Donkey Kong's Jungle Vine:

06/05/01

Labor strikes occured late yesterday at the Vine, so this edition of Letters is brought to you by a group of scab impersonators.

Dear Chad; Mr. Chad to be formal and respectful;

WOW...what an artist! Cammi's work is brilliant! Get definitions andquotes. Nice defined colors and great characters!
- ^_^ DkVine Guest Visitor

Chad: Yes, we must keep formalities under control. Otherwise this site would turn into... this... site. Aherm. Right. Anyway, yes, I'm a big fan of Cammi's art, as are Ben and Andrey. I can't put words in his mouth, but I think Slush is more confused by anime than anything.

Ben: Damn straight - Cammi's art combines the huge googly eyes of Rareware products and mixes them with the huge googly eyes of anime art and produces super-hyper huge googly eyed characters with lots o' purdy colours. Right-o then, I'm staying off the liquor now.

Slush: I like my beer cold, my homosexuals flaming, and my animation realistic.

Hey are those DK games on the GCN or the GBA? Must admit that one DKR had some fine graphics, so thats gotta be GCN. The other one looked like oit may have been in early development or GBA.

Dixie Kong is back? Yes Rare is by far [with the exceptuion of EA Sports (:] The best videogame company out there for Nintendo. Great updates guys.

How did I get IP banned? I know my name is out of hand, but its not offensive
[not to mention it is Nintendo related]
I was going to post this to you on your E3 board but now i cant unless I Wait a week when I get my ISDN modem installed thats was supposed to be 2 mnoths ago.
What did I post that was SO offensive out of my 100 or so posts there?
-Zimblot69@cs.com

Chad: Yeah, the GCN and GBA have almost an identical chipset. I have trouble distinguishing between the two as well. Knob.
Erm... what? Don't ask me why you were banned. That's the magic talking camera's business, not mine.

Our Friend: You were being an asshole.

Chad: Looks like you were being an asshole, sir.

i hate you
-lankydavid46

Our Friend: Hate is such a strong word. I'd accept abhor, abominate, detest, execrate, and to a lesser extent, loathe, but hate? The Bible teaches us that it's wrong to hate. Unless it's homosexuals, animals, masturbators, non-Christians, all of humanity, space aliens, and Eskimos. God hates Eskimos.

why am i banned from bb? Please tell me i want to help contribute good things to the bb. I cant figure out what i did wrong lease respond right away and all be very thankful
-lankydavid46

Our Friend: I never intended to keep you banned. I just banned you temporarily to teach you a lesson (mindless flooding of the UBB with garbage is a wrong), but then I plum forgot to unban you. I'll get around to it eventually, but just remember. There are no third chances. Except if you're a horny female between the age of 18-30 looking for a good time. Preferably another camera as well. If that's the case, then I'd be glad to give you a third chance. Heh heh.

Oh, and if you're a communist as well. I have a soft spot for the Reds.

2 of my posts dissapeared, what hapened?
-lankydavid46

Our Friend: I wrote them out of the UBB. They demanded more money, so I came up with a yarn of a tale about how they got drafted into the U.S. Army. Expect to see a spinoff series this Fall set in the war torn jungles of Vietnam where your two posts battle the Viet Cong, but still find plenty of room for love and laughter. It's going to air on the Fox network, Fridays at 9 PM EST. Don't miss it!

Here is the symbol of Donkey Kong. The symbol is <:()->
Cranky Kong: Oh you mean that lumbering fool?
NES Boy: You're the lumbering fool, pruneface.
Cranky: Donkey's the lumbering fool, not me.

-NES Boy

Slush: Nobody ever says I want to be junkie when I grow up.

man
-Tigers009@aol.com

Slush: Dude, I here 'ya.

Yeah I know the drill, I say something and then you insult me. It's me Kevin olson the one you idiots insult well i'll tell you something i never sign my letters. I have a messed up computer. Anyway on to the theory I think Mumbo Jumbo(did i spell this right) is a Giant jingo.Have you ever seen the movie Little Nicky starring adam sandler?(Totally off topic but It's just a question)I didn't know any of you ware panties(Fetures section)
-Kevin Olson

Slush: Hey, Kevin Olson! I can't think of any insults right now, but rest assured, the negative energies are flowing from my fingers as I type this.

Mumbo a Jinjo? Ugh. No. This theory has been shot down by Leigh Loveday so many times it's not funny. He's not a Jinjo. He has too many different features to be a Jinjo. He's not a Jinjo. Besides, we already addressed this question in the F.A.Q. I can see why you didn't check though, as we also have such "frequently asked questions" as why Donkey Kong likes fruits. That was Chad's all the way.

I never saw Little Nicky. I heard it stunk compared to other Sandler movies like Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, and The Waterboy.

Yes, we all wear women's underpants. While it tends to lead to some discomfort in the frontal area, the fabric is just so soft...

Chad: The Waterboy blew. Little Nicky blew harder. I'm glad I didn't pay go get into either of those movies. Movie theaters really need tighter security these days...

Some questions for you: 1)Where did you live (country or state) and did you move around alot?
2)What kind of camera are you?
3)don't answer #2 if you don't want to
4)How old did you live to be before you went inside the camera?
5)How did you come to be, possessing a camera?
6)Do you have a middle name?Stupid question I know, just curious.
7)If a tourist leaves GrandCentral station 50 minutes after 5:24, take the colon out so you have a number, x3, -42, divide by 13, xthe number of bits. in a dk64 game, and -the six digits of your birthday(1987, August 03:870803) And can I please have a Mr. Moony award? I would like to get one before my server is destroyed(don't ask)
-Gr8dbatr@aol.com

Our Friend: Quite frankly, I prefer to remain somewhat of an enigma. As far as I know, I'm the only living camera inhabitated by the soul of a human on the Internet, and I don't want to spoil the goodness that the mystery creates. Let's just say that my tale involves lots of vodka, a Jimmy Buffet compilation album, and former President of the United States ,Jimmy Carter. Oh, and I'm an Olympus camera, and here's your Mr. Mooney Award. The only reason you get one is because I wanted to give one for a change. Ye-us!

Were is R.A.R.E HQ ?
-Kjakem@aol.com

Slush: Twycross, England.

Wow, this was an incredibly dull response. I best jazz it up. Remember that Banjo-Kazooie/Banjo-Tooie connection? No? Yeah, it was forgotten with all this GAMECUBE and Game Boy Advance hype, but according to news reports, the connection between the two games was still alive, but Rare was keeping it a secret until the right time. It's been more than six months. So, why not ask the man with all the answers what happened to this feature that Rare is still mum about? MOONMAN, we need answers. Please deliver.

"Whoa, hello there my little MOONAMANIACS. Mac Tonight, aka the MOONMAN here to spread the good vibes! I'm currently racing up in the astro funk that has drifted in the night skies above several chain restaurants, so I'll give you the quick answer, if you must know. The solution to the connection crisis, and the meaning of life in general, is 42. Hey look, a squirrel! Always race!"

Of course. Why didn't we realize this before? Great Caesar's Ghost! The deal with that connection has finally been solved. We can finally close a chapter of the Donkey Kong Universe book. Wonderful.

1. What does R.A.R.E. stand for
2. How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood
3. How did you get traped inside a camera
4. If a train leaves Kentucky going 300 mph. how long would it take it to get to Canada
5. How do you eat if you dont have a mouth
-Kjakem@aol.com

Our Friend: 1. You're kidding, right?
2. As much as my wood could fu [Scribes Gimmick: NO - The Management]
3. Jimmy Carter doesn't appreciate it when you use Habitat For Humanity as a means for enslaving homeless people. Let's just leave it at that.
4. Why does everyone ask me train word problems?
5. I have a mouth. It's just not your typical one.

Dear Sir Slush the Second
It's Hope again!This is my second E-mail to DKVine.com.
Loved that E3!I bet you guys are so impatient for these games to come out,do you?Oh well,waiting can make games seem to have more than its already is.Donkey must be proud to have made it to the next level,but now to the questions:

1-Why do you say that some things in the Donkey Kong Country cartoon series do not exist in the Donkey Kong Universe?Well,actually I agree,but I'm speaking of the Crystal Coconut!Didn't it come in the game Donkey Kong 64?

2-Had Miyamoto gone mad!?Why in the world did he ever change Dinosaur Planet to Star Fox Adventures:Dinosaur Planet!?(Although I always wanted a Star Fox game where Fox McCloud fights on his feet.)

3-Is Banjo-Kazooie:Grunty's Revenge on the Game Boy Advance a sequel to Banjo-Tooie before the GameCube or the continuation of Banjo-Kazooie?Because I read somewhere on the net that the game and it's sequel are not related.

Hey!I'm now trying to save for a GameCube and Game Boy Advance and the first games on them!I liked the games of Donkey Kong.Too bad they didn't show any Super Mario or Legend of Zelda at E3;then we all still have to wait till SpaceWorld 2001 to see them.It will be a really big one! Oh!I almost forgot:About the rumour that Mr. Chad told me about.You know?The "Monkey Kong" thing?It's not the first time I heard that rumour.Somewhere else on the net,it showed the very same rumour, but they said it was not true.
Until then...
Yours Sincerely
-Hope(N Forever)

P.S.:Are you and Misters Chad and Ben saving for a GameCube and Game Boy Advance?And what your favourite games you have seen at E3?

Slush: 1: The Donkey Kong Country cartoon show has nothing to do with the games. They don't take place in the same continuity. The Crystal Coconut was introduced ont he show as a singular token of power. On the show, the Crystal Coconut was more powerful than God himself. For whatever reason, the DK64 team decided to include several Crystal Coconuts. However, they are not powerful like the one on the show was. They just have minor drops of magic in them, and you need several to have a listing affect. The Crystal Coconut on the show does not exist in the Donkey Kong Universe.

2: According to Nintendo and Rare, Nintendo was just starting plans to make a Star Fox adventure game, but Rare was already far into Dinosaur Planet. They decided to just slap on SF characters in place of some of the original DP guys like Sabre. Thankfully, Tricky was retained, and made evey more like he was in DKR.

3: Grunty's Revenge is not really a sequel to Banjo-Kazooie. It takes place in an alternate universe. It's a bit hard to explain, but it's a craze that's sweeping everything from Star Wars to the show Frasier. It asks the question of what would happen if Gruntilda's sisters never rescued her. By showing what happens if one event never happened in time, we get to see how much the events afterwards changed. It's kind of like the concept from the movie "Sliding Doors." The game still takes place in continuity, but not in the reality the rest of the games are set. It's an alternate universe, split off after Grunty's sisters never came.

Monkey Kong? I'm not sure what you're referring to at this late hour, and I'm too lazy to check. I'll just say "no" and be on with it.

P.S. Chad and Ben already have a GBA. They imported it from Japan. I'll get one, obviously, but probably not when it first comes out. I'm bad that way. I'm also sure Andrey will get one. We're all going to get a GAMECUBE, of course. My favorite game at E3 had to have been Donkey Kong Racing, even though it was only in video form and nobody has actually played it.

Hello! I was just on your website, and I read a letter from a person Hope (N Forever) asking about what happened to King K. Rool's galleon, and (if you remember) from DKL 1, in the first world there is a shipwreck-ship(if that's worded correctly) and I figured that that was what became of the Gangplank Galleon. Am I right?
-Eric

P.S.:What does the K in K. Rool stand for?

Ben: I do indeed remember from DKL 1 that the Gangplank Galleon was there in the first world. Ah, the joys of four shades of grey mingled with ...some more shades of grey for good measure. The ship you travel on is indeed the Gangplank Galleon as it is still docked at Donkey Kong Island from the end of Donkey Kong Country 1.

Either that, or I'm talking out of my arse. Chad? Slush? Andrey? ...little help?

P.S. It stands for truth, justice and the American Way. Or I could be talking out of my arse again.

Chad: Yeah, I'm fairly sure that was the *original* Gangplank Galleon from DKC, but then there's four from DKC2 (Gangplank Galleon, Crocodile Cauldron, Krem Quay, and Gloomy Gulch), three from DKL2 (Crocodile Cauldron and Krem Quay were condensed into one level), the one he sailed off on at the end of both DKC2 and DKL2, a countless number of sunken ships in DK64's Gloomy Galleon, and finally, another one in DKC (GBC). He's not what you would call the best captain in the world, but he likes what he does. Who wouldn't, swashbuckling and all that.

Andrey: I've never personally buckled a Swash, but I'm told it's quite the experience. And yes- it is my scholarly opinion that, since the Galleon was not actually sunk in DKC, but merely lost its Captain, it will have made sense for DK and/or Diddy to crash it into the isle. It would save them all the trouble of swimming back, wouldn't it?

That's right! It's me again! Bwahahahaha! Well, E3 was undoubtedly the greatest ever this year, and I have a nice little list of questions and comments written in love...Or something...

1)SSB MELEE! doiutym5ry8965lr;lyjr8djjtrhfrue7! Sorry, I've been doing that a lot lately. Most of these questions will be about SSB Melee. About how many characters do you think will be in SSB Melee? If Nintendo decides to fill up the character select screen, then I say 30. Your thoughts?

2) DONKEY KONG RACING! I'm doing this to appease you, but what other racers do you expect in DoKR? I expect maybe Chunky, Lanky, Dixie, some Kremlings(Krunch, probably), and TIP TUP!

3) Okay, I'm glad you can stand looking at my letter to this point. Okay, a screenshot at IGN shows an FMV with three hands with the Triforce on each crossing; Link's, Zelda's and Gannondorf. Link and Zelda(as Sheik) are already playable...Does this mean that Gannondorf will enter the fray also? I'm hoping so. I don't think that one playable villian would make sense. Go Gannondorf!

4)Sabre Wulf. I have been waiting for this game ever sicne I saw Sabreman in Banjo-Tooie. Would it be considered a DKU Game? What if a drone from a DKU game were to appear in it?

Well, I'm out of time. Expect another letter from me later.
-Super Shy Guy/Sir Carter

Chad: 1. Lots. I'm hoping for some other DKU-only character besides Donkey Kong. That Nintendo rep threw out K. Rool's name, but he might just be a part of Donkey's 1-player adventure mode.
2. Dixie, Chunky, Lanky, Funky, Cranky, and a few of the DKR ones, such as Tiptup. Hell, we might even get to ride as some of the bad guys, depending on the storyline.
3. Yeah, but that was just an FMV. There was also a glimpse of Samus fighting a boss from Metroid 2, but I doubt they'll be in the game. They were just showing off the three pieces of the Triforce, and you can't very well do that without Power.
4. Sabreman was introduced in Sabre Wulf for the Spectrum, so as of now it wouldn't be considered DKU. I don't think a drone would qualify the game as DKU unless it was something like a Kremling, which would directly connect it to the DK series. We can't look at an armadillo, say it's an Army, and label the game DKU, can we? Yes, we can.

I hear ya. All official sites are pathetic compared to the other sites. In my opinion, the best design of the Nintendo website was when it began. And even that was lame compared to IGN.com (but back then, I couldn't even figure out how to navigate IGN)It's probably taking up too much of your time constantly replying to this, so let's have this be the letter that you don't reply to. Of course, you could always post it in your letters section...
-KooperYoshi

Chad: And post it in the Letters section I shall. I don't have anything to comment on about Nintendo or IGN's redesigns, but I'll take this opportunity to vent about Rare's site. There's only so much gratification you can get by complaining to a survey stickman.

The design is good, in theory. It's spiffy, shiny, and high-tech. But that's just the problem. The side menu takes ages to load, there are awful scroll problems (even on some versions of IE), and the text field has been dramatically shrunk. Loveday is forced to post incredibly tiny pictures, or omit them altogether (as was done to the CBFD Cast List). The Rare Site (as I now call it, for lack of a proper title) looks like a haughty corporate site. Rarewhere's charm lied in the fact that it was down at our level. It looked like a fan site - it was done by an incredibly funny person who appeared to have minimal HTML skills. I always feel detatched when going to The Rare Site now. And what's with that chime on the main page? Is that the Rare theme or something? Please.

Yeah, I know, trivial complaints. It's just a website, after all. But I feel, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. And Rarewhere was far from broke.

how do you draw for the art show

????????????
-Poodle4U312@aol.com

Ben: withe teh caryones and eth colrues and eth happee pretty joy joeys and eth tentwy leitl babbee hatcehy turtels off tiPTUPS!1!1!1!1!!1!

Ah...AOL users - can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

Andrey: Either that or we can't get rid of them because they are an overwhelming majority and...um...work on this site. Uh-oh.

Dear Sir,
First, I want to let you know that I was a video gamemaniac, especially Super Nintendo. I was happy to finda game like Donkey Kong Country and Donkey KongCountry 2. I have bought them and played them, but Inever bought the third one. By the time I want to buyit, it was gone. As a matter of fact, Play Station isnow dominating this country. I was very happy to playthose game. Especially, I love the melodies very much.I have found that there are some in dkvine.com, but Ijust found six of them in top ten melodies (most ofthem were composed by David Wise). I just want to askyou where I can find a completely melodies in DonkeyKong Country and Donkey Kong Country 2 in Mp3 in SuperNintendo to download.
Thank you for your attention.
I am looking forward to receiving your answer.
-Franky

Chad: Considering I have the CDs for all three, ripping a few MP3s wouldn't be too difficult. I might do just that some time. For now, though, you can always check eBay and look for the soundtracks. The DKC one is called "DK Jamz", while the other two are just called DKC2 and DKC3 Original Soundtracks.

now i know you may think that cranky was the ape in the original dk buti think otherwise this is why: firstly if cranky were the original apewhy would dk's name be dkjr. if his dad's name was cranky?secondlyyou're basically saying cranky's name was dk and then rare suddenlychanged it to cranky? why would they do that?thirdly dk and dkjr. havejust about nothing in common in physical apearences in mariotennis.Lastly, how are you positive that in DKC2 cranky said "grandson'' instead of ''grandson''
please answer my questions on your web page soon
-matt a.k.a.donkey kong junior fan

Chad: Read the TimeVine, look at The Rare Site (Nintendo Power Source has no grasp whatsoever on the DK mythos), and look here for proof that Cranky was the original Donkey Kong.

The DKC2 "grandson" was either senility, the fact that the ground was shaking when he said it, or a minor oversight by the DKC2 team. Yeah, buh-dee.

Andrey: Haven't you ever referred to your father as something other than "dad" or "pops"? Something along the lines of "You insensitive trogladite! How could you embarrass me like that in front of my peers??" perhaps. Just a thought. It happens.

Where did you get the name Marino for that blue Mario in the referee chair?
-NES Boy

Chad: I didn't. For all I care, Mario Tennis doesn't exist. I think Slush's reasoning was that he wears marine blue, hence Marino. Sounds pretty stupid to me too, but ah well. Deal with it.

Slush: Because a blue Mario was stupid. There can't be two Marios. So I decided to name him so we could refer to him as something around the site whenever the need arose. Marino is an Italian name, it's close to Mario, he wears marine blue, and it's better than there being a spare Mario running around. So meet Mario's cousin, Marino. Don't blame me, blame Camelot. Golly Chad, you're so bitter. Did a cameo game sleep with your mom or something?

Dear Mister Ben,
I`ve been thinking of a movie.I would love
to do the voice ofTiny.

Sincearly
Shane Hoffmann

P.s. Write back to Mew151SPH@aol.com

Ben: A movie, eh? Just so long as Tiny's not involved with porn in some way, then that's fine. I think you'd be great as the voice of Tiny, Shane. Your voice hasn't broken yet, has it? We'd better castrate you if you want a permanent acting career as her, though.

PS: Although I'm not writing to your address, I'm posting it up for everyone so they can explain to you what 'castrate' means.

Howdy, i was wondering if you know if Luigi and Jiggly Puff are gonna be in Smash Bros. Melee for game cube?
-gpieper@malibuonline.com

Chad: No word yet, though in the demo reel when the were panning by all the Pokemon, Jigglypuff jumped out in front of the camera. It's anybody's guess, really.

I have some nice ideas for some Features.
1) One explaining how the Sharpclas of SFA: DP and the beloved Kremlings may or may not be related to one another.
2) One about how you think Nintendo is trying to make Peach look sexy.
I think that the first one is better, but I think they're each good Feature topics(well,maybe not the second one). Keep an eye on your mail box, for you never know when a rubbish e-mail from me will strike!
RAR!!!
-Sir Carter AKA Super Shy Guy

Chad: Hrm. 1. That's actually a fair idea, though it's far too premature to try anything like that. We know absolutely nothing about the Sharpclaws.
2. You ask for it now, but if I actually did it, you'd be complaining.

Andrey: 1. I covered this to the greatest extent available to us in the forum and Spec Center.
2. She's showing more and more leg. That's all you need to know for now. By the time we reach the end of GAMECUBE's lifespan, she'll be in a thong.

That Jayjay guy is going to get the same treatment I gave you guys about the Pikachu killings. And I'll possibly kill the little (bleep). Now then time to torture you guys.

Got questions.
1) If you could be any Rareware character, who would you be? I'd be Gregg the grim reaper so I could kill you guys next time you make fun of what I like.
2) If you could go back to the killing routine, Who would kill instead of Pikachu?
3) How much of the content on this site is made up? Too much fake stuff means that you're all full of crap.
4) Can you guys make another movie of Conker hitting things with his frying pan? I'd play the game myself but I made a vow not to play BFD until school is over. That and I like downloads.
-Ness554

PS: Mepsipax is still Our Friend's real name.

Chad: Yeah. You kill that little (bleep). Kill that (bleep) very well.
1. That's a stupid idea. You're stupid.
2. It's Pikachu or nobody. The little yellow rat just looks too funny tortured for anything to take its place.
3. Hmm. Actually, we're trying to blend what we made up with the real stuff so people get confused, word gets spread, and eventually it leads to one of our creations accidentally getting slipped into a game or instruction booklet. HWA!
4. No. I'll never do downloads ever again. From now on, Donkey Kong's Jungle Vine will be in cave-painting format.

P.S. He's a f-cking camera. Don't you have better ways to spend your life?

Andrey: Perhaps I should stop messing with Chad's emails. He might hurt me in some deeply personal way. But until he does, I feel it necessary to point out that Death doesn't actually have the capability to go around killing. When someone dies, Death just...happens. Because it's his job. Gregg didn't just kill the cats and/or Conker because he doesn't like them, did he?

Well, well, well, well, well how are you? My first letter to you ever. This could also be considered my first e-mail to a DKVine staff other than Chad. Anyway, I decided to e-mail you with some questions that I might've sent to Chad, but I've been hearing about your "neglectedness" and I figured you wouldn't recieve a lot of e-mail this edition either, because of a new staff member, thus I took the "middle child" theory into play and...I'll stop rambling and begin my list!

1) Woohoo! Diddy Kong Pilot! Now, about that new Kong; personally, I think that "Cletus Kong" is a much better name, but I think he'll probably have the Kong rhyming pattern that we all know and love(i.e. all Kong names end with the "ee", or with a "y"). Maybe Hillbilly Kong. Your thoughts?

2) Speaking of Diddy Kong Pilot, will K. Rool have a new persona due to his new garb? BaronKrusha already pointed this topic out. I personally think he'll just be K .Rool, but what do you think? Baron von...No, already done...Kaptain...No! Already done too...Damn!..Uhh...Your thoughts?

3) Okay, I know you don't limit yourself to DKU games. What other video games do you play? I know that Chad is a huge Zelda fan, Slush likes Kirby, and that you have played Paper Mario. What else do you like?

4) SSB MELEE! doiut987ybb7u859ye!!!11!! This is the DKU game that I'm looking forward to the most. Bowser will finally be used in combat ever since Super Mario RPG(or Battle Mode in Mario Kart 64 if that counts)! Sheik is also there, and so is Peach(that's somewhat cool). Who else do you thinks will be in SSB Melee? I think Ganondorf, Luigi, Little Mac(from Punch Out!!), Pit(from Kid Icarus), Wario, and Banjo.

5) What are you favorite Monty Python quotes? There are so many...I like "These and other fascinating lies are yours for the reading, in this beautifully bound volume! Right now, suckas!" "I get to fight the lion!" "A giant electric penguin with long green tentacles that sting people! And you can stab it, and the blood would go squirting out! WHOOSH!" There are several more, but I'm too lazy to think right now.

6) There is no #6. Haw haw.

7) How do you and the DKVine crew put together the Letters page? Do you put a letter you receive on a webpage, then respond to it, continuing to post and respond to letters until you all think that the page is at an adequate length, then post a link to the page?

That's all that I can think of for now. I'll see you at the Message Board.
-- Sir Carter AKA Super Shy Guy

Ben: I was feeling a lot better before I got this letter. Damn pigmy midgets from The Mummy Returns. Makes me think of walking bookcases. How very kind of you to go out of your way to think of me and copy and paste most of your questions from Chad's above letter (you lazy, lazy bugger) into mine. I feel eternally privellaged. Whoopee. Now then:

1) "Cletus Kong" is a good name? Cletus be damned. That'd be like calling Diddy Kong "Roger Kong". It just doesn't work, see. It's like calling monosodium glutemate the in-between of salt and sugar - not true. If you're going to give him a Simpson character's name, call him Clancy Kong. That works nicely.

2) My thoughts? Currently pumpkin pie, whirling dervishes and those three cornered hats that kind of look like pirate hats from that movie. Hey, you asked. As for K. Rool's new style, maybe he'll be...oh, I dunno... K. Roketeer? Bah.

Chad: Red Baron K. Roolenstein. Ahahahaha! Haha. *cough*

Ben: 3) The games I play - well, retro Lucasarts Adventure games (such as Monkey Island 1 & 2, Day of the Tentacle and Sam 'n' Max) Toejam & Earl (...for Mega Drive! Sacrilage!), anything with 'Zelda' in the title (Legend of Zelda: Puzzle Adventure? I'm there!) and...Alley Cat for PC. The best CGA game ever, that. There's more, but I can't be bothered listing them, and nowdays graphics-oriented gamers probably wouldn't care about them. Which is quite sad.

4) Pit? God, I hope not. Little midget angel kid with the upwards scrolling gamefield. God, I hated that game. Yeeeoooreuugh. I'm hoping for Banjo, Gruntilda (not bloody likely though), Gannondorf, Jessie/James/Meowth (ahahaha! cross-dressing special attacks!), Diddy, and seeing we're including obscure characters like Ice Cimbers (who?!), the shark from the LCD screen game 'Parachute' that ate the little men.

5) Lazy, eh? Then so am I. Nyah. The whole thing with the Killer Blancmanges, "I'm Frrrench! Why do you think I have this ouuuutrrrageous accent!", "There's only a hundred of us! We don't stand a chance!", "She turned me into a newt!" "A newt?" "...well...I got better."

6) Haw haw? Don't talk the talk if you can't walk the walk. Or something.

7) Actually, it's mostly done with mayonaisse.

You should have finished off your letter with a song about brocolli florets.

Just to inform ye. That "B-3 demo pic" of "disco style dancing" genre is from Conker's BFD. It is probably a beta, character packed version of the "Rock Solid" dance club level. Thanks.
-Dakota Lee Trevino

Chad: Thanks, eagle eyes.

I'm sorry, but though DKVine has a strong following, there is no way someone would look through 5004 squirrel heads to find a different one to get a Feature a few days early. I did about 300 before giving up. I really don't care how spectacular the Feature's gonna be, doing that is insane.
-behonkiss@mail.com

P.S.How come you're never on AIM anymore?

Chad: Actually we had a few people who didn't look at the source code in order to find it. Knob.

P.S. Ahahahahaha.

i am going crazy trying to get out of castle crush. when you near the end,and the two boomerang guys are on either side of you, how do keep out of theway of the boomerangs?
-brian.callahan@360merch.com

Chad: Fear not, Brian. Getting past those two Krooks is one of the harder bits in DKC2, so rather than say "jumpy jump jump jumpy" which would only slightly help you, I made a video of exactly what you should do. Click here, sah.

How'd you make your site,and, where'd you get all that biography info?
-Pinkytroznarf@aol.com

Chad: Notepad, and on files over 33KB, Wordpad. A sexy pair, those two. As for the biography info, we usually just type whatever comes to mind, be it relevant or not. Usually the latter.

Slush: We use facts if we can for the bios, but more often than not, we have to fill in some info. The good thing is, we've been incredibly fortunate, and many things we actually "made up" has become official through dumb luck (like Gruntilda's withering body underneath the boulder).

Hi Chad ! Man, your site is great! But where is the Great Mighty Poo song in Conker's Mp3??

Well, that's all.
-F_O_X

Chad: Chucky Poo's Lament, sir.

Hey, you! Yeah, you! The guy who sits in a barrel reading letters and has no face because of a failed face-mapping feature! (remember NDK Today?) This my first letter to you when you're in the DKVine. Remember back when Krystal, Shabre, etc. are employed and still existed, the DP Rareware Game Page said that it's in it's final year of development. And it's posted in 2000. Dumb now, eh? Well, I can't wait until the new Star Fox version comes out on Gamecube. Heh, at least the new characters are more recognizable then the old ones, because THEY ALREADY APPEARED IN TWO VIDEO GAMES! Heh heh. I can't wait to see what they've scripted in for Falco. Well, gotta go. I still remember that part in IGN64's Interview with Shigureu (SP?) Miyamoto talking about making the future game redesign...

IGN64: What do you think of Rare's lineup at the show? How about Dinosaur Planet? Miyamoto: It looks really nice, doesn't it? I wish they would use Star Fox characters so that they could use the title Star Fox Adventures. Maybe I should call the team and talk about it [laughs].

...and the wish came true.
-NES Boy

Andrey: Oh Lord the Sweet and Merciful. It's somebody who's been following my career around like a tiny, wet-nosed terrier after a bread-biscuit. Or a dead fish. Now I know what Russel Crowe feels like- only I really have no idea. Yes. I remember back when DP was almost finished. That was, of course, before it was a larger game on a completely different system with a different main character. That sort of thing tends to set release dates back. Actually, Fox has three games I know of under his belt. I hope the one you forgot wasn't SSB...and that wasn't a wish Miyamoto was making. I took it as a threat, but it turns out that it was either an inside joke or some really sinister foreshadowing. That guy's mind is like a steel trap. Rusty and out-dated. Illegal in some places too. And don't put italics in your letters, please. It's the only thing that makes us look unique and/or proffessoinal.

Nevermind about the Falco thing. Just heard about his wheatherbouts (SP?) on Rare's site (Along with other characters. I can't find Sabre, though.). By the way, remember when Slush and Chad speculated time travel in Banjo-Tooie? A bit ironic on Banjo-Kazooie: Gunty's Revenge, eh? I like Gruntilda's new look. We're right about her having a robot body, but not along with the head. Note "Hag 1" on the bottom of her new body.
-NES Boy

Andrey: At first, I thought about spacing these two emails out to make it look like I'd recieved more. But who gives a damn in the end, eh? It's not like I want you to email me or anything. Pity about Falco, isn't it? Yes- I remember when Chad and Slush speculated about time travel. Yes- I think it's ironic. What does any of this have to do with me? Just kidding. I'm glad that you want to discuss this with me instead of those two over-caffeinated ceiling fans. You should see what's going on in Chad's yard right now. Fairies, UFOs, mass flooding- the whole shebang. Kinda nice to know that after everything that he keeps on the first floor of his house is submerged, he'll still have BK: GR to look forward to. GBA can float, right? The question is- can Chad?

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