Donkey Kong's Jungle Vine: December 26, 2001 Letters



	News News Map Artwork Features Forum PoDKast The DKU



	12/26/01 We meant to get these done sooner but we were waiting for Ben to stop singing Maemuki Rocketto-Dan and write his damned letters. So you can spot the difference between mountain gorillas and lowland gorillas? You considered yourself quite Gorilla educated through obsessive DKU. So what are the difference between Mountain and Lowland Gorillas? What is the fastest speed a gorilla could move? -JayJay Ben: The statement that we've boasted since the conception of the site? I think I should be able to handle that. It's quite simple, really. Mountain Gorillas have snow on them, whereas Lowland Gorillas are more susceptible to flash flooding. The fastest speed a gorilla could move... it depends on if it's carrying anything. I mean, your average, burden-free gorilla's going to be substantially faster than a gorilla that's carrying, let's say for tradition, a barrel. Then you've got the factors of the barrel to consider - namely, what's inside the barrel, what it's made of, how big it is and other varying degrees. I mean, if you had a standard storage barrel that was empty, the gorilla would be able to run without much hinderence. But, fill that barrel with rum and the gorilla could slow down up to 25%. If the barrel's half filled with rum, then you've got not only the additional weight of the barrel, but also the additional problem of whether the gorilla's going to retch or whether it's got a mountain sized hangover. Or for that matter, a lowland sized hangover. Because although the gorilla could be hungover and still able to use its basic motor skills, doesn't mean that it can. You could have the damned thing zig-zagging all over the place and thus doubling your distance that's been travelled, but halving the speed. Or, the gorilla could be the kind that could handle its drink and could easily handle the speed - but then any statistic takers would have to put up with its constant boasting about being able to hold its piss. Hello SirSlush the 2nd! Upon entering my local Big 5, I found a pleasant surprise looking among the different skateboards and scooters. Could it be, but a 1996 N64 scooter! But it was no ordinary N64 scooter, this scooter had DKU renders on it, featuring the likeness of Kiddy and Dixie Kong on the box, and Banjo-Kazooie and Mumbo on the board itself. If it weren't still 40 freakin' bucks, I would've bought it. If anything, this proves that Nintendo is as good outdoors as it is indoors. -BaronKrusha Slush: Sounds nifty, although I have to question if it really was from 1996, and if it was, Banjo, Kazooie, and Mumbo couldn't have been on it. Plus, if it's an N64 scooter, I find it rather ridiculous that Dixie and Kiddy were on it, since they never made one N64 appearance respectively. And what on God's ball is a Big 5? Pah, there's only one scooter that has ever been worth buying anyway. It's perfect for heading out to the old XXX theater to clean your pipes, or to the market to fetch kiddie porn some ten odd years later! Damn, I've been sending in a lot of letters lately. I've been trying to find some information on DKU Soundtracks, that is almost impossible to find. Instead of just the tracks, I need the playing times for all the tracks for DKCs 1,2, and 3; Diddy Kong Racing; and Mario Kart 64 Soundtracks. I have posted my question in the forums, but to no avail, so I have come to you as a last resort. I hate to be a bother, but could you type out the times for the tracks on the afformentioned CDs? If that's too much work, you could always scan the CD insert that has the info on it. Please help me out. This next part is for all of the staff. We've been through countless Composer debates, but here's a new one. David Wise vs. Robin Beanland: Who writes better for Gamboy?I am temped to say Beanland, but I may be biased having played DKL for years and having never played CPT. My brain may have become "saturated" with DKL Music. What is your opnion on this? -Sparky Z Chad: Yipes. Just yipes. Typing the lists out would take ages, and scanning the inserts would do no good, since the runtime isn't printed there. You can always try the CDDB. Here's their listing for the DKC2 CD. Second question is dependant on who did what games. I don't think Wise did much Game Boy music, as far as the DKU is concerned. Beanland's Conker's Pocket Tales tracks were brilliant, but if Wise did indeed compose DKL (Kremlantis... oh baby), I would have to go with him. Guys? Ben: I'd have to agree with you, Chad. I know I've seen Wise's name in the credits of DKL somewhere...although I have no idea if he did the other two. I'd say he'd have had some involvement though, because it was his music redone for Gameboy, after all. Slush: Whoever composed the theme from the first stage of Big Ape City is the undisputed god-like master of Game Boy, in my not-so-humble opinion. Andrey: Wise. The DK theme was present in DKL. That's all you need to know. I am looking for some DK64 sound effects! Not music files! Do you know were I can find them? -Grant Jr Robert Ben: We have a set of Donkey Kong 64 sound effects all combined together into file packs which you can get here. They're even ordered in a special way so that they sound like they have a rhythm - and a beat! And you know, I think there's even a melody in there too, somewhere. But they're not music files. Oh no. They're sound sets. Chad, Sorry to bother you but do you have any guesses/theories on how you will control the ice climbers simultaneously. Just curious and one more question what new moves are there going to be in the next game for Fox,Ness,and Donkey Kong and how do they work. thanks for reading my letter and taking the time to answer it. ROCK ON. -Andrew Chad: You control the blue one, and the pink one follows behind. Certain moves call for them teaming up, as evidenced by the jump rope move. Think Diddy and Dixie in DKC2, and you'll get a good idea of how they work together. Fox's new move is the "Fox Illusion", in which he dashes across the screen leaving a residual blue McCloud behind himself, destroying anything in his path. Donkey has a headbutt which slams the opponent into the ground, immobilizing them. I guess this works like Jigglypuff's singing from SSB. Ness's PK Flash works kind of like PK Thunder, but you can charge it up like Samus' gun, and it moves much slower. Rock on, yourself. Hey, gald to see another BC boy on the boards. -Dave Mcilvaney Andrey: A) The boards were down until recently. B) I'm not even Canadian. C) I had to capitalize "Hey" for you. D) If you're not getting a culturally sound vibe from me, then refer back to C). I'm not sure if I've emailed the right person, but this email pretty much goes on behalf of your whole staff. I was reading your top ten DKU melodies, and nothing could have made me happier! When I first played the DKC games, the music more than anything grabbed me. It made me appreciate video game music, even if it meant ridicule from my friends. I've bought video game soundtracks, namely the DKC trilogy which I love! Ok at the risk of sounding corny, the music of D. Wise may have altered my life, cause now I want to make music for a living, and I've got a band, and we're going to become famous some day! Anyway, what compelled me to write to you guys was your part about the Mine Level Music in DKC2. It was left off the soundtrack!!! Can you believe that? Anyway, enough of wasting your guy's time, I just wanted to thank you guys for recognizing this awesome music! I'm not the only one who sits there paying more attention to the music than the game sometimes, whew! -Richard Ben: Richard, my friend, you've just made me very happy. You've given me a letter that has a point. I'm sure that both Chad and Slush would be pleased to hear that their 'Top Ten DKU Melodies' feature has inspired someone so much. I think it's quite safe to say that pretty much all of the games in the DKU have some really high-quality music, and some of the stuff is done so damned well that if you didn't know it was video game music and you heard it, you'd be going hardcore with the rest of them, or whatever it is. I mean, we've got Rave (Rock Solid), Trance (Aquatic Ambience) and Classical (Batula's Demise) music featured, and that's only off the top of my head. David Wise certainly has got great talent, but the other Rare musicians are also excellent in their work (Robin Beanland and Grant Kirkhope have both worked on various DKU games, but I'm sure there are other musicians too). Don't limit yourself to the DKC trilogy though, because there's plenty of aural goodness to be had in the likes of Diddy Kong Racing, featuring calypso beats, futuristic, military sounds and others too! There's also Bad Fur Day, which I need to stress multiple times - GET IT. The music fits each scene beautifully, whether it be a twisted cartoon-like jingle (Windy), a creepy "cheap shock" horror movie theme (Batula) or elevator music. Best of luck in your musical aspirations (along with your band) and be sure to have fun! Hey, maybe you can even make us a couple of remixes... Dear Chad,Kazooie called Bottles JamJars and that's his brother's name does this have some kind of connection? -jessica88@ftc-i.net Chad: Yes. They've both been referred to as "Jamjars" before. Ben: Oh! Oh! And they have both been referred to as "Jamjars" by KAZOOIE! Oooh, I'm sharp today, I tell you. Andrey: Not only that, but they're both MOLES! And they're RELATED! And they've been in GAMES together. And they both...er...have a similar dental plan. Oh shutup. Aussie Benyasu da; 1. Putting Grunty's Revenge aside, with Gruntilda now being nothing more than a boney one-eyed head, do you have any predictions for the storyline to Banjo-Threeie? Or do you think Banjo-Tooie killed off what was gonna be an ongoing series? 2. As for Grunty's Revenge, putting it's simplicity aside, do you think that game will match up to Banjo-Tooie as a BK sequel, in terms of storyline? It's probably kind of early to ask that, but we know for sure Grunty is a android and Bottles won't die...... right? 3. I got the lyrics to Maemuki Rocketto Dan. How about we head over to a karaoke bar sometime, nya? -Cammiluna Ben: Cammi! Look! Look! It's Cammi! She's writing to me! To meee! Erm. cough Right then. On with the questions: 1. Serious storyline predictions? Oh, damn. I knew I'd have to answer this sooner or later. Okay. shakes fish vigorously Well, although Banjo-Tooie's ending was certainly one of the more unique ones (and will probably be a nightmare for the writers to keep the story continuous), I'm sure it won't have really hindered the writers in any specific way. We've got a pathetic soap here in Australia that the Brits seem to love called 'Neighbours', and in the 80's, this old character with big jowels called 'Harold' left. When they wrote him off, they killed him. But when he returned to the series in the 90's, they rewrote him in, saying that he was just 'lost in Tasmania'. (Seems fair enough. With all that fog and nothing exciting but the Cadbury Chocolate Factory, it'd be very easy to get lost in Tasmania. Stupid apples.) So you see, it's possible to keep any story going. I'd like to see Threeie (or whatever it ends up being called) have a bit of betrayal involved; maybe Klungo (because we all love Klungo) could betray Banjo and Kazooie somehow, returning back to the evil mistress he loves so much. Gruntilda could now be a skull attatched to a robotic body with all sorts of multipurpose tools such as rocket boosters, telescopic arms, and a telephone in her fingers. (She would now be voiced by Don Adams.) For some reason, Banjo and Kazooie must re-enter Grunty's old lair, and find it with old tunnels blocked off, and new ones open (leading to new worlds). Because of Grunty's new mechanic nature, some worlds have metallic, robotic parts attatched, and so on. 2. Personally, I love the whole idea of alternate storylines and androids, so Grunty's Revenge is already right up there with B-T in terms of storyline for me. Hopefully you'll still be able to interact with characters again - we haven't really seen any characters in the screens aside from enemies yet. I'd also like to see more new areas - once again, it all seems to be Spiral Mountain and Treasure Trove Cove from the current screenshots, but I may be wrong. Somehow I don't think that Banjo and Kazooie will be splitting up this time round, but there may be other moves to make up for it. 3. Shhh...not here... Let's discuss that...later... Yah, your tea god, holy moly moly, Bono's after youuu...Tea's for holding, you keep looking, pookie - Maemuki Rocketto-Dan! Our Friend: The saddest thing is, none of us get paid for putting up with this. Andrey: I'm bottling it. One day, I'll probably climb a bell tower with a rifle. Hey Slush, -sparky_z@hotmail.com Slush: You just had to go and do it, didn't you? You had to remind me of her, didn't you? Damnit, just when the pain was finally going away. You bitch! You think you can toy with my heart and emotions as if they were your childhood Creepy Crawler thing-maker? Our relationship was just a game? Well merry f*king Christmas, you cnt, and I hope you two will be very happy together. Why, I hope he knocks you up, you get an abortion, and then get stoned to death by conservative reactionaries. Then I'll come to your funeral and spit on your grave. Hah! Who's winning the game now? ...God, I'm so alone. In what games were Donkey Kong Jr. and Mario enemies? What game did they become allies? And if all of the stuff was just beta ideas, what was the first game to have DK and Mario together? You may not know me, but I know you. Scary, huh? -EarthBoundIX@aol.com Chad: They were enemies, or at least held a grudge with one another, right up until Mario Party. It seems they've since smoothed things over. And I've seen scarier. Greetings! How are you today? I just had one question. I own the Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest game for Super Nintendo and I really like the music on it. I'm very interested to get the CD and I was wondering if you can tell me where I can buy it. I searched on amazon.com but they don't have it. Could you please tell me where I can buy it? You said, "ask us anything." That's why I'm asking you and i hope you will help me find this cd. Thanks. Hope to hear from you. -Bemnet Andrey: I'd go to Ebay if I were you. But I'm not, so I won't. Instead, I'll point you in the direction of some MIDIs and recommend you listen to DKJV, if that aint enough for you. Why pay money for things that come free, right? Hey yo,its me,its me,its DDP(not really) I'm back and better than ever. -From the Kevster(K-dogg) Slush: Oh, sheesh. I just knew I was in trouble when I opened this letter and was hit with not only a pro-wrestling catchphrase, but a really bad one at that. Then I saw it was from Kevin Olsen, and I realized the only way to prevent the portal to Hell that was sure to open after including this letter was to call up my good friend... Gay Carl Winslow. Gay Carl Winslow: They don't call me "big guy" for nothing! Hey, remember that time Steve and I competed on American Gladiators? I really enjoyed that. Mmmm, I still have dreams about Pyro. He could come over and joust with me anytime. I wish Harriet was more like Pyro... Slush: Who doesn't? Hello Chad, Just as a nice opening line id like to ask you how your day has been. At any rate now to start my actual letter. I don't know if you like the Legend of Zelda series or not since that doesn't regard to the DKU but I love it therefore the character that I immediately mastered in SSB was of course Link. Overall though I learned to become better with other characters for a few reasons. Links downfalls include his lack of jump power. I don't know if you ever noticed but he couldn't jump if his life depended on it most of its downfall lied in its last jump AKA spin attack both lack of height and distance. Second I was disappointed in his bomb attack very weak (for a bomb). Im just wondering if his jump has been remedied and what his new attacks are and how they work. Oh and one more thing if you have played with sheik just curious how's is she looking (fast, powerful, perhaps a force to be reckoned with) in the soon to be here SSBM just curious. Lastly if you haven't had a good day I wish to you the best. -Andrew Chad: My day's been about average so far. Thanks for asking. Yes, all the Vine staff loves the Zelda series. As for Link's level of suck in SSB, I doubt it's been remedied for Melee. Shiek, though, should be a very interesting character to play as. You start out as Princess Zelda with attacks of Din's Fire, Farore's Wind, and Nayru's Love, which create a ball of fire, teleports her around the stage, and makes her invincible respectively. Her fourth move is to transform into Shiek, at which point she can shoot needles, attack with a whip, and do a teleport move similar to Farore's Wind. Ben: Zelda: The new Kirby. Andrey: Shiek is actually my favourite character in SSBM, although I haven't really mastered him/her/it due to lack of time spent with the game. Shiek is fast, and "graceful" with forceful, direct attacks and if you can figure out when to do it, turning into a clunky, shiftless Zelda can actually be quite devestating if done at the right moment. Oh- and that teleport as Shiek is kind-of a mix between Din's Fire and Farore's Wind. Just FYI. And now, number one. The larch. The. Laaarrch. Exhibit A: Note the three familiar silhouettes staring at the image above. This, of course, represents the three editors. Hang on. three? As Andrey isn't visible (in fact, a good deal of him is INvisible), it can be speculated that he is not absent, merely completely naked. And who doesn't enjoy watching the occasional film starkers from time to time? Right, that leaves two seats. As Our Friend probably gets tired of constantly hovering, he is most likely 'chilling out' in the next seat with a martini and a copy of Cosmopolitan magazine. Now we reach the fifth seat to the left. Four editors, five seats. It can only mean one thing: a mystery figure is destined to fill the final staff spot. Either that, or nobody could be bothered updating the image. Alas, the damage is done. Enjoy the continuous slur of 'CAN i bE STAFF?!?!?1111' messages you're bound to get over the next month. Merry Christmas, you arses. -happybob@n-chicken.net Ben: Ahaha - nice try. The final seat is occupied by none other than my Diddy Kong Pez Dispenser. How do you like THAT, smart guy? Slush: Or the actual explanation. Originally, the picture was that of Our Friend, Chad, and myself sitting there in MST3K-like fashion. Then when Ben joined the staff, we obviously bumped Our Friend to make room for him. However, with the addition of Andrey, we had a problem. Traditionally, there's only a trio sitting in the theater on the Satellite of Love. But it works out pretty dinky anyway, with Chad representing Joel/Mike, Ben representing Tom Servo, myself as Crow, Andrey as Gypsy (off "running the ship"), and Our Friend as (who else?) Cambot. As of yet though, we still have no Magic Voice or Nanites. How come you guys always refer to Wizpig as a genie, when it clearly states in the manual and many other places he is an ALIEN. A space tyrant from an unknown point of origin. I just don't think you should be misleading people like this. Also, I just wanted to point out that in the feature Rogue Gallery, you say that Mingy and Blobby's castle is called Hideout Helm. That's K. Rool's command center for Crocodile Isle in DK64. Mingy and Blobby's castle is called Cauldron Keep. Please stop misleading people. -RB, expert on Neutron Stars (ask if ya want to learn about them) Chad: You don't think other planets have genies? It's people like you who make this country suck. If only more people would believe in alien genies... That Hideout Helm thing was an unintentional mistake, and I just fixed it. You make it seem like confusing people about the location of an obscure Nintendo game's final showdown was our diabolical world domination plan. Things get confusing when you have dozens of games with about three different storylines between them. Hi, my name is Phil. Your site is great, congratulations! I'll just ask a favor: since I love Diddy Kong Racing music, and above all "Haunted Woods", could you send it to me or let me know anything about it? Thank you very much -Phil (note: He didn't actually sign this at the bottom, but I have it on good confidence that his name is Phil) Andrey: Again, you could try the radio station. Or don't. I don't know if Chad's playing that specific track. Anyway, what's with everyone suddenly writing to me about music? Did I somehow give off the impression that I like to shake it with the honies on the dance floor, or some such tosh? I'm not with it. I don't have the rhythm. Or do I? Our Friend: No. If you have to wait utill March for the Gamecube to come out in Australia, why don't you just buy one from the US. You could have Chad or Slush send it over. It should be worth the extra posting to get Gamecube almost half a year in advance. Anyway, those are my thoughts. - Sparky Z Ben: Ah, thanks for reminding me again why I love letters so much. Okay, let's take the $199 that it costs to purchase a GAMECUBE. And I'll be wanting Luigi's Mansion and Super Monkey Ball, so let's add the $59.95 for both of those. Add $30 each for three controllers, and let's not forget a memory card too at around $20. Now. Double each price. We've already got $400, and that's without adding the postage. So, for the weight and size of all the stuff I'd be getting, postage would be phenomenal. Not to mention that It'd have to be doubled too. But, let's say I got it over here. Okay. This means that I need a special step-up adaptor for my US GAMECUBE, because of the different voltages in different countries. And then, until the posibillity of getting my US GAMECUBE modded to play Australian games is available, I'd only be playing US NTSC games. And only one TV in my house plays NTSC games, and it isn't mine. Not to mention that I'd be paying double price and postage for each US game I got. It's not as simple as importing a Gameboy. Great idea, why didn't I think of it sooner? I need help. In the gameboy version of "Donkey Kong" I currently on level 9 at the end part 8. My question is "how in the blue hell do I defeat Donkey Kong?". I tried picking up barrels..doesnt work, jumping up to the platform.....doesn't work, I just don't know what to do. Can you help? -YT130@aol.com Chad: No. Dear Chad, Two quick things: A) There are two main page FUNNOS I just don't get: "Donkey Kong comes to X-Box", and "Grunty Bea... Er I tripped I swear." If I'm missing something really obvious, plaese don't ridicule me. B) If you are really starved for update ideas, I've scrounged together a few: 1) DKR doesn't have a Swanky's Strife. This is a small thing, but DKR seems sort of a central game not to have one. 2) Complete your pass-a-story. You said more were coming soon and that was over a year ago. At least finish it off. 3) A search engine for the site overall. I honestly have no idea how easy or difficult such a thing may be, but it would certainly make things a bit more convenient. (That way, I don't need to search through every single updaste archive to find out that it has been exactly 1 year and 2 days since the last installment of pass-a-story.) Hope this helps. -Sparky Z Chad: A. The X-Box one is a reference to the Amped Snowboarding screenshot Microsoft faked last year. They took a prerendered character, crappily Photoshopped it against an in-game background, and added the easily recognizable Photoshop lens flare to the player's goggles. It gave us all a good laugh, so we thought we'd ridicule the Carpel-Tunnel Machine a bit more. As for the Klungo one, it's just a light-hearted romp through the hilarious world of spousal abuse. 1. Ooo, good one. 2. Eew. 3. Those are expensive, and usually full of bugs. Sorry. Slush: 2. The ball is in Chad's court. I've been patiently awaiting to conclue it for some time now. I pretty much have the rest of the plotline mapped out in my head. Yell at McCanna some more if you really want it to be done. Andrey: Or I could just finish the Pass-A-Story off now and end the misery. Here we go. This is it..."THE END". There. Merry Christmas, kids! Kudos on an updated Top Ten DKU Music list (and the subsequent top twenty). While I wouldn't exactly put Jib Jig on the top of the list - especially when the DKC2 Lava Theme is left off - I understand your reasoning behind why it's number one. But I have to question your lack of Banjo-Tooie music. Why don't you like it? Granted, after playing CBFD, you may regard it as more 'cartoony' music, but I think it's got the some of the best music in the DKU! (Especially Jinjo Village!) Ah well. Also, what do you think of the recent news about Xbox being delayed? How do you think this will affect the battle between Nintendo and Microsoft? That's it for now. I will bore you with some more overly long and redundant questions later. Have fun doing... fun things! -Big E Chad: We (by "we", I mean "I") don't like it because it's lacks any sort of creativity at all. It seems like Kirkhope used up all his musical originality (with platformers, anyway) in B-K. Banjo-Kazooie's music was wonderful. Donkey Kong 64's was lacking, but it worked out fairly well in the end. I personally can't STAND the Banjo-Tooie soundtrack. The instrumentation is boring, repetitive, and annoying. And those boss themes? Blech. I like brass as much as the next guy, but god damn! Whoa, this letter sure is old. X-Box is already out. And everyone realizes that it blows. Hahaha. Gay Carl Winslow: Or remember that time when Lieutenant Murtagh and I were on that stakeout, and we began to bare our souls to each other? I have a confession to make. That was the night where I fell in love with Lieu. Unfortunately, he always had a thing for Rachel and rejected my feelings. Oh, Lieu... if only you would have given in to the temptation... Our Friend: Get the hell out of here, Gay Carl Winslow! Gay Carl Winslow: Why don't you make me? How do you get to Funky's Hut from the beginning of the game? Please help this 8yo boy who is lost. Is there any maps of DK64 on the net? -Tyler Stone Chad: 8yo? Er... Okay, sure thing, phat hoss. I'll hook you up. After completing Cranky's challenge barrels and going to the main island area, find the second 1 bananaport and enter the opening behind it. Talk to K. Lumsy, leave, and go find the banana he exposed. Walk behind it. In Jungle Japes, climb the first tree and swing to unlock the gate. Run through the short cave, go left and out into the water, climb the giant vine up the steep embankment, and you'll be at Funky's. You ain't be trippin' no more, holmes. Hello ! I want to tell you that it's awesome to be able to download the whole Conker's BFD soundtrack from your site ! I think it's the very only place on the web where you can get it ! Thanks ! -filouk@club-internet.fr Chad: Even though the quality of the files I put up is pure sh-t, thanks! About six years ago, I sampled the delights of DKC through my friend's wise purchase. He also brought a CD to my house, entitled "Go Ape!", which I am sure you will be familiar with. One song on the album stuck out in particular, but, alas, time has vanquished the said CD and my memory of the tracks on it. Hence, I was wondering if you may have a track list for this CD. It would be very great appreciated! -Bazmataz2001@yahoo.com Ben: I...er...um...sorry, I never got Video Game Music CDs here. Lil' help, anyone? Slush: Go Ape? I've never heard of it, sorry. Chad? Andrey? Our Friend? Gay Carl Winslow? Andrey: I've got nothing. No, really. I'm broke. Hello. I am Saf, cousin of squitter. You may remember me from such places as the Bullitin Board and AIM. But today, I am here to ask you a few questions. 1. Have you ever thought of getting a Mirc chatroom, like YBK? If not, you should. It's better 2. What do you think the odds are that they will make a "DKC4"? 3. BT has about 2X as much inneudo as BK. Following that trend, will B3 have twice as much inneudo as BT? Thank you for answering. -SAF1989@aol.com Chad: 1. Done. 2. I honestly don't know. High, I hope. 3. Four times. It's an exponential curve, you see. Banjo-Twelvo: 2048 times the innuendo! To Chad I reckon you rock bro I reckon your the coolest out of all of you.I was wondering if you had Funky's theme off DK64 I think the music sounds cool for Funky and I was just wondering.Please email me if you have the time bro at reecericereilly@hotmail.com Thanks for your time bro!! -Reece Chad: I am not your "bro", hideous Earth monkey. Begone with you. Andrey: I, however, am extremely lonely and would be happy to be your bro. We could work out together. Wink wink. Oh who are we kidding- I'm just filling in while Gay Carl Winslow stepped out to the bathroom. Lookie! It's Silver Face! In another desperate attempt to not make himself look like an arse! Whee! Question 1: Will we ever see any information about Mario party 3? I want to see it torn into shreds! MURDER IT!!! MWAHAHAHA!!! Question 2: Have you ever picked up the Mario Kart action figure of Donkey Kong? It really isn't that bad, although his fur could use some darkening. He has more joints, can actually be posed, and he comes with a cart. Question 3: What DKU murchandise would you like to see? Personally I'd like to see a three CD rerelease DKC series CD set so that I don't have to wrestle against bears and crap on Ebay to get one. And it would have really fancy cover art and would be golden colored for no absolute reason. Ahh, that would be bliss. And that is it. I would have asked more intelligent questions, but I'm too damn lazy to do so. I also had an inane rant on the Pikmin takeover, but I can't say anything bad about Nintendo Power, until I get my Paper Mario CD. At least I always have my stress relief IGN... -Silver Face Chad: 1. That's been out for six months, you know. 2. Yeah, Ben sent it to me earlier this year. Aside from the duck bill, it's pretty cool. 3. There is a 3-CD set. I've seen it on eBay. The only downside is that the case is a paper foldout, not a jewelcase. Slush: To answer your first question (since Chad misunderstood it, I guess), we'll be adding Mario Party 3 information shortly. I've now got it in my posession, and I'll be sure to tear it to shreds regardless whether I like it or not. First let me tell you something. The Ice Climbers are not in their because of IGN. Nintendo of Japan says they wanted to use an old classic NES character and pretty much chose the Ice Climbers because none of the others on their lists would work. Now for my question. When do you plan on doing another live radio broadcast? I love those. Also put Chucky Poo's Lament back on the radio's playlist because IMO the version you played on the radio with the "I'm flushing, I'm flushing" speech and the sound effects was ten times better than the crappy downloadable version. -Ness554@aol.com Chad: Actually, yes. IGN were the ones who asked for the Ice Climbers, regardless of whatever royalty-free drivel Nintendo spouts. IGN's boasted about it on several occasions. As for the crappy downloadable version, it was kind of hard to capture sound from the entire fight when the game is jam-packed with ambient sound effects. I'd like to see you do a better job. No, really. I'd get a kick out of it. Ben: Actually, there's an interesting story about how the Ice Climbers were introduced into SSBM, it...but no. Perhaps for another time. I just wanted to get to know some of the guys from the boards. If you have an ICQ number, if you would please reply with it. Or you AIM sn. Or whatever. -Anthony Andrey: I'm shocked that I still fall into that category after not going there for over a month. Ah well. Anyway, rest assured that I DO intend to reveal my personal contact information here in Letters. And here we go. My ICQ number is 666999 and my AIM screen name is FBIFornicationGod69. Honest. I'm a very modest person. I am looking for some DK64 sound effects! Not music files. Do you know were I can get them? -Grant Jr Robert Chad: I'm fairly certain you can find those in the Nintendo 64 game, "Donkey Kong 64". Ben: YOU BASTARD! How dare you send multiple letters! I'll hang you from a ship's mast by your entrails! What makes you think that there will be a sequal to "Conker's bad fur day" when the game didn't sell well? -KyleD513 Chad: The game didn't sell well because it got shit-for-marketing, and the N64 was on the tail-end of its lifespan. Everyone who did play CBFD sang its praises. There's absolutely no question whether the series will continue. Slush: Actually, I just questioned it today. I said to myself while playing the "It's War!" chapter, "G'damn this is a great game. Too bad there probably won't be a sequel." It slipped my mind about the actual talk of a sequel, but the truth is it didn't sell well, and just being critically acclaimed doesn't always mean you'll succeed. Very rarely, in fact. Andrey: There's also the rumors and various bits of evidence to be considered. Website registration, copyrights, the ominous meaning of "Grabbed by the Ghoulies". It all adds up to nothing, but even nothing is something. Which is a contradiction, but true, which kind-of screws up the universe and makes my mind want to collapse in on itself. More tea? Do you think the DK series could take a turn for a more " serious " storyline? Not too serious, because it's about talking apes and reptiles, for God's sake. But a bit more in depth, like a deeper storyline, giving the Kongs more emotion, making K. Rool a real bad guy, and stuff like that. You know what I'm talking about? -Mikey Chad: Know what you're talking about? Hell, Donkey Kong Country 2 WAS what you're talking about. Yes, I think we'd all love to see such a change in the series. You saw how well it worked for Conker's ending. Nothing like a last second mail before Letters. Mwahaha. Anyway, I have been troubled over something for quite a time. Something rather bad, I suppose. Something that should be changed. The letters being sent in, lately, have contained less and less intelligence. Most of the letters are either hate mail, contain poor grammar, or all around stupid. Oh well. At least Charlie has shown that he has rationality lately. Anyway, at this rate, our beloved Letters may sink down to the level that YBK's "Ask Kazooie" page was. What will be done about it? Well...Erhm.. Oh yes! I plan to send in more letters! INTELLIGENT letters! Like Ben did back in the good ol' days! Will I be able to reach the same level of "good-letter-writing-ness" that Ben had? Probably not, but I'll try! And I urge everyone else to. Well, that's all you're getting from me for the night. -Carter Chad: B4d gramer? What u meen? R readers r smarrt, LOLz! And Charlie? He's a cockmongler that's probably on the lower end of the English-Language-Comprehension spectrum. We'll never get as bad as YBK. Ask Kazooie is our comparitive quality floor. That, or Scribes. Yes, Ben, good letters, etc. Night. hey dude! i'm enjoying these DK64 mp3s ALOT --THANK YOU!, any chance of more? like the whole creepy castle,hideout helm and crystal caves medleys? and bosses mp3s? thanks alot, -ben shpayer Chad: Thanks. Yes, there is a chance for more. I definitely want to get the Crystal Caves one out at some point. On your site in the BK codes un-legit section, I read this. If you type in a certain number of the sandcastle codes (more than Rare released), Gruntilda will threaten to delete your cartridge. If you persist, Bottles actually will format your cartridge, and your precious saved data will be no more. If the egg and key sandcastle codes were intended for public use, why would typing them in succession delete your cartridge? The only answer is that the file deletion is to deter cheaters. Rare are sneaky devils, aren't they? In NP, it was told that the Egg Codes do not count. They are free to all. The limit is more than two by the way! Also, I agree there should be an additional way to get them! -Goronkid@aol.com Chad: Thanks, but nobody cares any more. Hey Chad! This is Saf, Cousin of Squitter, with a fewquestions for You: 1.Do youthink that B3 will be a real game? 2.Do youthink DKC4 will be made? 3.Who would win a fight between Osama bin Laden and Shigeru Miyamoto? 4.Why don�t you get a Mirc Chatroom? They are cool. Who would be your Bot? 5.Is our Friend possessed? If so, then has he ever left his camera to possess other things? 6.Who would win a fight Between Aussie Ben and Andrey? 7.Your cool. 8.When is luigi�s mansion coming out? Iheard the 20�th from my friend. 9.Are you getting luigi�s mansion?Do you plan to get Pikmin? 10.Who is your least favorite member of the message boards that got banned(I.E., GW, Donkey kong song, lankydavid,)? -SAF1989@aol.com Chad: 1. As opposed to an imposter game? 2. As opposed to not being made? Wait... crap. 3. NO BODY SINSE ANTHAX WULD KILL TEHM BOTH!!1! 4. It was done a minute, ya harpie. And Mucousy Vulture. 5. Yes, and yes. Just imaging hardware, though, for some reason. He's been in the TV tuner card, video camera, and scanner. 6. Andrey could fight in the nude and Ben would never have a chance. 7. You stay away from it! 8. On launch, a few weeks ago. 9. I don't buy chunk-blowing games, and yes. 10. That Rare-Extreme son of a bitch who posted 300-something topics. I forget his name. Ben: I don't even want to think about it. Hey, ummm..........I dunno. I was just wondering why DK is your favorite Nintendo character of all time. I enjoy your webpage and updates (You guys are my number one source) but do you have any other favorites? PLEASE RESPOND!!! ::settles down::. Thanks for taking the time to read my letter. -Dave Chad: Diddy is my favorite Nintendo character of all time. And if we're exiting the DKU, I'll go with Link (circa the non-shit design), Fry Guy (SBM2), and of course, the Puck from Galactic Pinball. Where can I find the music of these levels from DKC3 - "Fireball Frenzy" and "Blazing Bazukas"? That music is soooooo cool!! I just NEED to listen to it! Please tell me where I can find that music! -purewal@mediaone.net Chad: Oh balls. Right here. Are you HAPPY? My son is getting frustrated with the game Donkey Kong 64. Is there a web site that gives step by step instructions and tips? -Dad Chad: Dad? I didn't get frustrated by DK64. The hell are you talking about? Gay Carl Winslow: From one dad to another, if you want step by step instructions without paying money, go to GameFaqs.com. 3J and I just browsed over there the other day. Sometimes, even the most virile, succulent young boys need all the help they can get. Phew, is it getting warm in here? Maybe I should go take a ride on my scooter. Dear sir, I am very excited about Super Smash Brothers Melee, as I have expressed in the past in some Letters and on the message board. I have been doing some "research" on the game, and have found out several things. Like the more evasive techniques that will be in Melee. Now, part of the fun in Smash Bros. was how mindnumbingly easy and simple it was to catch on. Now in Melee, now only do we have a new controller, new attacks, and new items to get used to, but now there are zany wall kicking, dodging, mid-air dodging, and a bunch of other stuff. Now, this may take away the fun, simple nature of SSB, but it might also add more acrobatic, fun, aerial fighting and whatnot. Oh well, the game will kick ass either way. I just hope that heavy dosages of Luigi's Mansion will get me used enough to the controller by the time Melee comes. Keep up the good work, eat well, get lots of rest, study, etc. -Carter Chad: Yeah, I'm not looking forward to re-mastering the controls either, but it should be worth it. my kids play DKC2 sometimes, and I like the midi music that plays during the roller coaster ride and at the end after you've won (when all the game characters are being paraded across the bridge). I've been searching for hours on all the nintendo midi sites, and I can't find those two particular files anywhere -- it seems that everyone has all the music midis for that game except for those two. story of my life. could you possibly point out to me where I might find those two midi files? thanks. -Flykiller@aol.com Chad: Sure. There's the roller coaster one. As for the DKC2 cast and credits, I don't think anyone'e ever made an MIDI of it. Pity, as it's one of the best songs in the game. Greetings! With Gamecube & Luigi's mansion right around the corner I thought about good ol' DK, and when I think of DK, I think of good ol' Chad & Slush. Anyways, the reason I write is to ask you what DKU games we getting. Is this dinosaur planet game still DKU? Would that make Star Fox Dku?? Is there Donkey Kong Games coming out say in 2002? Seems the Mario Bros. are getting a lot of attention with Mario Sunshine and Luigi's Mansion and DK & Diddy are being left in the dark. I guess they'll be brought out later like with SNES and N64. Well, I'm done talking now. -Little Luigi Chad: Think of GAMECUBE, wind up thinking about two pathetic video game losers. Nintendo marketing would have your ass on a platter. On the confirmable DKU horizon, there's DKCC, SSBM, DKP, B-K:GR, DoKR, and SFA:DP. So yes, Star Fox Adventures is indeed DKU, by way of Tricky the triceratops. In 2002, Donkey will be appearing in both Diddy Kong Pilot and Donkey Kong Racing. Diddy and Donkey aren't being left in the dark. Donkey is in DKCC, DoKR, and DKP. Diddy is in DKP, DoKR, and possibly DKCC. While these are just racers and puzzle games, I'm sure there will be a Donkey Kong platforming game (series?) down the road. Hi Chad, I don't want to seem like I'm pressuring you, or anything this is just a "wishlist" of sorts for the DK64 mp3s. -Intro-the one with the 3d N on some wood and the spinning Rareware logo at the beginning. -Opening story- I could swear I heard this on the radio once so maybe you just forgot to link to it a la Mushroom Kingdom. -K. Lumsy Snide -Beach scene at the end with everybody riding K. Lumsy -Hideout Helm after the dectivation of the Blast-o-matic. -and finally, all bosses, slides, minecarts, etc not included on the CD or maybe even a medley of the mini game music. This, in my opinion, is a complete list. Remember the good old days when the letters section was just a long series of complaints about Lord Harry? Ah, yeah. -Sparky Z Chad: Intro? That's only like 10 seconds long. The opening movie was on the radio, but I really can't imagine anyone actually wanting to download it. You, being a freakish exception of course. Etc. etc. etc. Some of those I might do, others (boss themes) I won't. Those weren't good old days. Those were horrible, horrible days. Hey my name is Justin and I just wanted to say you have the best DK website ever. I am a big DK fan, and like you, I've beaten all the games but love them thoroughly. I'd like to make suggestions for more top DKU melodies. How about these songs: Crystal Caves from DK64, Stop and Go Station from DKC, Jungle Japes from DK64, Kastle Krush from DKC2, Poisonous Pipeline from DKC3, Red Hot Ride from DKC2, Gangplank Galleon from DKC, The Riverside Theme from DKC3 (the lightning level), Mudhole Marsh from DKC2, and Bowser's Castle from Mariokart 64. These are some of my favorites, and I like all of your melodies. Well, I'll keep on visiting your site for more info and enjoyment. Keep up the good work. -hearn.20@osu.edu Chad: Ah. A man of taste. Whoa, there cowboy. Keep it coming. You're looking a bit down. What's the matter? You wouldn't bel... crap, you got me into a Conker quote loop. Bastard. Banjo-Threeie: Why is it for Gamecube and not for the N64? -Briwilly@aol.com Chad: Who said it's for GAMECUBE? Hello - I am despirate for something wierd in B-T so here goes: Do you have any Idea how to get the Stop n' Swop? Where did you get the picture of the devil bottles? thanks. -scdaley@hotmail.com Chad: Fill your bathtub with water, dunk your head in it, and plug in a toaster. Hurry, Stop 'N' Swop awaits! Great job on the ring tones for all those DKU games? I was especially interested because I will be getting a cell phone soon (well, as soon as I pass my driver's test). You also did a nice job explaining how to put in the tones! I will be the envy of my school! cue evil laughing soundtrack Ahem. Sorry. Anyways, do you think you could put some more up? Especially B-K and B-T? Please? I'll give you a cookie... -BanjoDude Chad: You'd have to ask our friendly neighborhood Australian slave about that. Take your culinary delights elsewhere. Napper!! Really!!! Napper from Banjo-Kazooie!!! You know!! That stupid ghost that always wakes up when you' re trying to get that Jiggie he' s sitting on!!! He should be on Conker' s BFD!!!!! -Cheesemiser@cs.com Slush: But if he were sitting on CBFD instead, then Mad Monster Mansion would be one Jiggy short... Some call me RollingSkull. That out of the way, why have I been banned? -RollingSkull Our Friend: You were banned from the Bulletin Board? You must share the same IP as one of the blowtards that we ban on a daily basis. Well, I'll get to the root of the problem and solve it within the next few days. In the meantime, have a cigar. I had the immigrant worker Chad hired to trim the hedges outside of the apartment roll them. Hey look it's Sparky Z. The guy that challenges your continuity, and poses rather odd questions/suggestions. Lets begin, shall we? 1) Explain this "Mr. Continuity Master." Where does the music come from? When your walking around, music doesn't just appear out of nowhere. And don't try and tell me there's a D.K. orchestra off on the side of the screen because if that were the case, then it would get softer as you moved farther away. 2) Why does the Kart in "Mario Kart" begin with a K not a C? I know that on Donkey Kong Island this is a customary practice, but Mario Kart takes place in the Mushroom Dimension, where such things are unheard of. 3) If you're starved for updates, you could always make a "Top Ten Hardest Challenges in a DKU Game" feature. There could be hard physical challenges, such as Beaver Bother, of difficult puzzles, like getting into Grunties Industries by taking the train. 4) Or you could make a companion to the Top Ten DKU Melodies feature that only ranks songs by how fun they are to listen to by themselves, and not the surroundings that the songs is placed in is not considered. (crosses fingers "Windy and Co. Windy and Co. Windy and Co. Win...) That was fun. Lets do it again sometime. -Sparky Z Slush: 1) Where does the movie come from in TV shows? How about in movies? That's right. Either John Williams, Danny Elfman, or Quincy Jones, usually. 2) Bekause such a praktice is konsidered kute and klever by those who kome up with it. 3) You want to know a little secret? We're never starved for updates. We're lazy. This edition of Letters was actually finished months ago, but nobody felt like clicking the mouse to upload it. But don't blame me. BLAME THAT LYING BITCH WHO... sorry. 4) Yeah, but that might be considered somewhat of excess. That was fun. Let's do it again sometime? Yeah, that's what she said... Well, since Sabreman starred in Banjo-Tooie, you should put his name in your game list. -EarthBoundIX@aol.com Chad: An AOL user. I should have known. Foreign riffraff. Well begone, vagabond, before I arrest you... for poaching the King's wildlife! could i be your affiliate please? i really need to get people to my site so it'll be worthwhile to update -Pokemaniac528@aol.com Our Friend: Sure! First, let me create an affiliate program just for you. Done. Oops, now I realize you forgot to send me your URL, but hey, that's okay. People will surely come to your site in droves now, just because the "hugely" popular Jungle Vine sent them! It doesn't matter if they have no clue how to get to your site. Wow. I can't believe it. Your website really sucks. Bad. I can't believe there's really a bunch of retarded morons like you who waste their time maintaining this crap. You really suck. You're gay. Xbox sucks too. It's gay. Worthless. Just like you and your crappy site. Just thought I'd let you know what everyone thinks of your retarded site. Well, C-ya later, faggot... er-- loser. Whatever you prefer. -adambanks@hotmail.com Chad: Congratulations, Adam Banks, your utterly superb recognition of parody, combined with your extremely politically correct use of homosexuality as a derogatory term have eared you this (three) month's Mr. Mooney Award! Keep it up, sir... it's people like you who make me want to procreate. Ye-us! Slush: There is human life out there that actually believes our Xbox feature was serious. And yet I can't get layed. Andrey: For shame! Gay Carl Winslow is probably spinning in his grave. Gay Carl Winslow: I'm not dead yet, you delightful man donut! I almost died once though. I stopped breathing after an electric shock, but thankfully Steve gave me mouth to mouth. Let's just say my heart wasn't the only thing pumping again after that! My name is Anthony Harrison, and I live in North Carolina. I believe that some of the audio you have on your melody list is over-rated. I think that possibly the best tracks I've ever heard on a game might be most of the stuff on Conker's Bad Fur Day, including the patriotic music in the war scenes, especially during the Tower chapter. More great music comes from the Uga Buga level. I love the Rock Solid thing, but the music that plays while you're in the big volcano cave thing is great, with a lot of beat. And also, music from Jurassic Park Part II: The Chaos Continues, namely the Blockade and High Ptera levels, is equally wonderful. I'm not saying that all your choices are overrated. I'm just saying that from my viewpoint, there is some better audio out there. -Tony Chad: Nawth Cai-uh-lana, gonna raise up. Take yo' shirt off, twist it 'round yo' head like a helicoppa. Anyway, I think you're demonstrated your stupidity far and wide by suggesting that a song from Jurassic Park II is better than CBFD's Credits. In fact, if anything, our choices are UNDERRATED. Who, besides me, likes the Credits theme that much? I realized that it was a very simplistic, yet insanely moving peice, and commended it for that. Screw you off a cliff. the ducks are coming and will destroy your lense cap, BOO!!! hahahahahahahahahahah sing with me lalalalala -Gr8dbatr@aol.com Our Friend: tee hee! okay! i will sing with you won't you? hahahahahahahaha lalalalala Er war ein Punker und er lebte in der grossen Stadt es war in Wien, war Vienna wo er alles tat er hatte Schulden denn er trank doch ihn liebten alle Frauen und jede rief... ...you little dick. Since Grunty's life is pretty much over, maybe the Banjo-Kazooie Grunty's Revenge reality will continue the rest of the Banjo-Kazooie series was right. Who knows? Maybe the end of BKGR, Klungo starts to rebuild Gruntilda? Or her sisters just came fashionably late at the end of BK:GR and then her sisters rejuvanate her at the end of BK:GR! Who knows!!! -EarthBoundIX@aol.com Slush: I gave you my heart, and what did you do? YOU WALKED ALL OVER IT! Never again, never again. I'm going to just die a miserable, bitter, lonely man, but that's fine with me. No, really, it is. Oh sure, I'll cry during the holidays, but it will all be worth it knowing that you'll be feeling guilty! Hah! Who's in control now? I'll give you a hint... it's not you! That's for sure, I tell you what. Hi Chad!!! Could you tell me pls were i can get donkey kong country 3 in german?? And is there a Program which can rip the music from a snes rom or is there a site with mp3s to download? -immortal@eunet.at Chad: Probably Germany. And no. Andrey: And there's actually an option in the English version of the game, if I'm not mistaken, that lets you change the language setting to German. So all you really need to find is ANY copy of DKC3. Good luck with that. Chad: Actually, no, I checked before making my sassy, sassy comment... The typical DKC3 is only playable in English and French. Krauts need not apply. I'm wondering if you guys have all the mp3s off of the donkey kong country 2, donkey kong country 3, and donkey kong 64 soundtracks to download. i don't trust the internet enough to buy one, and i can't afford to buy them anyway, but i still love the music. please write back and tell me where to find these sacred mp3s. oh, and by the way, i think that aquatic ambience from dkc should have made one of the top ten music lists! -Adam G Slush: It's so gratifying that after nearly two-plus years, we've become known as "That MP3 Site." Oh well. If Nintendojo made it big by making snuff films with kittens, I guess this the more noble approach. I guess I'll just feed you the old company line. I think it goes something like "we'll probably get all those MP3s up eventually, but for now check out DKJV Radio!" Hmm, that does work rather well. As for your suggestion about the top ten(s)... it's a great tune, but there were only ten (twenty?) spots to fill. If it makes you feel any better, I'm sure it's in the Top 100 there somewhere. I guess it should become "The TWO surviving Beatles and a nude Tom Cruise". RIP, George. 1.So, do you officially hate HAL now for the hidden character lineup and treatment of the DKU in Melee? I expected them to ignore Rare(JAPAN MAGIC CREATIVE!!!!!), but when I saw Mr. Game & Watch, Roy/Marth, Pichu, Falco, Young Link, etc, I cried. The only ones I'm happy with are Mewtwo and Luigi. I'm pretty close to hating HAL; if they do an SSB3(Bet on it)and they do the same things again(Bet on that, too), I'm going to be wanting to kick their faces and scream, "STICK TO KIRBY AND EARTHBOUND!" Which they haven't been doing lately; EB64 was unfairly cancelled, Kirby 64 was a disappointment, and there's no GCN release announced for Mr. Pink Blob, and whether or not Earthbound will ever return is a coin flip. 2.Why has Rare been so quiet lately? SFA's four months away from release(Or do I hear the Delay Train again?), Diddy Kong Pilot's apparently coming out THIS MONTH, and we've seen nothing since Spaceworld. They just updated their Sabrewulf preview(We don't know if it's DKU....Yet)around a week ago, but that's been it. Nothing on their other games. I'm honestly a bit nervous about DKP's fate; no new media even near release is very bad. 3.Does Rare's merchandise poll hold any interest to you? I sent them a bizarre idea; a BFD Video/DVD with 'outtakes' using the game engine. 4."It seems to me," said the mattress, eyeing the leg compassionately, "that it is a pretty poor sort of leg." "You are right," said Marvin. "It is." "Voon," said the mattress. -Behonkiss Chad: 1. Agreed. 2. DKP comes out in early March. And recently (depending on when this page finally goes up), Rare released some SFA shots showing off oh-so pretty furry shenanigans. 3. Yes, that poll was very interesting to me. I can't wait to see what comes of it. 4. Liar. I'm not sure if you will get this in time, but tell james not to call me, you guys meet me in the chat room (MSN) -Dan Andrey: I thought it'd be funny to put in one of my personal letters, just to embarrass the guy who sent it. Looks like I was wrong. Anyway, it's interesting to note that I, in fact, did not recieve this email in time and we did not meet Dan in the chat room. Poor guy doesn't even realize I haven't had MSN for upwards of a year. Fingers on the pulse of the community, him. Chad: Who the hell is Leonardo Leonardo? And now...a special Christmas Letters Treat! Does everyone remember the paranoid speech by Shigeru Miyamoto on the back of the GCN box? Well it has been revealed that it was, in fact, an abbreviated version. We at DKVine have gotten our hands on an exclusive copy of the FULL speech, as written by Mr. Miyamoto in his private sound-proof bunker on the Cambodian Coast. Enjoy: "What if everything you see is more than what you see? What if what you see isn't really there? What if it's here? How will you know if what you see is made of bricks or cheap paper-mache. Is he a doctor, or does he like cheese? How will you know? The person next to you is a warrior. What if the person next to you has a hidden agenda? A dark templar? FBI? What if your garden is really your neighbour's garden? One man's garden is another man's warrior. What if your neighbour has a hidden agenda involving the distruction of your garden? What if the man next to you is you? and the space that appears empty is a secret door to another world? What if that space is really your neighbour? What if the secret gateway is really a wall? What if the ants burrowing into your skin won't stop till they reach the soft heart-flesh? What if they laughed at you? What if she lied? That bitch. What if something appears that shouldn't? What if your neighbour appears when he shouldn't? What if there are warriors all over your gateway? Is it a gateway to your neighbour's garden, or another dimension? What if taking a man's life is meaningless to you? What if it's your neighbour? You either dismiss it, or you accept that there is much more to the world than you think. Or you dismiss it BECAUSE of that, but that's not important. It's not like they're mutually exclusive? What if they are? We may never know. Perhaps it really is a doorway, and if you choose to go inside, you'll find many unexpected things. Perhaps you'll find your neighbour, appearing in your garden when he shouldn't, and taking his life will mean nothing to you. -Shigeru Miyamoto" Letter Archives


	Donkey Kong Universe is an independent game news source with no affiliation to Nintendo, Microsoft, or any other developer. All original content copyright � 1999 - 2008 File Two Productions.