way you look at it, it still gives us the creeps. Seriously, would you want to go into a crypt late at night? The great thing about this one is that it plays on actual human fears about such things, which makes it a delightfully wicked addition to the "scary-like" level of Donkey Kong 64.




5.
Conker's Bad Fur Day
Spooky
Zombies (Creepy Mystery Squirrel)

The atypically necrophilistic Conker investigates. Zombies! Yes, the infamous Resident Evil homage had to make its way onto this list somewhere, right? Well, this isn't it. More specifically, there's one small oddity within Count Batula's mansion that always gives us the willies. After you get the first key to the front door, you need to make your way through the dining room to get the key in the courtyard outside. When you enter the dining room, everything is normal. Moaning zombies hobble quickly toward you in search of brains. But if you look across the table, there will be a (non-decomposed) female squirrel villager silently running out of the house. You can follow her, and she ends up dropping into a bottomless pit, never to be seen again. This insignificant, useless artifact should, for all intents and purposes, not even be in the game, since it makes no sense on a superficial level. You begin to doubt the mansion's standard antagonist fare of zombies, and wonder if there's some greater evil at work. This feeling of uncertainty is what scares us to no end.




4.
Donkey Kong Country
Monkey Mines
Stop and Go Station

We blame the TV De Advance on him. The Stop and Go Station payed a return visit this last year with the release of the GBC version of Donkey Kong Country, but it's the Super Nintendo one that still gives us nightmares. When driving down a dark, deserted road in the middle of the night, any erratic movement in the distance brings to mind those damn Rockkrocks. All those Rockkrocks...




3.
Donkey Kong 64
Creepy Castle
The Ballroom

''And my balls are always bouncing
My ballroom always full
And everybody comes and comes again
If your name is on the guest list 
No one can take you higher
Everybody says I've got
Great balls of fire.'' The former number one has come in at lucky number three this year. Still, nothing much beats the weird feeling you get playing it at two in the morning. After listen to the ghostly spirits of the upper-class for a few minutes, you'll be looking over your shoulder for the rest of the evening, especially if you're alone. Always remember one thing. If you're rich, you're going to come back as an eerie ghost sound effect when you die. Promote poverty!




2.
Conker's Bad Fur Day
It's War
Sole Survivor

Voyeuristic triangles. In this small portion of CBFD, Conker was trying to infiltrate the Tedizs' home base. Thus far in the game, the Tedizs had been only alluded to and shown in brief snippets, which gave them a brooding air of mystique. As Conker entered the base he looked around confidently, observing the dank, dark surroundings. There was a faint movement in the distance, accompanied by eerie whispering and footsteps. You have to see the cinema scene yourself to truly see what drives it home as scary, but it's certainly effective.




1.
Conker's Bad Fur Day
Spooky
Mr. Death

''The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzy ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller'' Here it is, the one part of the game that made me question my ability to complete it. In Conker's Bad Fur Day, Conker finds himself waking up at nighttime, and immediately running an errand for Gregg, the Grim Reaper. It entails dispatching of twelve undead souls from our realm of existance - you're in a graveyard, shooting zombies. They moan, the fence creaks, the wind blows, and the Van Gogh sky doesn't help matters much on its own. Is this chapter spooky? You bet your optic nerve.