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Racer Checklist
It's only natural that we start off with our man, er, ape. Donkey Kong returns once again, ready to run the various residents of the Mushroom Kingdom over with his kickass new Barrel Kart. And this time, he's not alone!
DIDDY! YEE-HAA! Yeah, we've been jumping up and down about this for ages already, but this is still cause for celebration. Teaming up with DK to run Shrooms over. Yeah. Screw you, Luigi, there's a REAL video game hero here now.
Of course he was gonna be in here. After all, it is Mario Kart. If it starred Nana and Popo, it wouldn't be Mario Kart, would it? So yes. Mario's here. Moving on.
Hello, it's Mr. Terrified-Of-Ghosts-With-A-Massive-Fanbase-Just-Because-I-Didn't-Appear-In-One-Measly-Game-And-Because-I-Was-Portrayed-To-Be-A-Real-Ladies-Man-By-John-Leguizamo! Yeah, Luigi's here. I dunno about you, but if I were him, I'd be slightly worried now that Diddy's shown up on move in on his turf. Move over green boy, you're OLD news now.
Peach is pink. Peach is in this game. Peach sucks. Mario's cock.
Since I'm lazy, I'm going to copy Peach's sentence and put it down here. Daisy is yellow. Daisy is in this game. Daisy blows. Luigi's pussy.
Why Mario invites his arch-nemesis to these things no one will never understand. Anyway. Bowser's back, this time with his latest child/clone, Bowser Jr! Yeah, I included 'em both. Bite me.
Further proving that Nintendo cares all but not about continuity as a whole, we have Baby Mario and Luigi as available drivers. Hey, it could be worse. We could have "DK Jr." Shudder.
He's back, he's bold, and ladies: HE'S SINGLE! Returning from Super Mario Kart to the cheers of many, it's KOOPA FUCKING TROOPA! Wee! Embrace that which is KOOPA TROOPA!!!11 Yes.
Lookie, it's Paratroopa! Koopa Troopa's partner in their mission to swoon the beautiful Koopa lasses back in Dark Land/Bowser Land/WHATEVER Land. Ooooh yeah.
One team we know of, but haven't yet seen any screenshots of (which is odd) are those laughable Nazi buggers, Wario and Waluigi. Before long we should get some shots of them, but until then, they're a nice big question mark. Lovely. And they'd BETTER be driving the Wario Car, or there'll be hell to pay, oh yes...
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