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08/30/00
You truly deceptioned me this time!!!
What happened???
-Santiago Lopez
Chad: Are you, by any chance, from Japan?
I just had to say this about your site IT ROCKS and the #1 reason for it
in my mind is that you don't have ads at the top and bottom of every
page that are worth less than f--kin sh-t(ya ya punch the monkey to win
20 bannana bucks).
-export@ns.sympatico.ca
P.S.If our friend uses the video card to type then why is his text
selectable with the mouse.
Slush: Hey now, I like punch the monkey. I can punch that little sucker every time. I can also kick it, shoot it, and spank it. Too bad they don't really give you twenty bucks on the spot. Those lying little bastards.
P.S. Our Friend is more gifted than you think. He rewired the video card himself (having the knowledge after he spent three years in consumer college, he says).
I'm waiting...................
-vanillagorilla-zimblot1@juno.com
Our Friend: Lick my battery case.
Since Pikachu decapatations don't come on request I will use reverse psychology.
I don't want to see pikachu being killed. I like pokemon. Look I'm playing pokemon. It's very very fun.
Look it's Pikachu, Look it's Pikachu, Look it's Pikachu, Look it's Pikachu, Look it's Pikachu, Look it's Pikachu, Look it's Pikachu, Look it's Pikachu, Look it's Pikachu, Look it's Pikachu, Look it's Pikachu, Look it's Pikachu, Look it's Pikachu, Look it's Pikachu, Look it's Pikachu, Look it's Pikachu, Look it's Pikachu, Look it's Pikachu, Look it's Pikachu, Look it's Pikachu, Look it's Pikachu,
-Psycho Brained Ramb
P.S. Pikachus everywhere better start killing them.
Slush: You know, if you wouldn't have pointed out the fact that you were using reverse psychology, then we may have put the Pikachu picture with your letter. Anyway, you didn't actually request who you wanted to waste Pikachu, which defeated the whole purpose of the letter. We don't let people choose who gets to smack around the Pocket Monster, but he'll get smacked around in every edition of Letters. Get it?
Butthead: Hey Beavis, I'll give you a buck if you dip your head in the deep
fryer.
Beavis: Cool.
(Dips it in, his hair becomes deep fried.)
Beavis: Yeah, I did it.
(Starts eating his deep fried hair.)
Butthead: You wuss, you're like, supposed to go in fully.
(A Pikachu walks by.)
Butthead: Hey Pikachu, you want the dollar?
Pikachu: Pika. (Sure.)
Butthead: Then stick your head in the deep fryer.
(Pikachu's not tall enough to get in so Beavis pushes him over. Butthead
takes out his skeleton.)
Beavis: Cool.
Butthead: Yeah, that was really cool.
-NES Boy
Chad: The best episode of that show was when they put the raccoon on the grill. Ah, memories.
Here are a list of things that are in my mind:
1. Why isn't the original Donkey Kong game in your Games list, yet it is in your time vine?
2. What happen if Banjo-Tooie is a pratical joke made by Rare?
3. Have you ever noticed that K.Rool looks like King Koopa from the Mario Bros. Cartoon?
4. The return of Wizpig, Diddy Kong Racing 2, a Tiptup game; When will it happen?!!
5. I like to see this wresting match: DK and Mario Vs. Sonic and Crash Bandicoot.
6. In DK64 (Dk's Home area), there is a platform where it looks like you stand on but catch reach, an empty cave,
and a place where you might be able to use the camera. hmmmmm...And with DKC GBA coming out looking
like its DK64 counterpart...
That's all I can think of for now.
Later!
-Chuck Roast
Slush: Well Palumbo, I'd be happy to answer your questions....
1. Because the events of the original Donkey Kong pertains to what later happened in the DKU games (Cranky, Mario, Donkey Kong Jr., etc.). The events happened, although not quite as depicted in the arcades.
2. Yeah, because they just love making early versions of the game to take to places like E3, only to pull off their masks like Jackie Chan and say, "HAHA! Foo' you!"
3. Yes I have. That King Koopa was more of a cross between Bowser and Wart though. I don't know what the animators were thinking.
4. Hopefully soon, hopefully someday, probably never.
5. Sonic and Crash would never get along. I could see Sonic turning on Crash to join up with the Nintendo characters. Of course, that wrestling match would never happen....because the characters are electronic.
6. I've reached the platform with the film on it with Tiny. Nothing is there but film. The empty cave (I presume you mean the Gold Banana Hoard cave) is probably empty just because Rare didn't bother putting the Hoard back in after you beat the game.
Dear slush,
I totally agree with you that pokemon is stupid. I mean,
besides the rat and other stupid creatures let's take a second and look at
the plot. First of all, the star is a normal kid up against other trainers.
Where's the heroism? Second of all how come he doesn't have a little friend
who follows him around and helps him when he's hurt?No levels, No lives, no
supernaturel enemies. Add this among other reasons and you have the
stupidest game on earth. And, compared to dkc, this game is an atari. I
hope you find this letter interesting but i gotta go.
a dk lover and pokemon hater,
-gr8dbatr
p.s. do you know what the next dk game's gonna be?
Chad: The hell did you send this letter to me for? And at least I like the original Pokemon games. (Red and Blue). They were pretty good, but became incredibly overhyped and spawned a bunch of arse. It's the N64 series, TV show, and merchandise that we can't stand.
P.S. Donkey Kong Country / Banjo-Tooie
sTOPP SHOwineG [piCTrus OFF pikahcU WIETH BLOUDe, adn horibel PAINE !!!!1!!
heis JSUT, A litEL muose !!?!1 LEAEV HIMALoen !!!!!11!!!!1!] or U wilL
BRUN in HELl !!!!!!"1.
Ah, it's good to be on the other side for once.
-Leigh L.
editor@rareware.com
Slush: And for me, it's terrifying to see only a fraction of what you must deal with. God, I feel sorry for you. Thanks for writing in though....and not updating....
I guess now is as good of time as any to see what our old friend Pikachu is up to. He's apparently figure skating, which is a relief. What harm could come to our friend figure skating? Hey, is that....Rubee? OH FOR THE LOVE OF MOSES! I forgot that Rubee's idol was Tonya Harding. Will the madness ever end
Chad,
What is E. Fischer & S. Mayles' first names, thank you.
-Somebody
Chad: Sorry, no idea. Rare likes keeping first names secretive for some reason. Only ones I know are Leigh Loveday, Chris Sutherland, David Wise, Greg Kirkhope, Tim Stamper, and Chris Stamper. The full names were in the B-K credits, but I was too busy laughing at the creative job titles. "Head Keytapper". Oh, that never gets old.
Here it is, DKU games and Pokemon Games are both GREAT games.
-Dantv64dan@aol.com
Slush: Pokemon games are GOOD games. Not GREAT games. Beware the hype machine. Have you seen the new Pokemon Gold/Silver commercial, where they treat the games as if they're a gift from God himself? The kid holds up the boxes of the games as if Jesus himself is residing in them both, with all the brainwashed kids below cheering as  if they just saw their first set of breasts. I despise that commercial, and I'm going to take my anger out on you with a Mr. Mooney award of horrible shame. Ye-us!
Hello? Did you miss me? F--k you for editing my letter. You are full of belly buttons. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. My cat is broken. FIX IT!
-Charlie Sex Muffin
Chad: I won't fix it until you drain me of bellybuttons.
I Played Mario Tennis at Target, And it was the best N64 game ever made
(other then SSB and Goldeneye) it was great, I am now gonna get it as soon as
it comes out, It is undoubtably the best game that does not include Pokemon.
-Gamingboy
Slush: "It is undoubtably the best game that does not include Pokemon."
I'm glad you said you were talking about Mario Tennis, because otherwise it would have been very vague.
It's hard to believe it's been one year, ok, it isn't. I just wanted to thank
you for all the updates and keeping your site so great.
That's it, plain and simple. Happy Birthday DKVine!
-Little Luigi, LittleLuigi85@gateway.net
Slush: You actually think we keep the site great? Hoo boy, you don't do a lot of web surfing, do you?
Well, it's been ONE long, eventful, exciting, brain numbing year at long
last! Congratulations! Every six months a site is on the internet is
equivalent to a year, so really, you're celebrating your 2nd year
online! WOW!! No wonder it felt soooo long!
We've had plenty of exciting things happening on DK Vine - E3, DK64,
Banjo-Tooie, and many other secret surprising games such as Dinosaur
Planet and Mario Party 3, which NO-ONE expected. That means the DKU
now has THREE trilogies! WOW!
And you've been there to report them all, with your crap...uh, UNIQUE
brand of humour!
There have been server crashes, lightning strikes, PCs struggling and
Bulliten Boards being uploaded, and all because of YOU TWO people, Chad
and Slush.
But this letter wouldn't be a tribute to DK Vine if we didn't include
everyone's favourite soul inhabiting a camera/video card, OUR FRIEND.
Yes, Our Friend, (or OF, as he will NEVER be called) who single handedly
defeated a poorly drawn Ghetto dude as well as a giant amoeba at the
same time. Quite the talented one, he is. And he can swear more
profanities than a.....HOOKER!
Yes, it has been quite an exciting year for Donkey Kong's Jungle Vine,
and with the unveiling of Dolphin, Game Boy Advance, a whole new
generation of DK games (and of course Mr. Pants' new exciting
adventure), it will be a great new year too. Cheers Chad, Slush and Our
Friend - you three have made my uneventful days at work more eventful
than ever!
Your pal,
-Aussie Ben
Chad: In the year I've been working on the site, this is the best Letter I've ever recieved. The only possible way I can reply to this is "Thank you." BIG thanks to you, Ben, as well as Little Luigi. Your two letters make me glad I stuck it out when our gift to the fans was bastardized by so many people. We're really glad you like the site, and can't wait for the next year. And the next. And the next. And the next. (sigh)
Well, back to the old grind...
This is just my opion but the DKC TV Show is awesome!
You don't agree with me, YOU'RE WRONG!!!!!
-BK (My initials)
PS: When do you plan to put Old King Coal's name in his description on the BT
Bosses list?
Slush: I know SirNick gets on us a lot for ripping off Conan O' Brien, but damnit I can't resist...
Yes, yes....the DKC Cartoon show is GREAT..............
......FOR ME TO POOP ON!!!
Dear, Chad and Slush although I'm sending this to Chad
I'm going to send this very lengthy letter in for the site anniversary. I call it:
What Donkey Kong 64 Could Have Been Like
This is made up from what I heard from IGN a couple of years ago while I was looking up pkmn gold (I like pokemon at that time) or some site I forgot. From what I heard I have already put together to form this. Heres how its starts:
In 1996-1997 after success of the DKC series Rare started to create a Donkey Kong game. Instead of it being on the N64 like now, Rare wanted it to be on CDs instead of cartidges for the 64DD. They started out by making Banjo-Kazooie to throw to the public as a test and to show up Mario 64 (noticed everything Mario had, B-K had an even bigger). Mario had a sub so B-K has clanker, Mario had a giant Snowman so B-K had an even bigger Snowman, Mario had an egyptian place so B-K had a even bigger egyptian place, Mario had a big castle so B-K had a bigger lair etc. Back to the boring story. Donkey Kong on 64DD was supposed to be one big world with a giant D.K island like in DKC (D.K size in DKC was almost the same size as D.K in DK64 was to the island because the silicon sprites stayed the same size, remember the size compare to Kongo Jungle, Monkey Mines and even smaller if compare when actually in the levels to the area map, My Point: the levels were magnified areas of the sub map !
which were magnified areas of the island map). With D. K living in that tree house with the cave in DKC instead of the guard treehouse, but the cave had bamboo bars to protect the banana hoard with switch you slam to open it. And at the end of the game the Banana hoard will stay full after the ending. Rare gave it the same plot as DK64 with more. With the blast-o-matic on Mechanical Crocodile Island. There were lots of "worlds" I would like to call areas instead. There was Kongo Jungle(Jungle), Monkey Mines(under ground), Vine Valley(evergreen forest), Gorilla Glaciers(mountains), Krem. co(Rusty Bucket Bay like but with factories, Chimp Cavens(Caves) and more. The Mechanical Crocodile Island was basically the same as Crocodile Island but rebuilt from the ruins of the old one. With K. Rools Keeps, Gloomy forest and Krem Quary. I guess there might have been a Northern Kremishpere being in the game and Spiral Mountain as a place just for fun in the game to unlock.
Okay enough said I will get to the point. In late 1998 when the 64DD add-on CD type, didn't make it to the market Rare started to panic. They had to make DK64 on cartigdes instead CDs. With one year left they panic and trashed or edited a bunch of level to make it fit. They even went as far as to made an expansion pak to make the game look like it was being played on the 64DD. They shrunk DK Island to 20x the size it would have been. Vine Vally was converted into Fungi Forest. Kongo Jungle was trashed partly with Jungle Japes area left. Lost Worlds were trashed. Some Characters were left out or not named. Gorilla Glacier was dump except for Crystal Caves. The top of Crystal Caves was kept but it didn't connect to the bottom like intended to. Krem. co was dumped excepted for Frantic Factory. Krem Quary turned into Gloomy Galloon. K. Rools Keeps turned into Creepy Castle. That Crochoptor whatever it was called turn into that jet thing. Tons of things were trashed. Some text and !
graphics changed. And Rare tried to keep this under raps. Finally the day came when DK64 was released. Everyone loved until what, no lost world. Two animal buddies only. A dumb pillar that did nothing. A small look out house that did least stuff than Banjo's house. Wheres D. K's treehouse with the lake at the back go? The lake is now outside of the banana hoard with hover vines above. Why is the Banana Hoard empty it wasn't in the ending? Why K. Rool only once and easy? At least it came with an expansion pak. I think it was sort of a good thing they changed the game if this really happened. Now they have more worlds and two places for D.K to rest for free if they ever make a RPG, and it's a good starting point for making Donkey Kong on Dolphin with a even bigger DVD instead CD.
-Somthing Rambi(needs a new Persona)
P.S. This is just a theory of mine put together so don't take it too seriously and it's not going to the faqs.
P.S. Happy anniversary dkvine.com
P.S. I was saving this for April fools, but I come up something.
P.S. I guess this would count as a fan fiction.
P.S. I know that the 64DD was only realesed in Japan. Just hope Japanese didn't get a better version DK64.
P.S. How far am I away from getting a Mr. Mooney for stupity and intellegence for sending this?
P.S. I will write a real Fan Fiction next time. Conker goes to South Park. Wait that's already been done.
P.B.S. Does anyone remember that network.
Chad: I'm not clear on something. For our anniversary you decided to piss us off? I hope you kept the reciept.
P.S. Damn right. FAQs is reserved for questions that nobody asks.
P.S. I'll forward this one to the DNS entry.
P.S. Uh?
P.S. Well, you've got the "fiction" part right...
P.S. They didn't.
P.S. Damn far.
P.S. It certainly has.
P.B.S. Yeah. They show dirty British TV shows. Every other joke on those things is about erections, and all the sitcoms star old people. I bet the stock value of Viagra is pretty low across the Atlantic.
Luigi's Mansion! Luigi's Mansion! Luigi's Mansion! Luigi's Mansion! Luigi's
Mansion! LUIGI'S MANSION!
L-U-I-G-I-'-S M-A-N-S-I-O-N! LUIGI ON DOLPHIN! Yah, Yahoo, Yipeeee!!!
-Little Luigi
Slush: Banjo-Kazooie Gamecube! Banjo-Kazooie Gamecube! Banjo-Kazooie Gamecube! Banjo-Kazooie Gamecube! Banjo-Kazooie Gamecube! BANJO-KAZOOIE GAMECUBE!
B-A-N-J-O-K-A-Z-O-O-I-E-G-A-M-E-C-U-B-E! B-K ON DOLPHIN! Yah, Yahoo, Yipeeee!!!
Hmm... I was wondering.... I'd like to nominate my site for inclusion in your links section. The site’s titled TheRubberChickeN64 and URL is at removed, astonishingly enough.
Basically it's an N64 fansite that doesn't try to disguise its weirdness. Along with the usual mess of news and reviews, we have a horde of humour-based content such as animations (check out "Happy Adventure") and Vs reviews (with comparisons such as “MK Mythologies Vs Some kind of giant… rabbit” and “The PSX Vs A slap in the face”).
So how ‘bout it? I’d naturally have no problem in linking back
-HappyBob
Chad: Before you bash my face in with a rusty pail, let me welcome you to the Vine, as you're a fairly new visitor. Now then, you're probably wondering why I removed your URL. Here, if another fan site wishes to be in links, they must prove their worth. So far no one has passed any of our tests. So if you still want to be in Links, answer these three questions by the next Letters edition.
1. Name two members of the A-Team.
2. Name all four Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (spelling counts).
3. Rare actually made a B-K render of Banjo and Kazooie playing their musical instruments, but it was only shown in one place. What is this place?
Good luck.
When are you going to update your letters section.
P.S.I realize this is stupid I'm sending you a letter asking about
letters.
P.P.S.Without letters the bulliten board is the only thing that keeps me
on your site.
P.P.P.S.Other people enjoy the bulliten board so don't take it away.
P.P.P.P.S.Your Heroes of Kazaam game is COMPLETLY INSANE,i like it.
-export@ns.sympatico.ca
Slush: It's so nice of you to say how you don't enjoy the rest of our site excluding Letters and the Bulletin Board. We'll keep cranking out the crap, just for you my friend. Unless we take the Bulletin Board away. Seeing as how so many people enjoy it, that may be the right idea. Because I'm really the frozen head of Adolph Hitler, you see. I type with my mustache.
You people make me sick! Go suck on lemons!
-Ness554@aol.com
Chad: I'm not feeling particularly witty tonight, so I'll just reply with "no."
I've compiled some of the best (that is, the most idiotic/sometimes witty)
posts that have been, er, posted on the bulletin board.
TOP TEN BULLETIN BOARD QUOTES
(In no particular order)
1.) "How long did it took you to made the game??" -Mokitos
2.) "I apologize for finding those glitches and saying, but a second chance
is all I'm asking for." -Jon
3.) "Geez, why can't you just accept that one of our staffmembers is a camera
which happens to be inhabited by a human soul?" -Chad
4.) "Leigh Loveday IS Garry Haywood!" -HappyBob
5.) "'Other' for me is the Boobie Factor." -Slush
6.) "Zinggy, You forgot to capitilize D on die, H on hey, you forgot to end
both sentences with a period or an exclamation mark, put a comma after hey,
and capitilize you I's all in the matter of 14 words." -Vanilla Gorilla Kong
7.) "We need a Evil Chad and Our Enemy the gay german camera haunting Gizmo."
- Prime8
8.) "And Mario and Luigi alternate between Brooklyn and the Mushroom Kingdom,
correct?" -Aussie Ben
9.) "Actually, judgin from M.C. Hammer's financial status, it's pretty clear
that you CAN touch this." -Slush
10.) "A farmhouse might be better!" -Gizmo, in response to Slush's threat to
convert the Bulletin Board into a farmhouse
-SirNick
P.S. I think that your Letters section is turning into crap - please, for the
love of God, just screen some of the letters from the mentally ill!
P.P.S. Is it a growing fad or something to use exclamation points followed by
a one? I'm sure you see it all the time (ex. B-K Ro0lz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1).
Slush: I agree with your list for the most part. I do pity you, wading through the weeks of horsesh-t that the Bulletin Board dumps out, to find the best posts. Man, you're hardcore.
P.S. We've already started to take care of the problem.
P.P.S. ESKImO PiES HiT ThE SpOT!!111!!!!11!!
I got a great idea! Since Game Cube is coming out in 2001, and Banjo-Tooie is
coming out in 2000, will Rareware call the Banjo-Kazooie game on Game Cube
Banjo-Threely?
-KAVM3@aol.com
Chad: I'd rather they call it Banjo-Kazooie³, as it plays on both the system name and the fact that it's the third in the series.
DK CARTOON IS GONIG TO CANCELLED!!!!!!!
( I hope...)
-ChuckP@coastalnet.com
Slush: Grandma Gladys says...
"THANK 'YA JESUS!!!!!"
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Donkey Kong Universe is an independent game news source with no affiliation to Nintendo, Microsoft, or any other developer. All original content copyright © 1999 - 2008 File Two Productions.
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