In this epic tale of courage, determination and skill, you must save DK from the clutches of the evil Canadian government. Only armed with a balance board and a prayer, you must play through sports that will test not only your might, but also your cunning and your willpower. Such as the nerve wracking ice skating, where a single wrong move drops you into a pit of acid. Or the heart-stopping curling, where all the stones have been replaced with fragile atomic bombs.

However, even if you complete these tasks, Stephen Harper won’t let DK isle’s hero go without a fight. He’s hired some of the deadliest assassins known to man just to stop you. Among them is the no nonsense war veteran known only by his codename, V.E.C.T.O.R. He’s also hired a creature that was rumored to make Beelzebub shit himself in fear just from looking at it; the myths call it Miles “Tails” Prower. There have also been rumors that he’s bribed Skynet to create a new type of Terminator specifically just for this event; the M11, who can imitate anyone alive.

But, there is hope for Donkey Kong’s survival. The Mario brothers, the Wario brothers, the monarchs of both the Mushroom and Sarassaland kingdoms and even the Koopa king have all heard of DK’s disappearance and have come to his aid. They have made a deal with Harper to play these twisted games on Mushroom Kingdom soil, as well as on his own frigid turf. These will be battles to the death against his assassins, and only one can live to tell the tale. The fate of DK, and quite possibly the world, rests on your skill alone.

...Or this could all just be Olympic mini-games with racially offensive and sexually demeaning stereotypes.

Submitted by
ToadT.
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