01/31/00
Whee hee hoo! Ohh, we're making big plans for stuff on the site. Yee hee hee. Oh, this will be so much fun....but that's not for you today. It seems the FAQ has been crying for attention for the past month, not being updated atall. Finally, it managed to squeeze three more questions out, boosting its total to a nice, round twenty. So no dawdling now, go see the updated Frequently Asked Questions, or PennyWinkle will get you. And you don't want that to happen.
Update by Chad.



01/30/00
It's Super Bowl Sunday. Yeah. So feel the power and glory of overpaid people who push each other to the ground to get a piece of dead pig by being the first to read our tribute to athletes everywhere, the Brash Bear bio. See, we pick YOU first when in gym class we would always be picked last.....sniff.....but those punk kids have learned since then....oh yes....them and their little dogs too... Ahem. And DK may never be on a box of Wheaties, but the DKU HAS graced boxes of Frosted Flakes. Just another (or the fifth) of SIRSLUSH2'S ANNOYING DKU FACTS THAT YOU WANT TO DIE IN A HURRY.
Update by Slush.



01/29/00
Right. Well, if you've been paying attention, you'll see that we added the main page's sidebar to every page for maximum navigation. Wheee. Anyway, tonight we have three great biographies, Topper, Bawl, and Colliwobble. The veggie trio make their debut in more class than the Three Tenors. Uhhhhh huh.
Update by Chad.



01/28/00
Why do they call it Carefree gum if your rat can catch cancer from it? That's something I would care about, wouldn't you (puts down complaint call, throws a log on the fire, fixes blue sweater, takes a puff from pipe)? Oh, good evening boys and girls. I didn't hear you come in. Welcome to another edition of Slush's Story Time (formerly known as Slush's Sick Twisted Fantasies Where He Thinks He's The Host Of Some PBS Kiddie Show). Tonight I will read to you my DK64 Review. On second thought, I'll make you @#$@%#%#@s read it! Hahahaha! Did you know that in the movie Billy Madison Adam Sandler goes ballistic on a kid who thinks Mortal Kombat is better than Donkey Kong Country? Just another (or the fourth) of SIRSLUSH2'S ANNOYING DKU FACTS THAT YOU WANT TO DIE IN A HURRY.
Update by Slush.



01/27/00
And a rooty-toot-toot-toot to you too. Look, Rarenet said something would be revealed by Rare today. Looks like their "reliable source" fell through. They need to be more like the National Inquirer, who checks stories, checks twice, and checks again to make sure they're accurate. Anyway, this fine evening the Vine is debuting not one, not two, not three.....well, okay. Three new arty pieces of work in the Artwork page! If you're puzzled as to where those pictures are on the page, we've flipped the table so the newer stuff is at the top, for more convenience. For YOU. Because we care.
Update by Chad.



01/26/00
Well hardy har! Many people have wondered where our reviews for DK64 have been. Well, wait fifty percent no longer! Chad has posted his Donkey Kong 64 Review for the public to feast on. Mine will appear in the coming days as well. And guess what? Did you know the original star of the game that became Banjo-Kazooie was going to be a character named Tiptup? IT'S TRUE! Just another (or the third) of SIRSLUSH2'S ANNOYING DKU FACTS THAT YOU WANT TO DIE IN A HURRY.
Update by Slush.



01/25/00
Next up on the Vine's Update-and-Run Parade is a muscle-bound source code named Mario Party 2 First Impressions. It's determined to rain on your parade, so you'd better be on your toes. It will leap high in the air, and land with enough force to cause an earthquake. Leap before it lands, or the shockwave will stun you. Steer clear of my first impressions within, too, or the next thing that quakes will be your head!
Update by Chad.



01/24/00
Today, Mario Party 2 was released! Just remember though that it probably won't be avaliable in most areas until tomorrow or Wednesday. This game is the first DKU release since DK64, and it should be worth a good look (especially if you've done everything humanly possible in DK64). Hey, did you know that The Simpsons have made two DK references (one "old arcade series" reference and one DKU reference)? Just another (or the second) of SIRSLUSH2'S ANNOYING DKU FACTS THAT YOU WANT TO DIE IN A HURRY.
Update by Slush.



01/23/00
Ahh, it's so nice to not have to type in "hypermart" when coming to the site. Mmm. Anyhoo, today we've got one of the more fun of the regular updates.... Letters! Yippie! Although I should warn you.... turn your volume WAY up before entering. Heh heh heh. That'll show 'em.
Update by Chad.



01/22/00
With Mario Party 2 being released in two days, you may be wondering if you should buy it or not. Since it's not a good idea to listen to anybody on the internet, don't go to our Mario Party 2 Editor Impressions. Stay far away as possible, for they can only do more harm than good to your tangiable minds. Here's an interesting fact as well: Remember the annoying youngest son from Home Improvement? He liked Donkey Kong Country in real life. Just another (or the first) of SIRSLUSH2'S ANNOYING DKU FACTS THAT YOU WANT TO DIE IN A HURRY.
Update by Slush.



01/21/00
Is this a dream? I mean...it just doesn't seem real. We all joked about it, but no one ever thought that Rare would go as far as to make it true. Sure, I welcome the new change with (wide) open arms, but it just doesn't seem real. Do you understand me, or an I a raving madman here? If you're wondering what I'm talking about, check Rarewhere's Game Page or take a look at our new Profanity Riddled Rarewhere CBFD Construction Page Quotes. Ohh, man, I LOVE this! I never though Rare would actually make Conker and pals THIS profane! WHOA!! It's like South Park, only with intellegence. And as if this wasn't enough, we've got a new duo of art in the Artwork Section. And lastly, there are a few questions I've got about none other than IHOP. If it's the "International" House of Pancakes, does that mean that Rare can go to IHOP, and that people in Soviet Russia can? Wow. Also, what happened to that Cliff fellow who was on the commercials? He was funny! Heh heh heh....heh.
Update by Chad.



01/20/00
(2001: A Space Odyssey music softly plays in the background). Welcome one and all. After nearly five months of making our filthy home in Hypermart (God bless them, they never figured out we weren't a business), we've finally sprung out on our own. Change your bookmarks now (like you actually bookmarked us), because we're now http://www.dkvine.com. That's right, slapnuts. This means we're up there with the bestest of them. So what does this mean for you, the reader? Nothing, really. It's just our address is easier to remember, no more annoying ads at the bottom of the pages, AND we'll still deliver the same low par updates every day we possibly can! So remember that name, Vitametavega....I mean, http://www.dkvine.com. Already the first day on the new domain and I'm making a jacka-- outta myself......
Update by Slush.



01/19/00
Let's see... not much of an update tonight, but there is a bit of news that is worth mentioning. Today Slush saw a Mario Party 2 commercial! It was outside a house, and there was a huge crowd of people trying to swarm inside. Bouncers wouldn't let them past. One man even went as far as to claim "I know the Princess!". Inside, a bunch of kids are playing Mario Party 2, obviously having more fun than we are waiting for it. Eh, only five more days, right? RIGHT?
Update by Chad.



01/18/00
Tonight, indulge yourself in a brand new Artwork.....only kidding. Tonight we have the Conker's Bad Fur Day Speculation Center. Check it out if you want a laugh at how wrong we'll be. Sigh. It's going to take me awhile to build up length on my updates after slacking off so very badly. So let me just kill some time while I build up a usual length. Hmmmmm. I guess I should entertain you if you're reading this. Pretend the Seinfield music is playing in the background. Okay, okay. What's the deal with cancer?
Man Reading Updates: I HAVE CANCER!!!
Tough crowd.....hey, bricks are coming my way! Ow, my cranium! Ow, my neck! Ow, my chest! Ow, my waist! OWOOOGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Note: I was simulating getting hit in my testicular region. I could tell Viagra and Clinton jokes right now, but that would only show how low on new comedy material I am. I need to come up with more stuff, or I'll have to let Chad write Updates everyday (and do you really want Monty Python jokes everyday?).
Update by Slush.



01/17/00
Woah. Look at Slush's update yesterday. I would do the same and go to bed five minutes earlier, but I don't have the stones to write a 2-word update. Cheers to the brave, brave Slush. Anyway, you may as well refer to his update yesterday, because we've got another Two Artworks headed up at the Artwork page. One seems to be from DKC2 again, but the other is a full-blown hilareous(and possibly scary) depiction of what Windows Paint can truly do. We love that category. And while I'm here, I may as well adress a topic that hasn't arisen in question form to us, but that should be addressed. There is a site called Rare Central. I will spare you the link. They have claimed to have a Donkey Kong (remember, Game Boy Color tenative title) screenshot. Furthermore, they say that it's Donkey Kong Land III in color. Please, whatever you do, DO NOT listen to them. Rare is not one to be this lazy. If they were going to ever release the same version of a game, they would put them both on one cart and make many changes (e.g. Conker's Pocket Tales). Donkey Kong is NOT DKL III colorized. Thank you, and goodnight.
Update by Chad.



01/16/00
2 Artworks.
Update by Slush.



01/15/00
wELL, WELL, WELL. tODAY'S UPDATE WILL BE BROADCAST WITH cAPS lOCK ON, BECAUSE i STARTED TYPING LIKE THIS AND i'M TOO LAZY TO GO BACK AND FIX IT. aNYWAY, FOR YOU, WE HAVE ARRANGED THE FINEST UPDATES THIS SIDE OF tAHITI. wE'VE GOT A NICE, SHINY dONKEY kONG (REMEMBER, gAME bOY cOLOR TENATIVE TITLE) gENERAL gAME iNFO, AS WELL AS AN OFFENSIVE cLAPPER-BASHING FILE DEBUTING IN THE aRTWORK SECTION. sO UNTIL TOMORROW, WHEN WE CAN STAY UP LATER THAN A USUAL sUNDAY, BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE TO GO TO WORK ON mONDAY! dR. mARTIN lUTHER kING jR., tHANK YOU FOR DIMINISHING THE SEGREGATION OF BLACKS IN THE uNITED sTATES, BUT ALSO THANK YOU FOR HAVING A BIRTHDAY!
Update by Chad.



01/14/00
Tonight we prepare for the future. With many of us still enjoying DK64, Mario Party 2's release at the end of the month (I apologize for our friends outside of North America who go to this site....just give up on us now as we are in the American swing of things), Mario Golf for Game Boy Color set to become a DKU game soon, Banjo-Tooie AND Donkey Kong (Game Boy Color) coming out in the Summer months, and Conker's Bad Fur Day to rock us around our Christmas trees (or menorahs and other religious holiday icons); 2000 may very well dethrone 1999 as the year of Kong. So with the announcement of the two latter games yesterday, we've launched the Donkey Kong (Game Boy Color, tentative title and all) Game Page with nothing else but...the main page, and we've revamped the Twelve Tales: Conker 64 section with it's reincarnation of Conker's Bad Fur Day. Expect this weekend (long weekend for me as I get to celebrate the good doctor's birthday on Monday) to pretty much center around these two games. Oh, and it's interesting to note that Donkey Kong 64 was the fourth highest selling game this last holiday season, only behind the three compatiable Hokeycon games for Game Boy. And that's no small feat considering that means it beat out all the other PSX, N64, and Dreamcast games. I hope Nintendo and Rare realize that the DK franchise, and specifically the DKU franchise, has been going strong for five years and brought them 1.3 million this holiday season (not to mention Super Smash Bros. making the top ten, but that was fueled by all the franchises it represented). With Pokemon the big fad, the DKU came out as the real winner (in our eyes). So keep making DKU titles you two (and Hudson, HAL, Camelot, etc.). Because we won't have a job if you don't.
Update by Slush.



01/13/00
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY EVER!!! We were thinking of what to update on all evening, until the blokes who have inside connections, IGN, Have announced, at last, TWELVE TALES: CONKER 64 IS NOT DELAYED!!! That's right, the new title is CONKER'S BAD FUR DAY! Hahahahah!!! The game is said to be twisted and original from all previous platformers, and not overbearingly "cutesly", (but we welcome all DKU games, cutesy or otherwise)! It sounds like toe tappin' fun! A press release will be held THIS MONTH to showcase the early version of the game! Screenshots! It is headed for a Holiday Season 2000 release! Oh, man! But that's not all! OH, no! we have TWO DKU GAMES ANNOUNCED TODAY!!! This one is a genuine Donkey Kong-featuring! ON THE GAME BOY COLOR!!! That's right, Donkey Kong Game Boy COlor will be here with a tenative release date of JUNE 26th, 2000! Wait a second. What has just started? Why, it's the questioning of where is Donkey Kong 64's Lost World? All post-DKL Super Nintendo and Game Boy games had one, so where is DK64's? Well, the very answer could lie in a brilliant device being created later this year..... the GAME BOY TRANSFER PAK! Yes, it is very likely that Donkey Kong GBC will be Transfer Pak compatible, and this could very well open up the subject of our toils and quests, the Lost World of the Kremlings. Oh, I'm so giddy with anticipation! Oh, man, oh man, oh man.... THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY EVER!!! I KNOW THERE ARE A LOT OF TYPOS BUT I'M TOO EXCITED TO CORRECT THEM!!!!
Update by Chad.



01/12/00
Thankfully, the TimeVine daily update scheme of 2000 has been layed to rest. Now, tonight we have two updates that are sure to.....make you click the "X" on your window for our site! An Odd Artwork and the Queen Banana Bird bio. The Artwork is from DKC2....and it's at the end of the level....but....
Update by Slush.



01/11/00
Hello! I've got some good news, some sad news, and some weird news. The good news is that Slush jam-packed a Golfy update to the TimeVine. Doo doo duhduh dooo, bababa.... oh, sorry, I was listening to the DKC CD, got a little sidetracked. Ahem. Well, the sad news is that this will be the last of the daily TimeVine updates. The DK64 info will be added when the entire Vine gets a chance to fully view all of it. Also this means I'll have to stop slacking and letting Slush do all the work. Well, I guess I'll write some bios or something.... ehh, I'll think of something. No, that wasn't the odd news. The strange news comes from Gun Toting Retro Net. Yes, they actually updated on something besided kissing Perfect Dark's team's arse. Anyway, Nintendo of France reportedly stated that Banjo's ice key and eggs can be collected with none other than Donkey Kong! Rare did not deny this when questioned, nor did they confirm. Maybe the French are insane. Maybe Rare is thinking of a clever way to debunk this news item. Or maybe this is all a dream.....or IS IT?
Update by Chad.



01/10/00
Tonight the CPT TimeVine update is up. That's it. Unless you want to hear some Pokemon news. Yeah, we're gonna report on Pokemon news. It seems Pokemon is dying. Fast. Now go and check out the TimeVine on your way out. Doesn't it suck when a site will give you a crappy update everyday just so they can boast they updated?
Update by Slush.



01/09/00
I thought today was Slush's update day until we uploaded the site content, and I went to an unupdated Updates page. Well, no matter. Here's your stinkin' update. The first Letters of the year 2000 is shining bright and inconspicuous, as well as a beefed-up TimeVine entry, as if your appetite has been sated. Slush is just cranking them out insanely, so you'd better read them. Or.... bad... things will happen... to you... erm... Hey, isn't it funny how Our Friend yells out "SLAP!" when he slaps someone? Heh heh heh, he's a character. He almost got stuck in Tahiti once, but that's another story.
Update by Chad.



01/08/00
Phew, there are way too many zeros in that date. Anyway, hope you're enjoying your weekend out there. Now, I have a question for you. When was the last time you let one of your DK games now that you really loved it? I mean, just playing it isn't enough. They need a certain amount of love, dedication, and attention to feel happy. You need to cuddle up with them one night and just tell them how you feel. Trust me, you'll be glad you did.
Our Friend: SLAP!
Whoa! That cough syrup is doing a number on my brain, I tell you. Okay....take this TimeVine update full of Mario Party goodiness. Also, there's the long-awaited conclusion to the DK64 Merchandising Campaign. I'm running low on NyQuill. I need to get my Z's, domn it! I'll head off to the 7-Eleven now. Bye yall!
Update by Slush.



01/07/00
Wow, you all need to bow down and be slaves to Slush, because he is vomiting out TimeVine entries almost as fast as I did to my partially digested lunch after eating several circus peanuts. Today we've got the events surrounding and including Banjo-Kazooie. Ugh, those peanut things are nauseating. Only MOONMAN has a digestive tract capable of handling those poisonous orange foam peanuts. That's why MOONMAN is cool. Because he has strong stomach acids.
Update by Chad.



01/06/00
And then there were three. The TimeVine's Rendition of Diddy Kong Racing is complete. Some folk'll never drive a car, but then again some folk'll....like T.T. the slack jawed yolkel!
Update by Slush.



01/05/00
Well, we've got yet another duet of Updates for you to drool over. Slush is keeping his vow by cranking out yet another addition to the TimeVine, chock full of DKL III events and mishaps. And as if that wasn't enough, we've discovered just today some new Diddy Kong Racing merchandise, and what better place to debut it than the DKR Merchandising Campaign? Ohhhh, yeah! Hmm, I just realized that this whole site...or at least what I write is totally improv. I just make it up as I go! Hah! Those elementary English teachers all told me to write outlines, but I didn't listen! And look where I am NOW! Writing updates for a Donkey Kong website! I suppose there's a lesson in all this.... wait, no there isn't!
Update by Chad.



01/04/00
Don't expect any new DK news until we get closer to Mario Party 2's release later this month. For now, enjoy what hopefully will be a string of daily updates of the TimeVine. Don't worry, even if this daily update of the TimeVine thing pans out, we'll still give you other stuff as well. It's just my New Year's Resolution is to finish the domn thing, and domn it I will. So while Chad can work on the hard stuff, I'll kick back and laugh my head off getting by with finishing the TimeVine. By the way, today's TimeVine entry is Mario Kart 64 and the events afterwards leading up to Donkey Kong Land III. Okay, I'm off for the night. The MOONMAN wants to help me referee boxing matches tonight, so that should be a crazy thing...
Update by Slush.



01/03/00
Those Strifes seem to come in twos, don't they? Well, Swanky wouldn't have it any other way. So please give your utmost applause and gratitude to Swanky's Strife: Donkey Kong Land 2 and Donkey Kong Country 3! Go on, applaud. Well, we haven't got a fancy "applause" sign like those fancy TV shows, but you should out of the goodness of your own heart. Oh, come on, you're making Our Friend cry! You monster. Tsk tsk. Good thinking, Our Friend. Keep it up! Heh heh heh.
Update by Chad.



01/02/00
I have to restart my occupational duties tomorrow, and Chad's off until Wednesday (how does Chad get so lucky?), so take this sulky update of the ELLIE BIO!!!!. Oh well. At least I still have the entire night before I'm thrown into the mindless torture of "life" again, and the MOONMAN will keep me company as we sip caffeine and then laugh at fixed boxing matches. Tomorrow I can't really promise a good update either, but check back to be dissapointed anyway.
Update by Slush.



01/01/00
Well, well, well. It just so happens to be the year 2000, and we are still here. Am I typing this from my post-apocalyptic grave? I think not. So I would like to publicly laugh at all those psychos who bought 3000 batteries to wait out Armageddon with. Hahaha! You morons! Well, as usual, the first of the month brings with it not only a new Accounts, but last month's updates making their Update Archive debut. So read those hastily-written Accounts and laugh heartliy. And in an unrelated story, I will be auctioning off 3000 batteries on E-Bay to the highest bidder. Ahem.
Update by Chad.






Update Archives