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02/26/00
STAY AWAY FROM DETERGENTS WITH PHOSTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEY, DO THE KONGS HAVE SEX?!?!?!?
-Megail85@aol.com
Chad: Thanks for the advice. And considering DK64 was chock full of Candy bending in many wacky ways, simulating certain actions, that question is stupid.
Hello, remember me? I sure hope so(or not, if you look at it in some ways). Anyway, I have 2 questions for you....
1) What ever happened to those weekend paloozas? They were going great and suddenly disappeared.
2) On every page except the main one, I get a message similar to this:
A runtime error has occurred.
Do you wish to debug?
Line: 1
Error: Expected ' ; '
That's on every page except the main one! And In artwork, it's the same, except ANOTHER one on line 80! What's up with that?
-Jon
Slush: Well, the old numeral questions. Okay, let's try this as only we can try it....
1) The Weekend Paloozas started out as a way to celebrate a certain game and have lots of fun things to go with it. Then it slowly morphed as a cheap way for us to get the Games pages finished with General Game Info, Story So Far, etc. The idea became so diluted from it's pervious incarnation that we quietly retired the Paloozas near the time of DK64's release.
2) I haven't got the faintest clue what you're talking about. Let me get the technical guy, Chad.....
Chad: It's fixed.
I've been looking all over the web for MP3s from Donkey Kong Country. I've found 2 files, neither of which would download. If you could tell me if you have any information where I can either find either MP3s, or the CD, I'd be greatful. Thank you.
-Larah
Chad: Right, Nintendo has made soundtracks for the following DKU games (which you probably can find on eBay): Donkey Kong Country, Donkey Kong Country 2, Donkey Kong Country 3, Mario Kart 64, Diddy Kong Racing, Banjo-Kazooie, and Donkey Kong 64. As I type, I'm listening to the forest theme of DKC. All woodwindy and nice. Ahh, yes. You can call Nintendo Power's catalogue at 1-800-882-0053 to buy some of those. And try MP3.com for MP3s. Now bugger off.
In your updates, you went like so:
2/19
...
Update by Slush
2/18
...
Update by Chad
2/19
....
Update by Slush
2/18
.....
Update by Chad
Unless I'm waaay behind in technology and you guys went back in time and re-wrote the update, or something fishy is going on. MMMMMM.....fish.
-Jon
Slush: You again? You enjoy nitpicking our makeshift "site," don't you? Well, the answer is quite obvious for this one. WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I read and reread this letter at least fifty times and it still makes no bit of sense! In fact, I committed several naughty acts in J-E-L-L-O just because I was so frustrated from this nonsense letter. I ruined perfectly good gelatin.
One two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve -
twelve bricks! How do you say brick in Spanish? I DON'T KNOW!!!! I am
the supreme magical molting gumball fairy, and I say elephants on you.
I know I know there is no cheese in heaven. There's Chai Tea though.
Yum. Don't sit on my passion! Dopumopbopasopsop. Santa Clause is
rotting in my chimney. I stole the screws from the gym hole puncher in
sixth grade.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!
They said they just wanted to test my eyes, but I didn't believe them,
no. I knew they were really aliens, yes. Yes, my precious. Tuna is
looming over my shoulder. We stole ALL the Sweet n Low in exchange for
free sushi. Well, almost free. They didn't like when I ate the moist
towelettes. BUBBLES, BUBBLES, I CAN'T FIND ANY BUBBLES. CAN'T SLEEP,
CLOWNS WILL EAT ME!!!
Do the Kongs like gumdrops?
-the sex muffin
Chad: Wow, you must be Pepsied up to no bounds to spout that load of gibberish. As for your general nearly incoherent question, it depends on your definition of gumdrops. Of course the Kongs (or at least Dixie) like bubble gum, as she can be seen chewing both Original and Grape in DKC2 and 3. Those were most likely manufactured as drops from a larger vat of gum, making them gumdrops. But if you are referring to the jelly-like candies covered in sugar, it's a mystery. Perhaps you should try locating the legendary Juicy Fruit Tree instead.
Dearest Slush,
I cannot hold back any longer!! I have been in the same edition of
Scribes! Twice!! !!!! (!) You may be proud of being in Scribes a
milliyum and one times, but I got into both the Scribes (with my letter
being first, I might add) and Snippets! At the same time!! EEEEHH!
Anyway, enough of my boasting. I must say that your site is quite good,
(congratulating both you and Chad) even though I've never heard of some
of the stuff. What is this 'Donkey Kong' cartoon of which you speak?
(Insert wide eyed look here.) We never got that in Australia.. Though,
from reading your previous letters, etc.. it seems that that was
probably good. What is a 'Bluster Kong'? Sounds perverted. But aside
from all that, it's really great fun to visit your site and see all the
hidden messages (ooh, you cheeky pair!). And I'm glad to see that I'm
not the only one who thinks that Rarenet are a bunch of Goldeneye-biased
gun-obsessed lunatics. Don't say that to their faces though.
Until my next bout of fame on Rareware.com,
-Ben Kosmina
Slush: Alright! Australia is one country I don't mind, and it's nice to hear from an Aussie. Sorry we don't have Australian release dates and info on our site, as it is rather American biased. Maybe that can be corrected someday. Anyway, yes, you were in both regular Scribes and Snippets...but once, I was too. Hahahaha! Seriously. Congratulations on it though (not that I really care anymore, for I am no longer going for Scribes dominance, as this site is taking up all my free typing time). As for the cartoon, be glad you don't get it. It's really awful, as we've said in basically every addition of Letters so far. I'm also glad to hear you share the opinion on Gun Toting Retro Net. It's just so painful to read their site anymore. They need to just change their name so they can focus on Goldeneye and Perfect Dark and leave the other Rare games alone (we're biased, but we're not called Chris Stamper's Jungle Vine either).
i was looking at the relations and i noticed something .it had konga and chimpy in there and there from banjo-kazzioe.did i miss something?
-Adam128428@aol.com
Chad: Obviously you did. We have a little Frequently Asked Questions page. On that page, there is a jolly question who calls himself "Number One". Yes, this Question Number One on the FAQ page tells me that since Banjo was in DKR along with DIddy, and Chimp and Conga were in Banjo-Kazooie with Banjo, that means that they are DKU characters. And since all DKU apes have the suffix "Kong" (which means ape) tacked on to their name as stated in the TimeVine, then Conga and Chimpy are called Conga Kong and Chimpy Kong. If you looked a little harder, you would find all this info in the site. Do your homework. Only then should you complain.
I see that news has been slow for you guys so I thought why not help with
adding to your letters section. I wanted to tell you guys that you won't be
seeing me for awhile because I will be on vacation.
Dear DK Fanatics,
I have come up with another game idea...
Title: Donkey Kong Country 4
System: N64/Game Boy Advance
Release Date: Q1 2000
Story: DK and his little buddy, Diddy, are going on vacation to Dixie Kong's
new resort on Jungle Beach Island. It seems Dixie and Kiddie had left home
and went into the hotel business, hence there absence in DK64. The Kong
Resort is having there Grand Opening and DK & Diddy were going to take a
well deserved vacation.. or so they thought. When they arrive at the hotel
there is only two tourists. The tourists were very unsatisfied and were
heading home. DK had asked them were everyone else was and they just said "I
dunno, dumb ape!". They leave on a boat.
While Donkey scratches his head in confusion, Diddy yells "Look, it's an
ewok!". A small bear-like creature approaches them. "You are on King
KoKoMo's land, leave immediatly or you shall be taken to the king as the
other two did".
Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong's journey begins...
Game Info: Forget DK64, this game goes back to the 2-D platform style. It's
pretty much 16-bit graphics with a few enhances (only on N64, not on GBA).
It's pretty much the same as the old DKC games.
Characters:
Donkey Kong: DK is back in 2-D and looks better than ever, ok, pretty much
the same as he did in DKC 1-3. This time he can use his coconut shooter but
beware, coconuts are very few on this island.
Diddy Kong: Diddy is sporting a hawaiin shirt and sunglasses in this game
since he thought he would be on vacation. Don't worry though, he still has
his red hat. Him and DK are the only playable characters in this game. Diddy
has his peanut shooter, good thing he packed his nuts (get your mind out of
the gutter!!!).
Dixie Kong + Kiddie Kong: Thought they were dead? No, but they are in
trouble. Good thing they have two freinds to rescue them from King KoKoMo.
Kakeys: These bear-like creatures which Diddy pointed out look like ewoks
may be cute but are very dangerous. They are many and they have plenty of
weapons. They come in a variety of different ways (much like those
Kremlins).
Cranky Kong: What's a game without the ol' geezer? Cranky comes in later in
the game. He hears of the danger and comes to help the two Kongs on there
journey.
Swanky Kong: Thought he was dead!? NO! It turns out this guy is the bell-boy
of the hotel. He makes a very small appearance fleeing the island
screaming...
Babs the Bat: Babs is a very small bat with supreme strenght, she can carry
you across deep ditches and take you through dark caves savely. Sorry
regular animal buddies, you don't make this game.
Wacko the Wolverine: This beast is a freindly animal and can clear the path
for you.
Goldie Oldie: This gold-fish wears sunglasses and is your only freind
beneath the waters. King KoKoMo cast a spell on him that made him bigger and
different from the other goldfish.
King KoKoMo: King KoKoMo is not a Kakey but a Kremling. This isn't revealed
until the last level but there are hints in the game.
Levels: OK, like the other DKC games there are plenty of levels and this one
is not an exception. I'm not going to go through every level... There are
many mysteries on this island and during the last part of the game, which
means new kinds of levels. The minekart makes a return. You must cross a
volcano. You have to get through King KoKoMo's theme park, KoKoMo World, and
why not stop in a swamp. There are 10 worlds in this game and they were just
samples of them.
Final Thoughts: A new twist on the DKC series. Why kill DKC? This would make
a great game to liven back up the series...
-adam85
Slush: "......baby why don't we go down to Kokomo...we'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow....thaaatt's where we wanna go....way down to Kokomo..."
Whoa, sorry there. I read "KoKoMo" and slipped into a trippy trance. Well, you certainly had a well thought out idea, but do we really need Ewok lookalikes? No, I didnt' mind the Ewoks in Return of the Jedi, but they opened the floodgates for Jar Jar Binks, and for that they must all die.....
And no matter how far out of a plot, I would buy the game just for Diddy in a Hawaiian shirt. DK should be in a thong too (I mean, we see his arse constantly anyway, so what does it matter?).
Hi you don't know me but I was on your web site looking around. I am stuck playing DK3 - double Trouble and I am having a bit of a hard time trying to find some items and am just completely stuck. If you could possibly help me with some advice or codes I haven't heard of, I would appreciate that. Anything would help. Thanks.
-Leah
P.S. Yeah I know i'm a girl, but I get bored at home sometimes. =)
Chad: Wow, an actual girl gamer! I thought you all had gone the way of the Dodo. Let me grab a can of SPLODE, and pop in a Tic Tac. There we go. Now, it's interesting that you're asking about Donkey Kong Country 3. I have just started a new game. I'm going for a speed record, getting all 105%. To do this, I had to type in the coveted codes. There are some to make the game harder, but according to your letter, it's hard enough for you. If you're feeling especially cheap and don't want to enjoy the game to its fullest (which you SHOULD), highlight your game file and press LRRLRRLRLR to open the enter code mode. Enter "WATER" and select OK. If you did it correctly, Dixie should cry. Start your game, and swim to the waterfall directly west of Bazaar Bear's house and complete the supposed Banana Bird rescue. It will give you all the Kremcoins in the game, you cheap, cheap person. But you have to get the Hero Coins on your own! Ahahahaha! How do you like them apples?
Hmmm, you said that the DK Land game for the GB Color was a hoax,
correct? Well, then explain why it is here, on Nintendo's homepage,
eh!!
http://www.nintendo.co.jp/n02/dmg/ad3j/gamen/index.html
-Ben Kosmina
Slush: Hey there, Australian man. That's Nintendo's Japanese site. Yes, a DKL III colorized game is brewing in Japan, but that's their DKL III (they never got the original "B&W" version). We said one of the possibilities were that the pictures were hoaxes, but they clearly aren't now. We still stand by our word though that this doesn't mean Donkey Kong for GBC will just be a cheap color remake of DKL III though. It just doesn't add up.
I was wondering, when Donkey Kong characters die, do they go to heaven? And why isn't Cranky dead yet? That bastard has been around entirely too long. He really should be rotting by now.
-Morbid
Chad: They live (or don't, rather) with the DK Gods, which I suppose is Heaven. The DK Gods are great dead characters from the Pre-DKU (and some current). Wrinkly opted not to go to Heaven because she knew her spirit would be found as a valuable distributor of knowledge. Unless she has stayed for future games, Wrinkly is now in Heaven. And yes, that senile bastard needs to die soon. Then Donkey would rule the island. Maybe someone will "accidentally" push him out of a tree. Huzzah for anarchy!
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Donkey Kong Universe is an independent game news source with no affiliation to Nintendo, Microsoft, or any other developer. All original content copyright © 1999 - 2008 File Two Productions.
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