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Rools & Regulations

The most important rule at DK Vine in 2014 is to respect one other. In the immortal words of Bill, Ted and Abraham Lincoln, "be excellent to each other... AND PARTY ON DUDES!" We're a diverse group of people that have been brought here because of our shared love of the Donkey Kong Universe. This means that while we won't always agree, we have a lot more in common with one another than most people you encounter in your day-to-day existence. Having debates is fine, but personal attacks and belittling others? Not cool, Zeus. Keep it civil or we may have to give you a time out.

We DK Vine Forums pride ourselves on not ending up like the sludge you can read on Something Awful's "Weekend Web" feature. In the past, we accomplished this goal by cultivating a community that utilized basic grammar, punctuation, and capitalization rules. Eventually though, we just became known as the place where you could get permanent banned over an Oxford comma. We want to get away from that while still retaining a standard for quality. This is on you.

There are still a few basic important guidelines that would be a good idea to follow, presented in the timeless Highlights for Children format:

Goofus writes: you guys are totally wrong, donkey konga is a great idea

Gallant writes: You guys are totally wrong, Donkey Konga is a great idea.

Explanation: Goofus was writing like some sort of depressed emo moron. I don't care who you are - If you can afford to own a computer, you can afford to feed yourself enough to be able to reach that pinky over and hit the Shift key. If not, then sell your fucking computer and buy some Ramen.

Goofus writes: Whoa I dont understand what the big deal is the music in Donkey Konga is pretty cool I don't even know who DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince are

Gallant writes: Whoa, I don't understand what the big deal is. The music in Donkey Konga is pretty cool. I don't even know who DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince are!

Explanation: I'm not going to fault Goofus for not being privy to these two musical geniuses, but I will fault him for forgetting about punctuation. Now, I went to a suburban, government-funded public Elementary School, but even I was taught when to use periods and commas. Like Tampax said in their classic advertising jingle, the period is your friend at the end.

Goofus writes: d00d, wuts up???!? I dun kno hoo u guys r, but u need to back up off mah dickz, loll;;;; ^__^ kekekeke.

Gallant writes: Don't touch me.

Explanation: Don't use Internet slang unless you're being facetious. This will result in you being given a time out.

One mitigating circumstance is in the case of English Second Language (ESL) users. We're an international site with members from all over the globe, and we'd like to encourage those who didn't grow up with English to try their best to participate in discussion. It would be unfair to hold you to the same English standard as the rest of the forum, so just let us know you're ESL and we'll cut you some slack.

I think that's a good start. Some other good general ideas are:

- do NOT be racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, or any of that shit. This is a huge fucking no-no here. We're all inclusive and progressive. Talking cartoon monkey games are for everyone. A non-sarcastic racial slur or gay bashing statement will get you put on a major time out, and if you're an out-and-out Nazi you're likely to be banned. We hate those guys. Snakes are cool with us though.

- don't start a new topic identical to a discussion currently in progress. We're not saying you have to comb through the entire board's history to find it (not everybody has been wasting ten years of their lives here), but the general rule of thumb is that if it's on the first page of a forum, or if it's less than three months old, the post should still be considered active and usable. As well, please only bring back old threads if you have something to add to the conversation. Chances are, if it's just a one or two word response to something said over a decade ago, you're doing nobody a favor by bringing it back.

- in addition, bumping topics for the sake of it is never acceptable. If there's no news to report on, or your opinion isn't more than just the word "bump", don't bother posting in the topic. Sometimes you have to realize that the topic's time has come and passed. Or, just like in life itself, no one bloody cares about the topic to bring it back from its solitary rest.

- likewise, don't post too much if you're not adding to the conversation. A few three-word responses now and then are okay, but 27 posts a day that are little more than "'lol" or "looks good tongue.gif " or "sounds dumb" will just flood the forums. If you don't have anything to say, use that Back button (the one with the left-pointing arrow on it) to move away from the topic.

- don't use avatars that are being used by active members, especially in the Admin folder. There are hundreds of avatars in the member folders, so you'll probably find one you like that no one else is using.

- if you have something to say to one particular user, don't create a new thread. PM them by clicking "My Controls" at the top of the screen.

- just because we have the fancy character smilies doesn't mean you should use them in every post you make. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but words can be used to express so much more. Please use smilies in extreme moderation. youregoingtogetbanned.gif

- the above also goes for replying with hot linked images or animated GIFs with a 'humorous' intent or phrase on them. Some call them memes, we call them bile. You see, they're either never funny or they're already played out by the time they get to our shores, and we frown upon them. Please, just respond using your own verbal wit. Thank you.

- while the nature of discussion means that the subject can often change, try to keep threads at least a little on topic. We don't want anybody to open a topic about the relationship of the hippos from Donkey Kong Country Barrel Maze, only to find 20 pages of heated debate over whether or not the Holocaust ever happened.

- don't edit your posts once people have directly responded to them. It just makes the thread confusing to read, especially for people who never read the post until after the edit. If you need to retract something you said, make a separate post.

- if you are put on a time out or even banned, do NOT instant message the moderators and beg forgiveness. This will only irritate us and diminish your chances of reinstatement.

- joke/gimmick accounts are not exempt from the rules, and they're rarely funny. Just post as yourself.

- Private Messages (or PMs) are exactly what they're meant to be: private. Don't post them in pubic without the permission of the sender.

- keep your posts relatively "safe for work." Swearing and ribaldry is fine, porn and goatse should be avoided. If you absolutely must share, it should be linked with an NSFW warning.

Failure to abide by these rules will result in the following suspensions:

- Infraction 1: 1 Week
- Infraction 2: 2 Weeks
- Infraction 3: 4 Weeks
- Infraction 4: 8 Weeks
- Infraction 5: 16 Weeks
- Infraction 6: Permanent Ban

I know these sound harsh, but if you follow them, we generally give you the benefit of the doubt when it comes to freedom of expression. Feel free to curse all you want, so long as it's in good taste and contributes to what you're saying. We impose these rules, so giving you full use of the motherfucking English language is the least we can do. Also, DK Vine has always been about comedy. A good way to quickly earn respect is to have a sense of humor.

If one of us notices a new poster participating in moderately intelligent discussion in a moderately intelligent manner, we'll try and welcome them to the forums. It's a nice little community we've got going, and we'd like it to grow.

Now, we'll take some questions:

But Freedom of Speech! What the hell?

That applies to government censorship, not privately owned message boards like this. Just like how you're free to say whatever the hell you want, we're free to tell you to say it elsewhere.

I got banned, but this guy got away with something similar 8 years ago! What the hell?

We're only human (except for Our Friend and Helmost), so we may be prone to biases, inconsistencies, and fuck ups. That said, we never send anyone on a time out just for the hell of it, and perma-bans are very rare these days, so just hang out in the corner for a while and think about what you've done.

Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 23rd January 2018 - 04:08 PM
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