05/31/00
I think I've developed an addiction to eBay. Anyway, tonight we decided to do a little spring cleaning around the site and spruce up the old Drones List with Conker's Pocket Tales and Donkey Kong 64 drones. In the absence of any news, we'll be doing a lot more spring cleaning around the site in the next few weeks, but we'll also be throwing in some exciting updates, so keep your browsers pointed to us (instead of say, your rectums). On the side, we also tweeked the Diddy Bio so it's now updated with modern times. See you in two days, Chad will see you in one.
Update by Slush.




05/30/00
Nothing much to say other than, "Hey, goober. Look at the long overdue Dinosaur Planet Movie Synopsis Section." That's it, I'm off to watch Leno, even though the show basically sucks. It's still better than Letterman or that weird Bill Maher guy.
Update by Chad.




05/29/00
I guess to properly close out the weekend, I should say: "WHAAA! WE MISS YOU ANDY!!!!" And so ends the long weekend, the Mourn For Andy Richter Long Memorial Day Weekend. Okay, we have two new Conker's Bad Fur Day Screenshots tonight. I also think it's funny that a few Goldeneye levels are worming their way into Banjo-Tooie's multiplayer mode. See Gun Toters, even your precious first person shooters want to go DKU...
Update by Slush.




05/28/00
Why did Andy have to leave Late Night? Man, this sucks. Well, at least he'll drop by to visit sometimes. Oh, yes, update. Today you can read a Humba Wumba Transformations Checklist for Banjo-Tooie. Oh, yes, and we felt that there needed to be some sort of release list on the site, so you can all bury your probosci in the new Order of Releases list. Shazam!
Update by Chad.




''This is what vigorous masturbation will do to your arms, buddy.'' 05/27/00
Aieee! I've been bummed out all day after Andy left Late Night last night, but two new Banjo-Tooie Screenshots cheered me up...at least a little. They're really incredible screenshots, so check them out. And look at that new Dinosaur Planet render on the right. Sweet. Speaking of Dinosaur Planet, it may come out earlier than expected after this quote from Nintendo Power Source: "Nintendo Power Source will have much more information on Dinosaur Planet as its Fall 2000 release date draws near." Hopefully this is accurate, as Rare would be delivering yet another fantastic birthday present for myself.
Update by Slush.




05/26/00
This is what the "more for you" thing was, mentioned on the 24th. Well, here you go, an extremely long Ken Lobb Banjo-Tooie Presentation Transcription. Basically, we took the audio file from the Gun Toters, and typed out everything the Washingtonian had to say. Oh, and the entire staff of DK's Jungle Vine would like to wish well to Andy Richter, who after seven years is retiring fron Late Night with Conan O'Brian. You've taught us the true evil of high-fives, and we thank you. They may get someone to fill in, but that spot on the couch will always be yours in our eyes.
Update by Chad.




05/25/00
Hmmm....the weekend is coming up. What are YOUR plans? It's Memorial Day here in the U.S., and that's a nice long weekend OF BORGNINE QUALITY! Chad and I are real lazy tonight, so I opted to update the TimeVine with Mario Golf (Game Boy Color) and the death of Wrinkly info. Titalicious!
Update by Slush.




05/24/00
Hey, we were planning on having more for you tonight, but since we didn't get around to finishing, you can just suckle on the teet of a new edition of Letters. C'mon, I don't hear suckling!
Update by Chad.




05/23/00
Not much tonight besides My Mario Golf (Nintendo 64) Review. Donkey Kong's Jungle Vine: the only getaway on the internet that's video game related that is safe from Perfect Dark and its blowjobbers.
Update by Slush.




05/22/00
Well, basically all we've got tonight as a sacrificial offering to your drooling word-holes is the news that Mario Tennis is set for a September 25th release, and an updated Dinosaur Planet Speculation Center. Oh, and my occupational duties have ended for the next 2.5 months, and Slush's will be over in a matter of weeks, so we will probably be able to cram more stuff down your esophagus every day.
Update by Chad.




05/21/00
Oh man, what a day. Both Chad and I realized that we don't NEED to beat the Golf Guru's Pitch and Putt to beat Mario Golf for Game Boy Color. You see, there were mini-games (or "bonus levels, secret passages, secret levels etc.") in Donkey Kong Country and Donkey Kong Land. However, you didn't need to get them all to officially beat the game...they were just there for the percentage crap. The same thing goes for this. You don't get anything for getting all the stars in Mario Golf, the game just centers around the tournaments and beating Mario and getting Wario. So we both beat Mario Golf. Finally, the gap in my DKU collection between Mario Golf (N64) and Donkey Kong 64 has been filled. Now I can finally concentrate on Mario Party 2 (I suck, don't I?). But I'm being a jerkoff at the moment. Let me get to the actual MEAT of the update. We have an awesome new Artwork that you really should check out, and we have a special page devoted to assorted Banjo-Tooie E3 info called The E3 2000 Banjo-Tooie Swamp Of News (In Text Form, Not Liquid). We also have a new Donkey Kong Country (GBC) screenshot on the Screenshots page that shows off the horsepower of this game. It's the select screen for the game that mimicks the Donkey Kong 64 select screen. Bosco!
Update by Slush.




05/20/00
Wasting an entire saturday sleeping and watching Raiders of the Lost Ark, I decided to at last pound out my Mario Golf Review at the last minute. So here it is. Expect Slush's soon. Well, nine-months overdue isn't too bad, is it? IS IT?
Update by Chad.




05/19/00
You want to here a funny story? Well, here's one anyway. I was playing Mario Golf for Game Boy Color today....if you've been paying attention you know I've been rambling about some crippled hobo named the Golf Guru (only if you own this game do you understand what I'm whining about). Well, I made a Birdie on every one of his holes...I got on the green 8 times, and was on the Green Edge once.....and.....he didn't give me the star. He didn't give me the star. He didn't give me the star. He didn't give me the star. He didn't give me the star. He didnt' give me the star. He didn't give me the star. He didn't give me the star. He didn't give me the star. He didn't give me the star. He didn't give me the star. He didn't give me the star. He didn't give me the star. He didn't give me the star. He didnt' give me the star.
Slush's Other Side Of the Brain: I'm cutting in real quick to show off some Mario Tennis Screenshots. Princess Daisy's in the game, if you remember her. And you can play as a Boo too! But no Diddy. Hopefully Camelot will wisen up soon though. There's also a ring shot mode. Damn, the other half is overpowering me right now.
He didn't give me the star. He didn't give me the star. He didn't give me the star. He didn't....
Update by Slush.




05/18/00
Hey, Spanky. Hold on to your potato, because tonight we've got the mega radical update of a BANJO-TOOIE GOOD GUYS CHECKLIST!!! Wahoo! Sorry! We have to get all the post-E3 crap on the site! We suck! Oh, but hey, we DO have some news! It seems that in Banjo-Tooie, Mumbo's newfound love interest Humba Wumba takes care of transformations while Mumbo himself does the odd playable job. To call on Mumbo, you must collect Glowbos, which are the B-T equivalent of Mumbo Tokens. For some reason when I think of the word "Glowbo", I think of Freezeezy Peak's Twinklies. Maybe I have a lightbulb fetish. Hmm. Wait, no I don't.
Update by Chad.




05/17/00
L-l-l-oaded u-u-p o-o-on M-m-m-ountain D-d-d-ew t-t-t-onight s-s-s-o I-i-i'm o-o-on n-n-n-o s-s-s-leep!!!!! Here's a Conker's Bad Fur Day Good Guy Checklist. MY HEART IS GOING TO EXPLODE!
Update by Slush.




05/16/00
Mmm hmm. Well, hey. Here's a brand new Banjo-Tooie Movie Synopsis for you to salivate on. Oh, yes, Krystal, Sabre, and Randorn come from a planet known as Animus. That's about all. Oh, and Our Friend is cowering in his box after last night's near-microwaving. First time he's gotten in there since I unpacked him and discovered that he had a soul. Slush really scared him. Because as we all know, cameras and microwaves are mortal enemies.
Update by Chad.




05/15/00
It's a lovely Monday (pfft), so we decided to shatter it with some good old home cooked vulgarity and profanity...Conker style. We have our first Conker's Bad Fur Day Checklist up tonight, the CBFD Movie Parodies Checklist. Now, Our Friend will contribute to the mature themes by doing a stripshow, Vegas style!
Our Friend: I'm not doing it! F-CK YOU!
Chad!!! Get Our Friend and lock him in the microwave! He's disobeying me again, the prick!
Update by Slush.




05/14/00
And let the residual E3 newsathon begin. Tonight we bring to you some new Banjo-Tooie knowledge, courtesy of our down-under delinquent, Aussie Ben. Taking Ju-Ju's place is a totem pole (the spinning properties are not known) named Targitzian. He seems to phonetically have the word "Target" in his name. I'll bet you shoot him. See how those deductive reasoning skills work? In regards to the mystery giant gold statue fellow, we now know that Mumbo casts a spell on him at which point you take control. Mumbo indeed uses the Mumbo Pads to activate special features, as Slush so vehemently speculated earlier. Oh, yes, and that giant Glimmeresque evil angler fish guy is called something in the order of "King Woo Fak Fak". Isn't that the greatest name? Go on, say it out loud. Ohhh, yeah.
Update by Chad.




05/13/00

Update #3
Golf Guru...Golf Guru...Golf Guru...Golf Guru...ahUH, excuse me. I lost track of my sanity for a moment. Well, we basically wrap up our "We're Not At E3 But Damned If We're Not Going To Report On It Anyway" coverage with a really old (E3 coverage wise) Banjo-Tooie Screenshot and three more Dinosaur Planet Screenshots. Now I know what was meant by "snowspeeder" in my update from earlier in the day, as it is showed in the shots. Also, Dinosaur Planet has been given a "December release date" now, which is unusual, because usually Rare and Nintendo move the releases to a later date, not an earlier one. Chad thinks this means it will probably come out in December for sure now as they hardly ever move their dates to a closer time period, but I remain skeptical, as Rare likes to work on those games as long as possible (look at poor Conker!!!). Oh, and look at these pretty black and white renders that were hidden on Nintendo's website! One B-T render, and one DP render! Now, I only wonder what E3 fallout will occur over the next few weeks....

Update by Slush.

Update #2
Right, here we go. Dinosaur Planet has shown its giagantic face to those at E3, and there are quite a few trivial details which we feel YOU need to know about. Well, maybe not, but it would be VERY GOOD if you knew about them. There may be spoilers in here, but that depends what your definition of a spoiler is. So rather than have you od the injustice of highlighting text, you can just choose to read or not read the following. In the intro, the rain is pounding and lightning flashes as you're on your way to visit Randorn. You are Krystal, flying on the back of a pteranodon. (We're not sure if this is Kyte or not, because in a few moments this becomes trivial). There are incredible facial animations as a huge galleon shoots fireballs at the feline character and her flyer. You take control, and wing blue lightning-balls back at the galleon, all the while dodging the ones from the ship. After you beat up the ship a bit, a cinema scene depicts you landing on the ship. Krystal tells the pteranodon to go to Randorn, while she is left on board. After dealing with a guard using a Z-targeting technique similar to Zelda: The Ocarina of Time, you hear crying voices coming from belowdecks. Down there is a caged greenish-yellow pterodactyl, who identifies herself as a princess. (Kyte is a Cloudrunner Princess, which is where the pteranodon mix-ups could start.) It's likely that since the first one flew away, and you have to deal with this one, it is Kyte. Well, good ol' Scales pops out after you try to rescue Kyte, and (literally) talks to you about how stupid you are for trying to rescue Kyte, and that he's old friends with Randorn. Everything's voice-acted, mind. As he says this, he grabs a pole of the cage, which happens to get struck by lightning at that exact moment, and tumbles overboard (but not quite to his death). Also, it should be noted that during the battle with the giant lizard insect boss, he swallows you during points in the fight, only to spit you out once you wreak havok on his uvula. All in all, Dinosaur Planet is certainly shaping up to be one of my (if not the) most anticipated games. And that's a fact, Jack!
Update by Chad.

Update #1
While we are not at E3 in body, we're there in spirit...not to mention that we do have a "spy" there who has supplied us with some exclusive and not so exclusive trivial info on all the DKU games on display. Let's talk about Donkey Kong Country for Game Boy Color first. As we've all heard so far, it appears to be very accurate to the original despite some modernizations and graphics changes. You may have heard this reported elsewhere, but there is a similar select screen in this game like in Donkey Kong 64 where Donkey is holding a barrel. Spanktastic! Conker's Bad Fur Day has shapen up to be one of the most anticipated games of the year. It's true that Conker himself has not changed much, just the world around him. Reminds me of Back To The Future Part II personally, where 1985 becomes a desolate wasteland of violence, corruption, and sex; and Marty McFly is horrified. Conker has also picked up on the Dixie/Tiny "helicopter spin/waft/twirl" where he spins not his hair but his tail to float to the ground, not to mention attack bad guys. Okay, so maybe Tails in those "Sonic" games (ever heard of them?) for Sega had that move first, but dammit, Dixie put that move in style! I'm getting off topic here. Let's move on to Dinosaur Planet. According to our spy, the main bad guy could be named "Scales," as that name has been mentioned prominently. There's also nifty mini-games where you ride "snowspeeders" (the word he used, not sure what they actually look like..I highly doubt they're the Snowspeeders from Star Wars) down a mountain and ride Kyte and use your magic spear to destroy an airship. Sounds like a load of pre-Diddy Kong Racing fun! As far as Mario Tennis goes, it follows the traditional rule of cameo games: "simple controls equal mass fun." Only the A and B buttons are really needed during the course of a game. And now, Banjo-Tooie. Since some of this stuff sounds real crazy, hightlight the blacked out text but beware the hand of STORYLINE SPOILERS: Mumbo no longer takes care of transformations for Banjo and Kazooie. That is done by a Native American woman. High points goes to Rare for using another religion that deals with animal spirits like voodoo did to take care of the transformations. Believe it or not (and I'm not sure WHAT to believe after hearing this), Bottles the mole gets killed in the long intro. That's right. And for some more info that doesn't spoil much, the character of Weldar is a blowtorch, not a vacuum cleaner (did we ever say that? We're idiots then, because his name is WELDar); Gruntilda's two sisters are skinny and fat, respectively; and Mumbo uses his magic stick as a cattle prod. That a boy, Mumbo. Catch all of you later today, and a special thanks to Aussie Ben for doing the spying for us at E3. In this country Ben, toiliets flush in the correct direction! Enjoy it while you can!
Update by Slush.




05/12/00

Update #3
Okay, well, considering that all ties to the Los Angeles Convention Center have been cut off for the last few hours, we decided to sit down and answer some new Letters. Right, and there are four new Donkey Kong Country Screenshots staring into the depths of your very being. Oh, and Slush, at least I know that Rareware is what they call the games, not the company. The company is Rare Ltd. Boo-yah!
Update by Chad.

Update #2
We're back with the Mario Tennis Screenshot Section up and running and some info on Donkey Kong Country for Game Boy Color. According to the majority of the people who have played the game at E3, it's incredible. There appear to be no scrolling problems, and the graphics are crisper than Conker's Pocket Tales. Some factoids for all you details freaks out there: Squawks may not appear in the game, as the Torchlight Trouble stage is now just a normal level, instead of the dark area it once was. Squawks and his flashlight do not appear. As expected, DK and Diddy don't follow each other. The boss levels and Kong helpers are not accessible yet, so we can't report on them. Oh, and Chad, I may have poor work ethic, but at least I spell "color" the United States way, because we LIVE in the United States buddy....
Update by Slush.

Update #1
Right. Puzzled by the "Update #1" thing? Well, since news will be flying out of Los Angeles like a green snake after a sugar cane truck, we decided to update several times a day. No more sifting through that Pokemon Card Game IV and Mask of Mitsubishi junk, we'll do it for you. So for the first E3 update, we've got some Banjo-Tooie news. It seems that the entire game takes place on an evilish island called "Isle o' Hags". There are warping pads in places like DK64, except this time, they're more "user frienly". The jiggies (which will be used again) are better hidden, and require more puzzle solving, and are more involved. There are also evil fellows almost identical to Jinjos, called "Minjos". This is probably part of the expanded role of the Jinjos. Kazooie shoots a variety of eggs, among them red, chromey-silver, green, brown, and a checkered yellow type. We do know that the brown ones are explosive, the reds catch the target on fire, and the silvery ones freeze the baddies. You can also shoot eggs while flying! Hey-hey! That blue tenty carnival level is called "Witchy World". There are random "?" honeycomb pieces which you can collect after defeating a baddie that open up a life bar roulette. You either gain life, or lose it. This time around, you can transform into the Washing Machine without the use of a Bottles code. There are first person shooter multiplayer modes in which Banjo uses Kazooie as a weapon, firing eggs out her mouth. This mode is also seen in the actual adventure mode. One instance is during a mini-game entitled "Chompa's Belly". You shoot ulcers within the steel-grate-popping-out-of fellow. Must be a rather big one. The ulcers are coloured for different points. Red earns one, Green gets two, and Blue yields a whopping three points. Just like the DKC series' balloons. Perhaps this colour coordination theme will be seen throughout the game. Last but most certainly not least, there are too many minigame modes to count! (well, okay, a few over ten) They include racing, first-person deathmatch, soccer, etc. Well, pardon the jumbled nature of this update, but I tried to get all the info I could out this time around. Slush will jam a chewy wad of news down your throat in the coming minutes/hours/however long it will take him to stop eating dinner and earn some work ethic. Esophagus use is for the weak.
Update by Chad.




05/11/00
Hello to all. Our daily update streak (since September 3rd, 1999) came to an end last night, as America Online seemed to funk up nationwide during our updating hours, and inabled the entire staff from updating. It couldn't happen at a worse time either, with E3 gearing up today. No matter, we begin our "We're Not At E3 But Damned If We're Not Going To Report On It Anyway" coverage. We have the Dinosaur Planet Shots that Loveday introduced yesterday (w/ the DP Movie), we have new Banjo-Tooie Shots that Nintendo Power Source debuted (again, yesterday), some new Conker's Bad Fur Day Screenshots, we have...what's this? A Mario Tennis Section has been prepared? Backwards 'DK' on the tie?  WHOO!That's right, the shot on the left shows Donkey Kong in the game (exciting, huh?), and we even have a new Feature examining the theological aspects of the DKU. Finally, Banjo-Tooie had been sadly delayed until August 28th of this year, the same day Donkey Kong Country (GBC) is released. And Conker's Bad Fur Day is coming out December 4th, as originally thought. Please don't discourage away from our site because our daily update streak came to an end against our will. We're going to be covering as much about the DKU news at E3 if possible. Why sift through the garbage of news on Pokemon, Perfect Dark, and Zelda: The Mask Of Majitsologa?
Update by Slush.




05/09/00
Well, we were planning a Letters today, but since Loveday has vowed to shove news down our throats during the days surrounding and including E3, don't expect them for a while. In any case, we've got an updated Conker's BFD Movie Synopsis rolling about. Tomorrow is the day we believe will bring forth Dinosaur Planet screenshots and a movie at long last, and the three days following with be naturally chock-full of E3 buisiness. Enjoy! Or don't. Not really my decision to make.
Update by Chad.




05/08/00
What's going on tonight? We have information on the basic storylines of Banjo-Tooie and Conker's Bad Fur Day. They're as American as illegal whoring, as Chinese as communism, and as Italian as oily mobsters with their ugly wives. Scratch that, I don't want Our Friend's Mafia connections coming after me.
Update by Slush.




05/07/00
Hey, only a matter of two days until the new Dinosaur Planet info and such comes out. Wahoo. So to tide you over, have a nice Updated FAQ to shove in your fife. The FAQ keeps growing with power while we idly sit back. I may be jumping to conclusions, But I think it's planning for a hostile takeover. The FAQ section will kill us aaalllll.....
Update by Chad.




05/06/00
Tonight, thanks to IGN64 we have the first two Dinosaur Planet shots. This game looks incredible, with better resolution than the Playstation 2. Check them out here. And it should go without saying that this proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that it's Tricky from Diddy Kong Racing.
Update by Slush.




05/05/00
Right, well, with absolutely no prior mention of the infamous Conker's Bad Fur Day movie, we felt it fitting that for all of you who are unable to see it, a CBFD Movie Synopsis should go up. Now worship us like good little drones. There we go.... now isn't conformity a lot easier on the brain that all that difficult originality?
Update by Chad.




05/04/00
Tonight we accidently fell asleep and some smoking gas pumping sasquatch gangster from Mexico City typed this update for us....wherever he is, we're grateful. It's the updated Conker's Bad Fur Day Speculation Center....in color!
Update by Slush.




05/03/00
Mercy me! If it isn't an updated Banjo-Tooie Screenshot Analysis on this fine day! Wait, hang on... Slush told me time and time again not to use the first sentences for the update link. Now people will click on it, and not read the rest of the update. Well, fine. I don't care. Don't read this. Go, go on, just click the link. Go on. Knobs.
Update by Chad.




05/02/00
All we have tonight is a new Artwork.... wait.... that's wrong...okay, I wrote Chapter 9 in our Pass the Story Feature... wrong again. Oh yeah, we actually have credible news to report on tonight. Chalk up three new Banjo-Tooie Screenshots "courtesy" of a Mr. Loveday at Rarewhere and several Conker's Bad Fur Day Screenshots "courtesy" of IGN64. That's right, tonight debuts the first ever Bad Fur Day screenshots, but please, they are literally for mature audiences only. So wait until your parents are out of the house to look at them, and then learn how to curse just like your hero Conker!
Update by Slush.




05/01/00
Well, it's that time of the month again for the April Accounts. Hopeflly, with E3 and all, May will be a slightly more eventful month. Oh, yes, and happy May Day to Americans, have a lovely Labor Day in Mexico, and a wonderful Bank Holiday to the United Kingdom fellows. And do I even need to mention any more that the last batch of Updates can be found within the murky depths of the Update Archives section? I thought not.
Update by Chad.




Update Archives