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07/13/00
Very snazzy addition to your snazzy site, Dkvine... Love the boards, man,
love em love em... The text is just stunning!
Great job guys! keep up the good work!
-Gizmo
Slush: Why thank you, in more ways than one. This gives me another oppurtunity to hock our bulletin board....which if you haven't checked, do so now! It's in our Interactive section, so shoo! Shoo!
YIPPEE!!! I won the award!!! First I'd like to thanks Bluster.......
-Devin529@prodigy.net
Chad: Touché.
hi i like your site a/s/l?
-Toigipi11
Slush: Arse - Yes, I have one. Sucre - No, I'm not Antonio Jose de Sucre. Interbreed - No, I don't.
Hey Chad! I hope you don't mind me asking, but I have a question about
Our Friend. I'm assuming he lives at your house, right?
So, I just got a digital camera of my own, and tried to take some
screen shots of a television show I had taped. They didn't come out so well.
They were blurred, caught reflection from the ceiling light, and when I
tried to take shots while the tape was paused it came out with these lines
all over it.
When you take screen shots with Our Friend, they always come out so
nice. What's your secret?
-Alex
Chad: Yes, Our Friend lives at my apartment. To get shots you need to prep the room. Close all blinds and turn off all lights so there won't be any glare on the TV. To prevent the blurring, either put him on a card table or a tripod, or anything like that that'll stabalize him. Our Friend sometimes hovers to take the pictures, but as luck would have it he's usually drunk on alkaline when we need shots. And your camera's probably not inhabited by a human soul, so I doubt the hovering thing would be to your benefit. As for the little lines all over the picture, those can be taken care of in a paint program. Use a "soften" feature if you have it, and if not, then "blur". After you do that, shrinking the image usually helps further. And if you reallywant good pictures, you could probably find a cheap video card on eBay. I just got one (that Our Friend inhabits when in use) that lets me hook the SNES and N64 directly to the computer. FLAWLESS SCREENSHOTS! WHOOO!
hi
-Toigipi11
Slush: Hi.
Uh, I here your a camera. What's with that!? Cameras cant control email!
You're a phony, arent' you? knew it....
-Gizmo
Our Friend: No, I'm inhabited by a human soul, dickweed. Really, I meant that. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic.
Are you guys crazy? I was reading some updates and you started talking
about your old games ganging up on your new ones? or vice versa, whatever
it was from 10-99 Are you guys completely insane?
-Gizmo
Chad: Insanity = Contreversy = Hits. You can't beat logic like that. With the Pikachu pictures alone, we've managed to get dozens of otherwise placid Pokemon fans to angrily swarm our site. But a hit's a hit. Doesn't matter where it came from.
Slush,
Well, you can stop hyping the BB to me, as I don't see any Interactive bar
added to the nav bar.
-behonkiss@mail.com
Slush: It's there, it's there. Make sure all your cookies are deleted, and refresh the graphic of the navigational bar. It should pop up then.
OK i just want to know could you play donkey Kong on the computer and if yes
how let me know please its my favorite game
-CCriztena@aol.com
Chad: We answered this one last time. I can't be arsed to link you, so go to the Archives and look it up yourself.
Whheee! another set of mindless questions! And a fact. Hooray for myself.
First off, what do you have against Digimon? It is based on the Old Digimon
virtual pets that arrived here in 1995 (Made in Japan in 1991), but since
it came out a few months before the virtual pets became another piece nin
ahuge p[ile of junk, while in Japan it prospered. The show was sent here to
counter Pokemon (actually Pikachu since all of the other pokemon are left to
be neglected and many have nothing to do with the takeover) but milliions of
Pokefans said it was justt a rip-off. Geez, Monster Rancher is much
better,why aren't milions of people worshipping Poke?
Second, Have you ever seen the Kong Foo Character.
Lastly, who is you're favorite non Dk character, note that other characters
in smash bros. do count.
-ADReyes@aol.com
Slush: What I have against Digimon is it was TURNED INTO a Pokemon ripoff. I don't care if the virtual pets came first, they turned the franchise into a Pokemon clone with the cartoon show. Come on, most of the stuff on that show has nothing to do with the original Digimons, and instead has copied the (already wretched) format of Pokemon. Oh, and it has nothing to do with what's better when something is popular. Sometimes it's all based on how something is mass marketed. While Pokemon hit it off in Japan, I strongly believe it would have never reached such heights in America and elsewhere if Nintendo hadn't had the giant mass marketing campaign planned from the get-go. They had about fifty crossovers planned before the game even came to the American shores! With that attitude they could have turned anything into the monster Pokemon became.
Kong Foo? He's from the cartoon show, right? I may be wrong, but that just reeks of something the show would try to pull.
My favorite non-DKU character is the puck from Galactic Pinball. Click here for a puck wallpaper.
So, what finally made you guys decide on having a message board?
Was it that you couldn't sleep at night thinking you have dishonored The Great Little Luigi's request for a message board!?
COULD YOU STAND THE PAIN OF MAKING ME MAD!?
Mari... I mean Slush, Chad, and you stupid camera must all bow before me! AHAHAHAHAHA!
-Little Link, I mean Little Luigi!!!!
Chad: I can see there's no quick-fix to this question unless I say that your whining was indeed a large part of our motivation to get the board online. So there you go.
you know what i like to do? I like to bother you with
e-mails about pokemon til you admit that they are okay
so without further ado The complete list of pokemon
part 1 (of 6)
#01 BULBASAUR #02 IVYSAUR #03 VENUSAUR #04 CHARMANDER
#05 CHARMELION #06 CHARIZARD #07 SQUIRTLE
#08 WARTORTLE #09 BLASTOISE #10 CATERPIE #11 METAPOD
#12 BUTTERFREE #13 WEEDLE #14 KAKUNA #15 BEEDRILL
#16 PIDGEY #17 PIDGEOTTO #18 PIDGEOT #19 RATTATA
#20 RATICATE #21 SPEAROW #22 FEAROW #23 EKANS #24
ARBOK #25 PIKACHU
part 2 coming soon
-Pikachamp
Slush: Well you know; I'm never, and I mean ever, going to admit that Pokemon are "okay." I've said it was a fair game, but nowhere near deserving of the attention it has recieved.  However, since you seem so persistent in your quest, I'll acknowledge what you're trying to do....by sending #25 through Hell and back at the hands of a Gruntling who's bashed poor #25's head into a brick wall (which has started the bloodflow rather nicely) and is turning #25 into a human Player's Guide by drawing a map of Spiral Mountain on #25's chest with his own blood. Mama no! Mama no!
Here's the official story of how Baby Mario got inside Mario Tennis,
Thanks to a mysterious wrinkle in the space-time continuum, Baby Mario and Mario are able to occupy the court at the same time.
I know it's really short, but I found it below a picture of him. Probably the same thing happened with DK Jr.
-Devin529@prodigy.net
Chad: And the wrinkle was caused by Master Hand. Or something like that, anyway.
DK Jr. in Mario Tennis! YIPPEE! How did they pull that off?
And I want to congratulate Slush for his prediction of Shy Guy as a secret character. But who saw the arcade DK Jr. character coming back. I know you guys didn't see it coming...
Well, anyways, let's see how DK Jr. and Luigi do against Mario and DK...
-Little Luigi
Slush: All I can say is luckily Baby Mario was already in these games, otherwise we would be staring at a big problem in contiunity. Oh, and why DK Jr. and Luigi? Why not DK Jr. and DK versus Mario and Baby Mario, or DK Jr. and Baby Mario versus DK and Mario? Eh, maybe Little Luigi is the next younger character to be introduced. Why doesn't Camelot just stop fighting their desires and make a frigging "Nintendo Babies" game?
I hope to make this quick. The main reason that Nintendo brought the
original DK JR. into Mario Tennis is because every character, if you may
have noticed, has a partener(This is the same reason they created Waluigi, so
Wario would have a partener). See, look:
Mario/Luigi
Peach/Daisy
Bowser/Koopa Troopa
Wario/Waluigi
Yoshi/baby Mario( because they were the only two good guys in Yoshi's
Island )
Toad/Boo (together in Super Mario Bros. Deluxe)
Birdo/Shy Guy (major enimies of SMB2)
So as you can (or should) clearly see, the only character without a
partener was Donkey Kong. I guess Nintendo couldn't have put Diddy or Dixie
in there because Rareware owns the copyright to them. So, they used the only
other DK character that they own, DK JR.
And as for Slush's baby Mario observation, he was right, baby Mario was
Mario at a young age in Yoshi's Island. (Baby Luigi was in that game , too.
They fell out of the stork's mouth.)
Just thought I'd let you see it how I see it.
-Lemoniefresh
Chad: Yes, I see your point with the doubles partners. Still, Nintendo owns the rights to all Kongs and all Kremlings. They could easily have greenlighted a Diddy appearance. But no, they decided letting Camelot try to screw over the DKU would be a better idea. Fortunately we were able to explain it. Let's just hope the same goes for next time...
Ok, now, I think that the young DK of today in a DKU Cameo game is actually kinda cool. Now, in the June issue of Nintendo Power, in their article on E3, there's a drawing of Waluigi. Y'know, I think they're going to put in drawings of the characters in the Instruction manual, just like in Mario Golf, minus Metal Mario (how do you think how cool it is to include a picture of him?). Ok, let me make sure of all the playable characters in MT (Mario Tennis).
Mario Mario
Luigi Mario
Princess Peach Toadstool
Yoshi the Dinosaur
Adult Donkey Kong Jr.
King Bowser Koopa
Wario Wario (?)
Baby Mario Mario
Waluigi Wario (?)
Princess Daisy
Toad the Mushroom Guy
Boo the Goomba Ghost
Birdo the Dinosaur
Wing Koopa Troopa
Shy Guy
Young Donkey Kong Jr.
So there's 16 characters in the checklist. Remember when Metal Mario was in two DKU Cameo Games? Well, in the next one, they'll probably put in Wing Mario or Invincible Mario. Or maybe Baby Luigi (Hey, Little Luigi can imagine him in it). It would be Mario Basketball (remember the Bomb-sketball Game in Mario Party?). If Cranky (the ancient Donkey Kong) were in Mario Basketball, he would bring his younger self in there, too! Well, that's all I can let go from my trap. See ya next letter!
-NES Boy
Slush: "Mario Mario, Luigi Mario, Wario Wario, and Waluigi Wario." I hate the Super Mario Bros. Movie. The only thing that was mildly amusing about it was the fact that the story had King Koopa wanting the two seperate dimensions (ours and the Mushroom Dimension) to become one. Anyway, your Mario Basketball is alright (even though I hate basketball), but an even better idea is Mario Base-Ketball.
I noticed in your games section for Donkey Kong Country that you call DK
Donkey Kong Jr. The Donkey Kong in Donkey Kong Country is the Grandson of
Crankey and son of DK Jr. So that makes him the third.
-Steve316Au@aol.com
Chad: The first things uttered out of Cranky's mouth in DK64 were, "Well, if it isn't that lazy son of mine." SON. Any time Cranky has stated that Donkey was his grandson is because either he was experiencing temporary senility or he stuttered while calling Donkey a "grand son."
I would just like to point out that in the FAQ, you say that the ref in Mario Tennis is Mario. No, it's actually Stan the Bug Man from Donkey Kong 3 (the original, not the DKU game)
-RevZehr@aol.com
Slush: Where did this theory originate from? He doesn't even look like Stan the Bug Man, and what would Stan the Bug Man be doing judging a tennis game? I thought he was an exterminator of sorts...if you actually found this somewhere, more power to you, but what the deuce?
your story is all messed up to. Never did it say that Swanky is Dk's Brother.
Also that was not the real story to the original Donkey Kong game.
-Steve316Au@aol.com
Chad: AAARGH!!! Nobody EVER reads the disclaimer at the bottom of EVERY BLOODY PAGE ON THE SITE! These are creative liberties to help make more sense of the DKU. Swanky is basically identical to Donkey Kong in terms of looks, except that he has Wrinkly Kong's hair. It's very easy to see that they're brothers, making him Cranky and Wrinkly's son. Also, why would Cranky tour with Swanky in DKC3 if they weren't related. Old people generally aren't very trusting of strangers.
in your Swanky's Swank for DKC there is a question that says which kremling
is not in the game. Two of the choices are right but only one gives the right
answer. You obviuosly need to go play the games a few more times to get your
knowledge straight
-Steve316Au@aol.com
Chad: Ugh. You're such a knob. Okay, let's look at the question in question.
Which one of these baddies is not in DKC?
Krusha
Kritter
Kuchuka
Kannon
The obvious answer is Kuchuka, the bomb-throwing Kremling from DKC3. I'm sure the other "correct" answer you're talking about is Kannon. Well, in DKC2 K. Rool ordered the original Kremling army to mutilate themselves into pirates. Kannon is nothing more than a Klump with a pirate hat, belt, and cannon. Do your research before complaining to us. This is building up to a derogatory Mr. Mooney award for you, sir. One more quip out of you...
What is up with that picture of DK's butt? Do you guys like it or something?
-Jinjo Joe
Slush: It makes us horny.
In your DKC 2 quiz for the Question of how many animal buddies appear in the
game the right answer is 7 but you mark it wrong. Here is a tip dont make a
site if you know nothing about the game.
-Steve316Au@aol.com
Chad: Sorry, no. There are ten. Here, I'll count them out for you: Rambi, Enguarde, Squawks, Squeaks, Flapper, Rattly, Squitter, Clapper, Glimmer, and Winky. That's ten.  All of their bios can be found in the Big Ol' Donkey Kong Characters List: Singles Version (in English). I didn't think you would pull off another completely idiotic letter, but since you did, here's a Mr. Mooney award of shame. Ye-us!
I HATE POKEMON! IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE! I'M ALWAYS SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS WHO LOVE IT! I NEED HELP!
-matt.cornah@dial.pipex.com
Slush: You've come to the right place then.
I would like to know if there is anyway i can get my hands on the original doney kong game with mario jumping over the barrels on pc
yours sincerly
-michael
Chad: Is there some disease our readers are getting that's making them stupider?
The Top Ten Reasons Why DKC2 is, in Fact, a Video Game
Or Meghan is Bored and Stupid
10) There is no tenth reason. I was tired of this by then.
9) Intentional misspelling. Only in the world of DK will nearly everything begin with the letter K.
8) Cartoon spinoff. The less said, the better.
7) My dog does not like to play it.
6) Stuff. The Kongs carry around a ton of crap. So when someone asks, "Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" it's probably the former.
5) K. Rool is really my Great Aunt Melbatoast is disguise.
4) No, fool, 3 is not the lucky number. 100 is, as in 100 bananas = 1 life.
3) It is no way affiliated with cafeteria food, unless Lunchables are considered as such.
2) Immortality. Like our friends, the vampires, these creatures only come out at night and drink the blood of fair young maidens. That and they don't die.
1) The Ditz (TM). Yes, Dixie Kong is The Ditz, and don't bother to argue otherwise. Not only does she have blonde hair, and I-WILL-STOP-SMOKING obsession with bubblegum, and stock in AQUANET, but she wears . . . a fur coat.
I have no idea. I think I wrote it in my sleep. It scares me.
-Meghan
Chad: 10. Fair enough.
9. Right.
8. Ugh
7. His loss
6. Right
5. That would explain a lot.
4. Okay.
3. Even if Lunchables were considered as such (which they're not, because they're pure poison), it wouldn't matter, because the Lunchables promotion was for DK64.
2. Who doesn't die? There's lots of death in DKC2. I guess it's not a game after all.
1. Excuse me while Irun to Donkey Kong Island and beat Dixie upside the head with a "Fur is Murder" petition sign.
I wish I could write that in my sleep. You've got a gift.
Slush: What a @#%@#$#@ waste this letter is. This letter isn't of quality, or even OF BORGNINE QUALITY. However; being the professionial I am, I will respond to the questions written in this garbage.
she typed her thing up down my pikachu with the chef unfortunatly beans were against mokeys with wings so i digivolved into crap of grapes with chef in heck so i decided monkeys ate beards for mousepads up iMac for donuts had an at to monkey is a starrod from Kirby64 up my quamcuat. Pineapples to though for backpacks are teamed up to rule smushed beagle for appleworks and Mario figured Vern John was a Rice Chrispy Treat made of iceboxes made of video bridal gowns and the bad handwriting sounded alot like Goku11Tim which is a shame for coconuts are shaped like maps of trashcans littered with Emmitt Copeland and Gabrial Juleat of the Mothra dienisty. Unfortunatly, Duo Maxwell threw bricks into the great round making timetravel virtually blue for the rest of the simmester. You will eat a grapefruit packed with donuts by you answer me theese questions three
1. When was the last time you ate a donky?
The same day I realized how to spell "donkey."
2. would you 'do it' for a scooby snack?
Scooby-Doo sucks. I'd rather watch Yogi Bear.
3. how many cups of sugar does it take to get to the moon?
More cups than you've had pieces of ass.
4. why do seagulls fly over the sea? cause if they flew over the bay they'd
be bagels!
*rimshot*
5. how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie
pop?
It depends on the size of your tongue and how active your salivary glands are.
6. who loves orange soda?
My foot up Nickelodeon's....
7. would you like some more turkish delight???
Is that the same thing as an "afternoon delight?"
8. what's your favorite scary movie?
Surf Ninjas
Aha. By Tai you got it. Monkey See, doggie crap all over there. All over the place. Bwa-Ha-Ha!
One two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve - twelve bricks! How do you say brick in Spanish? I DON'T KNOW!!!! I am the supreme magical molting gumball fairy, and I say elephants on you. I know I know there is no cheese in heaven. There's Chai Tea though. Yum. Don't sit on my passion! Dopumopbopasopsop. Santa Clause is rotting in my chimney. I stole the screws from the gym hole puncher in sixth grade.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!
They said they just wanted to test my eyes, but I didn't believe them, no. I knew they were really aliens, yes. Yes, my precious. Tuna is looming over my shoulder. We stole ALL the Sweet n Low in exchange for free sushi. Well, almost free. They didn't like when I ate the moist towelettes. BUBBLES, BUBBLES, I CAN'T FIND ANY BUBBLES. CAN'T SLEEP, CLOWNS WILL EAT ME!!!
Do the Kongs like gumdrops?
Which is more I can say for you who are signing off your peanut butter with elephants. Bite, me Buttercup. I hope Mimi Bowbeck rots in my pits of lonatude. Alas, Kremlins are still as nuticious as Netscape Angrea. I have the perfect place to turn off catŐs adverb. ADVERBS KILL YOU KNOW<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Then from the cucumber came crap full of SirSlush when suddenly a Monty Python foot came down and stepped on all the Jigglypuffs. ŇThat was BroccoliÓ thought monkey flinger feces man as menanight frogs named Barthalamule were constantly being annoying by Chandler Bing from Friends. Oh, yes. Answe me more questions
1) Is George from Sienfield bald?
There is no George on "Sienfield."
2) Why is trash smelly?
The fluids.
3) Why were the little strawberrys upset?
Because the tangelos had molested them.
4) What is Mr. Nemo doing to cute lil’ Pikahu?
What the tangelos were doing to the strawberries.
5) Is that your final answer
Did you hear? Regis died early this evening from apparent suicide after reading your letter.
6) Do you like Pepsi 1
I liked Crytsal Pepsi.
7) How can Candy and DK..... you know if they don’t have genetalia
They both do. You can get a clear shot of DK's pecker in Mario Party.
8) Are you tired of me yet?
.....................
9) Who’s hotter, Gruntilda with Tooty’s prettyness, or Candy Kong
I wouldn't nail either one of them.
10) Do these questions go on forever?
Apparently they do.
11) Will you post a million zeros if I put them on
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I'm a man of my word.
12) Is our friend a virgin?
HAH!
13) Where’s the beef?
In my pants.
14) Do you smell-la-la what i’m cooking
Not particulary.
15) Guess what?
This is annoying me?
16) Do you ride a horse to work?
I ride a jackass to work. No particular relation to you.
17) Judges?
Ito, Judy, Joe Brown, Wampner.......
18) Moron.
That's not a question.
19) Crap, that’s not a question?
That's what I said.
20) Is Mario in SSB?
Yes
21) Is DK in SSB?
Yes
22) Is Link in SSB?
Yes
23) Is Samus in SSB?
Yes
24) Is Yoshi in SSB?
Yes
25) Is Kirby in SSB?
Yes
26) Is Fox in SSB?
Yes
27) Is Pikachu in SSB?
Yes.
28) Is Luigi in SSB ?
Yes, but why the sudden space after SSB?
29) Is Jigglypuff in SSB ?
Yes, but you spaced again.
30) Is Cpt. Falcon in SSB?
No, but Captain Falcon is.
31) Is Ness in SSB?
Yes
32) Is Metal Mario in SSB?
When it comes down to it, he's the same character as Mario.
33) Is Ginat DK in SSB?
No. What's a "ginat?"
34) What is your opinion of the characters mentioned in questions 20-33.
27 and 29 can go to Hell. Straight to Hell.
35) Why are you guys so full of bullsh**
We're lucky, I guess.
36) Why do you say arse as apposed to ass?
Kiss my arse.
37) Ass is spelled A-S-S, not A-R-S-E
And son of a bitch is spelled C-H-A-R-L-I-E.
38) Are you gonna kill me since my E-mail address is a Digimon’s name?
I'm going to kill you because you're a disciple of Cthulu.
39) How about if I told you that Kazooie was my best friend?
You'd be lying, as she's fictional.
40) How come you loathe Pokémon and Digimon (two good shows) and you actully
appriciate Monster Rancher (Satan).
Does Monster Rancher have a show? Oh, and Pokemon and Digimon are far from good shows.
41) Can I have Pikachu’s Intestines? (A Sneek ripped them out)
We've chilled them in our iceboxes.
42) What do Pokémon intestines taste like?
Ever tasted Republican?
43) Can I win Mr. Mooney for this
You're trying too hard.
44) Do Pikachu intestines taste good with Catsup.
No, but the Democrats do.
45) Which is the correct way of spelling the word? Katchup, Catsup, Katsup,
Catchup, or Beans
Tomato Paste.
46) Say hi to Chad, Slush, Our Friend, and Mr. Mooney?
Mr. Mooney doesn't work for the site.
47) Why is Rare Brittish?
Because they're not Shiites?
48) This is OFNstudios? Right?
No, but your letter is F'N stupid.
49) POKÉMON RULES!!!!!!!! Now can I win Mr. Mooney
That was weak.
50) Are you gonna post this message on your letters section without editing
it?
Yes.
This is my list of requests:
1) For you to stop dissing Pokémon
BURN IN HELL!
2) For you to think up more requests for me to say
Can you help me burn in Hell?
3) For me to have my own letters section like that other guy
Nope, instead we'll just put you at the bottom of the other guys section. Aw, poor guy...
4) To have sex with Dixie
Seem pretty confident it would fit in a monk....nevermind.....
5) For me to be webmaster for a week
No, but here's a site you CAN be a webmaster for....
6) For you to kiss my ass
My boat don't float that way.
7) I mean arse
Well, that changed everything.
8) I want you to say “You don’t eat the whole damn thing at once”
I'm getting tired of you.
9) For me to have a copy of Banjo-Tooie
I'm getting tired of you.
10) For you to say that DKU is a stupid sounding abbriviation and you should
call it something diffirent
I'm getting tired of you.
11) Beans!!!!!
For once we agree on something...
12) For me to be called “Charlie”
Uh-huh
13) For me To get Mr. Mooney award for this letter
It doesn't work that way.
14) I want me to have total domanint control forever over you guys
It doesn't work that way.
15) World Peace
If Jackie Chan can't deliver, then we can't either.
17) A Milky Way bar
Just shut up now.
18) An alein named Nurnie
How about one named Spewey?
19) for your responce to this one to have the word “bug” in it.
Your genitals are smaller than a bug.
20) a lava lamp
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.
21) I want to have sex with Candy
Be my guest.
22) I want to win Mr MOONEY!!!!!!!!
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
23) I wanna have sex with both Candy and Dixie
Don't forget to write to the Penthouse Forums.
-the sex muffin
Letter Archives
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