Your #1 source for Diddy Kong Racing-themed
wedding speeches.
 
 



Oh, look. It's (insert name here) and his/her lovely friend/significant other, (insert name here). Since we obviously get to know each and every one of you, you should trust us with anything when writing in. Even secret government files. Ahem.

So go on, e-mail Chiphead, Sparky, Behonkiss, and if you're really desperate, Saf and see if we're not too conceited to give you a bit of recognition.


08/22/03

Worst Anniversary Update Ever? You be the judge.




Do you think that they will make a Donkey Kong Country 2 and 3, will come out for the GBA just like the 1st one?MSN 8 helps ELIMINATE E-MAIL VIRUSES. Get 2 months FREE*.
-Zack Hook

Sean: The game was the highest-selling GBA game in June. You bet your homemade vagina they’ll follow it up. And thank you for that kind offer, AOL is starting to annoy me.

Klobber: It's still not as bad as the advertisements to stop world hunger that are attached to a lot of the emails I receive. I say, NUKE those other countries, then we won't have to worry about feeding them! YEAH.*
Klobber's views do not reflect the opinions of the other staff members, DKVine in general, or any human with an actual soul.



"Chiphead: Krystal is a DKU character. Waluigi was in Game & Watch Gallery 4, but that's not DKU because Donkey Kong just had a 'cameo' role [I meant in Mario Tennis, where Waluigi was introduced -ed.]. Tricky, on the other hand, had a much bigger part in Star Fox Adventures, being second banana to Fox. Because of that, Star Fox Adventures is classified as a spinoff game rather than a cameo game, thus making any apperances by characters introduced in SFA, such as Krystal, DKU. "

Hmm, well maybe you forgot that the title character, Fox, appeared in previous Star Fox games, making Star Fox Adventures not a spinoff of Donkey Kong (like Conker) but, get this... a Star Fox game! So new characters appearing in it would be, let's see... Star Fox characters! If the game was called Star Triceratops Adventures, well then Tricky would be getting top billing and new characters in the game would be DKU.

"Besides, we need something to keep us occupied other than Mario Party 12."

Ok, granted. But your rules are still nonsense. A game should only be considered a spinoff of DKU if the title or lead character in the game first appeared in a DKU game. (ie Diddy Kong Racing, Banjo-Kazooie, Conker) Tricky wasn't the title character or the lead character of SFA. Even if it was released as "Dinosaur Planet" without the Star Fox characters, subsequent Sabre games without Tricky wouldn't be DKU.

BTW, your rules do mean that you should cover Roy's Fire Emblem game. DK got equal billing with 13 other starting fighters in SSBM (even higher than "second banana") and Roy first appeared in SSBM. Essentially, your rules provide you the right to assimilate any franchise that a DKU character appears in at any level higher than "cameo."
-A disappointed fan.

Chiphead: It's a Star Fox game, but it's also a Diddy Kong Racing spinoff/prequel. And our rules don't say we have to cover Fire Emblem the same reason we don't have to cover a game with Waluigi. I'd classify the main character's sidekick (Tricky in Star Fox Adventures) as higher billing than split billing amongst 13 (or was it 14?) other characters (Donkey Kong in Mario Tennis and Super Smash Bros. Melee), so characters introduced in cameo game don't make other games DKU. And I still don't believe that Roy was introduced in Super Smash Bros. Melee. In a game featuring all of Nintendo's most popular characters, why would they use someone from a game that hasn't even been released? But that's another thing that I don't feel like arguing.

Incidentally, there is some debate on the message board over whether or not Game & Watch Gallery 4 is DKU started by none other than Hyle "Sirslush2" Russell, Esquire; and Waluigi has nothing to do with it.




Hey, DKJV! I found some screenshots of BK:GR. Check 'em out.

[removed for space]

All of these screenshots were taken from Gamespot.com.

I wish you could let me join your "cast". I've wanted to join the Vine since the original "cast" of the site still ran it. But I understand that you already have enough "members" of your website. If one of you guys leave, you could set up an initiation for a replacement "castmember" to your site. If you do decide to let me in (chances of that are probably 54470931473146436109978 to 1), just contact me.

Cya. : )
-Fatty4Add@aol.com

Sparky: Actually, your chances are even lower than that, seeing as we know nothing about you. Editor "auditions" will only be held as an absolutely final last resort. If one of us decides to retire, then I can almost guarantee you that their replacement will be previously handpicked by us, and ready to go from the beginning. In the mean time, I suggest you join the messageboard and prove you can be a non-moron. Your chances will improve considerably.

Klobber: The time may come soon, says I with a bit of foreshadowing, when someone else is needed here, but yeah. Like Sparky said, post in the forums, I'd hope none of my fellow staffers would be too hasty about hiring someone if any of us should leave the team. This site is like an Entmoot. Only not really. I just like the word "Entmoot".




Hi Chiphead.
Just asking. Is it Haunted Chase or Haunted Crate? I saw "Haunted Crate" on two websites with track lists.
Regards,
-Markus Lund.

Chiphead: Is that the Haunted Hall theme? Offhand, I'd say Haunted Chase, but I don't have the soundtrack. Maybe someone who does can help you.

Sparky: A chase is involved. A crate is not. This isn't that hard to figure out.

Klobber: Someone hasn't read my soundtrack review!!




Nintendo and Namco are BOTH making DK games. 1. Namco's making the (retarded) Donkey Konga. Blah >_< 2. Nintendo is making a different DK game, (which, knowing Nintendo, will probably make DK Country 4). So you can put your fears to rest. DKonga is a DK spinoff party game thing, simular to Mario Party and Kart and etc. Let's hope Nintendo makes DK 64 2.
-Stephen Weir

Sean: Yeah, well, that’s the sad thing. Nintendo has given us no indication that they’re making a DK game aside from DKa. Until they do, I want to act pessimistic, as is my right as a paying customer and fan. Logic? Logic.

Klobber: Donkey Kong 64 2? Wouldn't that require that the GameCube receive a substantial downgrade?



Thought you guys should know that SSB might not continue. If you already knew this, ignore my last statement.
Here's proof:
http://www.spong.com/detail/news.asp?mode=full&origin=newslist&type=n&cid=&pid=&vid=&prid=5336
-TK Olson

Sparky: Commence ignoring.

Klobber: I'd like to take this opportunity to say "Entmoot".



Hate to piss off you Rare Fan Boys/Girls, but: RARE CHARACTERS SUCK!!! There, I said it. Don't get me wrong, Rare makes great games, like Goldeneye and Donkey Kong Country, but also horrible, horrible characters (and pretty much everyone from the Ziff Davis Media agrees). Banjo (lame), Lanky Kong (whats with the stupid name?) and Tricky (hate his guts) should all be killed, wether in a car accident or cancer! The Rare characters that are likeable are/were the Battletoads, Conker and Joanna Dark! Sorry, but it's true!
-SSoniclink@aol.com

Behonkiss: Yes! All Rare characters suck! Oh, except Conker and Joanna and some others! Yeah, boo to Gregg and Kazooie and Cranky and characters with actual PERSONALITIES! Let's stick with our mute plumber and his scaredy-cat brother!

Sean: Don't you just love it when people post this flamebait and then come out and pretend like it's deadset fact? Amazing. And who the hell is Ziff Davis?

Klobber: Ziff Davis would be Electronic Gaming Monthly's publisher, and yes, EGM seems to hate Rare character design. I never understood that. The Kremlings alone have wonderful character design, with a lot of variety, and many of the concepts for them are quite clever. And the Banjo series had a talking toilet. A talking toilet!!




You don't really seem to know what "Collect 'em All" Adventure means, do you? Heres what it means: AKA Scavanger Hunt, Fetch Quest. Having to go back to a level just to find one thing for a charcter to get an item needed to complete the game. Example: Give the weasle guy from DK:64 a Blue Print, he will give you a banana. It will not unlock a new part of a level, or anything like that, you just need the item to get to levels and complete the game. Example Again: In order to get to a new level in Banjo-Kazooie, you must have enough puzzle peices to complete the Jigza Puzzle.

Note: Super Mario 64/ Sunshine is not a Collect 'em All Adventure, for when you go back to a level, you unlocked something new, and you don't have to do other characters "chores".
-FLYTRAP28

Chiphead: What are you babbling about? You say in order to get a new level in Banjo-Kazooie, you need enough Jiggies to finish the puzzle, but in Super Mario 64 and Super Mario Sunshine, you get new levels by – OMG – collecting enough Stars and Shine Get!s. And in the Banjo series and DK64, you can unlock new parts of levels, sometimes by jiggies and bananas, sometimes hitting switches. You don't unlock new sections of levels for every banana and jiggy, but the same can be said about Super Mario 64. For example in Whomp's Fortress, when you beat the giant Whomp and get the first star, a tower appears where the Whomp was, but to get there, you have to play the whole level all over again. And when you get that star, the level doesn't change a bit. And who says Mario doesn't have to do chores for other characters? There was a ton of that in Super Mario Sunshine. "Get the ghosts out of my hotel!" "Help! I'm on fire!" "My Chain Chomp is shitting all over the place!" The list goes on... Am I making sense here? I must be making more sense than you.




Do you suppose there is gonna be more DK games coming to GCN or any Nintendo console since RARE is working for Microsoft? I loved DK64, and hate to see Nintendo abandon such a beloved franchise.
-Stephen Weir

Sean: Nope, they’re keeping the franchise going. Unfortunately, Nintendo’s idea of not abandoning a franchise is making you beat drums nonstop. On an extra drum perphiperal no less. Ironic. Of what, I don’t know.




You guys probably already know this, but Namco is making the next Donkey Kong game, for the GCN.
-Calvin Thomas

Sparky: They're not really making it, so much as summoning it from the depths of HELL.

Klobber: I agree that the idea seems stupid, but let's wait and see what happens. Though, to be honest, I can not possibly conceive of any way that this game would actually be good. I just sat here for a bit, pondering the idea, and as soon as I think of the drum accessory I can't seem to imagine the game actually being a success.



If u want Nintendo to listen to yer suggestions on the Revival Page, why dont ya send the adress to them in person?
PS are you planning to kill the butthead who introduced the violence genere?
-tbok1992

Chiphead: You mean Behonkiss's feature? I'm not going to bother, because I know what they're going to say:

"Hello, and thank you for contacting Nintendo.

As of now we have no plans of releasing a game called Donkey Kong's Jungle Vine: The Rebirth. Please visit nintendo.com and subscribe to Nintendo Power for all the latest news."

Klobber: Yeah, Nintendo responds to most emails (and even responded to a HUGE petition/package Starmen.net sent them) with a cookie cutter corporate response. Sadly.



Yknow, I've been concocting this story inside of my head for quite a while (because I have a lot of time to think, right). It's basically my idea for the next DK game... an extensive script that tells the original story. I don't know about this, but is there any way I can maybe contact whoever's going to be making this game and pitch this idea before they make a potentially bad game? Do you think they'd even listen to me?
-ShadowGridMX@aol.com

Sean: There are copyright laws in place that state that companies cannot take ideas from mere civilians. Plus, I’m not sure they’d be keen on making games that focus on storyline. They’d rather we play drums.

No, I’m not letting up on the Donkey Konga cracks. Don’t like it, bite me.

Klobber: Such hostility!



Are you ever going to get the StarFox Adventures MP3s back up?
- MagusTheFoxMage@aol.com

Sparky: Oh, but they were. Unfortunately for you, they were taken down yesterday. Hard cheese.

Klobber: :(




SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT U SPEND UR WHOLE LIVES ON NINTENDO GAMES AND THEY GOT XBOX GAMECUBE AND THE BEST PS2 DAMN DUDES GET WITH TODAY STOP LIVING IN THE PAST WHY NOT U GUYS MAKE A SITE ON SOULCALIBER OR TEKKEN NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT NINTENDO N E MORE I ADMIT DONKEY KONG IS COOL BUT DONKEY KONG IS GAY COMPARED TO RECENT VIDEOGAME CHARACTERS WHY R U PEOPLE OBSESED WITH A BUNCH OFRETARDED MONKEYS THE GAME CHRONOCROSS IS THE BEST GAME EVER WAY BETTER THAN DK
-Sdavidsingh

CHIPPHEAD BECAUSE IVE NEVER PLAID SOLE CALIBUR OR TECKEN DO U EVEN BOTHER 2 LOOK AT THE SITE WE COVER GAMECUBE AND XBOX GAMES AND GAMECUBE IS MADE BY NINTENDO U RETARD U SHOULD DO MORE RESEARCH AND LEARN 2 USE LOWER CASE LETTERS AND PUNCTUATION UNLESS THOSE CONCEPTS MAKE UR HEAD EXPLODE

Klobber: Ah...yes. Upon listening to this person's dialect, I place him in AOL Lamer Chatroom, one of the romance rooms, I believe. You can't fool me, the accet gives it away. Anyway, experience has taught me that only the following insult works on your kind, for whatever reason: GAY FAGS. STFU. YOUR MOM WAS A HORSE. A GAY HORSE. HA HAAHAHAHAHA.



how old is chris seavor and can you please tell me how I can contact him,ring him,or email him anything at all about him please email me?
-Greg McLauren

Sparky: Total disregard for punctuation, capitalization, or sentence structure: Strike 1.

Request of information that it should be pretty obvious we have no way of getting: Strike 2.

The fact that this was written on the subject line, with nothing in the actual message forcing me to conclude that he is too stupid to successfully use e-mail: Strike 3. Ye-us!




I've been searching on the internet for a while to find downloadable MP3s of various Donkey Kong Country 1, 2 and 3 themes, and I haven't found anything yet, aside from those MIDI versions that sound like the music is coming from an Atari. I was wondering if you had any MP3s of any and all Donkey Kong Country 2 and 3 themes. Preferably the boss themes of both, and the 'cliff' and 'waterfall' themes from DKC3.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.
-Brandon

Chiphead: Maybe you need a better MIDI driver. I don't know where you can find one, though. Download.com, maybe? As for MP3s, we've been having a lot of bandwidth-related troubles, and high-demand MP3s such as the Donkey Kong Country trilogy would make things worse. You can find the DKC3 ones you mentioned in the Top Ten DKU Melodies Features, as well as a few from the rest of the series. If you want more, you might want to get the soundtracks off of eBay or look for MP3s on Kazaa.




You Guys are anti-AMERICAN!!!! Because in one of your letters you answered: "You're confused, the reason you're thinking the way you are, is because you're thinking like an AMERICAN"!!!!!!!

Im very angry about this!
You BETTER Apolagize! You STUPID FRENCIE!!!!!!!
-Richard Hale

Sean: Hey, I resent that remark, thank you very much. I’m as English as the next guy.

Now, I have no idea what you’re talking about, but it sounds like it’s coming from an old Letters where Chad or Slush - I can never tell, they’re all the same in my eyes(hahaha) was explaining about how a picture of DK64 Candy Kong didn’t have the words “Koko Kong” or “Koko Kola” in it. They said that you needed to stop thinking like an American and think like a British fellow, because Rare is of course British. Yeah.

Klobber: *insert generic response that offhandedly insults America here in an attempt to be clever when it's actually not*




Hello!
"Just a question, where did you find all the Donkey Kong Country rendered pics?
There aren't from "rareware.com", so? "
Do you remember this? Probably not...I'm writing that mail to tell you how sorry I am, let me explain, I sent you that two years ago ( http://www.dkvine.com/letters/07_21_01.html), asking for something without saying "hello", or taking care of your health or your family...but there's something you have to know: I don't speak a f***ing word of english ! ! ! This is why I wrote such a short message, do you understand? So, How are you, how is your family? Fine? Great...bye...
-Gollum1982

Chiphead: That was the old staff. Chad, more specifically, if I'm not mistaken. Anyhoo, disregarding the part of your letter that made absolutely no sense, I there used to be a bunch of DKC renders on Rare's page. I don't think they can legally show them anymore, since they're Nintendo's now. I could be wrong, but that doesn't change the fact that they're not there anymore. Let's just say the Hamburglar stole them and call it a night.




Rare has updated their official website (www.rareware.com) with news of the new GBA games, and they say that THQ will be publishing all 4 of the MIA Rare GBA games, with some of them in shiny new guises. While it is obvious that Banjo Pilot is Diddy Kong Pilot, it is not so obvious that It's Mr. Pants is Donkey Kong Coconut Crackers, but it is. Rare stated before in a previous Scribes that they dropped the DK liscense from DKCC a long time ago, thus It's Mr Pants. Also, they state that Sabre Wulf will be out this year.
-Nick Benedetto

Sean: Thank you, sir, for declaring pure speculation as fact. While I don’t doubt that It’s Mr. Pants is probably DKCC, there’s no concise proof of it. So just hold on to your wobbly bits until we get some real info.




Dear Sean, I am not a musician nor a programmer. But I would like to hear the music I attached to this mail, from my phone machine when it rings. It is a Nokia and not a poliphonic one. My wife has a poliphonic one. I would like to have their perogramme if it is possible for you. Sorry for errors on playing this bloody guitar, it seems I will not be able to learn it at all... Thanks in advance.
-Murat YURDAKUL

Sean: Gee, thanks. Though I’m not the guy to talk to about this stuff, Aussie Ben is the ringtone master here. I don’t even have a cellphone. Oh, and if you care, the music can be found here.




To Sean: I would just like to report some new news involving Mario Golf Toadstool Tour. On the new site (http://www.mario-golf.com) it has some revaling news. It is confirmed on their official site that Diddy Kong IS in the game as playable character. Also they have a nice Donkey Kong wallpaper. Thanks for your time and great site.
-koolkong13

Sean: Nice name. What did you get it from, AOL? Haha. Well, this is all old news. That’s the problem with doing these Letters editions so sparsely, I guess.




Hi Chiphead,

Okay, it has been a long time since I sent something in for the letters. Beyond a long time, a long long long time. So... what has dkvine been up to lately, any big plans, a secret thing you guys are keeping from the public, maybe something to do with the Donkey Kong Jungle Vine Anniversary coming up? Oh well, you guys will probably want to keep that a secret. Now to work on a method to piss Klobber off. Ye-us the art by definition experiment is alsmot complete.
-Tactical Ghost = "Violence Jack Off"
PS How will Donkey Kong Island should be?

Chiphead: Secret thing? There's no secret things. Besides, if we told you, they wouldn't be very secret, now would they? Not that there would be anything to tell you...

Err... how should Donkey Kong Island be? After hearing about Donkey Konga, I'll take anything. Even if Diddy has six fingers on each hand.

Klobber: Yeah, we've got some big projects in the works, including a top secret experiement to piss me off. Oh wait, you're doing that too? Dammit! Our plans are ruined! Sound the alarms, man the torpedos, get me my red shirt!



i just have to say your website in ratings is 10 man. your better than any other DK website
-Kartdude65@aol.com

Sean: There’s other DK sites?

Klobber: *cough* Just wait until Donkey Kong Universe, *cough*



I know, I know, only gay nine year olds like pokemon, but I just got the red version ROM and I was wondering if there is any DKU cameos (including mushroom kingdom inhabitants) If you dont reply, I'll.... cut you with a blunt butter knife. Click here.
-Jonathan Hughes

Sean: I’m going to pretend I didn’t see that first sentence. There are no DKU cameos, just Super Nintendos. And don’t be pointing those damn butter knives at me. They hurt. Just as much as empty “Click here” text. Freak.




Users on the IGN boards have discovered that on July 3, 2003, Microsoft registered a trademark for Banjo Pilot. We assume that this is what has become of Diddy Kong Pilot, since the Donkey Kong license now belongs to Nintendo. To find the trademark go to http://www.uspto.gov/ , click on "Trademarks," click on "New User Form Search (Basic)," and then search "Banjo Pilot." It's quite interesting news. You may post this on your web site if you wish.

Thank you,
-Dylan Estep

Sean: No, Mr. Dylan… thank YOU.




I read uder the analyse movies about a movie with Wario and Diddy in the Wario Car at Mushroom City. I wanted to download it, but I can't find where. Could you give me the website?
-Derek Stusynski

Sean: http://www.mariokartdoubledash.co.uk If they don’t have it, then I don’t know.

Sparky: It and some others can be found on this nifty little page, but you need IGN insider to view them.




do you hate nintendo? and are you like 20 years old?
-Danny

Sean: 15, actually. I had to group this guy’s letter together from the subject line to the actual post. Oh oh oh, the trials we experience.




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