Join newly-entwined lovers Bowser and Robotnik as they melt the very snow with their fiery passions!

Unsurprisingly, it's not long before jealous guy Mario steps in to put a stop to this objectionable tomfoolery, and he's accompanied by his totally heterosexual new life-partner Sonic the Hedgehog. Anyway, here's the deal: evidently the Olympic Winter Games now hold a kind of open-submissions policy and basically anyone can compete; all you have to do is "turn up, and bring your own skis". By a staggering and somewhat convoluted coincidence, the only thing that can tear Robotnik and Bowser apart is demonstrable sporting prowess! And thus begins the handheld adventure of the decade!!

As for Donkey Kong, well, this game sees our hairy hero apparently in a state of severe depression (nearly losing it completely in a particularly moving scene where he accidentally drops his bananas in the snow, poor bastard). For some reason I have recently been accused of "never actually playing these games and just making shit up".

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