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Screenshot Analysis
It's time once again, children. Gather round. Time to view speculation on a bunch of screenshots, something you could do yourself without much trouble. But hey, far be it from us to allow you to do something for yourself.
Our first shot takes us back to the courtyard of the Super Mario 64 castle. The thing's like the cat from that stupid nursery rhyme thing. It keeps coming back the very next game... anyway. This area definately flaunts the pretty, with nifty looking water and rainbow reflecting fountain thingies. You'll also notice the abundance of pipes everywhere: logic would denote that you sink the ball into one of them and it'll pop out in the corresponding pipe. Also of notice are the flagpoles that take a definate nod from the flagpoles of Super Mario Bros. I'd like to say that it annoys me that these 2nd/3rd parites are capable of doing retro Mario better than Nintendo. To say the least (or most).
Here we have Mario hitting a ball. Yep. And he's on the Peach course. Uh huh. Notice the trees in the background, they're the same as the trees in the castle courtyard from Super Mario 64, showing that  Mario games are perfectly capable of having continuity. Too bad it's usually stuff like trees and that bloody castle. Yeah, also, the ball is on fire. Thought I'd point that out. It's pretty easy to miss if you're a 90-year old blind man. And since 90-year old blind men make up roughly 50% of our viewing audience, we're happy to be of service to them. Moving on!
Brilliant plan, Nintendo. If you can't turn Peach into an actually useful character, then just turn her into a kiddy sex symbol. Hey, I'm not complaining. Much. Peach has her hair done up in what I'm assuming is her now permanent Mario Sunshine style, (it's also in Double Dash) and her club leaves behind the usual pink heart thingies. The only thing of real worth is the golfball itself. Besides the numerous dimples(I think that's what they're called), there's also Peach's signature on it. We believe that this is the same for all the characters, and is a nice touch on Camelot's part. I think.
Well, look, it's that cheap add-on to the Wario series. He sure is flexible, isn't he? This is apparently a different course, as signified by the Mount Mushmore (ha! I made a funny!) in the background. More on that in a sec.  Waluigi is surrounded by those star things that have been in other shots. It's apparent now that they're a signifier of where you hit (launch? send? I don't know a damn thing about golf) the ball. Back to the statue, we see Peach, Mario Monster, Luigi and that green freak engraved on the side. I suppose this was coming sooner or later, knowing those Toad things.
Whoohoo! Chain Chomp sandtraps! If nothing else, we know that good ol' Wonwon is in the game. Anyhoo, this looks like it could possibly be another part of the Peach's Castle course, though more than likely it's another course. Also, as you can see, some of the Chain Chomps are bigger than others. Oooooh. I can really think of nothing to say about this, but I need to type more so as to not look lazy. So, this one time I dreamed I was in Wal-Mart, and I ran over several fat people. And--oh, there, I've typed enough now. Moving on.
Koopa Troopa is our first confirmed Double Dash!! golfer, and his appearance should hopefully mean that more, including Diddy, will be on the way. In another nod, he's golfing at  a Koopa Beach-esque area. Continuity in Mario? NO WAY OLOLOLOLO!!!111 Ahem. One thing that bugs me is the background: if you check the sky, you can clearly see a line that divides it in half. Here's hoping they get rid of that. And is it just me, or is that golf stick WAY too big for Koopa?
Well lookie here. It's good ol' Donkey Kong. Judging from the abundance of palm trees,  I'd say this is the same tropical course featured in the previous screen. Here, Donkey sends the ball flying up into the wild blue yonder, thus owning the competition. Unless he lands in a sand trap or something. But he owns everyone else all the same, because he's got a cool tie. Does Mario have a cool tie? Hell no. I rest my case.
Well, here we have that loveable little bisexual, Birdo. You know, Nintendo has been quoted as saying before that Birdo was really a guy who liked dressing up as a girl. Which is why he/she is the perfect match for Yoshi. Anyway, that really has nothing to do with anything, so let's analyze this shot. Well, there's not much to say about it except that it contains Birdo. I told you that you  could have written this article yourself, didn't I? Well, stay tuned anyway, because things are bound to get interesting later on. Unless they don't. But you can make this interesting if you think hard enough. For example, you could read it without wearing pants.
Oh yeah. Good old Chain Chomp, or Wonwon as I (and the Japanese) affectionately call him. Here the cute little bugger is catching some Z's, after a long day of being tied to a stake. See, that's one reason I love Wonwon so much. His entire existance is being chained to a post. That's it. Always. He never gets anything to eat unless it walks near him. All he can do is bounce around biting at everything, until he eventually goes insane. And most Wonwons are already insane, judging by the way they mindlessly run around. Take pity on him, you bastards! Some sadistic course owner decided to tie a bunch of Wonwons on a golf course. Imagine, not only is your existance one of never-ending suffering, but you get to watch people play golf all day for entertainment. Yes, Wonwon is a poor, depressed little creature. Who will bite your face in half.
 See, I told you Wonwon was miserable. Here, we see him rearing his head back to issue a lament. Only, nobody can hear his lament since he can't talk in an audible voice. Either that or he's having an orgasm. Mario, being the evil little plumber he is, simply moons poor Wonwon and carries on with his little game of golf, oblivious to the fact that he's playing on a course full of miserable little dog-like creatures. Fuck you, Mario. Fuck you.
 Now this is different. I'm guessing this is the coin mode, due to the fact that there are dozens of the golden flat circular objects all over. I presume that you'll collect them by hitting them with the ball, of course. One question for this part: How do you collect all those? You can't exactly hit a ball in a circle.
 Whoa. Those coins get too close for comfort. Now I can see they're really pointy and not that circular at all. Damn you, lazy Camelot graphic artists! On a side note, check out the desert ruins. I wish this was Dry Dry Desert instead of Shifting Sand Land. You could whack Kolorado.
Here's Daisy. Here's Daisy's short shorts. Here's a normal putt that you've seen before and don't care for. Next shot.
Okay, here it is. One reason we're actually looking forward to this cameo game. As you can clearly see from the screenshot, the font they used for the word 'PAR' is quite excellent. If that doesn't make you drool for this game, I don't know what will. Oh, and there's also the matter that a certain Diddy Kong is in this screnshot. To me, he looks a little bit weird, but I'm thinking it's  just the angle. He seems a bit too short, and his head is overly large. I'm not going to complain too much because, hey, at least we're getting Diddy. I think we can safely assume that in lieu of his inclusion in both Mario Kart: Double Dash!! and Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour, Diddy will now be a mainstay in cameo games. Not even he can save Mario Party, though. All the Wonwons in the world couldn't do that. Mainly because they're tied to stakes.
Here we have Donkey Kong and GIANT STARS. And that evil castle. I swear, Peach's castle is more ominous than Dracula's. The interior changes every time you go in it, and it doesn't even have a backside. And random dinosaurs hang out on the roof. FOR NO REASON. Why the HELL was Yoshi on the roof in Super Mario 64? Why? What was he doing? Expecting the non-existant backside of the castle? In any case, let us hope the castle does indeed have a backside in this game, and let us hope that we get as far away from the evil abode as we can, because it's just starting to creep me out.
A Par celebration. I'm guessing DK is on a team with Peach(Damn you, DK. Partner up with Diddy.)but I'm not positive, because I can't quite tell if Peach is acting happy or sad(DK seems happy enough).
I really don't know what this is. At first glance, it appears to be water, but look again - it bears a striking similarity to the goopy paint-like substance (which is possibly paint) found scattered around random locations in Super Mario Sunshine. Considering that the game has several things from SMS in it, this wouldn't surprise me a bit. What would surprise me is if I suddenly stopped being able to finish my sente
Ah, a desert level. Could this possibly be the fabled Koopahari Desert from Super Mario Bros. 3? Guess we'll have to wait and see. Won't have to wait long, considering that at the time of this writing the game will be out tomorrow. A large face, similar to the Sphynx, is visible on the left side, and we can see some coins floating in midair. It would be cool if this was indeed Koopahari Desert, and even cooler if they had the pile-driving Micro Goombas from the level of the same name in SMB3. That would be a particularly interesting course obstacle, tiny creatures hiding in blocks that tried to slam into you. Oh, and Koopahari Desert marked the first appearance of Wonwon. They tied him up in the middle of a scorching DESERT that time. ..Moving on.
Update I've been informed that this level is actually Shifting Sand Land from SM64. The hell? The only thing unique about that level was a vulture who stole your hat. Wonder if he'll make an appearance? Swooping down to scoop up the golfball, perhaps?
Coin mode again. Here's Mario making a really far shot, apparently ignoring the treasure floating in the sky. Stupid plumber.
That shot's flying high, ain't it? Or is it rolling on the ground, and we're looking from a high angle? Heh, it looks like a shooting star.
Here we see Peach preparing to hit the ball, and in the background there are mountains. Those mountains are eerily similar to the mountains in my back yard, so if a golf ball ever comes screaming through the window and knocks me unconscious, as soon as I regain my senses I'm coming after you, Peach. I'm pretty impressed with the backgrounds for this game so far, nice mix of the usual Mario scenery as well as some realistic ones.
Here's our good buddy DK, playing Ring Shot. There appears to be a massive shark skull in the distance, and I find that odd. Donkey seems to be staring at it as well.
This screenshot is boring. It's nothing more than an overhead shot of some water, and it looks like there's a seagull gliding majestically over it. Yawn. You know what would be awesome? If a shark would randomly explode out of the water. And eat the seagull. Only this wouldn't be any normal shark. It'd be...
THE UNDEAD GHOST OF A BIKER SHARK!!!
Here's Yoshi swaggering about drunkenly, while coins hover in the background. I find this a good picture to look at while drunk. Not that...I ever have been drunk....
One last boring shot of Yoshi giving the ball a hearty "thwack!". Ha. Even typing that word is fun.
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