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Forest Guardian's Biography
Species: Acorn Person
The island of Willow Woods is varied, but the heart of it resides in the forest from where it got its name. In this woodland, squirrels and chipmunks and Acorn People and God knows what else live in harmony. Despite all of this, the island is still filled with poop monsters, zombies, and mobsters. To keep the woods a relatively safe place, an Acorn Person elected himself to be the protector of peace in the forest. That fellow was... well, his real name isn't important, but he eventually became known as the Forest Guardian. It's not like the fabled Panther King would give a damn about appointing anyone to such a position. After all, wouldn't you be a bit cranky if most people assumed you didn't exist? But I digress.
So to move on with our little story, the Forest Guardian had a fairly easy job. He still had a fairly easy job even when his path crossed with a plucky 20-year old squirrel named Conker. The Evil Acorn and his minions were causing a bit of a ruckus in Willow Woods, so to help Conker out on his quest, the Forest Guardian let Conker have access to a "conker launcher" or slingshot. Perhaps he confused the Evil Acorn for the nefarious Mr. Wilson, that we will never know. Therein lies the beauty of the Forest Guardian's job though. If there's a problem, just give a child's weapon to one of the citizens, and he or she will take care of it. We're not undermining the importance of his job or the respect he receives and deserves, oh no, but it's just a moot point to fill up space in this biography that would otherwise be much too short.
After Conker defeated the Evil Acorn on the regular Game Boy format, he returned the slingshot to the Forest Guardian, whose home was damaged badly by the underground explosion caused by the Evil Acorn's bomb, and was remodeled as a windmill. But when the Evil Acorn got right back up and returned to his tricks on the Game Boy Color format, Conker once again had to get the slingshot from the Guardian. We can only assume he returned it then as well, for in Conker's Bad Fur Day, the only way he could use a slingshot was on Context-Sensitive pads.
How the Forest Guardian is storing the original slingshot today... we may never know.
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