Balloon

Diddy Kong Racing returns! But what on earth could possibly be going on here? Well, I'm glad you asked!

Evidently, that scoundelous scoundrel Wizpig is back from space to assert his manhood in the strongest possible terms, "you can't beat me!!" he says, although this time doing so in a slightly-more-rubbish voice.

But N64 veterans need not fear! A lot's changed in the last decade-or-so, with old-friends-in-exile Conker and Banjo being substituted for action sisters Dixie Kong and the increasingly inaccurately-named Tiny Kong (after all, Banjo races with SONIC, now). And it doesn't stop there, with this beefed-up and sized-down incarnation of DKR lurking somewhere in the great gaping netherworld between "conversion" and "actual sequel". It's enough to keep the fat N64 zealots satisfied, whilst still utterly upstaging the more-popular-but-basically-shit Mario Kart DS.

So join us now, why don't you, as we rev our engines and tear through Timber's Island one last time for this, Rare's Kong-swansong. Ah, shed a single tear for what could've been. Or just play Donkey Kong Country Returns and GET OVER YOURSELF PUSSY. It's up to you.

Submitted by
Waddle Dedede.
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