Ah, so this is where the Banjo-Downgradey chain finally hits rock bottom in a pool of its own sick, then*? Hey, it's not half bad considering! Anyone who's sat furiously trying to persuade Mr. Snake not to die as a result of inexplicably trying to eat himself will appreciate this change-of-pace. And if, like me, your mobile phone hails from a bygone era of laughably laughable, jittery "car-racing" or puzzle games that are almost as boring as this sentence, Banjo Kazooie: Grunty's Revenge Mobile is a sure-fire way to spice up that lifeless brick-in-your-pocket!

Nobody ever rings me.

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*This sentence was runner-up in the Oxford Univeristy Press Wankiest Mixed Metaphor Competition, 2011. The prize was a distinctly non-metaphorical kick in the balls.