Donkey Kong's Jungle Vine: Letters



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	Oh, look. It's (insert name here) and his/her lovely friend/significant other, (insert name here). Since we obviously get to know each and every one of you, you should trust us with anything when writing in. Even secret government files. Ahem. So go on, e-mail Ben, Andrey, Slush, Chad, and if you're really desperate, Our Friend and see if we're not too conceited to give you a bit of recognition. 09/07/01 We're not paranoid. We can say without a trace of irony you're all out to get us! Okay then, answer this.....which "DKU" character would like to see in Smahs Bros.? Not Conker since he has way in hell of being in an E-Rated game now that he's M-Rated. And if Rare ever makes another SFA game, do you think Tricky would in this game? -Ness554 PS: I never said I wanted that award. Why would anyone want an award in the shape of DK's butt? Let's face it. You guys suck. Chad: Diddy or Mumbo. P.S. Shut up, f-ckhead. dear Mr. Slush, 1) why is K. Rool so intent on getting that one crystal coconut in the DKC tv show? in DK64 he could just grab tons of them from in levels, but he doesn't. I think it's just one of the things that makes the show really stink compared to the rest of the DKU. 2) do you think that BK:GR will have some sort of link cable hook-up multiplayer or co-op thing? I think I heard that the 2 would get most of thier moves back, and if they learn split up, it would be cool to have player 1 as banjo and player 2 as kazooie, running around getting stuff AT THE SAME TIME. I got a game boy advance 75% for BK:GR and whatever other DKU games come for it. 3) why is the camera called "our friend"? I'd ask him, but I'm already into this letter. thanks. I wouldn't mind too much if you give these smart-arse answers, but try to get the answers across. please? -ness100 Slush: Me? A smart-arse? While I find it flattering that you compliment me on my posterior, I was hoping it would be centering around how toned it is. I mean, if you could only see it... 1: You just answered your own question. The show is the CGI-generated cartoon equivalent of George W. Bush. Why the Kongs just don't wish away Ka Rool with the Crystal Coconut is the bigger mystery, though. Although, to be fair, the concept of the multiple, weakened versions of the Crystal Coconut wasn't added to the DKU until after Lord Harry made its debut. 2: While it's possible, I doubt it. I still wonder why Rare never utilized the Game Boy Link for the Donkey Kong Land games, adding 2-Player Team and Contest as optioins. Not that it took away from them, as they're classics, but it was still an oversight, unless there was a reason they couldn't put it in. But B-K: GR is another day, many years later, so who knows? 3: That's his name. He was born as Our Friend. Don't question it. PLEASE DON'T GET RID OF THE RADIO STATION!!!! PLEEEEEEASE!!!!! -Ness554@aol.com Slush: Okay... we'll be sure not to. Thanks for the desperate insanity plea. Oh, just take it. Ye-us! Hi! I don't know if you'll can answer my question but I'll try... I didn't found any sites about that so if you know it, can you tell me where are the 100 bananas of Diddy in Creepy Castle? I hope that you can help me... bye! -Andree Gagnon Slush: Let me get this straight. You want me to tell you, verbally, where the 100 bananas are for Diddy in Creepy Castle. Do you know how ridiculous and absurd that is? I mean, I'm about as hardcore of a DKU fanatic as they come, and even I don't know off the top of my head where they are. Just buy the Player's Guide if you're that desperate, brother. I remember there are about fifteen in the ballroom if that helps, but it probably doesn't since you want them all. Sheesh! That sounded too much like a Chad response. I'm sorry. But seriously, if you're that lost, buy the Player's Guide. I did, but just for the pretty renders. chad, you are the greatest for making all these cool mp3s. can you do donkey kong64 and banjo tooie mp3s? or even blast corps? coz that'd be great. -Ben Shpayer Chad: Yeah, I rule, whatever. We're in the midst of a bunch of DK64 MP3s, but I doubt I'll make B-T Mp3s, because I thought most of the music sucked, and don't want to spend the time working on them. And Blast Corps isn't DKU. Ben: Unless you count that really hairy woman who says "You're just trying to impress me." as a distant relative of Lanky Kong. Slush: Don't be anal, Chad. If I have to make the B-T MP3s myself, I will. I love Banjo-Tooie... Dear Mr. Andrey Very few had sent you an E-mail,but that is okay because since you are new here and you should give people time.The questions: 1-Oops!This one is for Mr. Chad... 2-Yikes!This one is for Mr. Aussie Ben... 3-Yeow!This one is for Mr. Ben too... 4-What were your favorite games at E3? 5-How did you manage to become part of the DKVine.com team? 6-Do plan to change anything on the webpages of this swearing site? I have a suggestion:How about Sir Slush change the Letters Section's system?By answering the E-mail once every two weeks which gives quite a lot of advantages like:Reducing the amount of E-mail which is recieved and answered by the end of each month. People getting their E-mail answered early. And reducing the anger and swearing of the impatient. This is all... -Hope(N Forever) Andrey: Don't worry yourself about it. It turns out that radio silence was just a prelude to more mail than you can shake a death threat at. You should check out some of the nuggets I recieved in "response" to some of my features. Whether they be serious or not. Some people thought I actually hated the games in DKU Abuse. Hah! 1. That 2. Was 3. Hurtful 4. E3? Boy is this sucker an old one, eh? I really wet myself over DoKR way back in May, and Spaceworld has done nothing to change that, DKU or not. Kremlantis here we come, baby! 5. I'd known Chad since slightly before he started DKVine with Slush. After the site's launch I was basically always in the know about what went on here- hah- I even pointed out, to Chad, that font you see the title using right now! And when I quit RareOps there was basically nowhere else for me to go except Rare-Extreme. Wouldn't that have been great? cue monotone laughter tape 6. Do I plan to change anything? I think I already have, really, by writing a bunch of things that didn't conform with people's mindsets and contradicted everything they hold dear, I made DKVine recieve more hatemail than it did before! And, for some odd reason, I put my name in the title of a whole bunch of features, which seemed fun and fitting at the time, but now that I look at it, makes me look like some kind of glory-hogging selfish jerk, which the hatemail both contradicts and backs up. Hmm. I should change those, I think. I hate it when I come off as selfish. 7. Letters is written completely irregularly and attempting to box it inside some kind of timeframe would only end in chaos. Look how much trouble we have getting it out already! Yo! I've been listening to your online radio thingo practically nonstop (I'm rather disappointed you're reading Accounts for your first live broadcast and not about how crappy the castle in SM64 looked), and I've noticed that the Bad Fur Day music sounds even better than the .mp3s you recorded. Chucky Poo's Lament sounds helluva lot better. I am almost certain that you ripped them from the soundtrack, but WHERE did you get that soundtrack? I want that soundtrack!!! I've also noticed that you're lacking vegetables. You should eat more veggies. And I want to try to get my website on your link's page. The link is (deleted) which I'm certain you'll edit. I can take your questions!!! Gwarrr!!! Finally, don't forget that drugs....aren't...that bad. -BaronKrusha Chad: eBay, my good friend. Home of 15 variations of Mulder's "I Want To Believe" poster, and the Grated Cheese Monkey Man. Slush eats the vegetables for the both of us. Damn tree hugger. I don't feel like giving out links to people who can answer questions any more. From now on, we only link Virtual Boy sites. Dear Ben, This question is really for all of you, but since you asked for email in the updates and since Chad will yell at me if I send it to each of you idividually, I've decided to let you field this one. Have any members of the staff (including Our Freind) met one of the other members in person? -Sparky Z Ben: Well Sparky, me young feller-me-lad, as it was difficult enough for me to make it to E3 in 2000 (which set me flat broke, not to mention that I wasn't staff during that time), I haven't yet been able to take a trip to the US to visit Chad and Our Friend, Canada to visit Andrey, and Puncuatonia to visit Slush. Puncuatonia is chock full of dangerous semicolons, or so Slush tells me. So I'm not going there in a hurry. I think the only staff members who have met are Chad and Our Friend, since they share the same residence - which I think is something Chad regrets daily. shudder Oh, that time Chad was telling me about the battery acid... Hello how are you? Great web site. I was just wondering if there is any actual evidence of conkers other bad fur day coming out because i dont really see how with an ending like the one in the first game rare could come up with a very good second installment. I mean how good of a game could they come up with after having berri killed and everything taken away from conker that fueled his journey? I was just wondering if you see things the way i do or different. Thank you for taking the time to read my letter. -Andrew Chad: No, there's no actual evidence. It's been directly hinted at by CBFD's director a few times, and there was a rumor a few months ago about the sequel's title, Conker's Other Bad Day. There are tons of directions Rare could go with the plot as it is. I'm actually hoping that since death (both the ambience and the personification) will be unquestionably involved, the game will focus on the paranormal. Imagine helping Conker round up livestock for a wayward Chupacabra. �Mmmm, que rico! On your 7-30-01 update, you asked for ideas of DKU topics. Here are just a few measly ideas you can start: 1. You can start a long, continuous story. Write one chapter of a DKU story and post it. Then, you end the chapter with a hanging conclusion, and somebody else writes the next one. You post that, and somebody else continues. Get it? This is just a stupid way to mess around with the DKU. 2. You can, uh, I don't know, hold a contest? People can send in their high scores on some DKU game and they get posted (no prizes, that would be too hard on you). 3. For the Artwork section, people can start sending in pictures of DKU characters drawn by an Etch-a-Sketch thing. They can take a picture of their drawings and send them in. 4. You can start a story about what would have happened in the DKU if a major event never occurred, like in Grunty's Revenge. For example, if K. Rool never faced the Kongs in DKC2 for a second time, Crocodile Isle would never have sunken, and perhaps DKC3 and DK64 would never have happened or have been altered. There some corny ideas. I hope they somewhat help. Good luck, and great job on the site! -Some Guy (?????? ????) Chad: 1. Slush and I have the DKU Cock and Bull Epic thing that's exactly as you describe. 2. We have DKL III Time Attack times. 3. If anyone wants to spend their time making a non-crap DKU drawing on Etch-a-Sketch, then by all means... 4. Interesting, though I can't see it really going anywhere. Thanks for the ideas, though we're already doing most of them. Are you even a DKU fan? -Grllawoyer@aol.com Andrey: No. The DKU Abuses are entirely serious. I'm really an infiltrating usurper from Rare-Extreme who hates humanity and the dollar coin. Diddy is DK's son. It's me, the bastard who "cheated" on the alt tag contest. Well, here is my apology letter to you: I'm sorry. Really, I am. You spent your free time to provide your fans with a nice little puzzle. Many of them worked hard looking at dozens and dozens of little Conkerv heads. But then, late that fateful night, I was pondering in my room. Then it struck me: "Chad taught me about a trick to view a page's HTML! Perhaps I could use this to find the hidden alt tag!" Then I scrambled to the closest computer. I proceeded directly to the "puzzle page." I employed the "View Source" tactic, while conversing with Bucca, everyone's favorite Bulletin Boardite with poor grammar. I was baffled by the Text document of my work...But then: "Oh look, a long list of numbers! Perhaps if I try the first four numbers..." I went to the guessed head, and I was correct! I hastily type up an e-mail with the proper number. Then I received an e-mail with the special Feature! Good Feature, by the way. I then posted on the forums about my "brilliant tactic." Then, after the peoples' response. I found my wrong-doing. I felt like one of those damn GameShark junkies, who cheat to complete a game while the others worked hard to earn it. Random Guy: Yay! I found it after searching for two hours! Me: ha ha ha ha n00b!!!!11!!! i f0ud it in fve minites! carter 0wnz j00! I feel like a rancid piece of filth.. So, Andrey, I hope that you can accept this apology... -Sir Carter AKA Super Shy Guy PS: You're doing a bang up job. I think you're a brilliant addition to the site. Keep up the good work Andrey: Water under the bridge. I probably should've declared a long list of other variables, eh? To confuse people. Why does water under the bridge meanwhat it does, anyway? Cause it flows away from you? Not the bit under the bridge, it doesn't. And what's this bridge have to do with anything, anyway? Is it over the River Kwai? Hey, I was wondering if they made a Donkey kong 64 Soundtrack, and if they did, would you know where I could get any inforamtion at all on it (like the songs that are on it and whatnot) or possibly where I could get it? Thanks a lot! -WillyWang9@aol.com Ben: You are indeed correct, WillyWang9 (...) - there was a Donkey Kong 64 Soundtrack produced back in 1999. It would be pretty difficult to obtain it now, as I'd guess it stopped being manufactured approximately two years ago, but you could always scour eBay for a copy. Shouldn't be too hard to track down, as long as you have perserverence and the willingness to track down one of the most incomplete and inaccurate soundtracks ever produced. Get it for the comedic value of reading one of the tracks listed as "Klanky's Tune" alone. I STILL laugh at that. And I could list every song available on the CD, or I could close Wordpad and go play some Galactic Pinball. Bye. I am a big fan of the BGM's of the DKC games and I was wondering if you knew someplace where I could download good mp3's of the BGM's from the DKC games, especially the first two. -SCK P.S. I found the radio broadcast from yesterday, it was pretty funny, which one of you was that? Chad: No, I don't know where you can find those MP3s. We have a few in our Top Ten DKU Melodies feature. P.S. All four of us have recorded song buffers for the radio, so it could have been any one of us. I finally got off my lazy arse and wrote another DKVine Adventures. So, here it is. DKVine Adventures Episode 3: Rumble in the Afterlife -Ivytoise2001 Chad: Great one, though the concept of Gregg having siblings seems kind of... off... As you probably know Rare seems to have a habit of sneaking nasty things into their innocent looking games. Like esra in BT which is backwards for arse. Anyway in the up comming Donkey Kong Racing it looks like they are sneaking something in once more, I didn't realize it until I thought about it. It's Taj a big fat genie elephant. This guy is a rider. But what happens when Taj is on top of Ellie. A male genie elephant on top of a young female elephant. Sure Taj would probably enjoy riding on Ellie A LOT but That makes Taj a sexual child abuser. So beware of Taj the pervert. -JayJay Andrey: Does it really have to be an elephant, when you get right down to it? They're all sentient animals with equal levels of intelligence. Rambi understands DK just fine. So that makes the entire game a big orgy, doesn't it? Or maybe you should just take some more pills. Either way nobody cares. Slush: Well, the animal buddies are normal animals compared to the rest. They can't speak, besides the parrots, and they're not intelligent like the apes, bears, or Taj's bitches. Hey, Ben. I think I made up an explanation for Grunty's Revenge's plot that makes sense. Of course, it all starts from the ending of Banjo-Kazooie. Of course, I still stick with my theory until Rare smacks me with a fish and tells me that I'm wrong. But, it may remain a mystery forever. Universes 1 & 2: Banjo-Kazooie happens. 1 & 2: Gruntilda shoots the green bolt, missing on purpose (Remember that?), time-twisting the second universe into a parallel counter-part of the first. 1 & 2: Gruntilda is crushed by rock, Klungo attempts to save her. 1: (Banjo-Tooie) Sisters come and free Gruntilda with their drilling machine Hag 1. Jinjo Village becomes in trouble, B and K save the village and countless others by decapitating Boney-Grunty. Tooty remains missing. 2: (Grunty's Revenge - The Banjo-Tooie story that never happened) Sisters never existed, Klungo gets Gruntilda out from under the rock. Boney-Grunty builds a cyborg body (The drilling machine Hag 1's counter-part) and ironically names that Hag 1. Humba Wumba was never introduced; hence they never had to visit Jinjo Village in the first place. B and K defeat Cyborg-Grunty. Tooty remains missing. 1 & 2: The spell is gone after Grunty's defeat(s?). The universes become one, just as they were in Banjo-Kazooie. Gamecube story remains a mystery now. Alright, I'm thinking too much. My head hurts. What do you think? -WaiDee64@aol.com Ben: Phew! Dug this one from deep in my inbox! Bet you thought I'd never print it, did you? You don't care, do you? No, I thought not. sigh I think you are thinking too much, WaiDee64. You don't need to explain away Grunty's Revenge, because it's not meant to be explained away. It's not a 'huge gaping plothole' such as Cel Shaded Zelda (Link steps into the looking-glass, into a world where Pixar and Mickey Mouse run rampant). No, Grunty's Revenge is, as previously mentioned (by Rare), a 'what-if' scenario. An idea pursued by 'The French Lieutenant's Wife', and to a lesser extent, 'Sliding Doors' (and to a MUCH lesser extent, 'The Family Man'). It's best explained in Discworld - what we're seeing here is a "Trousers of Time" effect: one where one event branches off into two possibilities. Thus ends our lesson on hypothetical alternate reality theorem. Andrey: Or you could think outside the box and look at the timeline as a whole. A series of set events not defined by the actions of those within it, just as the fly can't find its way out of the bottle in the flybottle (ahem) argument. This way, a time machine is already part of the timeline and you can use it to go back in time, but won't be able to do anything to alter the future because the future is the way it because you already HAVE been in the past and didn't change a thing. Maybe you were going to dive in front of Kennedy that fateful day, but slipped on a banana peel. If a path is present before we walk it, then there's no problem. Slush: Or it's like those season finale episodes of NewsRadio with Phil Hartman hosting a "what-if" scenario, like the radio station being a space station, or a doomed luxury liner, and then they all die at the end except Bill and Matthew. See, this is why I shouldn't follow Andrey... you like email? -Roxane Harmon Slush: Anymore, if it's not spam telling me I can witness the slurping of multi-racial penises, I love e-mail here is some more emaile for you you email hater. -Roxane Harmon Our Friend: How productive of you! The future of the world looks bright with you, the youth of tomorrow. I really need to start smoking narcotics to relieve myself from the pain that is my life. Cool, my first letter to the DKVine Staff. First of all I would like to say that I'm sorry about hounding you about DKU MP3s in the forums, etc. I didn't realize that there was an actual reason why you didn't. I thought you were just being your the-world-sucks-and-so-I-must-make-sure-your-world-sucks-as-well-by-refusing- you-your-most-sought-after-desire self. (which, I might add was not without precident). There is however one request that I regret I must make. The CBFD MP3 section isn'tupdated to include the recent soundtrack. As I am unallowed to own anything Conker until I'm older, I hope that you could replace any Conker MP3s with their "official" soundtrack counterparts. this way, no bandwidth is sacraficed. -Sparky Z Chad: Bandwidth would still be sacrificed, since people would run over there to download the new versions. I'll probably end up doing it one day anyway, so buck up. chad, you are so THE MAN! I just cant get enough of these mp3s! keep em coming baby- you the best. again- you the best! -Ben Shpayer Chad: Well hey - someone likes the MP3s. I would have made more of them already, but I don't feel like starting a new game just to get inside the giant fish in Gloomy Galleon. Thanks for the praise and all that, but I think Ben deserves more credit for his ringtones. Let's have some more of those, man! Hi Andrey Your abuses are great, even more after you got a lousy piece of paper. No trophy at all. I think you should do an abuse on Miyamoto games. Bad Miyamotor Skills was great but non of his games were picked apart. It's been all abuse on DKU games. -JayJay Andrey: Ah, it's you. I'll be doing one final DKU Abuse in the near future, but I'm not going to set a date because that would just complicate things. There were a lot of people that didn't take well to Miyamotor Skills- saw their whole world crumbling. We'll meet them later, but for now, thanks for having an open mind. Peace be with you. Godstrength etc. "If you all sent me more mail, we'd have a decent update where I'd get to humiliate some poor soul for no reason. Come on! It's no fun to have an empty mailbox! I'm hale and hearty - and do you know why?" I sent an exceedingly long DKC2 review to one of you (I think it was Chad or Slush) over a week ago! And, don't say it was crap, coz it wasn't bad enough to not be included. -Ben Cartledge Ben: You replied to my update in less than ten minutes. Impressive. You also managed to quote too much of the update, making yourself look like a fool. I've got to admit, your letter was just what I needed. And stop your bitching, sir. Your DKC2 Review's been up for weeks. Look - I even took time out of my busy schedule to dig it out for you. And since when has being crap stopped us from including stuff? Well, there was that...no wait, no, there wasn't. Why was Kasplat not featured in the cult characters thing, he is best, better than Dixie, with his two word vocabulary and nifty dennis rodman look. -VictorySaber8585@aol.com Slush: Because Kasplats are drones. Plus, we don't consider them cultish characters. An example of a more cult drone would be Hogwash or Kleever. Big swords and flying pigs. I'm sure there's a metaphor to be somewhere there, I just can't figure out what. I really like the MP3 music of Donkey Kong 64 on your site. I think the music files are great. Can you do me a favor, please? Can you add the Fungi Forest (Daytime) and the Crystal Caves music in the MP3 section on your website, please? I would like that. Thanks for you time. -Matt Williams Chad: All in good time. Jesus, are MP3s the only thing I'm good for around here? Slush: I asked for a cup of coffee twenty minutes ago. Yeah, I know that Miyamoto doesn't have much to do with the current games, but the current games are not why I revere him as a diety. It was what he acomplished. When he started programming games, he was not a gamer. He quickly rose the company ladder from a minor designer to their trademark guy by creating Donkey Kong. And from there, he continues to make most of my favorite games. But the real reason he's revered as a diety? Well, no other designer is talked about. Nobody knows who makes Rare games, but everyone knows Miyamoto. I STILL don't remember the name of the guy who made Chrono Trigger, my FAVORITE game, but everyone knows Miyamoto! But still, you gotta admit, Super Mario Brothers three kicks more ass than anything Rare could make. -SirAdamCooper@aol.com Andrey: You can't revere someone as a diety unless they're actually out dietying. Look what happened ot the Spice Girls. The only reason Miyamoto is the only one talked about is because of everything I listed in the feature. There are other, better people out there! Look at Flash Animation Zelda and tell me what you think of him now. By the way, I really hate it when people make unsubstantiated claims like that bit about SMB3 being better than anything Rare could make. Rare could make something better than SMB3, I'm certain. And I'm not even going to talk about imaginary games, which you can promote as much as you want in the privacy of your own home. Nolan Bushnell! Now gimmie my dogbiscuts! -GoshiYoshi@aol.com Andrey: If this email wasn't titled "I know who created Pong", I would have made fun of you for being nonsensical. Now I can make fun of you for knowing who created Pong. Or revealing this, just for some measly dog buiscuits. So it all evens out, I suppose. Here you go. Which one of you guys at DK jungle vine made up squeaks and flapper? -CrystalSnail2@aol.com Chad: We didn't make them up. They can both be seen in Parrot Chute Panic from DKC2. Honestly. Hi, on your forums I have noticed that you have a Conker avatar that appears to have been taken from a Conker's Bad Fur Day render. Could you please tell me where you found the render (if it is indeed a render) as I would like to use them for my site. Thank You. -Martin Chad: We got the picture from a secret batch of GAMECUBE Conker's Day In Camp Killsaw screenshots that were smuggled to us from within Rare's offices. I'm being haunted by a ghost. At least I think I am. At night my room makes funny sounds. My room is cold, a little too cold for summer. And the most freaky thing, my calender keeps flipping ahead to November. I swear I put on August. Everytime I do, it changes back to November. Since your a ghost I thought you could help. How did Chad trap you in a camera? How do I trap ghostes in cameras? You have to tell me.. -JayJay Our Friend: Dude, I'm not a ghost. I'm a spirit trapped in a camera. I never died, comprende? All I can say is, if the ghost starts scratching you, I know this psychic that can help. His name is Peter James, and his mustache is a different color than his hair. We used to go south of the border to score some hot latina action a few years back. Yes, those were the days.... WTF, I didn't click send dammit. -JayJay, dam ghostes Our Friend: If you could, would you get another camera to take a picture of him so Chad and Slush can do a Feature about ghosts this time? I'm sure they can start out talking about Kackle and then begin to babble about recorded spirit energy, repeating hauntings, and some other sh-t unrelated to the DKU. Dear Sir Slush II, Lately, I have found that some of the older DKU games, such as Donkey Kong Country, have not held the chalenge that they once did. This makes them less fun in some ways. I was wondering what to do about this, but then I found this. I was thinking that you could make a similar feature. There would be the obvious challenges like clearing every square on Grunty's Furnace Fun, and there could be less obviouse ones, like hitting both of Jinxy's nostrils from the same pillar. You could accept suggestions from us, the readers, and I think it could help add some replay value to some of the games that we have memerised pixle by pixle. Thanks for your time -Sparky Z Slush: Maybe someday, but probably not anytime soon. Of course, we're entertained by just watching Donkey and Diddy stand still in Donkey Kong Country. Honestly. Either for the SNES or Game Boy Color. We just sit there, clapping our hands and drooling, occasionally mumbling something like, "Yay!" When Andrey does it, he reminds me of Corky from Life Goes On. Then we invite the real Corky over and he stares at them for hours, which causes an identity crisis for poor Andrey. I think that's why he ran away to Russia for the summer. I just thought of something days after reading bad miyamotor skills article. I think Rare was trying to copy Nintendo's original work and change it. I have reason to believe that SFA wasn't planned from the start as Nintendo keeps saying it was. Fortuna as you said was a desolate ice world in the original DP, nothing like Star Fox's Fortuna filled with beasties. I also thought of another similar suituation. Mario 64's Jolly Roger's Bay and Banjo Tooie's Jolly Roger's Lagoon. They arn't that similar but they have Jolly Roger's named attached it. I don't think Miyamoto wanted Roger to be that Jolly. Making it different from SM64. But Nintendo could have replaced Banjo, Kazooie and Mumbo with Mario, Yoshi and Luigi and said they were planning it from the start with Jolly Roger's Lagoon as the piece of edvidence, and it would be like the Star Fox Adventure and Fortuna conspiracy today. So I think that Fortuna was just Rare's copying of SFA, and that Sabre was supposed to be like Fox MaCloud. Otherwise Rare wouldn't have agreed to change it to SFA, unless Nintendo twisted Rare's arms. Rare admitted to making BK like SM64 after all. -JayJay Andrey: You again, eh? I'd agree with you, except it still seems very illogical, as Chad and I noted in our respective DP features. (which should've been one feature, but bugger if we can fi that now) Besides, the Jolly Roger is the official pirate flag. Skull and crossbones. That could be a coincidence. And his name is McCloud, not Macloud. That just sounds like some kind of burger. BK, drugs, ufos, feces, zingers, prostitutes, mario, floating cameras, urine, pikachu, hairy asses, windshield wipers, Taco Bell, Klungo, a pen, 42, bowser, homosexuals, The Orange Crew, grass blades, Epona with a boot in it's rib, Sony, ghostes, your a fucking monkey, antimetium, fall of USSR, whammys, chamber pots, fences, shock absorbers, Bill Grates, Nintendo, a decomposed leaf, sex, a castle, a rainbow road, neon lights, glacius, Microsoft, Sega, a golf club, chozo blood, Mewtwo, Gundam Mobile suits, tables, ladders and chairs, sm64, ign, dk64, beanie babies, gap kids comercials, Peach, boobies, Christina Agalira, ununqadium, Diddy, another castle, Luigi, a whooper, gunpee, rods, u2, Walls of Jerichol, bisexuals, polysynthesis, George W. Bush, goshawk, a mongolian worm, a dragon's balls, flubber, Professor Zougberg, hired goons, Al Gore, boy scouts, Toad, lame ass mascots, Teddiz, Jet Force Gemini, Charle Brown, a flying spot, Filipino technology, Dixie, ohm's law, calcium supplements, playboy, porky pig, Bill Nye the Science Guy, The Peoples Elbow, a fibre glass tree, breaking legs, the Hundred Year's War, humidex, Kiddy, tit grabbers, magnetic equator, Bill Cliton, astro plain, Coke, Leptons, Nabnut, computer science, Fg=Gm1m2/d�, Y2K, The Worm, bladder problems, a Moltres, Hitler's missing body, a crapper, particle accelerator, a booboo, secret goverment files, The Ginyu Force, catashrophe, apostrophe, apocalypse, Cadborosaurus, a patch, a leaker, your cable bill, iron supplements, Jockey land, Gobi, a cock, a thingy, crapulous, Mr. Satan, heterosexuals, Brittney Spears, Funky's Bad Fur Day, Micheal Jorden's many retirements, Crippler Crossface, Garfield, E00l, survey people, loganberry, Uncle Tusk, Pepsi, loft, u turn, logic bomb, broken down candy maching, Miami, Sperm whale, Grant Hill, the Pope, a mule without a spinning wheel, ginkgo, Pikachu killings, Nintendo high price lawyers, Einstein's missing brain, Cygnus, Dustin Daimond, Mr. Pants, oxymoron, The DK Crew, puck, a biker, Melee, Mikey Mouse, Donkey Kong, Pizza hut, DKU the garbage man and BT. What's the Bazaar connection? -JayJay, who is temporary Insane right now. Slush: Mountain Dew Code Red, Family Guy, Balki from Perfect Strangers fame, the Star Company that makes clothing products in the chain of islands featured in the DKU, Virtual Boy, NewsRadio, Cambot, Liquid Paper, lapdancers, stale Little Debbie snack cakes, World War II, Celda, Futurama, Norman Smiley, Crow T. Robot, flying rods, Waluigi and the Third Reich, America Online 7.0, Sue, Ghostbusters on DVD, Coily, and tumors hanging above Conan O'Brien's head. I enjoyed the "I Want To Believe" article. I liked how you guys tried to do something different for a feature, and the article caught my attention and made me think (which was, I believe, the purpose). You guys should be praised for trying something new. Perhaps the only reason people didn't like it was that it wasn't what they expected. That certainly shouldn't deter you from continuing to break new ground in the future. -Big E Chad: Thanks for the good words, Slush and I put a lot of effort into that one. I think the main reason people didn't like it was because they don't believe in aliens. And the Q5 winner... is... (closes eyes, scrolls inbox and stabs screen with finger)... you! Blimey - it's Aussie Ben. Alright squire, give us a mailing address for this nice shiny Tooie render and I'll get it sent out as soon as I've thought of something vaguely amusing to write on the compliments slip. Congrats! -Leigh Loveday editor@rareware.com Ben: Whoops! How'd this get in here? Chad: Ben, you're a trick bitch. A shameless trick bitch. I just read your article slamming Shigeru Miyamoto... and I think you're insane. Miyamoto is a genius-- no ifs, ands or buts about it. A lot of what you said was either incorrect or not sharing the whole truth. DK did better in Twycross? Yes, it did, but it was a joint venture between Rare and Nintendo (which, at the time, game development was headed almost solely by Miyamoto). I'd say Rare did about 90% of the work, which is why all their on-their-own games are so good, but Miyamoto gave them the basic game structure (which was stated on Rare's own site). DKC2 and 3 were all Rare, I'm pretty sure, and DKC2 is one of my favorite games of all time (since my list changes so often, this is quite a feat). However it is a fact that Rare and other second-parties come to Miyamoto with little gameplay related questions on most projects. Just suggestions that they don't have to follow, obviously, but they ask nonetheless. Then you came up and said that DP would smother Zelda. No. This is highly unlikely, in my book. I'm sure it will be awesome (in SFA form), but I don't think it will be the same. Part of the magic of Ocarina of Time (which you like less than MM, which I disagree with, though both are great) was bringing the 2D world to life. And it was beutiful. DP is a totally new world, and while I'm sure I'll love the game, I look forward to Zelda games more. Just because Zelda games are always good (and, while I'm somewhat on the subject, so are Mario games and other key Miyamoto-influenced franchises). Not all Rare games are. Part of why Miyamoto is so highly regarded is because he's usually the first out there with something. Mario was the first of its kind. Ocarina of Time was the first of it's kind. Banjo copied of the ideas of Mario. DP copies off the ideas of Zelda. What makes Miyamoto's games so great are that they are almost always new. They're something you've never experienced before, whereas Rare games, while I like Banjo more than Mario 64, aren't totally new. Seeing Mario 64 practically made me wet myself (if I weren't in a public place, I may have done just that), but Banjo was like, "Oh, it's like Mario." Again, I like Banjo more. As for GameCube, I don't know yet. Pikmin is one of my most highly anticipated titles because I've never seen anything like it (Lemmings doesn't count). It's totally original and had me going, "Huh?" when I saw it, because I don't know what to expect. And that's why Miyamoto's so cool. He can suprise you. He raises the standard drastically and Rare only a bit, if any. That's why Miyamoto games get higher ratings: they're so much better than what's out there instead of just cleaned up. Now, before you go off and say "You are one of the people I was talking about!!!", let me point out that I write for RareOps (currently finishing up complete PD walkthroughs... don't say we're not working). Rare is one of my favorite companies, pretty much tied with EAD. But if I had to choose one dev house, it would be EAD. They push to show us what hasn't been shown before. Rare just makes really, really fun games. Ocarina of Time is my favorite game of all time (for probably about a year or so, when I see some of the GCN stuff), followed oh-so-closely by PD and GE. What can I say? I love 'em both! But slamming Miyamoto for getting credit where it's not due is wrong. Most of it is due, but he's not God. I firmly believe that games would not be where they are if it weren't for him. He's made gaming what it is. -Nate Keathley Andrey: Oh come now. Try to step outside yourself. Where would we be if there were no ifs and ands? All Miyamoto gave Rare was a character. DK. And he only gave them DK because they had the technology to save a dying system. Nintendo offered them a pallet of trademark characters and DK was chosen. Simple as that. And I'm sure that other second parties might go to Miyamoto for advice, because there are people there who fall under the same category of believers. However, Rare would only go to him for consultation about hardware from his company. The limits of which they seem to push. Not him. Not all Rare games are good, but Miyamoto games are always good? Hee hee. Especially Mario and...and...Zelda? Ha ha. I bet Spaceworld has you eating your words, although you'll probably spit them back out for dignity's sake and start saying that cel-shaded girl Link is true to the series and a step forward yadda yadda yadda. Mario running on rooftops and jumping off walls. That'll be new. Screw Conker's Other Bad Day! Count me in for Dr. Mario GCN! As I said in the forums- what would you like more? Crap you've never seen before, or tried and tested gold? And I think Blast Corps is proof that Rare can innovate.Oh- and I know you work for RareOps. I did too, at one point. That doesn't mean you can't be Miyamoto-biased, does it? Just try to imagine a world without him. Sure- we wouldn't have these neat franchises and DK woudn't be around, but games as a whole do not depend on one man. We would still have Rare and, even without DKC to make them popular, I think they've proven they can go places. And there are millions like them. And millions like Miyamoto, if we look long and hard enough. They're just not credited- and that's the problem. Hello, I'm CodeHunter64, and I am a nitpicker. I read your Feature entitled "Wario and Waluigi: Hitler's Lackeys?" and it appears you need to get your facts straight. To quote from your Feature: "The first real example of this was in Mario Party, when we were completely shown Wario in 3-D. Many of his voice-overs sounded like they were German. The most prominent example of this was his frequent cry of 'Ach tung!', which roughly translates to 'Oh, tongue' for some reason. 'Ach tung' would go on to be used in Mario Party 2, as well as Mario Tennis." Wario NEVER said anything resembling "Ach tung" in the Mario Party series. He does noticeably say it in Mario Tennis, though. "This picture of Wario from Mario Golf, and Waluigi from Mario Tennis shows them performing the Nazi salute to their leader, Adolph Hitler. In this salute, the Nazis would cross their arms across their chests and stick them straight up in the air, while saying 'Heil Hitler'. Both of the Wario Brothers are very obviously doing that in these games, much to my dismay." Congratulations. You are legally blind. Well, maybe not, but looking at the screen that's what people would probably think of you. Not only are the Wario Bros. NOT sticking their arms straight in the air, the Nazi salute also involves showing the palm of one's hand (sort of like when you raise your hand to answer a question in school), which the Bros. aren't doing. They're pumping their fists. (I believe that's what it's called.) The swastika and goosestepping parts, however, are good calls, so you're not completely stupid. BTW, I'd have sent this in closer to when the Feature went up, but I only recently started visiting the Vine. -CodeHunter64 Chad: sigh I remember the good old days when people laughed at parodies instead of ripping them apart as if they were real. And by the way, "achtung" means "attention" in German, not "oh, tongue". That should have been a red flag that the feature was a joke. Lighten up, square. You're harshing my aura. Dear Chad, I've been thinking (which is a first), how is it that in Banjo-Kazooie: Grunty's Revenge, Grunty can go back in time and change the past? Try to delete all ideas presented in movies like Back to the Furture in order to somewhat understand my personal theory of the space-time continuum. First, I will explain with an example. Imagine that you are walking down the street one day and you get hit by lightning. You awaken from the hospital bed to discover that you're blind. You're so upset (since you can't play video games anymore) that you decide to hitch a ride through your time machine (that you just happen to have) and go to the past to prevent yourself from walking that fateful day. XNAY! How could that happen? If you did go to the past in the future, then why didn't you see your future self while you were in the past? It's a contradiction! Therefore, how can Grunty go to the past to prevent her defeat? If such a thing happened, then we would have already seen images of a robotic Grunty in Banjo-Kazooie. Do you kind of get it? Thank you for your time in reading this pointless collection of worthless symbols. -Some guy Chad: You'd be correct if the game only took place in our universe, but since it takes place in the Multiverse, Mecha-Grunty could have gone back in time to any number of slightly different universes in which the first battle never happened. From then on, the Gruntilda from that universe would carry out her life of pleasure, with Banjo and Kazooie gone. Confusing? Not for us. This is in response to a recent editorial you posted about Shigeru Miyamoto. You know, I consider myself to be pretty good when it comes to controlling my emotions. It takes a lot to really piss me off. Nothing I have ever seen on the interent had actually made my blood boil. Or should I say, nothing until now. Your editorial is disgusting. Over the course of this e-mail, I shall try to make you see why. So here's how it will work: I'll take every piece of your anti- Miyamoto arguemment and counter it with pro-Miyamoto rebuttal. Here we go.... "Shigeru Miyamoto. The man is a God. Why? Nobody is quite sure. Of course, the man did pioneer the side-scroller genre and create one or two of gaming's best known characters, but who hasn't done that, right?" Oh yeah, who hasn't pioneered the side-scroller genre? Who hasn't created some of gamings best known characters? Some people have done the latter, but only he and a select few have done first. For this alone, he deserves praise. "I bet dollars to dogbiscuits that nobody remembers the name of the guy who created Pong. And where is all the praise for the Russian guy who made up Tetris? The first truly deep puzzle game ever? I bet you didn't even know it was a Russian guy. Some people actually think Nintendo created Tetris. Miyamoto, to be exact." You're right, a lot of people don't remember the name of the person who created Pong. Maybe because that's all he created. On the other hand, Miyamoto created Mario, Luigi, Peach, Bowser, Toad, Donkey Kong, Link, Zelda, and more. And he also has created countless masterpieces, as opposed to one. And the same applies to the person who created Tetris. He only created one blockbuster, while Miyamoto has created many. And about some people thinking Nintendo created Tetris, well, some people also think that Big Bird is real and that Elvis is alive, but what are you gonna do? "This is exactly what ticks me off. The meritless credit this man receives for work he doesn't do. Sure, he deserves praise. But so do countless others and not nearly to this extant. Some websites idolize him spelling "he" with a capital H when speaking of him and give every game he makes near-perfect scores without logical backing. Lets not talk about them, though. Lets talk about the games that Miyamoto actually has made. His most recent benchmark. Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. (note: he was not as heavily involved with Majora's Mask and although it was better than OoT, it got lower scores). With OoT, Miyamoto pioneered everything, right? He reinvented a genre and successfully updated it for a new generation. This earned the game a 10/10 rating and, of course, elevates Miyamoto above normal men with normal job titles and makes him a "Game Creator" instead of developer, designer or what have you. But guess what. There were two-hundred people working on Ocarina of Time. TWO HUNDRED. Where are all the other names? Why don't they get a pedistal and a special candy? Because apparently Miyamoto is better than them. Guess how many people, in turn, worked on Banjo-Tooie, a game that got 9.4? Thirteen. Thirteen people. Who, on average did more work here?" You are correct that 200 people worked on "The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time". But how many of those people created it? How many people thought up the idea? How many people invented the Z-targetting system, an idea copied by your beloved Rare? How many people created the context sensitive A button, another idea copied by Rare, whom you say to be superior to Miyamoto? And finally, who designed the whole game? Only Miyamoto did these things. The other 200 people just programmed the game. Anybody can use programming language to physically make a game, but it takes someone to design game. It doesn't take much to program a characters movements, the environments, etc. All they're doing is making what Miyamoto tells them to, and even a properly trained monkey could do that. Without Miyamoto, there would be no Zelda 64 as we know it. So yes, Miyamoto is better than them. And don't you dare compare Banjo-Tooie to Ocarina of Time. Not to bash the game, which I liked, but it is nowhere near Zelda's caliber. And about Majora's Mask, I think you're forgetting that it had no innovation. It recycled everything from Miyamoto's Zelda. Not a bad thing, as I Iove that game and consider it one of the best games ever made, but it wasn't as good as Ocarina because it didn't pioneer everything, as its predecessor did. "See that? The man has whole teams. Sure- Miyamoto created Donkey Kong and we wouldn't all be here at this site if it wasn't for him, but Bell invented the phone and people don't bring him up with the release of every new Nokia. But Bell invented the phone and died a happy man. He didn't try like hell to make sure nobody used a phone without thinking of him. It can be argued that the same can not be said about Shigeru Miyamoto." This really gets me angry. Ask anyone who's interviewed Miyamoto, or anyone who knows him, and they'll almost certainly tell you that he's a very modest person who hasn't let fame go to his head as countless others have done. He does not try to make everyone think of him with every game that they play. "As we all know Rare ltd. has tried and clearly succeeded in upstaging Miyamoto at every turn, yet the public is in denial. Apparently it is only Miyamoto and his big, round Mario license that can innovate. This becomes apparent when we look at the score "Blast Corps"- a completely original game and genre- recieved, 9.0 and compare it with the 9.2 pocketed by "NBA Courtside 2: Featuring Kobe Bryant". How many identical basketball games have we seen over the years? The number kajillion bajillion comes to mind. Blast Corps was a lot more entertaining. But Miyamoto wasn't behind it so...oh well." Rare has not upstaged Miyamoto ever, but I will go into that later. But about Blast-Corps, you're only taking IGN's review. What makes their opinion matter so much? Judge the games yourself, don't let others do it for you. "So has Rare failed? No. Some think that Rare has Miyamoto a bit flustered. When it became apparent that his character- Donkey Kong- was doing a lot better in Twycross than he had back hope in the land of the rising sun, Nintendo quickly bought up 20% of Rare so that any success was instantly associated with them. This also made Rare a Nintendo-only developer. Something of a safety net. But this still wasn't enough." Donkey Kong didn't do better with Rare then with Miyamoto. When he created it, it put Nintendo on the map, and started their road to greatness. Nothing Rare has done can equal that. And since when it buying a developer so bad. It seems that Rare is very happy with Nintendo, and vice-versa. "Now we come to today and the contraversy surrounding "Star Fox Adventures: Dinosaur Planet". This game was originally scheduled for release on the N64, where it would have blown Zelda out of the water and once again levered Rare head-and-shoulders above Miyamoto. So what did he do? Used his leverage as "demi-God" and attached his own characters to the game, as well as delaying it for Nintendo's next console. What will people think of when they hear the title "Star Fox Adventures: Dinosaur Planet"? Not Rare. They'll think of Star Fox and, as a result, Miyamoto. Without doing any real work, he sits back and collects." Dinosaur Planet would never have blown Zelda out the water, unless by "blow out of the water" you mean stealing all his ideas, putting in new characters, and adding some slightly better graphics. Don't state as fact what you have as a suspicion. There is no proof that Miyamoto is responsible for delaying the game, and if so, for that reason. Now let's think for a second, shall we? Conker was released in March, 2001, correct? Right. Now, it only sold a little of 30,000 copies, which is horrible. So Rare sees that N64 sales are practically nonexistent. Now, what makes more sense; releasing a game on a dead console, or delaying it for a newer console, while taking the time to make it much better? Hmmm, there's a no brainer. It seems more logical that Rare wanted the delay. "Of course, the internet is rumor central when it comes to anything and DP is no exception. Online scans of the SNES Star Fox manual apparnetly reveal a mention of the planet Fortuna being also labeled "Dinosaur Planet". Did Rare draw its inspiration from Nintendo? Unlikely. This, if true, may have been one of the things that set Miyamoto after Rare's gem. It would make no sense for Nintendo to have been planning this from the beginning, because on the N64 Fortuna is a desolate ice-world. Not a Dinosaur in sight." Here's another no-brainer. Would you rather release a game with unknown characters, or with characters that are universally known and guarantee great sales? I really doubt that Nintendo forced Rare to do this. So there you go. I've taken all your points and countered them. I don't really expect you to post this on your site. I don't blame you, as it makes a complete fool out of you by destroying your argument. You are disgusting. You bash the best game creator in the world simply because he is better than the company currently in charge of the Donkey Kong franchise. You are a biased person who hasn't a clue as to what he is talking about. You take your opinions and present them to the readers of your site as facts. You are a liar, and don't appreciate good games when they come from Shigeru Miyamoto. In other words, you sir, are an idiot. -MandragGanon@aol.com Andrey: This makes a complete fool out of me, does it? Don't flatter yourself, sir. Don't state as fact what you have as a suspicion. You world is falling apart too, I take it, so I'll try to make my counters to your rather biased counters clear and free of sarcasm etc, which is something that I usually enjoy dabbling in. Anyway, lets get to it. Miyamoto did not make the first platformer, first of all. Yes- he was one of the proverbial forefathers, but that, currently, should merit respect, not continual praise. Miyamoto, you say created countless masterpieces. But I feel that they began boundering on complete redundency. Bowser and that princess of his...how many times? How many castles? Not to mention that the entire Mario story, aside from the fact that he's a plumber, along with Goombas and Koopas, is an interpretation of Japanese folklore. It's true. Some people think big bird is real and some people think Shigeru Miyamoto is a God. You're right. All we can do is try to give them some information that might improve their perspctives. Now you say that Miyamoto creatd Ocarina of Time in it's entirety and the 200 others were just programmers. Maybe you should watch the credits again. The Z Targeting system isn't that complex an idea and only deserves a nod, by the way. And a context-sensative button? Please. Finaly Fantasy had this down long ago, and so did numerous other games where what a certain button did depended on your location. Next, you say Miyamoto is very modest in person. This is fine, but we're talking about business. I know this comparison isn't exactly the most accurate, and I'm not suggesting Shigeru Miyamoto is anything like the following entity, but Hitler was quite a nice guy and a family man too, who was known for a good sense of humor and fondness of his peers. Until he killed his family that one night. And there was something just before that involving Jews...(sorry. No more sarcasm. I promise) IGN's opinion matters because they represent the targeted demographic and, indeed the average gamer. If I told you what I thought of Blast Corps, you'd just call me biased and send me on my way. Of course, you'll probably try that anyway. Now here you say that nothing Rare has done can equal putting Nintendo on the map etc. Rare have saved the company twice. Once when the Stampers reverse-engineered the SNES and once when KI SNES footage was passed off as Ultra 64 footage at an essential demonstration, when there was still no prepared graphics chip. You're right that Rare may not be against a delay and may have even suggested it, but having two hit franchises is better than having one and DP wasn't just about money- you can see that much right off the bat. Read the Star Fox feature, if you want. So there we go. When you end a fairly decent argument with put-downs, that really doesn't help make you sound like you know what you're talking about, so don't do it, please. "You bash the best game creator in the world simply because he is better than the company currently in charge of the Donkey Kong franchise." was a statement that really made me think less of you. Saying Miyamoto is the best game creator in the world is baseless. I never said Rare was the best...and I didn't "bash" him because he's not in charge of DK anymore. I "bashed" him for exactly the reasons I stated. And who says I don't appreciate good games when they come from Miyamoto? Of course I do! It's just the blind faith I'm fighting against here. I appreciate every person who works on those games and not one guy. And I think I made that clear in the feature, so...er...what exactly is your point? So. Who's the idiot now? I completely agree [About the Miyamoto article -Ed]. Also, I did know it was a russian guy (though I don't know his name). Actually it's easy to tell. If you look at the title screen in most Tetris games there's a picture of St. Basil's Cathedral, one of the more prominent landmarks in Moscow. The fact that people think Miyamoto created Tetris is just sad. They probably think Nintendo created SimCity too, just because there was a SimCity game on SNES. I agree that Miyamoto gets too much praise. For example, the Sega Genesis game Vectorman was a MUCH better game and I'd be willing to bet most people don't even know what company made it, much less who was in charge. -Knight9910@aol.com Andrey: Ah- here's someone who agrees with me, which is refreshing. I don't get why I'm getting all the hatemail, either, since we all share my opinion here at DKVine. Wait- I probably shouldn't have revealed that...er...I take it back. Crap. Too late. Quick, Chad- say something encouraging about Miyamoto's plan to have six games gardeningon GAMECUBE! Chad: Trowelio 128 should kick ass, but what I'm most looking forward to is A Stinkbug to the Past. "We have several projects for this section in the works, they're just undergoing several serious spellchecking exams first. It just wouldn't be right with a "Dnokey Kong", now would it? No, it wouldn't." Ironic isn't it? You spelt spell checking wrong. It's two words. "Donky Kong Country got a great rating in Play Control" Tsk, tsk. -Ben Cartledge Slush: If I hadn't already given out the Mr. Mooney Award, you would have definitely recieved it for being this edition's most anal contributer. As you see, being anal and the Mr. Mooney Award have many things in common. For one, you can't spell Mr. Mooney Award without ana, and you can't spell anal without it either. Dear Self-Proclaimed Continuity Master Sir Slush II, I was recently looking through the Super Smash Bros. bios and I noticed something alarming. It says that that Donkey Kong is the same one that stared in Donkey Kong for the NES. Since it is part of the game, and you (according to FAQ 8) consider the bios part of the DKU. On another note, in Donkey Kong Country, Expresso can't jump on enemies, but in Donkey Kong Land, he can. The same goes for Squitter. HELP ME!!! MY WORLD IS CRUMBLING DOWN AROUND ME!!!!!!! Cheers -Sparky Z Slush: Super Smash Bros. bios are worthless. Don't give them too much merit, but if you really need an explanation (since they're not featured in the actual playable story part of the game, I don't give them TOO much weight)... well great flaming pedophiles, I can't explain that one. Just pretend that under the game credits, the only reason they listed the arcade Donkey Kong was because of the namesake, and not for the actual character. And as for the throwing barrels at maidens part, maybe DK Jr. got in a few shots at Pauline too while she was on DK Island. Since when is Pauline a maiden, anyway? She was a Brooklyn slut! As for Expresso and such, his legs got stronger, but then by the time DKC (GBC) rolled around, he was out of shape again, not to mention older (even though I just did), and so he didn't pack quite the same punch as he did in DKL. To quote Douglas Adams, "Don't Panic." Hmm, I think that should go at the start of the TimeVine. i think for the blackeye mystery, what if his "glory" was the pink egg or maybe all the eggs and the ice key. if you could bring these things to him b-t or bring the "real" ones from b-k maybe we could unlock their secrets and many we never knew exsited. -Pete Draper Our Friend: Well, that's what most people are thinking too. Although we still haven't heard an official explanation from Rare one way or another. The MOONMAN said the answer to the connection was 42, but I have to question that logic. Oh, wait. The rest of the staff won't let me question the MOONMAN. Oh, the status of the lowley site camera... Damn you. My plan is ruined... -Nate Ben: Next time, Gadget...NEXT TIME!!! hiss Is your site based in England or America? I thought it was America, until I saw today's (23rd) update at about 8:00am English time. By the way, could you PLEASE make an MP3 for the Grunty battle at the end of Banjo-Kazooie? That music is excellent, only heard once in the whole game, and is right at the end. C'mon! -Ben Cartledge Slush: We're a mixed breed here at the Vine. Chad, Our Friend, and I live in the United States. I'm Eastern Standard Time while Chad and Our Friend (roommates) are Central Standard Time. Meanwhile, Aussie Ben is obviously an Australian who lives in Australia, hence the name. Andrey currently lives in western Canada. So none of us are English. I can't understand why so many people get this misconception. Maybe it's because Chad is going to move to Britain in a few years. Maybe it's because we cover Rare games. I really don't know. And I'm sure when we eventually put up B-K MP3s, that song will be included. Hey, I was wondering if they made a Donkey kong 64 Soundtrack, and if they did, would you know where I could get any inforamtion at all on it (like the songs that are on it and whatnot) or possibly where I could get it? Thanks a lot! -WillyWang9@aol.com Slush: Yes, they made a DK64 soundtrack, and it was avaliable through Nintendo Power's Power Supplies merchandise. I'd check eBay if you want it, but don't bother unless you want the packaging. The CD rather blows, and was obviously put together by halfwit NOA representives. If you want more quality DK64 music, download from our DK64 MP3 section. We'll also be adding more in the future, but you aren't getting very much with the CD. Updates are becoming shockingly infrequent... -Ben Cartledge Slush: Shocking! Scandalous! Outrageous! Atrocious! Blasphemous! Disgraceful! Unspeakable! Shameful! Taboo! Hey, you got a Swanky's Strife the other night. What more could you possibly need? Hohohoho! 1. Oh boy, I might have yet some more bad news for you. You said when Mario Tennis came out that since Waluigi was introduced in a DKU game, any game with him would have to be counted as DKU. If Waluigi is in the upcoming Wario Land 4, what will you do about it? 2. Tell the truth, which DKU game are you looking the most forward to? DoKR for me. 3.I'm chewing chocolate bubble gum. -Behonkiss Chad: 1. We're not worried. Waluigi never caught on. 2. Right now, Star Fox Adventures. If they released some in-game shots or MP3s from DoKR, it would probably change. 3. You sick, sick bastard. Dear Chad, Hope you are feeling better from your illness. Anyway, don't attempt to find a unifying theme in the next few questions. 1. Is the Artwork guy, could you underline, or embolden the names of the artists that have new work during each update so that we don't need to check through all of them? 2. How many tracks do your Diddy Kong Racing and Mario Kart 64 have.m (The one listed in "To Insanity and Back: How I wasted $300 on Worthless DKU Memoribilia") 3. I am interested in recording and creating my own MP3's like you mentioned in my "SPCs" forum. Is there any special equipment or computer programs I would need? 4. And finally, could you please grace us with an MP3 of the original Mario music from the secret SSB level? Thanks for you time. -Sparky Z Chad: 1. When I put up new artwork, I always bring the newest names to the top of the list. So click through those until you find one with nothing new. 2. DKR has 16, and MK64 has 21. 3. I use CoolEdit with the sound in port on my video card hooked into the N64 or SNES. 4. Yeah, it's in the SSB MP3 Music page. This email's Title: YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!! This email's Content: Yeah... that's about it.... -Tonberry2k@aol.com Andrey: This answer's Title: Please highlight the contents of this answer to reveal an elaborate "Thank you" note This answer's Content: You guys should have a forum, I love your site and think you really could benifit from it. -Roxane Harmon Slush: We'll get one as soon as we shut down the radio station. Andrey: ......Alright. I'm sure we'll have one in a decade or two, if everything goes well. PS: On that note, I'll end my email answering session. There's a bunch of you with hatemail sent in, like that one above, who figure I won't answer because you've proven me wrong or something illogical like that. I'll get to yours next time, don't you worry. There's a guy among 'em who think Shigeru Mityamoto actually programmed OoT, did all the art, designed all the graphics and build the engine from scratch. All on his own. That's going to be lots of fun... Letters fades to the season 9 premiere of the television show 'Dallas' to find Pam waking up to Bobby in the shower... Pam: "Oh, Bobby, it was awful! When I woke up, I thought I read a terrible new edition of Letters at Donkey Kong's Jungle Vine." Bobby: "What?" Pam: "I had a nightmare. A terrible nightmare. I dreamed that you were here, and you were leaving, and Chad or Ben or Andrey or Slush or somebody updated with Letters... and they were atrocious, Bobby! Atrocious!" Bobby: "Hey, Pam, I'm right here. And it's fine." Pam: "But there was so much more then, Bobby. It seemed so real. There was Our Friend, and the Mr. Mooney Award, and I read about MP3s in seventeen consecutive letters. I was so frightened. Oh, I love you so much." "Bobby: Honey, it's over. None of that happened. Donkey Kong's Jungle Vine never updates." Letter Archives


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