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Bhlaab's Conker's Bad Fur Day Review
Amazing. Conker sports the best graphics the N64 could ever dream of creating. Not only do the models, sprites, and textures define the word "kickass", but the animation is better than what I've seen on most FMVs. Conker's mouth movements are not only on cue with the speech, but it actually looks like he's saying it. And it doesn't stop there- not by a long shot. This game shows how into detail Rare goes. Just look at the Cock and Plucker file select screen when booting up the game. The squirrels go along their business, and some move their hands in circles after a while, just like people do in real life. But not only that, the drummer in "The Weasels" who play at that particular tavern taps his snare drum when the music has a snare drum sound, and hits his symbol when the music ha sa cymbal sound. Another thing that amazes me no matter how many times I play the game is that the characters tend to talk with their hands. Conker puts his hands into his pockets when he's relaxed, throws his hands downwards when he's annoyed, and holds his hands out greedily while chasing after money. Not only so, but the side characters also have this type of animation.
However, there is the down side. It seems very few characters have fully lip-synched speech (About 2, counting Conker) and the others just flap their mouths on cue to the speech. For most of the game it works fine, but there are certain characters who like to keep their mouths open for sentences at a time. Also, the talking animations form the weasel characters just seems.. crap. They have their teeth clenched at the back of their mouths, and have a small flap of skin that moves to their speech (albeit not very well). It ends up looking like a chunk of the weasel's nose has been torn off or something. Very disturbing. Very.
9.8
All this speech and it was only done by 3 people! (Shut up. Chris Seavor didn't do Chucky Poo's Lament.) The fact that the voice acting is good is also amazing. I'm not exactly sure whether it's due to talent on Chris Seavor/That lady/that other guy's part, or good editing on Robin Beanland's part... but whichever is the case, the end result is fantastic. Each character's voice represents their personality perfectly, and it shows. What's also great is that the speech isn't limited to cutscenes. Conker likes to let you know how he feels at all times. Be it "My head feels like a badger's ass" while in a hangover, or saying "Steeady..steeaaddy.. woooah.. hold on now.." while walking across a small plank suspended high off the ground. He also talks to himself if you keep him standing still long enough. "Don't do that! You'll go blind!" he says, or "I think he died. Hey! Are you dead?!". And once again, Rare doesn't limit this to Conker only. Money screams out "Hey! Somebody get me!" when you get near it, the fire imps yell "I've got pee in my mouth!" when you piss in their mouths, and Tediz say something which sounds rather close to "Mother F--ker"
On the music side of the game, it's nothing short of phenomenal. While most of the daytime tracks have the same melody as the Windy theme (yes, including Pooland, Uga Buga, and the Cock and Plucker) it's cleverly disguised so it takes a really close listen to hear. Aside from that, but the non-remixed-from-Windy tracks are even more incredible. Pisstastic is hilarious to listen to, because not only is it playing carnival music while you piss on fire imps, but it's also playing Conker's Pocket Tales music while you piss on fire imps. And not only can the game's music show that it can be hilarious, but it can also be dramatic as well. Great stuff.
10.0
Despite complaints, Conker moves very realistically. I mean, what average beer-guzzling 21 year old can break into full speed at any given moment? Even if you hate the rather slow acceleration of our rabid friend, you'll get used to it by the levels where it actually matters. Despite this setback, other controls are spot on. Holding Z and moving causes you to scurry about on all fours, holding Z and pressing A is a super jump, and pressing A in midair makes you do that funny helicoptory tail thingy. Basic stuff. However, the context sensitive areas add whole new dimensions to platformers. Pressing B in a certain areas causes Conker to pull out whatever he needs at the given moment in time. To Conker's dismay, however, he never needs a big breasted woman who's "had a few" in this game. Maybe in Other Bad Day, Conker. Just maybe.
Camera controls are a big sluggish, but I like how holding in the C buttons causes the camera to still move (unlike DK64, where you had to keep tapping the C button to navigate the camera.) Other than that, the camera will get stuck at parts. One thing I'm not fond of is that there is no first person view. Instead, holding R gives you a "Mario 64" camera pan where you can move the camera around Conker, but he's usually blocking the way. Plus, turning the camera around to his front end really fast will scare the crap out of you as you see his hideous adorable face staring right at you.
7.9
The story of this game is set out in a fantastic fashion. Instead of gaining the plot at the very beginning of the game, you learn new bits and pieces of the plot as the game progresses, just like a movie or a good book. It also leaves some nice plot holes that won't be filled up until the very end of the game. And, just like a movie or a good book, the main character (that would be Conker, if you've been paying attention) learns a lesson at the end. However, unlike a lot of the total shit movies of today, it doesn't necessarily have the happy ending you expect. It ends, basically, with Conker miserable. And the funny thing is, it was what he deserved, really....
...Anyway! This game is just bursting at the seams with originality. The lip-synched speech, the incredible graphics and animation detail, being a funny game that's actually funny (Eat it, Earthworm Jim. You're not funny.) the basic structure of the game being more like a flowing story than a "wander around and wonder where to go" game, the context zones, being a vulgar game and being able to keep some dignity along with it... The list goes on and on. This is as original as it gets, and this game will change the gaming industry for the better, I assume.
9.7
Get this game. Get it now or I'll be forced to make references to it that you won't get because you don't have the game. Besides, you're missing out on something big. It's utterly amazing that this game only took, say about.. 1.. 2.. 7 years to make. There's few large gripes that can be had with this game, and the biggest one is that it's too short. The second one is that it ends at all. You could beat the game in about a weekend if you play non-stop, but the chapters menu assures that you'll be coming back time and time again. However, writing a paragraph for this part was pointless, as my score was nothing more than an average of the other scores rounded up a bit to make it more even. But it's not time for that. No, it's time for the final line of the review. You know, the clever one that's not really that clever. Here we are:
Conker's BFD: Who knew a drunken rodent vomiting on himself would be so much fun?
9.5
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