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07/20/00
Ohh, I still can't believe that I read through that whole of that last
letter. Oh well, that just goes to show you what happens to people who
obsess over Pokemon AND Digimon. Can we help them? No, it is too late
for them now.
But enough about crap. The letters section (as far as I'm aware anyway)
is for DKU letters, so I'll give you one about them. Hmm... I'm still
chugging through DKC 2 ... I haven't had the chance lately though. I'll
probably play it after I finish this letter. I'm up to the first level
of Krazy Kremland. Whooee!! Roller Coasters here I come!!
Whheeeee!!! I love the game. I'm really hoping that I can get DKC 1
and 3 soon.... and I might even get DKL 2 and 3 (at the moment I've only
got DKC2 and DKL1, obviously).
The latest DKU N64 game I'm anticipating is definitely Banjo-Tooie. I
can't wait for it!! Must have!! Even the taste I got of it was not
enough!! From what I played, it was everything you ever liked about
B-K, but MORE. Which is good. I'm looking forward to playing as Mumbo
Jumbo... that nutty shaman is just "the best"!
Well, that is my (extremely short) letter, as I know all of my adoring
fans have missed me so. It has been a while since I wrote into Letters.
But there you go. Now everyone can feel better, because I've written in
again.
-Aussie Ben
PS Don't forget the hookers! Hookers bashing up Pikachu with their
Stiletto high heels! Huzzah!!
Slush: Glad you're enjoying DKC2. Hopefully B-T will be able to rekindle some of that good old sequel magic.  Oh, and get the rest of the DKCs and DKLs as soon as possible. Or we'll kill you.
P.S. Sorry, no hookers bashing up Pikachu here. However, in honor of you playing DKC2, here's a fellow that you'll meet later in the game by the name of Screech that's playing with Pikachu. Uh oh! Screech isn't playing nice! In fact, he's playing with barbed wire and fleas! Poor, poor Pikachu....
Dear Our Freind,
My Jam Cam which I bought at KB Toys is the lousiest excuse for a digital camera ever! It takes 6 stupid pictures that are real small and so blurry you don't even know what you're looking at!!! I guess it is my fault...
Anyways, he seems to occupied by a human soul just like you. Only this guy is German and keeps saying "Ich bin eine homosexuelle Kamera" which I found that it meant "I am a gay camera"! How do I scare this German guy out my camera. He isn't that tough but hey, I don't want any gay camera guys in my room!!!!
-Little Luigi
Our Friend: I really doubt you've got a posessed camera, much less a queer German one. Aren't Germans the ones who have that "superior race" thing going? I don't think too many of them swing that way. Anyway, to get rid of him just bring in another camera that's shaped like an ass. Being gay, he'll naturally want to transfer his soul int...
Chad: Sorry, I'm going to have to cut him off there.
fhjfdlkhnflkasdhflsdhf ohfdjfbd asdkfjzSDOjcnjvsdflic fdhsdjkflahklxhnf
dkfhldhf.k;sdkld!!!!!
-ChuckP@coastalnet.com
Slush: fucp fucp fucp fucp fucp fucp fucp fucp fucp fucp fucp fucp!!!!!
Hi it's Gizmo and I have to say, this letters section was extremly strange.
I was wondering:
1) Am I the first person to ever get 3 lettters published in one letters
section?
2) Do the Kong's have a pet?
3) Does Cranky Kong ever get a new cane?
4) How old is Donkey Kong?
5) How old is Donkey Kong?
6) How old is Donkey Kong?
7) 3 times wow
8) Does Dixie Use Birth Control, or is Diddy gay.
9) Don't answer the last question.
10) Nevermind, Answer it.
11) oh wait, there is no 11.
Well That's my ponders, now please answer me! please!
Thank You,
-Gizmo
Chad: 1. Last Letters the winner of the Mr. Mooney Award got four published. He was put in his place each time.
2. Excluding the animal buddies, I don't think so.
3. In DKC he had a stick. In DKC2, he had two professionally-made, metal-tipped canes. So, yes.
4. 31
5. 31
6. 31
7. Wow indeed.
8. They practice abstinence. Diddy's got career aspirations, you know.
9. Too late.
10. Already did.
11. Great. Now we both look like idiots.
So, Slush, do you guys plan on adding any more additions to the Interactive area?
And since I'm already writing an email, why not ask if you or Chad have any other consoles except ones by Nintendo. I myself have a PSX but I'm not a fan of it. I was planning on buying the Dreamcast but I decided not too. I'm just going to wait and see.
-Little Luigi
P.S. In the past, I've owned Genisis if you want to count that.
Slush: We'll expand on our Interactive section in the future, but for now the Bulletin Board is the only one. Expect a Chat Room at some point, and who knows what else. Chad only owns all Nintendo systems, and so do I (well, I own a pre-NES Atari console that still works, believe it or not). After playing the PSX, Dreamcast, etc., I believe I've made fine purchasing decisions.
Can you take any pictures for me? Of Real Monkeys or something like that
-Gizmo
Chad: Yeah, here's some baboons destroying a car. Enjoy!
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Well, I know you haven't been scribing it for a while, but I'm just informing you about a message board I am rather surprised you haven't yet made your appearence on. Run by your nearest rival for number of stints in scribes, Amanda Marie Schroeder, aka iKablooie!, evil twin of Kazooie (bwaa ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaah)) and regularly visited by many regular Rareware contributors, including Chris Allcock (designer of the legendary Mr.Pants 2000 game) and those in the group responsible for the infamous Garry Haywood letters, the main feature is the Happy Question of the day, bringing out some excellent and creative replies from its readers. I'm not sure if you've been asked before; I was just checking you'd been informed :)
-HappyBob, a particularly (:Happy:) person who likes ham.
Slush: Funny thing about this letter. I'm not sure if it was actually meant for the site, or if it was meant for me because of my past exploits on the Scribes page at Rarewhere. Anyway, I checked out this message board, and saw quite a few Perfect Dark posts. For a second I thought I might have accidently gone to Gun Toting Retro Net's message board, but I was wrong. Anyway, as I've said before, this site takes up most of my time but I do occasionally send a letter to Loveday, but now it's mostly for stuff like Tepid Seats.
We'll post anything!
Good evening Our Friend (who is not really my friend, but Chad and Slush's friend, but that doesn't mean I don't want you to be my friend either.... aww, skip it.),
How have you been? Hopefully you're getting plenty of shots of hookers.... that hovering ability must be handy when you want to take (ahem) "creative" shots of people. I'm surprised you don't blackmail people by photographing people doing the dirtiest of deeds and ransoming them back. In fact, if given enough plotting time, you could even try to TAKE OVER THE WORLD! .....um. Or not.
You do indeed give Mr. Video Card a run for his money. He doesn't have and friends - perhaps it's because he's got no personality. Hah! No one can compete with you! Hey - have you ever thought of using your super hovering and other telekinetic abilities to destroy the spawn of hell that is Pikachu? You are the ulitmate force of good - or neutrality.
I know that I'm asking a big favour, but may I ask you how you how your soul ended up inhabiting a camera? I'm sure it's a very interesting tale, and if nothing else, it could be used for one of those filler articles in Reader's Digest. You know, the ones that they shove right down the bottom so that they don't have a blank page.
Anyway, that's all from me, because I'm still trying to sort out the whole thing at the top of the letter - my brain's doing loop-the-loops.
Cheers,
-Aussie Ben
Our Friend: Hey-hey! Two letters this time! I'm on a roll!
Nude humans sicken me. Sure, I used to be one, but after a while human nudity gets old. There's a picture of a hooker I met in Tahiti at right. And I've got plenty of pictures of Chad which I'll be auctioning on eBay soon. You can bet he'll be the high bidder on most of these... Heh heh heh...
By the way, I AM the video card. Whenever they're using the card I assume the soul of it. Same with the scanner. Get your facts straight. Anyway, my story is a bit like "The Love-Matic Grandpa" one. I floated up towards Heaven but was sucked into a jet intake and fell into a camera. Or that's a lie and I don't want to tell you. Choose whichever you wish. Yeah, that would look good right below "Campus Comedy".
Yo Chad here's an update for ya ADD MORE CHAPTERS TO YOUR Fun With Pass
A Story: The Epic Donkey Kong (Not A) Cock-And-Bull Story ok
-export@ns.sympatico.ca
Chad: Done. It seems like I'm only going to get single-answer questions this time. Herg.
Hi if you and Chad figured out who i am yet ill just say this.
Here are all the things i can think of that are same about Mario and Donkey
Kong
1.both there enemies have powerful black magic.
2.Both their main enemys have tails.
3.They both have main sidekicks that can jump higher than them and have had
games were the sidekicks are the main characters and have to rescue them.
4.they both have tv shows with their name on the title
5.i dunno
-Colin Gray
Slush: I hate the Super Mario Bros. movie! Mario Mario? Luigi Mario? That was the lamest way to explain why they're called the "Super Mario Bros." Isn't it enough just to say that Mario is the star and Luigi is the second banana and THAT's why they're called the Super Mario Bros.? Are they even called the Super Mario Bros. in the games anyway (besides the title)? That movie and the DKC show should go out for a bite to eat sometime. They'd get along good.
Hi I have sent letters to your site before but under my dads e-mail address
geuss who i was. Hint got the Mr.Moony award last month
-Colin Gray
Chad: YAWN.
I think I became a prominent Letters contributor with a long essay on some
gripes with the DKC sho..er, Lord Harry. I'm going to start a huge series
of essays on what's wrong with Lord Harry, going more in-depth than Slush's
Feature or my essay. So, without further ado, I present:
THE PROBLEMS WITH LORD HARRY, PART 1:CHARACTERS AND VOICES
In Lord Harry, the characters were butchered so that they ended up with very
few things similar to their DKU counterparts. Let's look at what's wrong
with these characters, and what's wrong with their horrible voices as well:
Donkey Kong:Well, they screwed with the main character. Yay. DK may look
the same at first glance, but you can see many differences. There's no
backwards DK on the tie, he walks upright instead of lumbering around, his
two front arms are always in a normal shape instead of drooped in front.
His brow is noticable also, as it is almost always facing up instead of
down. And DK's voice...Well, it doesn't fit him at all. In DK64, Donkey's
voice was deep and growly. In Lord Harry, he sounds like an 18-year-old
African-American that can't act at all. And his singing voice is
undoubtedly the worst on the show. It sounds like some operatic guy and
doesn't fit with either voice at all. While DK is the same dumbarse as in
the DKU, he can't do anything right and always screws them up. Very bad,
but things only get worse.
Candy:They totally ruined Candy. She looks absolutely nothing like her DKU
counterpart. She looks like an orangutan who just came out of the army.
The voice does suit her, but the actress simply cannot act or sing. A
terrible transition.
Be back soon.
-Behonkiss
Slush: You know you're in trouble when the main character of your show, someone the audience is supposed to care about, is a bumbling idiot that you'd rather see get defeated. Banana Slamma indeed.
Oh, and is Candy supposed to be the main villian in the show and not "Ka Rool?" Sometimes that's the way her attitude makes her appear. She's more sinister than the main bad guy!
hi chad at the end of the monkey rap clump throws a bomb at the screen and
it explodes in your face.
-Colin Gray
P.S.Nuking any better and now it and it is no funny little is a reading
thing he and the pillow of. R.C.M.P. fourth from the the copy
Chad: True.
P.S. THE HELL? Oh, hey, I got over one word on the post script! YES!
If there was a match between The Rock and Donkey Kong, who do you think will win?
-ChuckP@coastalnet.com
Slush: The Rock? Seriously, the Rock? Donkey Kong would tear apart his steriod filled arse. If professional wrestling wasn't scripted, I'm pretty sure even Paul Reubans could beat "the Rock."
Do you know where I can find a render of Honker the skunk?
-Lemoniefresh@aol.com
Chad: Yes.
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I hate Bluster Kong!!!
-ChuckP@coastalnet.com
Slush: We finally agree on something!
I read the bb and you said you got 105% in dkc3 if its true (which i
very much doupt) tell me how
-export@ns.sympatico.ca
Chad: See for yourself. And to get this rating, before you start a game, press LRRLRRLRLR on the empty file, and each time type in the codes TUFST and HARDR. These will make the game much more difficult and when you beat it, you'll get a 105% rating.
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I'm back. Hi
Expect more soon.
-Charlie
Slush: Oh lord. This deserves a Mr. Mooney Award. Ye-us!
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Our friend,
I have news on Mario Tennis.
The fifteenth and sixteenth characters are a Shy Guy and Donkey Kong
Junior ( I bet you're happy about that).
-Frankie.
Our Friend: Having no thumbs to speak of, I really don't give a rat's ass.
Are you expecting more!!!!!!
here.
1) Why did Dk cross the road
2) Why did you call me charlie
3) Why do you guys no like me
4) Why did you think of my letter
Arnold Shwatrzinager: I'll be back!!
-Charlie
Slush: 1) To visit his stock broker.
2) Why do we call Jesse Camp "dumbass?"
3) We only like people with good grammar.
4) Hmm...what do YOU think of watery diarrhea?
Judging from his performance as Mr. Freeze, I hope he won't be back.
hi
i hope you get this message cause i couldn't send it from your site. i love
your site. it has all the info you need from the faqs. i love dk.
im about to pass the game for the 4th or 5th time, the 201 bananas, the 20
fairies, etc. without any help from walkthroughs or any other help, i dont
get bored with it. actually, i love it more each time i play it or see
something from him.
you should put movies about dk64 like the intros, the rap, AND the final
acts after getting the 201 bananas.
-santiago_85@hotmail.com
Chad: Learn to use the Shift key. While those particular movie files would be rather redundant and huge, we will be utilizing the video card to its fullest soon. Oh, you just wait....
HI here's the stuff in a few catagories
Questions:
1.Do the Kongs like gumdrops?*
2.Was Chad born in the land of the Brits?
3.Are you gonna have a chat room in your site soon?
Request:
To be called Zinggy for every letter I send.**
*Someone sent a hole hell of sh-t in a letter and this question was hidden
in it.
**Other times i was called export@sympatico.com and i didn't like that.
P.S.Don't bitch whine or kill me about anything in this letter
-export@sympatico.com
P.S.Don't bitch whine or kill me about anything in this letter
Slush: 1. Do you like blowpops?
2. Sometimes I wonder that myself.
3. Someday.
Got it! Call you export@sympatico.com from now on! No problem, Zinggy!
P.S. That takes the fun out of my job. You really should put a space after the numbers, you know...
Here's part 1 of my 10 part series about Conker's adventure in South Park. I
know it doesn't have much yet, but it will soon.
-NESBoy216@aol.com
Chad: Okay, fine, you win. This will get its own Letters section.
Letter Archives
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