Now entering virgin territory.
 
 



04/10/03


At the rate this is going, we should just rename the damn section "Ask Sean" and be done with it.




Hello Sean! Now that the DK Vine is back up, I figured I might as well send letters, providing the letters page is still going. Oh, I know! How about some numbered questions?

1. If Nintendo decides to make it, how do you think their version of a Rare-esque Donkey Kong game will turn out?

2. Any opinions about Star Fox Adventures?

3. Are you hoping Sabreman will be a DKU game?

4. ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT MARIO GOLF GCN, MARIO TENNIS GCN AND MARIO PARTY 4? Do you think there will be GBA versions of Mario Tennis GCN and Mario Golf GCN?

5. Are you guys thinking about changing the rules of the DKU in any way?

Well, that's all I got. Good luck on your ventures!
-BaronKrusha

Sean: Er, thanks, I guess. Oh joy, numbered questions. Sparky, massage my brain, would you?

1. I'm torn in two with this predicament. On one hand, a Nintendo made DK game would probably be a very fun game *coughSunshinecough* and more than likely a well-received one (more so than any Rare game, alas, but that's bias for you). The problem, however, is that the mythos Rare set down (Cranky and DK being DK and DK Jr. respectively, for one) will most likely be thrown out the window. (Look at DK's trophy profile in SSBM, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg! The DKC GBC site was littered with continuity errors…) I can almost guarantee that we'll see the original DK Jr. in DK GCN. Not that it matters, I'll just whip up a profile stating that he's DK and Candy's lovechild or something. And say goodbye to K.Rool in wacky disguises too.

2. What would you expect? It's a great game, of usual Rare fare. Does it deserve the constant criticism it’s receiving by a cynical fandom? Hell no. The best game Rare’s ever done? Nope. But it’s of good work all the same. It’s sad, coming away from this only to realize that Rare won’t make another GCN game ever again… oh well.

3. SabreWULF. And I'm only half sure it's still coming out. But in the case, no, I wouldn't, for the same reason we didn't want Waluigi in another non-cameo game. Too much confusion.

4. Do I even have to write anything here?

5. Yes, we have. Go us.

Klobber: I have nothing whatsoever to add to this response. Except a statement that I have nothing to add.




"Perhaps including Diddy was, to Nintendo, a necessary evil, so that Donkey could have a partner like everyone else."

The appearance of Donkey Kong Jr. playing beside Donkey Kong in Mario Tennis completely rules that out, even as a *possibility*. If Nintendo really didn't want Diddy in the game, they could have chosen to include DK Jr; their own DK franchise character that is in no way tied to Rare. Or they could have just paired him with Baby Mario, (which also happened in Mario Tennis tournaments, as well as showing Donkey Kong playing with Baby Mario in the opening sequence of Mario Golf. It seems Nintendo seems to have established a slight relationship between Baby Mario and Donkey Kong, similar to his relationship with Yoshi).

So Nintendo had other possibilities; I doubt Diddy's appearance was a "last resort".

I think it's now all but confirmed that Nintendo actually wants to resurrect the DKC franchise. There now isn't even a *slight* argument that could be used otherwise.
-Ben C.

Sparky: Except that, unlike Mario Tennis, MKDD!! is a game dependent on difference between the characters. Each one has their own distinct set of items, and lets face it, to the layperson Donkey Kong (Jr.) and Donkey Kong Jr. look very similar. It would be dificult enough to come up with a distinct set of items for the 2, much less tell them apart during the game so players can change their strategy accordingly. They'd need a more distinct, but logical, partner.

Like I said, there's not a really big chance at all. It's just a possibility that needs to be noted. And I don't know what you're talking about with the slight relationships thing.

One letter? One??? Well..I guess that mean's I'm number one! Doesn't it? DOESN'T IT?!! *crys*




Does anyone give a damn about Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour? On second though, should anyone?
-Genius Charlie

Klobber: I was never much into the Mario sports games, so I can't say I'm too excited about it. But hey, it looks semi-interesting and at least Donkey Kong looks halfway decent this time around. Plus, it's got Koopa Troopa, so it can't be all bad. Or...can it?




Hey man,

tell chad to make more of em Starfox mp3s...
-Ben Shpayer

Sean: How about no? *Grumble* Hadn't been back for a month and ALREADY people were retching over mp3s... it’s not right, man! IT’S NOT RIGHT!

Klobber: Who can say whether or not there will be more Starfox mp3s, but you can always ask around and figure out the means of recording MP3s yourself. Don't ask me, though, I know bugger all about it.




THANK YOU SOO FUCKING MUCH FOR GETTING dk's jungle vine BACK ONLINE!!!



Sincerly,
-Rabbib Banjo Fan

CHIPPHED: YOUR WELLCOM MR. rabbib banjo fan!!!!11




R U gonna have mp3 of all of the DKC trilogy here in the vine or in chads music place.
-Cyslopes@aol.com

Klobber: Probably won't have those MP3s, though I could easily get them. Maybe one day in the future we'll work out something, but in the meantime, sorry.




Okay so you guys are the new Vine staff? Well, let's get one thing down to business. First off I'm Ness554. A fan of the old staff and I'll be a fan of you guys if you play your cards right. Now I'm not asking for a job but I will be sending you lots of mail for your letters page and stuff about the site. You don't like it? Too bad. Second, I'll be giving you guys suggestions for the site like all fans, but some of them are real good ideas but it's you're choice to run the site. Do whatever you want but please keep my requests in mind in case you need new material. Third, I'm a die-hard Banjo fan and an even more die-hard fan of Conker. I have two strategy guides of the game, I once made a collage of Conker screenshots, and I mention him any chance I get. And lastly, a suggestion: I think you guys should do an in-depth look at the Rare trailer. Y'know, show everyone Conker's awesome new look and what your opinions are about the trailer and so forth. I hope I can be satisfied with your work.
-Ness554

Sean: Odd, for a fan of the old staff I've never heard of you. *rummages around a tad* Ah, there we go. We'll decide whether a suggestion is good or not, my lad. You like Banjo and Conker? Does that have any relevance to this letter? No. An in-depth look at the Rare trailer? I don't think that'd really be necessary, since everyone and their monkey have seen it (except for me, damn AOL), but hey, if the guys want to, I'm not gonna restrain them. You're sending more letters? Ah crap Wonderful! (Ha, ha, always wanted to do that...)

Klobber: I think I'll play my cards however I please. With that said, *plays a Pikachu card* Make my day.




I just wanted to write to you guys and tell you how much i enjoyed the Conker's BFD section of your site. Being it is my favorite game of all time enjoyed reading it. I run a site called Video Game Director's Cuts where I parody tons of classic 8 and 16 bit games. You might enjoy a few, especially my Donkey Kong Country and Mack Daddy Mario parodies. If you would like to link up, please contact me, take care, Randy.
-Randy Solem

Sean: Hey, I know you! I do believe Slush put up a link for the DKC movie a few Letters back... Glad you enjoyed the CBFD section, although you'd have to direct the praise to the old staff. Bah, I'll do it. *pulls out a microphone* Hey guys! This Flash movie guy liked the CBFD page! *puts it away* Link? Hmm. In the name of tradition, you must answer 4 skill-testing questions. Because my knowledge of old tv shows and such is very limited, I'll go cheap and ask questions about the Vine's past:

1. What did Chad call the broken McDonalds toy he found in Accounts?

2. Who is the former McDonalds mascot (sue me, I'm pressed for time) that travels the world during the Midnight Hours sprinkling Big Macs into the stratosphere? Give his given name and his common name.

3. I'm sure you all remember Evil Amoeba, correct? No? Too bad. What edition of Letters did Chad unleash the monster upon the stupidity of the DK64-craving masses?

4. Who was the bastard who caused the original message board to close down? (Real oldie question, ya might have to ask around)

E-mail me back with the answers, and you shall be worthy. Perhaps I didn't make them irrelevant enough... bah, I'll let Klobber do it next time. Or Chiphead. Yeees…




Can I become a link to you guys my site is all about Conker's BFD and many other games It's called Conker's Crib. There are 2 links to it [Don't care] and [Yoink!] It's still the same site just different hosts. I linked you guys a while back since you covered Conker's BFD and have a great site. I hope you can do the same for me too. I'll be seeing you all at DKVine alot now. Glad you all brought it back. :)
-Jarrod aka Conker2002

Chiphead: Can you become a link to us? Hmm... I'm not sure how that's possible. How can a human turn into a line of HTML code? I'd say your best bet is to freeze yourself to be thawed out when such technology exists. However, you'd better make sure we still exist, because it would be a shame to go through all that trouble only to become a broken link.




Am I the only one majorly pissed about Banjo moving to gamcube? This means I have to buy that stupid gamecube wich isnt cheap, just to play my favorite game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why in the hell do they do this to me!
-Steph Stratton

Sean: Thank you for e-mailing this to me twice. I could point out every little thing wrong with this e-mail, but I'm tired. So I'm stealing the chance and giving you the first Mr. Mooney award from the new staff. Ye-us! (Always wanted to do that too)




Okey. Hopefully, you'll get this up before E³, so my letter will still be relevant.

1. The double-carts in MK:DD. Do you think it's a good thing, or a bad thing? I mean, Nintendo has given us no indication that we'll be able to play with 1 player karts yet. Having the computer do my items would be disaterous, and switching back and forth would be tedious.

2. Thinking back to the Seville announcement, it said Rare would produce 5 games in 2003/04. This means that 5 games will be at E³, probably. Discounting the confirmed PD0 and Kameo, what are the other three games you think they'll show? Do you think Sabreman Racing, Conker, and Banjo will be there, or do you deviate from the common thought.

3. In a completely unbiased way, tell me why DK64 was better than SM64. I mean, how can anyone feel that way? SM64 was 6 times as challenging as DK64.

4. DKI - Do you want it ro be 2D, with 3D graphics, or 3D? Would you want every playable kong, or just the DKC ones?

5. Behonkiss needs to get into the spotlight more. He's my favorite writer for the Vine

6. SSB3: Do you think we have any chance of seeing Diddy and K. Rool in it?

7. On a last note: E³: How much is the vine pumped for this?
-Saf

Chiphead: Ooh! A numbered list! I love numbered lists!
1. I think it's a good thing, since it makes the game unique rather than just Mario Kart 64 with fancy graphics. Besides, Nintendo never mentioned that we'd need two players, either human or AI, for the karts. There's a chance that both characters will be controlled by the same player. I'm not exactly sure how that would work, but Nintendo will probably go into more detail at E³.
2. I hope Banjo and Conker will be there because it's hard to base daily updates on Mario Kart: Double Dash!!
3. But DK64 was 4 times as challenging as Super Mario 64. Would that make DK64 24 times as challenging as itself? I know that's not enough evidence, but it's just as much as you gave, Señor I'm Not The Least Bit Biased About Anything
4. I'd like it to be in 2D. That way we can get that old-school gameplay, and there will be less pricks that say "iTS jusT a MARIO RiPOFFFFF!!!!!!!11"
5. Then why didn't you send him the letter? Because this is the only decent letter I've gotten so far.
6. Maybe we'll see Diddy, but I doubt K. Rool would be playable
7. I'm kind of excited, since we'll have actual news to update on rather than Mario Kart: Double Dash!! checklists and blind speculation on games that we don't even know exist.




Dear Sean,

I don't know who to send this to, so I'm sending it to you because you are the first name in the "contact us" section. A while back (as in I think a year ago) Planet GameCube put a link to a video called "Maemuki Rocketto-Dan" and it was on your site. I was looking for it now and I can't find it. Can you please tell me if you still have it on the website, and if you do, can you give me the link?
-Jedi Master Yoda

Sean: Well, this explains a bit. Does ANYONE know that Maemuki is in the In the Flash feature?! Bah. We need to put that in the FAQ...

Klobber: That was also on Nintendorks, so if you hate us with a passion it can be found there.




Regarding your "feature," entitled "The 3rd Annual DKU New Years Forecast 2002 - A Year of Bottled Funk," you refer to Gamecube's decision to release of Mario Party 3, by stating that they "...beat the idea into the ground, expecting it to continue to grow roots and bring forth a prosperous money tree, but you beat it so far into the ground that it's in the center of the world, crushed by the gravity pushing it from all sides of the globe." However, if in fact, it were possible for a tree to exist in the center of the world--money or otherwise--the forces of gravity would not crush the object, but rather cancel each other out effectively leaving the object in a state of virtual weightlessness. While I admire your attempt to clairvoyantly review a future game by instead rating its predecessor, I think we would all appreciate it if you would take more time to verify your statements on the hypothetical consequences of what metaphorical money trees may experience when they come into conflict with unusual and abstract circumstances involving the laws of physics and their theoretical implications.
-ahaffeld@ttacs.ttu.edu

Sean: Oh, stop kidding yourself. For someone of your apparent intellect, you should have realized that it is a MAGIC tree, much like the 1-vs-3 Mini Game tree. Magic trees defy all laws of physics. Speaking of which, anyone want to take the feature's advice with said Mini Game tree? *deep French laugh* Auh hu hu hu hu hu!

Klobber: I disagree, Sean. Magic trees do not defy MAGIC laws of physics.

Sparky: Perhaps you need to brush up on your Physics. It would indeed be held static in the exact center of the earth, but it would be far from a pleasant experience. There would be an amazingly strong amount of crushing it like a soda can in the hands of someone with a heartier forehead than I , even though if it wasn’t moving in relation to the Earth. And if you’re basing your assumption off of that crap elementary school movie about a boy who digs to the center of the Earth, that movie is designed for 6-year-olds. Not exactly the most reliable source of knowledge to be found.




CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL


You may be surprised to receive this letter from me since you do not know me personally. I am Moyo Uzuhi,the first son of Tawanda Uzuhi,the most popular black farmerin Zimbabwe who was murdered in the land dispute in my country.I got your contact through network online hence decided to write you.Before the death of my father, he had taken me to Johannesburg to deposit the sum of US12 million (Twelve million, United States dollars), in one of the private security company, as he foresaw the looming danger in Zimbabwe this money was deposited in a box as gem stones to avoid much demurrage from security company. This amount was meant for the purchase of new machines and chemicals for the Farms and establishment of new farms in Swaziland. As a businessman,I am seeking for a partner who I have to entrust my future and that of my family in his hands, I must let you know that this transaction is risk free. If you accept to assist me and my family, all I want you to do for me, is to make an arrangements with the security company to clear the consignment(funds) from their afiliate office here in the Netherlands as i have already given directives for the consignment to be brought to the Netherlands from South Africa.But before then all modalities will have to be put in place like change of ownership to the consignment and more importantly this money I intend to use for investmentment, I have two options for you. Firstly you can choose to have certain percentage of the money for nominating your account for this transaction. Or you can go into partnership with me for the properprofitable investment of the money in your country. Whichever the option you want, feel free to notify me. I have also mapped out 5% of this money for all kinds of expenses incurred in the process of this transaction. If you do not prefer a partnership I am willing to give you 15% of the money while the remaining 80% will be for my investment in your country. Contact m with the above telephone number or my E-mail address (jMOYOKOKAY@netscape.nett)

Thank you, and may GOD BLESS YOU

Yours Faithfully,
-Moyo Uzuhi

Chiphead: How the hell do I get on these lists?




Well, A new staff, new writing styles, new humourous comebacks, hopefully the same Mr. Mooney Award. Anyway, I have a few questions/comments for you, on topics even Gomez Addams would not dare breach.

1.If you're running out of thiings to write about, why not open up a pre-DKU section, where you can write about games featuring DK's Jr. and Sr. before DK starred in DKC, like Donkey Kong, Super Mario Kart, and, of course, Mario's Tennis (VB)?

2. Even though you all'll probably heckle me endlessly for this, but I think it's time to put aside your hate for it and write up a small section for Lord Harry. You wouldn't have to write it in to the DKU or anything, but I think it should still be there, since it is Donkey Kong related, no matter how incorrect or horrible it is

3. You thought about revamping the message board? After all, we've gotten to the highest rank, there is nothing more to discover.

4.I hope to see whatever "It's coming" finally come, in some form or another

5. Will there be more flash projects, in the vein of MRD? That flash rocked so hard

6.I don't particularly like the new games section. It is harder to read than the old one.

Well, that's my bid for the letters page. Signing off,
-Saf

Sean: Wee, more numbered questions. Drumroll, please...

1. Everybody asks this, and you know what? I did too. There's a gut feeling in me that wants to shove the arcade games in there, but the thing is: what are you supposed to update with on fucking Donkey Kong 3, fer christ's sakes?

2. NO.

3. Hmm... we got avatars coming out, at least. Maybe we'll add a new rank or two. I'll ask Sparky.

4. Talk to Ben.

5. See above.

6. Talk to Chad. I personally think it's easier to edit: did you EVER look at the source code for the old page? MADNESS!




Hi. Just wanted to complement you on all your mp3 files from Starfox Adventures (SFA). They really sound great. Are you going to keep making more of them until you've gotten all the music from the game? I really enjoy listening to them all! Get back to me at your earliest convenience.
-Fox2Swift@aol.com

Sean: Why do we get all the praise? Chad must be weeping in a corner somewhere. All the music in the game? I shudder to think what the bandwidth would come to...

Klobber: I really doubt we'll ever get the entire soundtrack up, but maybe Sparky or someone can get those mp3s someday and put them somewhere. Like in some dark corner where nobody will ever find them.

Sparky: Chad already has several more. We just havn't gotten around to putting them up, yet. (He insists on doing it for some reason).




Hi.Under the games section,Donkey Kong Racing and Donkey Kong Coconut Crackers are mentioned but Nintendo said that both games were cancelled.Did you know this?
-Demunda

Sean: I was wondering when something like this would show up. I don't remember Nintendo actually saying they were cancelled, so until they are confirmed dead, they're up there. Notice the asterisks beside them.

Klobber: Personally, I don't care one way or the other whether Coconut Crackers is cancelled. It's about as exciting to me as rolling potatoes down a hill. No, wait. Rolling potatoes is actually pretty fun. Hahaha, silly potato.




You ain't included Parry from DK3 under your character profiles.

Great website though!
-Elsje Smit

Sean: The fuck? You gonna make me look through that Big Ol' Donkey Kong Character List (Singles Version)? Bah. And Parry is there. Here. Parry. And the EASIEST way to piss me off is to call a DKC just plain DK, ESPECIALLY #3. I should slit your wrists right now, bish.




Dang right about DK64. And plenty of other things, too.
-Jeremy Prine

Sean: Why am I not getting any hate mail? I’d figure the Nintendo fans would be on me like wolves at this point. Oh well, self, keep waiting, the night is young yet…

Klobber: You just wait until we receive letters from the illustrious Mr. Lankydavid.




It's about dang time you came back! Now expect a lot of mail from me and don't ignore it either! I was immortalized in Scribes and Ask Tusk before Rare decided to scrap the archives to both. Second, why would Conker hang out with the Dead or Alive girls? Wouldn't they kick his furry arse if he even touched them? Besides, Conker loves women but no one can replace Berri. Okay enough crap like that. I'll have you know I happen to like SFA better than it's original DP incarnation. I had no bloody interest in DP at all back then. Finally, if you gripe about Nintendo sucking again, I WILL PERSONALLY BEAT YOUR ARSE TO THE GROUND! (Nintendo just gave us a couple of kick arse games not too long ago. I think you aren't even considering Metroid Prime as a great game. And that makes me vomit!!!) Lastly, bring back DKJV Radio. Surely Live365 isn't the only online radio station is it?
-Ness554

Sean: Argh. Careful what you wish for, self…

1. The DOA thing just sounded funny, ok?
2. Well, that’s too bad. I myself yearn for the voyages of Sabre and Krystal, and that’s something Starfox can never replicate.
3. Odd, I never saw you yelling at the old staff. Maybe you don’t like me very much?
4. Did I even MENTION Metroid Prime in that feature? No, I didn’t. Arse.
5. Yes, Live365 IS the only online radio station, the only one that was relatively free anyway. Suck it up.

Klobber: ...who the hell said ANYTHING about Metroid Prime? Besides you, of course. Anyway I'm happy to know we've made yet another person vomit.




Dear Sean,DK Vine is my favorite site.My Favorite Part IS YOUR BIOGRAPHY SECTION,YOU KNOW THE BIOGRAPHY OF LOGGO THE TOILET FROM BANJO KAZOOIE.HOW DID HE END UP IN GRUNTYS INDUSTRYS FACTORY IN BANJO TOOIE.WHEN HE WAS IN MAD MONSTER MANSION IN BANJO KAZOOIE WHO MOVED HIM IN THE FACTORY IT WOULD BE NICE IF YOU UPDATED HIS BIOGRAPHY.
-Sdavidsingh@aol.com

Sean: My life is pain.




You probably already know this but I thought it be nice of me to send you a E-mail that doesn't involve me complaining. MARIO KART DOUBLE DASH has been unleashed. In this we've got LAN hookups for up to eight people. (Actually I may wrong about that. I got excited the minute I saw this next bit of info) Now we have Baby Mario and Luigi plus that brat son Bowser introduced us to in Mario Sunshine as playable characters. God that's a pain in the arse. But to make up for it, DK's back in this again but he's brought along a good friend. DIDDY KONG!!! That's right, Diddy travels to the Mushroom Kingdom with good ole' DK. (In your face Mario and Luigi!) And there's the ability to have two characters in one Kart. The one in the back controls items BTW. This game must have you guys going nuts!!! Okay that's all I have to say. Be glad I'm sending you guys a nice E-mail for once unlike the usual complaints I send you blokes.
-Ness554

Sean: Damn you. I wanted to mock you with a “Welcome to last month, dumbass,” but it turns out you sent this the day the news broke. Memo to self: start checking e-mail more often. Anyway. Welcome to last month, dumbass. Ha ha ha! Hum.




Sean: We're the best, we're the beautiful, we're the only... DKVine Letters page.

Klobber: WE'RE BACK!

*cue the mild applause*




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