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05/24/00
Can you tell me how to get 100% secrets in Donkey Kong Land 1? The game I am looking for is in the last level before King K Rool. I have looked everywhere and asked loads of people.
-enpal@nancy27.freeserve.co.uk
Chad: Well, I answered this one last week when someone else asked... right before the G is a fire barrel, then a Krusha, then a TNT barrel. Kill the Krusha with Donkey Kong, then blow up the fire barrel with the TNT. Jump onto the ledge it rested on, then move to the left until you get in the bonus level. And there you have it.
You're an evil pimp that cannot stand a man for a trashy hag's waste. No
more Mr. Nice Guy:
--I need a new name? And you "tend to agree"? I am ever so pissed.
--You degrade Zelda. You jackass, why don't you support it while Nintendo
hangs on its last threads?
--DK64 was a failure. For sophisticated gamers, at least.
--You're not covering Perfect Dark. I don't care if its not part of the
"Donkey Kong World" it still will beat the hell out of any other DK game.
--Pokemon beats DK. Admit it. There's nothing YOU can do to change it. It
is the number 4th word searched on Yahoo!, and I don't see DK anywhere on the
most searched words.
--Your site has taken a downfall in the past few weeks. I can't explain
it, it just HAS. So, now you must have hit rock bottom, I presume?
--Banjo-Tooie looks nice, just as DK64 once did. But when it came out it
sucked. Why it that? Is it because Rare can't keep a series running with
failure to create a substantial sequel?
I have plenty more, but I'll save them for another time. OR, just admit
that I DON'T need a new name. Say it! Right now! Say IT!
-SirNick5@AOL.com
Slush: Whoa, somebody's a little ticked off. First of all, I don't degrade Zelda. I degrade all the idiots on the internet who blindly support anything called Zelda before it gets released. I mean, what kind of jerkoff would defend a game series to no end while at the risk at looking unintelligent........oh. Don't answer that one. Oh yes, and DK64 WAS a failure....for whiny gamers that is. They bitched and they moaned that it was too much like B-K, but then when Perfect Dark comes out we hear no complaints. CoughbiasedCorg. Perfect Dark? HAH! We'll leave the Gun Toters to report on that. It beats the hell out of any DK game? Why? Because of the shiny guns and things that go boom? I'll admit that it's probably a great game, but it only recieved higher praises (before anybody played it, for hairpie's sake!) than the DK series because it revolved around shooting people up. Sadly, Conker's Bad Fur Day will be proclaimed the greatest game of Christmas for it's vulgarity. I'm not saying it won't be good. I'm just saying the internet video game "journalists" need to get past their boyish attitudes and learn to put down their "Klobbs." Pokemon beats DK, huh? What's popular isn't always right, and what's right isn't always popular. Our site has taken a downfall? When have we NOT been at rock bottom? Yeah, Donkey Kong 64 was a huge failure. I'm sure Nintendo was crying all the way to the bank. Oh, and by the way, I know this letter was just a sarcastic outlash about me saying you should change your name, but I wanted a chance to complain (complainin' is what makes the world go 'round). So fine. You can keep your name. We get enough of these letters as it is from people who actually mean what they say.
Dear Chad,
I am quite interested in your opinion and theories about Donkey Kong. I
have a few disagreements, though.
First of all, I think that the Donkey Kong Country T.V. Show isn't
contradictional and it does apply to the DKU. Although it may have
"contradictions" to the games, you must realize that all television programs
based on video games have great opposites. For example, in the Super Mario
Bros. Super Show, the main characters have different voices than the voices
of the games. Even in the Pokemon T.V. series(no, I don't like Pokemon, but
I've caught a few instinces of contradiction due to the fact that my younger
siblings continuously watch the show), the order of winning badges are out of
order. This is all true because when a company is free to produce a
television series based on video games, it is free to 'enhance' material if
wanted. Kongo Bongo could just be a nick name for Donkey Kong Island. Candy
Kong really isn't blond; that is just the way the animators portray her. You
should take such concepts so literally. In addition to that, the T.V. show
and games have much in common. For example, the Crystal Coconut is in D.K.64
in the form of an item. It is used to complete extraordinary magical powers.
I could go on and explain more about my beliefs, but that would go to far.
I have another disagreement. Either you or your friends have stated that
D.K. Island is off the coast of Africa. How can that be? For one thing, the
mystical dimension of the Mushroom Kingdom is full of magic; nothing is
impossible there. In our dimension, animals can't talk and people can't
perform cartoon-like actions. That is why D.K. Island, along with any
Nintendo/Rare land areas must be in the Mushroom Kingdom dimension or in
another dimension.
My last thought is the arguement over the Angry Aztec and Vine Valley
location. The picture of D.K. Island in the Letters/FAQ section has a
structure enscribed in a circle, which is claimed to be the temple from
D.K.64. That stucture appears to be a well instead of a temple, due to the
fact that it is in/near the forest. Vine Valley and Big Ape City wasn't
included in D.K.64 because it had no purpose; it wasn't a world in the game.
They weren't added to save up space and to make it faster for the player to
travel across the land.
Anyway, that is what I think. Of course, we can have different opinions.
I apologize for the length of this letter. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
-?????? ????
Chad: Well, you make some good points, Mr. ????, but again I must present a counter-argument. If the television shows are solely based on the games, then they must not contradict anything in the games (Sound familiar? Scroll to the bottom of the page). So sure, I SUPPOSE they can invent Bluster Kong (even though he's extremely homosexual) but the fact that things are changed (Kongo Bongo instead of Donkey Kong Island, etc.) makes this show invalid to the DKU. And there's the simple fact that the show is absolutely not an enhancement. More of a dehancement........Yes. Oh, and during several episodes, I have seen a full view of the island, and it looks nothing like Donkey Kong Island. Not quite a nickname. In Donkey Kong 64 the crystal coconuts are a dime a dozen, and in the show the "Crystal Coconut" is some high-and-mighty mystical thing. Rare doesn't even know who Bluster Kong is, so obviously they didn't include crystal coconuts to model the show. Just a coincidence. Well, if you read our TimeVine you would know how the apes acquired speech. Not too unreasonable. Gorillas know sign language like crazy, and a chimp has even been taught to speak a few English words. The island has to be off the west coast of Africa, due to the naming of the Congo "Kongo" Jungle. Well, if you'll remember Donkey Kong Country, that temple is actually from Temple Tempest, which was in Vine Valley. Not a well. A temple. We like lengthy letters, and you are entitled to your opinion.
Hyvää päivää, Slush (that's Finnish for "Good day". Really!)
How's THAT for a creative opening? Well, you have probably already gotten
used to getting letters from some foreign countries (like those sent by
Aussie Ben - even though he is at E3 in the US now... see, I always read your
Letters page). Okay, I'll get to the point. I'm a long time "eyeballer of
text" (as put by Chad in a previous Letters edition - again, I indeed read
them) and first-time writer, and there are some questions I've wanted to ask
about this site's staff for a while.
First off, a while ago Chad commented on Diddy Kong Racing NOT being his and
yours most hated DKU game. This got me thinking, is there actually a game
you don't like as much as others in the DKU scenario? Or do you love all of
them equally (besides for DKC2 being your favourite)?
Now concerning Your Friend, does he happen to reside in yours or Chad's home?
And does he ever "switch" between your houses whenever either of you needs to
take pictures for the site? I seem to recall from an April Account entry (see,
I read those too!) that Our Friend was at Chad's apartment. Is this the usual
arrangement, or does it differ by any amount?
-Panu Vihavainen (from Finland)
Slush: Wow, a Finnish letter! Thanks for writing in. Time to answer your questions. I certainly do not love all the DKU games at the same equal level, but I do enjoy them all. If I had to pick a least favorite "at the moment," then it would be Mario Golf for Game Boy Color, just because I just finished playing it for a couple of months, and now that I beat it, I need a break. When I'm not "tired" of a game, my usual least favorite (as in the game I reach for the least) is probably Super Smash Bros. Don't get me wrong, it's a killer game, but it can get tedious sometimes, even when playing with a friend. Just how many times CAN you pound that little rat and his ambigiously gay pink friend? Then again, I haven't played that game since about December, and I'm getting lonely for it. So I'd like to change my answer to the original Mario Party (you see, this is hard). Yes, I think I'll go with the original Mario Party, because it's sequel improved on it so much that the original is not really needed at the moment (even though I still cherish it). As far as Our Friend goes (don't call him Your Friend, as his name is actually "Our Friend," because I rarely consider him a good friend), he usually lives in Chad's apartment, but there are times when I'm in charge of him (and that rarely works out), like the week in March where Chad went on a skiing trip. Anyway, feel free to write in anytime.
Hehe.Welcome to my latest letter!I'll make this one short and sweet.A
special treat for you today-I have attached to this letter,the scirpt for
Donkey Kong 64:The Series Episode 1!Sorry for it being late.Read it,read it
again,share it with Slush and Our Friend,and then steal it back from them.:D
Anyway,I did the DK Rap a long while ago in front of both parents and kids
AND teachers.I'm amazed I didn't succumb of total fear.I didn't do any of
the things you added(got to me too late,I guess.)However,a lot of kids at my
school say I did the best act!Although some still say I made a fool of
myself and that the rap was stupid.And some girls wanted to throw Mr.Noodles
at me.But the noodles couldn't reach the
stage!MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!...*cough*cough*
Also,I know why I get the new eps of the craptacular DKC cartoon and other
people don't-I don't get them on Fox Family.I get them on Teletoon,the
Canadian equivelant to Cartoon Network.They have the new eps.But we lost our
cable,so now I CAN'T watch them at all!HAHAHA!Life is good!
That's all for now.But remember-anyone who opposes the great Donkey Kong
Universe will die a horrible,horrible death at the hands of the MOONMAN!
-Sean King-"Rhino:Look out,he's got a banana! Monkey:And I'm not afraid to
use it!"
Chad: Well, I did better than share it with Slush and Our Friend.... I posted it in the style of Loveday's Scribes poems! I love the "roll call". It reminds me of MST3K's Robot Roll Call. Yahahaaaa! Glad you went through with it. I don't even want to think about what Mr. Noodles is. Glad you can't watch them. And MOONMAN can't be bothered with killing people. Too busy riding around in his Astro Car. He probably gets Mayor McCheese, his hitman, to do it.
Hello. Buttholes. I drew a picture of you guys being ripped apart by Primeape
(my favorite Pokémon) and Chunkey Kong (My favorite Kong). Hope ya' don't
mind.[Unable to display image]P.S: Look closely to see "Our Friend",
underneeth Chunky's foot
-Grllawoyer@aol.com
P.P.S: This is my impression of your letters section
"RJKDFKJLFKLJE49854990945904I'm an idiot. I'm asking for the Mr. Moony award"
Chad: Hmm...I'm gonna go into a long drawn out speach talking about how
stupid every little detail of your letter is.
"I like Lanky Kong. Also, Pokémon is stupid. But I dissagree about one little
thing on your site. "
Slush: That is rediculas. We also like Lanky and hate Pokémon but we're
giving you the Mr. Mooney award anyway
P.P.P.S: If you insult animé one more time on your site, I'm gonna get my
friends Primeape, Rockmon, Pickelo, and Deathsythe HELL to kill everyone of
you, guarenteed. Not a guerentee.
P.P.P.P.S: None of the Kongs like your site.
Slush: You see SirNick, this is what I'm talking about. Groan. This letter is "rediculas." You don't like long drawn speeches? Well, here we go. Long drawn out speeches are neccesary in today's letter responding environment to clarify what would normally be considered criticism.  To protect one's image and reputation, the art of the long drawn out speech has to be perfected in order to survive. The Mr. Mooney award that seems to be loved so much by you is actually the result of several hours worth of planning, that could be translated in depth into a long, drawn out speech. I'm a busy man, and I haven't got the time to do so. But if I were to translate such a thing into a long, drawn out speech...oh, rest assured it would be worth your while. Worth the while of someone who hates long drawn out speeches? Is that even possible? To answer that question, I asked the top researchers at the prestigious college of "D.K.U." (groan). I asked Dr. Borgnine, the world's leading source on long drawn out speeches. He said that the answer must be solved by asking the person in question. So I must ask you. Can a long drawn out speech be worth the while of someone who despises long drawn out speeches? If you answer, I'll be sure to give you one of those Mr. Mooney awards you love so much. P.P.P.S.: I didn't insult anime. Anime's pretty good actually. I insulted the people who think Pokemon is true anime, but my words came out wrong. The Pokemon show is terrible (not as bad as the DKC show is...or was...or whatever). Guerenteed. P.P.P.P.S.: That's because they're fictional, freakhole.
Well , I am making a game for the nintendo company to see and put on the
market, how do you inform this to the company, and how do you ask them if you
can use the old charecters in the game?
-Momaker2000@aol.com
Chad: Well, when I was an impressionable youth, I asked Nintendo if I had a playable demo, would they consider making it. The guy said, "a playable demo is not the most important think. The most important think is getting your idea across with pictures." Apparently his spellcheck didn't pick up both of the little errors. Anyway, if you're just going play the game yourself, give copies to your friends, etc. then you can make a game all you want. But you say that you want to put it on the market. I doubt Nintendo will even let you TOUCH the characters to sell them. You can try this, but you had better have one hell of a lawyer.
He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?!He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?!He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?!He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?!He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?!He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?!He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?!He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?!He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?!He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?!He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?!He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star?! He didn't give you a star!?
-Devin529@prodigy.net
Ps. He didn't give you a star!?
Slush: Nope.
I have the best web site, www.howDKRshouldbe.cjb.net, I drew the picture and my friend madethe site. Theres also 17 falow ups, plus they all have Pipsy and Berri in them.( Berri's shaped like an actual berry too). So I was wondering if u can put this on your link page.
-RareWareGuru@Hotmail.com
Chad: Well, we'll gladly post the URL here, but if you want it on Links then you must answer me these questions three.
1. What is your name?
2. What is your quest?
3. What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Now if you can identify the movie that's from, and reply accordingly by the next Letters edition, then sure, we'll put it in Links. Go on, ask your friends, parents, and potheads. (The latter would probably be the most likely to have seen the movie, but I doubt they would remember much of it.)
I know you have never mentioned it and if I never heard of it, it probably doesn't exist. But is there anything you know of that is rare related to the DKU?
I'll be going to LA again for Memorial Day weekend. And there is an area downtown called "the Alley" or the "San Tan Alley". They have some nice stuff down there. Last time I found the SNES Game that has both Mario All Stars and Super Mario World both on the same cartidge. I didn't buy it because I had already bought GB Hunter. It's an accessory for the N64 that plays old GB Games really bad with very sickening Japanese music. I should'nt have bought it but whenever you go down there you get ripped off.
So anyways, is there anything you know of that is rare related to the DKU?
-Mr. Luigi Mario
P.S. I know 655 women who bow before me!! AHAHAHAHHA!
P.S.S. "Our Freind" gets no respect!!!
Slush: At first I thought you meant rare as in Rareware. Then I realized that would make no sense, because of course there are Rare related things to the DKU. If you mean games, then the answer is no. Besides the Japanese version of Donkey Kong Land III (that was colorized for GBC), there are really no "rare" DKU games out there (we don't include the DKLIII GBC game because it's not sold in the States). If you mean rare products like merchandise, then there sure is. Chad has this small toy truck with Diddy's head on it. Very confusing indeed. Oh, and the Super Mario All Stars/Super Mario World pak you're referring to was sold with the SNES near the end of its run in Toys R Us stores, I believe.
P.S.: A great lover isn't someone who is with a hundred women in a lifetime, a great lover is someone who is with the same woman for a lifetime.
P.S.S.: Our Friend gets all the respect he deserves.....exactly.
When I saw the pic of Donkey Kong Country GBC's Select Menu, I thought, "Hey!
Maybe the Transfer Pak is used to get Tiny, Lanky, and Chunky in DKC GBC."
Let's hope this is true!
-NES Boy
PS: Here's my own Pikachu Picture. You like it? [Unable to display image]
Chad: Slush and I were freaking out at first when we saw this shot (it was courtesy Aussie Ben, by the way), but after a little examining, we discovered that what we thought was a Game Boy with the Game Boy Printer was actually two Game Boys hooked up with the link cable. And what we thought was the Transfer Pak was actually just the Game Boy Printer. Oh, well. There's still a small chance we're wrong, and there's also a small chance that the transfer pak option is behind the exclamation point or question mark icon. And if you want a picture in Letters, you AOL users, then remember to attach. We can't see those crazy embedded images.
Is there any way in Mario Golf (GBC) to tell the people you beat Mario? The guy in change just keeps saying, "Just wait a little while. We'll tell them soon."
-Devin529@prodigy.net
Slush: The answer is no. Our guess is that Camelot didn't want to go through the trouble of changing the text boxes for almost all the people you meet yet again. However, the real answer is probably that it looked good storyline wise for it to remain a secret, for some cracked "hidden message" purpose. Whatever.
ok, so like, here's the deal - i was soooooo
totally into dk until i heard this vicious
rumor that the kongs are, like, marilyn manson
fans and some junk? so they must totally, like,
drink chicken's blood? and, like, worship satan?
and since i like always go to church and everyone
like, loves me there, i totally will not associate
with that kind of like, behavior or whatever? so like,
taking all that into consideration, i wanna know if
there's a secret way to like, convert them?
like bye!!
-large_capital_letters@yahoo.com
Chad: What? The Kongs are not Marilyn Manson fans! They're fans of another good, wholesome band.
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Sorry about sending the Pikachu pic in BMP format. Anyway, here's a weird DKU
Fan Fiction called "Banjo and his band meet the Backstreet Boys". It's
written by EvieD6616. Anyway, here's the story (in the way he wrote it):
Banjo,Kazooie,Tooty,and Mumbo are playing some music when they finish the
backstreet boys walk out from behind a bush clapping.
Brian: that was great guys!
A.J: yeah we could use someone like you guys to play music for us
Kevin: what do you say guys?
Banjo: who are you guys?
Brian
AJ
Kevin> we're the Backstreet boys
Howie
Nick
Kazooie: oh yeah! i love you're music!
tooty: me too!
tooty and kazooie both squeal in delight
Banjo: Girls.
Howie: well what do you say? do you wanna play music for us?
banjo looks at tooty and kazooie and the both shake there heads yes!
Banjo: uh sure! why not.
Nick: uh guys huddle we gotta talk
the bs boys huddle and nick starts talking
Nick: guys think about it when we have a concert do you think we can have two
bears,a bird and.... whatever mumbo is on stage?
Brian: why not?
Nick: i'm just saying hey i gotta idea let's ask banjo to join us!
Brian: that's a great idea
Nick: Banjo how would you like to be a backstreet boy?
Banjo: uh sure!
NIck: ok you're in! let's go we gotta concert to do!
the concert went great and banjo was quickly excepted as a bsb and the fans
went crazy over him. kazooie made some of her "famous" brownies and gave them
to the boys
Nick: hey these brownies are pretty good
Brian: yeah the're great
Kevin: mmmmm
A.J: these are great
Howie: yumm!
Kazooie:i'm glad you guys like them
when kazooie is not looking the boys spit them out and go to the bathroom.
Disturbing, isn't it? Well, gotta go. See you later!
-NES Boy
Slush: NO NO NO NO NO NO!! That was horrible! I can't believe somebody actually wrote that! Kazooie would NEVER squeal in delight. She would say something closer to, "What smells queer here?" Anyway, I took the liberty to go ahead and continue this story for a few more lines.
Once in the bathroom, the Backalley Boys unzip and start urinating.
Nick: Man it feels good to whip these out.
A.J.: They plump when you cook them!
Kevin: mmmmm
A.J.: Hey Howie! You have something in your teeth!
Howie: Really? Oh, I see it. I can reach it with my finger though. Do you have anything I can stick in there to get it out?
A.J.: Don't worry, I always...come prepared.
Howie: yumm!
Kevin: Golly Nick, my rear is itching. I should have put that cream on it before I left home.
Nick: Hey, you're in luck. I never leave home without my wad of cream. Bend down.
Kevin: Wow, so soothing!
Banjo: ..................
Arguably. It's a great word.
What I want to know is how did Donkey Kong survive the eighties with no big hair? Really. Think about it. Anyone old enough to walk in the eighties had it. Think Duran Duran. Even Bono.
What, no rubber bracelets? No jean jackets? And in the case of a genetic combination of Donkey Kong and Madonna . . . frightening.
Now I know that Donkey Kong may not have been much then, but he was there. That's all it takes.
Being no more than 4 throughout the decade, I was lucky. But still, I begin to wonder. How did Donkey Kong escape?
I have no idea what the hell I just wrote,
-Megu
Chad: Aha! But you're wrong! Fred Savage didn't have poofy hair! Oh, wait.... Well, I guess African island seclusion played a part in their out-of-touch style. And because both of us have no idea what the hell you just wrote, you get the Mr. Mooney award this time. Ye-us!
Dear Dkvine,
its Jeremy Again. I have a few things to say. Pokemon sucks, Pokemon sucks. The Site kicks Arse. I have a question. I think its the best I have ever asked. I like my question.
Uhhh, ohya the question. My question. Why is the sky blu... no. What are the diffrent kinds of eggs in Banjo-Tooie. what is the significance of the racing part in Dp. And whats my na... no God think. And what is? is the nane of the caveman Boss in CBFD and how do you bet him. Your dedicated fan,
-Jeremy Andrews
Chad: Ugh. It seems people are complaining about my speeches of how stupid letters are. Fine, fine. Well, as tempting as this incredibly mental one is, I'll spare it. The eggs in Banjo-Tooie are normal, fire, ice, grenade, and homing. In Dinosaur Planet, at least the snow racing portion is to catch two of the Sharpclaw guards who got away on the "snowspeeders". The caveman's name is Big Bona (heh heh) and you beat him by alternately biting his genetalia and rear. Satisfied? Hmm, no letters for Our Friend this time. Ah, well.
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