Alright, so by some miracle you've managed to drag your sweaty carcass into the arcade. Well done! If you hadn't eaten FIVE BURGERS on the way here, you might have even lost some weight! Well, never mind. See if you can't squeeze your continuously-expanding ass into that li'l novelty Mario Kart seat, go on! You can do it! SQUEEEEEZE!

At this point you're probably encountering another problem: your ludicrously sweaty palms, made only more slippery by your constant shovelling of buttered bacon-fat. No good for that steering wheel! Go on, give 'em a wipe. Your funny novelty t-shirt already has cheese stains on it, nobody'll notice. Nicely done!

What is it? Why it's Mario Kart Arcade GP's sequel of course! Very much the DKU-crossover wankathon of the decade, featuring not only DK and Mario, but Pac Man and Tamagotchi. Them Tamagotchis sure love a race! Other than that it's your usual money-draining neigh-on-impossible-to-control affair, but there is a certain novelty value in being able to Mario Kart it up at the arcade. Ain't that right, fatty?

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