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What may be the biggest display of mindless Mario character violence to date, Super Mario Strikers takes everything you thought you knew about soccer and... kicks it.

On the surface Strikers is a pretty straight-forward affair. (Kicking a ball around, trying to get it in the other dudes' goal before they get it in yours... yeah, yeah.) But as with any activity involving the Mushroom Kingdom cretins, you can be sure that this is not your father's soccer match. You will be knocked senseless by items! You will be head-checked in body parts you didn't even know you had! You will be pitted against the most destructive and demoralizing tactics in Bowser's arsenal! (Fire! Field-tilting! Vuvuzuelas!)

If you're anything like me, it'll be no time at all before you're Super Striking your girlfriend into the nearest high-voltage electric fence! Unless that's too much for you…in which case, you could always play Mario Golf.

PUSSY.

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Rawk.
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