Gimme a D!


Gimme an S!


Gee thanks! Well, here it is kids, the (technically) third handheld entry to that faceless mass of all-consuming matter that is the Mario Party series! Climb aboard, it's time for the ride of a lifetime!

And by Jehovah's nipples WHAT A WILD RIDE it turned out to be! Pretty much everything we long-standing party fans have been waiting for all these years: an engaging epic psychological thriller depicting Donkey Kong's slow descent into madness--here, cleverly symbolised by his physical transformation into stone--all portrayed with brilliant photorealistic-but-quirky visuals, a marvellous musical score (written and performed by David Wise, Paul McCartney and the remaining members of Pink Floyd), some of the most ingenious gameplay mechanisms ever devised in a video game and featuring the delicious vocal talents of John Cleese, Samuel L. Jackson and Bob Hoskins. Truly, Mario Party DS is the be-all, end-all and wank-all of the DKU, quite frankly the pinnacle of modern gaming.

Haha, just kidding, it's a load of old shit. Okay, it's not actually that bad; I feel kinda guilt-ridden for saying that. But not enough to make me type something else.

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