Top Ten DKU Fearbringers 4
Waltz of the Necrophile



Ah, it's that time of year again. The year when stuff happens. And with this stuff comes the annual DKU Fearbringers feature. This is the first feature since the new staff took the wheel, and it also happens to be the fourth Fearbringers feature. With new staff comes new taste, so you might notice the list has shuffled up quite a bit. Things that were slowly creeping down the list have jumped forward, and other things. So just imagine, as you're reading...at any moment, what you expected to be lower down the list will JUMP OUT OF NOWHERE and come in higher than you expected! Now that we've instilled fear in you, you're in the right frame of mind, so read on.



10.
Banjo-Kazooie
Mad Monster Mansion
Satan Church

Who you gonna call? Nobody. No phones. BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Part of the reason this place is eerie is because how out-of-place it is. This is one of the last things you'd expect to find in Banjo-Kazooie. But it's still there. The other reason is, er, it's a bad place. Clocking in at number 10 once again, it may be the least spooky entry, but it's still scary. Kind of. Okay, so it's not that scary, but work with us, people. We have to think of ten places. TEN!! That alone is scary!




9.
Donkey Kong Country 2
Gloomy Gulch
Haunted Hall

He has a bone to pick with you. Yes, you knew that was coming. The lower portion of the list hasn't been shaken up much. Coming in at # 9 for the second consecutive year, we have the classic race to avoid Kackles. While not quite as scary as the Rockkrocks, Kackles are still pretty bone-chilling (HAHAHA PUN). And when you consider that the entire time you're on a rickety coaster track and have to time your jumps right, it's even worse. Also of eerie significance is the burning question: exactly why would you make a roller coaster in the library anyway? And why is a pirate ghost in the library, of all places? It's these questions that only add to the...sheer terror.




8.
Banjo-Tooie
CANARY MARY

This Halloween stuff is for the birds. Or old people dressed like said birds. Canary Mary still disturbs me. I have NO IDEA how someone got the idea of putting an old lady dressed in a bird suit into Banjo-Tooie, but it's scarier than a can of overcooked Spam. It's not really the races (difficult as they may be) that are scary so much as the fact that it's someone running around in a birdsuit. And keep in mind that she was locked away in a poison gas chamber to begin with, which is even more frightening when you think about it.




7.
Star Fox Adventures
DarkIce Mines
Boss Galdon

Angry, angry young dinosaur. Galdon is the first real boss in SFA, and is definitely a memorable one. While not overly hard once you know how to beat him, Galdon is still...well, scary. He's LARGE AND IN CHARGE, ladies and gentlemen, although he's not really in charge at all. But, that was the only thing that rhymed with large and made sense (even though it didn't make sense), so...yeah. Anyway, Galdon has a taste for animals as well, and proves this when he gulps you down (not just once, but multiple times). Plus, we don't really know what Galdon is. Sure, he looks like a dinosaur. But he also looks like a spider. A spider-dinosaur!! If that doesn't scream "DKU Fearbringers," I don't know what does. Wait, yes I do, because we've had to think of nine things that also scream Fearbrin--moving on.




6.
Donkey Kong 64
Creepy Castle
The Crypt

Even scarier is wondering where that giant skull came from. My guess: I do not know. Back during the days of the DK64 vs SM64 debates, one argument brought up in the defense of the Kong's outings was that the game was more atmospheric then Mario's. This little section proves that beyond all shadow of a doubt. The moaning, the mist enveloping everything... it's one of the sections where the overdone lighting aids the environment, giving everything a freaky overglow. And when you actually go INSIDE the bloody demon-skull, you have a dark tunnel of hell where the walls look like the organs of some beast. Ohh yes.




5.
Star Fox Adventures
Dragon Rock
Drakor

Stop making fun of me!! He's big, he's red, and he's one bad "mamma jamma." He's Drakar, boss of Dragon Rock. His sheer size is imposing enough, and when you take into account that he's a cyborg dinosaur and that he's in a really bad mood, it's even worse. Check under your bed for this one.




4.
Donkey Kong Country
Monkey Mines
Stop N Go Station

Rock on, Rockkrocks. Rock on. It was # 1 to begin with, then slowly made it's way down the list. But after it's all said and done, this is still one of the scarier places you'll find in the Donkey Kong Universe. Alone in the dark, with nothing but Rockkrocks and the eerie sound of water dripping, dogs barking, and the pounding of your enemies' feet. It's enough to make you chicken out and take the hidden shortcut at the beginning of the level if you play this in complete darkness. Truly scary things stay with you even after they're done, and this is a prime case - after playing, try walking through the dark...any sudden noise or movement is likely to send you looking for a shortcut out of there just as you might be tempted to do in the game. Just make sure you don't use the second story window or anything. We wouldn't want to get sued.




3.
Star Fox Adventures
Krazoa Palace
The Test Of Fear

Could be worse. Could be the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Ah, the Test of Fear. During your fourth trip to the Krazoa Palace, you're challenged with this thing. A red line sways back and forth atop the screen as raptors, SharpClaws, and even General Scales make a shocking appearance. In order to pass this test, you must appropriately press left or right on the Control Stick to keep the red line within the shaded area on the meter. The test is a long one, and it gets harder as you progress through it. As the fears become stronger, and Fox's paranoia sets in, the line's speed begins to increase and hop back and forth more randomly than before. Now that's true fear, people. Fear that deserves a glass of Gatorade.




2.
Conker's Bad Fur Day
It's War
Sole Survivor

Eventually, Snuggles the bear will turn into a Tediz. And Smokey, too. And Banjo. YOU MUST BELIEVE US ASLFKJThe Tediz are the absolute most eeevil DKU enemies ever concieved. Without a doubt. They're right up there with Mizar's flunkies. Pretty much the entire It's War chapter is pretty freaky, but it's the Sole Survivor section that really gets your blood running. Playing through it the first time, walking silently through the corridors, not knowing what the hell to expect, when 6 fscking killer bears round the corner and chop you into pieces. Scary stuff.




1.
Conker's Bad Fur Day
Spooky
Mr. Death

Say no to bran. Say yes to brain.What will undoubtedly hold the No. 1 position from now until something decently scary comes, those damn zombies keep coming back for more. Upon seeing around 4 or 5 undead moaning and mumbling toward you, your first instinct is to turn tail and tell Gregg to f-ck off, and we're sure a few of you did. It'll be hard for Rare, or ANY company, for that matter, to beat this section on terms of sheer willies. Unless you have giant spiders. Gah DAMN, giant spiders suck.