02/29/00
Well, I'm enjoying this fabulous October da.......SWISHH.......sluprch! Wha....I'm back! It's not October, it's February! The abnormal pull of the Leap Year must have unstuck me from my time warp. Well, that was lucky on my part (I had no idea how to undo the time warp). Anyway, since it is a special day (I feel sorry for anyone who was born on the 29th of February), we thought we would unveil something special. Somebody who has been leaped over for his own game time and time again. We would like to introduce our Leap Year Patron Saint....TIPTUP!!!!!!!!! We honor him with the Tiptup Bio. Now bow to our Leap Year Patron Saint before you leave, please.
Update by Slush.



02/28/00
Right, well, tonight we were looking around the site, and discovered that a Mario Golf (N64 version) was missing a General Game Info. So we made one. And to continue with the Mario Golf (GBC) updates, we whupped out a General Game Info and its partner in crime, the Story So Far. I'm going to make a prediction to prove how false my predictions are: Rarewhere will update tomorrow. There, now we can sit back and cry at the non-updates. Hopefully, they're just taking a long time to send Loveday DK64 gallery art. One can hope, can't they?
Update by Chad.



02/27/00
Well, I got Mario Golf (GBC) today and I'm enjoying it very much. It's very RPGish, has good color, and plays great. I've made a new friend. And to make my new friend happy, I convinced Chad that we needed to whack up a Mario Golf Section with Screenshots . A Mario Golf for Game Boy Color section, that is. Lick on this for a moment before you step out: wouldn't it be pleasant to see Pauly Shore's head morph into a urinating lime/apple hybrid? Something to think about...
Update by Slush.



02/26/00
I would just like to take the time to wish my colleague Slush a happy February 26th. Now he'll be all confused. Ahahaha! Today you can take a big bite out of Letters, everyone's favorite type of update. We've decided to start showing you who responds to which question, to decrease the confusion level a bit. In the words of Slush, "You have an odd talent for messing with images."
Update by Chad.



02/25/00
Wow, today was an unseasonably warm October day. And as for the update, we've gone into the future folks. We've updated the Big Ol' Donkey Kong Character List (In English) with the now complete list of DK64 characters and what their permanant names will be on the site (if they didn't have names announced in the game beforehand). Expect many DK64 bios soon. We also added the Mario Golf (GBC) characters to the list. And Conker finally gets a bio, as he moves into the "main event" status with the likes of DK, Diddy, and Banjo. And for the heck of it, let me say that I'm getting Mario Golf (GBC) this weekend! I hope I can beat it before DK64 comes out!
Update by Slush.



02/24/00
As we say here at the Vine, "Not updating is unacceptable when there are hundreds of characters waiting to be biographied." So, we've got none other than the vaguely misunderstood Chimpy and Conga Kong with their DKU-relevant life stories being told. 42 biographies down, 164 to go.
Update by Chad.



02/23/00
Hello, everyone. It will soon be Halloween, so I've been busy putting up rubber corpses in my front yard. So since I've been busy, Chad went ahead and wrote the Parry bio. Parry, along with Glimmer, has been the most crapped on animal buddy in the DKC/DKL trilogies. And I'd just like to say something to all you stupid people out there....Y2K is nothing but stupid hype. I can just feel it....
Update by Slush.



02/22/00
Okay, fine. In light of the apparent news shortage, we're starting to update the bios reflecting DK64. So far we've done Candy, Funky, and Wrinkly, all of whom have links at the Big Ol' DKU Character List (In English). Please don't blame us for the rather lame updates recently. It's Rare and Nintendo's fault for being so damned secretive. All we need is ONE Bad Fur Day shot and we could have updates for a week. If you'll look at other sites dealing with mainly Rare games (such as Gun Toting Retro Net), you'll notice we're not the only ones having trouble updating. But at least we try and update every day, so the following morning you can have something to drink your coffee to. And some of you (yeah, you know who you are) are complaining that we need more Letters pages. Well, it's really not up to us how often Letters goes up. It solely reflects how many Letters you send. I'm done complaining about junk.... and stuff. Oh, I was reading Slush's update from last night again. Won't it be fun messing with his head while he's in October? Eee hee hee...
Update by Chad.



02/21/00
I know, I know, another Artwork and you will be driven crazy. Sorry, but with the lack of anything going down in DKU land is hurting the updates. Okay...now for what Chad mentioned about Mario Golf (GBC) yesterday. I was shocked when he told me this (even though I don't understand what he meant about beating the games in order, since Mario Golf [GBC] came out before DK64 and Mario Party 2). I'm kind of upset with Camelot and Nintendo for just tossing DK in there near the end, because we had no way of knowing it was DKU. I'm sure many of people out there knew this too, so we looked like jackarses saying it wasn't an "official" Donkey Kong game yet. To make things right in my own magical DK world, I'll be transporting my mind back in time to October 1999 so I can beat Mario Golf for GBC before DK64 comes out. Here I go....don't worry, this should only last a few weeks.......SWISSH....and tomorrow, there is only ONE MONTH LEFT until DK64 comes out!!!
Update by Slush.



02/20/00
Yes, well. We've got a special treat for you tonight... early on, a disturbed individual who calls himself "Ronny H." drew a series of features depicting the lobbing of fecal matter at adversaries. These have become fan favorites over the past five months, and Mr. H. has come out of the darkness once again, to give us two new additions to Artwork! One is based on the Vine's wishes for a future game, and the other is full of vulgarity. And now, for a spot of news, it seems Mario Golf for GBC is currently a DKU game. We didn't think it would be until the transfer pak came out (connecting it to Mario Golf on N64, which is a DKU game). However, I bought the game early just to get ahead in it, and when I got to the last tournament, Donkey was standing right next to my character in the game (whose name hapens to be Chad). So that means, with the inclusion of Donkey Kong, MG for GBC is and always has been a DKU game. However, don't rush out and buy it just yet. It's good to beat games in order, so those of you who haven't beaten DK64 or Mario Party 2 yet, sit down for a while and play those. Then you can start the addiction-in-a-cart known as Mario Golf for GBC.
Update by Chad.



02/19/00
Whazzup, WHAZZUP, WHAAZZZUUUUUUUPP????? Tonight, my Super Smash Bros. Review is up and running for the public to view and mock. How bad did I suck up to this game? Only one way to find out, I suppose. Hum....that's it.
Update by Slush.



02/18/00
Yes. Let's kick off the weekend the right way.....with some actual meat to the update instead of those lousy news items. A much-requested item from the Vine, we bring you, at long last, Super Smash Bros. Reviews, starting with mine. Slush's will come in the very near future, so we can finally sleep soundly, knowing that the SSB section is complete. If only they would release some SSB2 info....
Update by Chad.



02/17/00
Well, we've hit the brick wall with news, haven't we? Pretty much nothing is happening in the world of Donkey Kong and pals right now, so take this Artwork, go to bed, and think sexy thoughts. Maybe something will break next week. Then again...maybe not.
Update by Slush.



02/16/00
WHOO, finally a non-crap update! There's actually some meat added to the site tonight! It appears in the always teeth-grindingly fun Letters Section. SirNick5, we know you're reading this, so why don't you see if your answers got your site into Links?Hahaha, your answers were pitiful! Oh, man, you didn't get a single one! Eeehehehe!
Update by Chad.



02/15/00
Okay, okay, okay. Nothing like a complete drought of news to spoil the updating fun, but here's something Gun Toting Retro Net reported on a few days ago. Rareware did try and copyright the name "Dinosaur Planet," but it didn't come through, hence the current rumored name of "Dino Planet." Keep tuning in everyday to see if SOMETHING breaks in the world of Donkey Kong. Oh, and did you know that in every game with the "DK" logo on his tie, Donkey has had the DK logo in reverse on the back of his tie? Even in cameo games! Just another (or the thirteenth, and season finale) of SIRSLUSH2'S ANNOYING DKU FACTS THAT YOU WANT TO DIE IN A HURRY.
Update by Slush.



02/14/00
The creative genius of our Artwork contributors holds no bounds. Let us thank Bill Gates for his blessing in disguise, the crappy program, Microsoft Paint. Were it not for it, many of these artists' "talents" would go to waste. I would say happy Valentines Day, but it's just yet another holiday created by fatcat rich card company executives to promote card sales, and Hersheys just cashes in. Right, So after this overbearingly unfunny Updates, I'm going to watch Leno. Goodbye and goodnight.
Update by Chad.



02/13/00
Well, the Simpsons has sunk to new levels of suck tonight. We knew they were going to kill off Maude Flanders, but the way they did it was just plain stupid. However, I bought Mario Party 2 today. Does IT sink to new levels of suck? Find out in my First Impressions. Oh, and did you know that when Mario Kart 64 was released Nintendo held a charity go-kart race with two NOA big wigs racing? One was racing with a Mario sponsered kart and the other was racing with a Donkey Kong sponsered kart. The DK kart won. Just another (or the twelfth) of SIRSLUSH2'S ANNOYING DKU FACTS THAT YOU WANT TO DIE IN A HURRY.
Update by Slush.



02/12/00
WAAAAHOO! I finally finished my DKC-esque game engine! Now all I need are graphics and I can make a kick-ass side-scroller. Yes, all I need are graphics.... Sigh. Anyway, tonight Slush has pumped out his DKU Dream Game, as promised, and we've got a new Artwork for good measure. And I'd just like to say that DK for GBC being a revamped DKL III is not ruddy likely (okay, so maybe that was just an excuse to get to use the word 'ruddy').
Update by Chad.



02/11/00
1949-2000 Greetings. Well, we would be remissed if we didn't mention the sad passing of Jim Varney, better known as Ernest, due to lung cancer. He was 50. Jim Varney was a comic mastermind who knew the art of the facial expression. The Ernest character debuted on television as a pitchman for an ice cream company and then he slowly worked his way up to a kids show and cult classic movies. Jim Varney was one of many funny men who influenced my warped sense of mind today. He shall be missed, but at least we know he's okay, talking with the big Vern in the sky....

Okay, now on to Donkey Kong news. Leigh Loveday updated Scribes today at Rarewhere and some interesting things came out of it. A question was asked about the mysterious pillar in Creepy Castle that Tiny can reach with the Monkeyport. Loveday hinted that it was maybe a secret. Another odd thing was the fact that he added Tricky from DKR boss fame as the new Scribes mascot. With the talk of the Dino Planet game, and the fact that Tricky is a triceratops, it's very odd indeed. Ponder upon that while reading part one of a special two part Feature called Our DKU Dream Game. Chad wrote his dream DKU game today, and I'll post mine tomorrow. Hey, and did you know that the Kremlings were originally designed to be in another Rareware game, but with DKC in production they decided they would be perfect enemies for the Kongs? Just another (or the eleventh) of SIRSLUSH2'S ANNOYING DKU FACTS THAT YOU WANT TO DIE IN A HURRY.
Update by Slush.



02/10/00
Wow, I'm tired for some reason. REALLY tired. So....... umm.... Slush's facts are really good, and here is a Super Smash Bros. Story So Far which should have been posted long ago, during the reign of the Weekend Paloozas. Oh, how I miss those Paloozas. They served us well.
Update by Chad.



02/09/00
We're scrapping the bottom of the DK Barrel once again for news. First off, it appears Nintendo has reserved the domain http://www.banjotooie.com. Second off, Gun Toting Retro Net has revealed more info about "Dino" (I feel so dirty getting news from those freaks). The game (if it's true, and it looks like it is now) is currently named Dino Planet and will probably NOT be a Disney tie-in (we told you so! Beat you to it Rarenet, beat you to it) and will be along the lines of Zelda as far as gameplay goes (which could just be a rumor). Some Vine readers have pondered that maybe the star of the game could be the dino from BFD's original incarnation, Twelve Tales. Since the game is rumored for a 2001 release, it means that any characters that are introduced in Tooie or BFD could star in the game. And Banjo-Tooie does have a dinosaur world....we'll keep you informed if any more indications of Dino Planet=DKU come avaliable. And did you know (you probably did...but I'm running low on facts) that DK wasn't originally supposed to be in MK64? MagiKoopa was supposed to be in it, but Nintendo decided a few months before it's release to put DK in it (and the DKU version no less). Just another (or the tenth) of SIRSLUSH2'S ANNOYING DKU FACTS THAT YOU WANT TO DIE IN A HURRY.
Update by Slush.



02/08/00
Well, here we go. There hasn't really been much in the way of DKU news lately. Banjo is scheduled for a May/June release, instead of a July/August one. Yahoo! Tonight for actual update meat, there are two new pictures slinking into the Artwork page, not to mention the long-awaited pictures of Slush and myself showing their faces to the world in the Webmasters Section. Rendered, no less. And since I feel like jabbering on, here are two non-DKU things I enjoy in life: Hot Pockets, and Silly Putty. Pockets are good to eat, and Putty is fun to play with. While Hot Pockets aren't necessarily fun to play with, Silly Putty has been known to be edible in a few rare cases...
Update by Chad.



02/07/00
What's up, slapnuts? First I'd like to point you attention over to IGN Pocket where the unthinkable has happened. They actually gave Conker's Pocket Tales a FAIR REVIEW!!! See, Rare's plan has worked. They make Conker for the Nintendo 64 a Mature game and suddenly everyone loves the little rascal. Second, Banjo-Tooie's release date may be earlier then people expected. It could very well be a spring time release for the bird and bear. Third, those unreliable bostards at Gun-Toting Retro Net have reported a "rumor" that Rare is currently making a game called Dino. This could be a Disney tie-in game (if it's true), because Disney is releasing a movie called Dinosaur in May. However, haven't all the Disney/Rare games been announced? This rumored game is rumored to be coming out at a rumored date of February 2001. The DKU signifigance of this is that both Banjo-Kazooie and "Conker's Quest" were announced before the characters were introduced in the DKU. Could a new dinosaur character be revealed in one of the many games this year like Banjo and Conker debuted in Diddy Kong Racing? Food for rumored thought. And did you know that the man who wrote the Yellow Pages, Jon Lovitz, was the voice behind the Banjo-Kazooie Nintendo Power/Toys 'R Us promotional video? Just another (or the ninth) of SIRSLUSH2'S ANNOYING DKU FACTS THAT YOU WANT TO DIE IN A HURRY.
Update by Slush.



02/06/00
Exhausted from all those main page MST3K Funnos, and the fact that we BOTH wrote updates (you would have caught mine last night if your timing was right), we give you the laziest update we'll ever do. In fact, we just have to copy, paste, and alter a little source code. The submitters to Artwork basically did all the work for us. And now, for a small spot of DK news... We inquired about the Game Boy game's features, and Stephen Scott of Nintendo was quoted as saying, "I have not heard anything about this game, so I don't know if this is a brand new game, or a just a revamped one.". Rather ambiguous, wouldn't you say? Yeah, I would too. Come on, Rare, give us some REAL screenshots!
Update by Chad.



02/05/00
Wait! Don't update without me! I'm here! I had to beat a Memory Monster after I took out his backup in the Cookie Gang! Anyway, we here at the Vine have been working on something for a week or two now. As a tribute to the sadly canceled Mystery Science Theater 3000 (and inspired by about four sites I've seen that have done the same thing), we bring you the newly improved Main Page. Hmmmm.....did you know that there has been an actual gambling machine called "Monkey Nuts" that used DKC2 renders of Diddy and Swanky? Just another (or the eighth) of SIRSLUSH2'S ANNOYING DKU FACTS THAT YOU WANT TO DIE IN A HURRY.
Update by Slush.



02/04/00
Not quite as long and hearty as the last two days' news updates, today we've got a rather short update. But the update itself, a NEW EDITION OF LETTERS, more than pulls the weight of the site.
Jealous FAQ Section: Ohh, Letters, you'll rue this day...
Update by Chad.



02/03/00
Here's some major Conker's BFD news as reported last night/early this morning by IGN. Yes, the game will be rated Mature for langauge, violence, and sexual implications. However, the big news out of this story is that Conker will not be a raging homicidal madman as previously thought. He will remain the same cute character he was in his previous two DKU appearances. It's just the environment around him will be what's twisted. Cute little animals around him are getting shot down, characters are shouting obscenities at him, and the sex is running wild. The character emotions that Rare promised with Twelve Tales are still around, so we can see the horrid look on the face as Conker as the cute, overly nice character being thrown into a violent atmosphere. If you remember back to the days of Twelve Tales news, you would remember hearing that all the levels would be parodies of established cartoons or movies. Well, the game still spoofs off many classic and modern movies. Saving Private Ryan, Godzilla (the American remake), Jaws, etc. There will apparently be bosses with delightful twists (I don't feel I should talk about it in updates since we do get some young readers, so I'll darken the text) such as swinging brass testicles...hahahaha! This game will be a teenager's/young adult's/pervert's paradise. I can't wait for Christmas when Santa comes and shoves this game up my @#$% STOCKING!! Oh yeah, and did you know that besides the DK promotional crossovers, there have been Donkey Kong Universe brand name foods? Brach's made Donkey Kong Country fruit snacks and for a brief time there was Donkey Kong Land bubble gum (that came in a Game Boy shaped container, even though DKL wasn't the first Game Boy game to be turned into bubble gum). There was also some breakfast cereal based on the old arcade game, but that's irrevelant to the site. Just another (or the seventh) of SIRSLUSH2'S ANNOYING DKU FACTS THAT YOU WANT TO DIE IN A HURRY.
Update by Slush.



02/02/00
Ohh, those crazy DKU Facts just keep getting better and better, don't they? Yeah, well, here's an interesting fact. Slush and I never decided to alternate updating days. It just sort of happened that way. I could update tomorrow and everything would still be fine and dandy. But I'm not going to, because tomorrow is Slush's day. Anyway, there are several topics we have to address today. First, is Conker's Bad Fur Day. It it rumored to be rated M by the ESRB for "language and violence". We knew the language part, but violence? Wow, Conker gets to rip the guts out of Tiptup! You just know he wants to stop doing cameo games now! Secondly, there is a WHOLE lot of contrversy about the Donkey Kong game for Game Boy Color. Certain sites who shall remain namelessNintendorkshave released pictures of what they say to be the GBC Donkey Kong game. There are several things wrong with these shots. First, the text in one of the shots is Japanese. Rare very seldom releases a game in Japan before it does in the States and Europe. Secondly, all the pictures are basically colored pictures of DKL III. But it's not GBC-quality colors. Each object has a separate palette of 4 shades. And I highly doubt Rare would simply release DKL III slightly colored and call it a new game. The game was announced as "Donkey Kong", and if it were a colored DKL III, it would have been announced as "Donkey Kong Land III DX". There are four possible solutions to this. One, is that Rare is rereleasing all three DKL games on one cart, colored, but colored simply so they will all fit (with another full-color DK GBC game coming out). Another is that the pictures are simply from the Japanese version of DKL III, and Nintendor....erm... the nameless site is desparate for news. Third, the pictures could just be entirely faked. Lastly, they could be real, and Rare is actually just making a colored version of DKL III. Oh, well. I look forward to Rarewhere's next update. With alledged pictures released, they can't dodge the bullet of inquery much longer.
Update by Chad.



02/01/00
Greetings to the first day of February. Today we have our monthly tradition known as Accounts. Think you can handle another month with us? I thought not! And did you know that the famous DigiPen school is nicknamed "Donkey Kong University?" That means Chad will go to DKU! Hahahaha! Just another (or the sixth) of SIRSLUSH'S ANNOYING DKU FACTS THAT YOU WANT TO DIE IN A HURRY.
Update by Slush.




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