07/31/00
This eerily uneventful month is ended off with quite a crap update. We were planning on Letters, but Slush had a power outage and was unable to answer his. So we opted for this stupid (yet original) gibberish we like to call the Japanese Game Logos page. Please note that there's no Conker's Pocket Tales logo because we just couldn't find one. Enjoy!
Update by Chad.





07/30/00
Tonight we have something that's long overdue on the site, but when you have no other ideas for an update, it's something you have to turn to. It's a new Feature entitled Top Ten DKU Melodies. Don't worry, it's OF BORGNINE QUALITY.
Update by Slush.





07/29/00
What's this? Actual news on the wekeend? Well, the Release List has been updated. No shuffling, just a solid date for Mario Tennis (GBC). Cheers.
Update by Chad.





07/28/00
Hoo-hah! Very big news tonight. Big in what regard? How about some new DKU games announced? Yeah, that's pretty big. According to Famitsu magazine, the first one is the apparent conclusion to what will be the only N64 DKU trilogy...Mario Party 3. The second is very exciting, and it's for the Game Boy Advance...a new Mario Kart game entitled (for now) "Mario Kart Advance." Keep in mind we have no shots or info on these games, but they WILL be at Spaceworld. Also keep in mind that DK hasn't been confirmed for either game, but judging from the track record, it's a 95% chance he WILL be in at least Mario Party 3. Mario Kart Advance may simply be a port of Super Mario Kart from the SNES, but we'll have to keep our fingers crossed. We also have some new Brentilda Clues at long last. Okay, I'm off. I just bought a Game Boy Camera, and I'm practicing amateur porn. Moooooonnneeey Shaaauuueeet.....
Update by Slush.





07/27/00
Here's a section we never thought we'd update..... the Donkey Kong Land III one! In the wonderful style of the Brentilda's Clues page, we've got our Time Attack Times posted for you to gawk at. Send us yours, won't you?
Update by Chad.





07/26/00
Greetings to one and all. I'm back after being on a vacation in a woodland resort since Saturday (I wrote my updates in advance, while Chad took care of the actual MEAT of the them...I wasn't kidding when I said I had no idea what we were updating on). Anyway, I came home to see my new issue of Nintendo Propaganda was in the mailbox (only three more issues until my subscription runs out, thankfully) and there was basically nothing in it. That said, I was able to scrape some minor info from it's fanatic hyperbole. Unlike in Mario Golf, Donkey Kong will be playable from the start in Mario Tennis. In fact, all the characters will except Shy Guy and the Adventures of Donkey Kong When He Was a Boy. At least I don't have to soil myself playing as other characters to unlock DK this time around! Anyway, I'd like to thank Chad for doing all the work on the site while I was away for a few days. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go see what damage Chad has done to the site while I was away for a few days.
Update by Slush.





07/25/00
I'm a bit tired today, so I'll just give you the update and then I'm off. We've got the DKC Speculation Center and a new Artwork. Crap, I switched the links on those. Oh well. Cope.
Update by Chad.





07/24/00
Man, do we sure have a GREAT update for you today! It's so great, I can't believe we thought of it! It's possibly the greatest update....IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND! Insane Laughter: YAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! We have the stylized biographies of Krow and Screech. Please enjoy.
Update by Slush.





07/23/00
Ar, matey! Thar be some treasure in this here Update, thar be! Har, nyar, flar. It be the Chapter Ten of the Crap DKU Epic Fanfic, it be. Yarrr, arr, yarr! Aye, I know it's a crap update, but pirate impressions are reserved for crap updates, and since I'm doing this here pirate impression, arr, I have to update with crap. Harr, thar be the Isle of Booty! Avast me timbers!
Update by Chad.





07/22/00
You wanna know what's funny? Hee hee...I'm wrting this update at 3:08 AM in the morning time here. See, I don't have the time to write it later in the today. So Im reather groggy...look at thart! It's 3:09 now. Anyway, today (it's 3:10 now) we have a Queen B.and Dumb Drum bios (2 of them, one of each) up. I pologize about their quality, I just wrote them about thirty minutes ago. It's 3:11 now. I'm not a slow typer, I'm a slwo thinker. Especially at 3:11 AM in the morning wee hours.
Update by Slush.





07/21/00
Hey-hey! Since there is an utter abscence of DKU news, tonight you can have a Rogues Gallery for a complete listing of the DKU's main foes. This is one of those Features that we'll be updating when necessary, so check back when a new boss is introduced. Red lightning and Doritos await!
Update by Chad.





07/20/00

Lousy
Excruciating
Tiresome
Terrible
Endless
Revolting
Sh-t
Update by Slush.





07/19/00
Nothing tonight other than a heaping arseload of Game Boy-related news. It was recently announced that Kirby's Tilt and Tumble will ship in a clear pink cartridge. While this game doesn't apply to us, the information does, as it sheds new light on the DKC cart color situation. We think it's almost certain now that DKC will come in a clear yellow cart. The Game Boy DK games are traditionally in yellow carts. GBC-specific carts are tradtionally clear. Add in the fact that Nintendo is willing to make different colors for GBC carts, and you've got a clear yellow DKC cartridge. See our mock-up at right. There's some more news, while has been taken from Rarewhere. Today the interrogation of the Game Boy Color Team was posted, so the following is derived from that. In Conker's Pocket Tales, in the color version there is a higher rating than "The Whole Shebang". You must play all the way through and get everything without saving once. Since this is damn near impossible (imagine dying in the Catacombs and having to restart) we're going to dismiss it as an unreachable pinnacle of Game Boy prowess. There is not likely to be a Conker's BFD-style game on GBC following up the N64 outing. It's also likely that depending on the sucess of a series (coughBanjocough), there will be "downsizings", as Slush so eloquently put it. Also, (and this applies to console games as well), more Diddy Kong Racing characters are likely to show up in future Rare releases. The DKU is turning into a massive spiderweb of series thanks to Diddy Kong Racing. For more rampant Rare-style ambiguity, check out that interview in the aforelinked Rare site.
Update by Chad.





07/18/00
Tonight we have some major shifts in the Order of Releases. Major as in every game but one gets officially moved. Find out about it! Oh, and Chad hyped this update of mine as something everyone has been asking for. That's a lie. Actually, this is something people have requested against. It's Chapter 9 of our ongoing pass the story! Yes,the one that has more loose ends than a Clinton testimony. How much more insane and putrid can it possibly get? You may be in shock.
Update by Slush.





07/17/00
Being a bit exhausted by the rampant biographies of the past two days, we let NES Boy do the update in the form of a new Artwork. Yeah, it's crap, but....uh... tomorrow you can have an update that's been highly requested recently. Deal? And it's looking more and more like Dinosaur Planet will be delayed until 2001. Remember, this is merely SPECULATION. We're just taking into account the fact that Rare hasn't released any new info/media on the game. A delay is really no problem.... just so long as we get at least one of their three N64 offerings this year. Okay, good, I'm off to bed.
Update by Chad.





07/16/00
Tonight we have four more bios. Master Necky, Very Gnawty, Leaky, and Dingpot. Enjoy.
Update by Slush.





07/15/00
We took an injection mold and formed out six near-identical updates, and a fan did the other. The latter shows up as a new Artwork, and our six are biographies, which happen to be for Troff, Brigadier Bazooka Bear, Scoff, T.T., Juju, and Glower. Read those and demand more.
Update by Chad.





07/14/00
...yet there's no memorial for the veterans of World War II.... We have some stuff planned for the coming days, but it's summer, so right now we're just enjoying ourselves with the warm temperatures. We do have a new Conker render at the right from Newsweek. Oh, and be sure to check out IGN64's look at the Dolphin basics tonight....which pertains to the site, because it's pretty much a done deal that we're going to see Mario Kart Dolphin and Donkey Kong Dolphin. Begone!
Update by Slush.





07/13/00
Tonight you can have this bloody MASSIVE edition of Letters. The html alone took me two hours. Now I'm going to try not to develop Carpel Tunnell. Cheers.
Update by Chad.





07/12/00
Tonight we don't have much, but we do have an addition to the TimeVine and a new Artwork. Oh, and Daily Radar has voted Donkey Kong the 4th best Nintendo mascot of all time, which is quite an honor. He was only beaten by three chuds who managed to impound themselves in pulp culture. Wow!
Update by Slush.





07/11/00
You may have noticed that recently, if we have an update that's purely news, we make a picture to go with it. Well, we had a great comedy calander image planned for tonight, but my scanner decided to crap out on me. I sent it to rehab but it may not be back for up to a week. Basically, all you need to know is that FGNOnline reported that Conker's Bad Fur Day will be slipping to January 22 of next year, and Banjo-Tooie will be released on December 26. While the squirrel's release shuffle is fairly likely, we find B-T's "new" release date almost impossible. Nintendo would never release a title the day after Christmas. NEVER. We were all instructed by Loveday to wait for an official announcement through them or NOA about release changes, so for now let's just file this one under speculation.
Update by Chad.





07/10/00
With no news and extreme laziness running wild on the site right now, we have what you may consider to be a pathetic update, the Donkey Kong 64 Swanky's Strife. Just try your luck, inbreeds.
Update by Slush.





07/09/00
Earlier this week, when we made the Bulletin Board, we decided to delete the question about Bulletin Boards in the FAQ. In doing so, we inadvertantly drove the power-crazed FAQ page into insanity. It threatened to eat our families, pets, and worst of all, our precious carts full of saved data. We laughed at it, because after all, an html document can't do anything like that. Well, sir, yesterday my goldfish went missing. That's right, the FAQ page ATE MY GOLDFISH. So we decided to give in to its demands and add two more questions to the FAQ page. I swear, that thing will be the death of us.
Update by Chad.





07/08/00
Before I get to the update, I'd like to retract a comment I made yesterday. Nothing much, but I happened to say that Camelot added a top brow to Donkey Kong Jr. for Mario Tennis. Whoops. That was always there. What they HAVE done though (at least, according to the game sticker on my Donkey Kong Classic cartridge for the NES) is flattened his nose, gotten rid of the eyebrows about his skin brow, made his ears more similar to Rare's DK model, and given him an extra digit to correspond with DK. To add to all that we have included all the new Mario Tennis Screenshots in our Mario Tennis Screenshots page, ripped directly from Nintendo Power Source.
Update by Slush.





07/07/00
Wow, we've got a considerably bigger update than last night. So big that I don't think I'll need to mention the new Bulletin Board which can be accessed by the "Interactive" green oval thing at right. No, there will be no need for self-promotion, as we have two great updates and some news to share. First on the chopping block is a feature Slush wrote about Nintendo's only failed system, titled Virtual Boy: The System That Should've, But Couldn't. Give it a read. Then, if you've found our checklists as of late a bit bland, then you should find tonight's quite refreshing. We did something a bit different in the new Dinosaur Planet Majestic Eight Checklist. In case you weren't aware, the Majestic Eight is the group of planets which the events in the game take place on. And now for the news: We know what the two secret characters in Mario Tennis are: Shy Guy, and... stay with me on this... Donkey Kong Jr. Yes, the crappy Pre-DKU Miyamoto design of our current Donkey Kong will be in the game. Look at the screenshot at right. Now you may say you yourself, "Gee, Chad. Your DKU is screwed now!" Well, here's Slush's italicized report which manages to unscrew the DKU quite nicely.
Well, we've found out the other two characters in Mario Tennis...and it's a shocker to say the least. I was right about one of my predictions...Shy Guy fills up one spot. The other spot is....brace yourself. Donkey Kong Junior, ala the Adventures of Donkey Kong When He Was A Boy. Now before you write in and predict doom and gloom for our DKU explanations, calm down you little anal biproducts. If you didn't realize, Baby Mario is also in this game. Before we've explained it that Baby Mario was the love child of Mario and Peach, but that was because we just felt that Mario bringing his younger self into the present with the Chest of Time was stupid. Just plain stupid. It still is. But the fact is, Mario brought his younger self into the golfing games to compete. He does the same thing in the tennis world now, so what does good old DK do? THE EXACT SAME THING! This is very stupid, but also very heart warming that Baby Mario has an advisary now, and that is a young DK. Look at that picture...they even added DK's top brow to Donkey Kong Junior. That wasn't there before, which shows they had to update DK's younger looks before bringing it to the DKU. Once again though....it's VERY stupid, with shades of that new Bruce Willis movie. At least the young Mario and DK are too young to remember anything, therefore preventing any space-time continium paradoxes.
Update by Chad.





07/06/00
I went to the grocery store today, and there was a shortage of snosausages! Then I went to the gas station this afternoon, and there was a shortage of Funions. Then I went to our news sources, and there was a shortage of news. Anyway, we're working on a new Feature that will come your way tomorrow; but in the meantime...some site business. We're putting together something big for our one year annivesary late next month, and as a way to say thanks to our readers, we're offering something special. We can't tell you what yet, but if you want to participate (you don't have to do a thing if you want to participate though), hurry up and send an e-mail to either Chad or myself. Be sure to include a description of your looks, or how you would like to look if you were God and able to design the physical structures of humans. And be sure to hurry...the first ones we get get preferential treatment. We can't accept everyone into this mystery project, so hurry and don't delay. After you're done doing that, check out our new Bulletin Board. We can't get enough of shilling our stuff!
Update by Slush.





07/05/00
Well, nothing today, save some two-day-old news, courtesy GameFan. It seems that while all the announced titles will be there, save CBFD and DKC, Rare will also be showcasing two Dolphin games, Micky Mouse's Big Plastic Adventure Through Happy Land, as well as an unannounced game. Could it be for DKU? We do know that there are currently no Donkey Kong-titled games in the works, just as there are no new Banjos following -Tooie. So could the new one possibly be the next DKU spinoff? We all want to know what happened to Wizpig..... cough...... Oh, and we decided to whore out a portion of this update to advertise our new Bullatin Board, found in the Interactive section of the site. See that "Interactive" button on the left? Yeah, that's the one. It'll lead you to the brand new Bulletin Board! Great fun and magical happiness awaits!!!*
DK's Jungle Vine is not responsible if great fun and magical happiness does not await.
Update by Chad.





07/04/00
It's Independence Day here in the U.S. of A and because of that...our update sucks. We have some DK64 Promotional Renders that have had hardly any media exposure at all, and should be worth a look. Oh, and if you haven't done so, check out our new Bulletin Board in the new Interactive section of the site.
Update by Slush.





07/03/00
Whoo, we've got a great update tonight! First, a bit of site business. While the new, post-lightning server is adjusting, the site will be flickering off at times. The site isn't down for more than 30 minutes at a time, and sor far, it's only happened three times per day, at max. If you send us an e-mail but it doesn'g go through, save it until you see the site online, then send. The site's flickering status will be brought up to "on" at the end of July. Sorry for the inconvenience. We're as pissed as you are, believe me. Anyway, now for the great update I promised. Well, if you have ANY skills of observation, you'd have noticed a new section on the navigation bar, under the name of "Interactive". Well, guess what! The complaining and whining of many a reader has finally paid off. Here's the DK's Jungle Vine Bulletin Board!
Jake Lloyd: WIZARD!
Update by Chad.





07/02/00
What's better than a letter? How about several of them crammed into one page? Letters is here for your enjoyment. Or for your absolute HORROR.
Update by Slush.





07/01/00
Putting a choke-hold on Sabre helps incantations. You may have the June Accounts to chew on, and after it gives you explosive diarrhea, you may wipe with last month's updates in the Update Archives. Oh, and there's a front-view of the witch sisters. Huzzah! Have a pleasent evening!
Update by Chad.





Update Archives