Two months running and we haven't missed a beat. Who's the man? Donkey Kong's the man! Well, no, actually he's a highly intelligent gorilla, but enough bout that. First on our list is a General Scales biography written by yours truly. There's spoilers there, so don't read it if you haven't beaten the game. (not like there's anybody who hasn't) Secondly, from the twisted mind of Sparky Z comes the Challenges section. In another attempt to strengthen the bond between Loyal Readers and Their Masters (I kid, I kid), Sparks has created a new concept: send in possible insanely hard to do - but still doable - things that can be tackled in a DKU game, and we'll put it up for the world to try. Further guidelines can be found by taking the link within this page which contains our first challenge, from DKC. Follow the signs, baby. G'night parasites, and we'll see you in June.
Update by the REAL Sean

Man, I tell you, nothing is better than coming home from a party at 1 AM to find your fellow editors have done diddly-squat. Ergo, you're hastily thrown together update is to be found here. It seems the Thorntail Shopkeeper was given an actual name, after all. What was that name? You'll have to click the link to find out. You've probably already seen through my pathetic attempt to bolster enthusiasm for what is, probably, the most craptacular update the new staff has seen, yet. I promise we'll have something much better for you tomorrow.
Update by Sparky Z


Well, EH. I just got back from the HOCKEY game, EH EH EH EH EH EH (EH). Ya hosers! I feel kind of sorry about making that update and signing my name as Klobber, EH, when he didn't really do the update, EH EH, and I feel sorry for calling him a GIT! SO EH to make up for it I'm gonna drink a mug o' beer, ya hosers, and update with an ORDER OF RELEASES. EH! THE DARKNESS COMES! IT WILL DAMN US ALL!
Update by Sean "eh" King, the Jolly Ol' Lumberjack and CANADA!1

What ho! Tonight we have a wide variety of delectible, er, delecassies. Chad has completed the entire SFA soundtrack, so start downloading those. Also, Sean has whipped up another Bad Fur Day biography that was due out yesterday. Here's Ze Professor. Good night, lads!
Update by Klobber the Jolly Ol' Git

I missed Tremors writing these two damn things. You better like them. Birdy and Panther King bios. Whatever. I'm going to sleep.
Update by Sean

We've got a Star Fox 2 Speculation Center. I hope it's good. I havn't read it. Chad has some new Starfox Adventures MP3s I hope they're good. I havn't heard them. I call this a blind (up)date.
Update by Sparky Z

I'm blaring my speakers listening to various Galactic Pinball mp3s at the moment, courtesy of Chad. Damnit, now I want a Virtual Boy even more. Update? Oh, right. Speaking of mp3s, Chad has once again worked up some SFA mp3s, bringing the count to 40. Impressive. Just don't go sap our bandwidth dry now. Also on the front is some new mespi-- I mean, Artwork. Oh, and Chiphead finally has a biography picture. 'Bout bloody time.
Update by Sean

We don't have an update today. Never, I tell you. No update. Not on THIS website.
Update by The Iraqi Prime Minister

Finally, an update to our good ol' friend Rumble in the Jungle Gone WILD!!!111. Enjoy. I don't have much else to offer....yet.....
Update by Behonkiss


Just a heads up. I've begun the grueling, laborious task of getting the news system back online. As some of you may have noticed, the framework is up, but all of the links are broken. Expect that to change in the near future.

10 Minutes Later:
The near future is even nearer than I thought, so expect all your news over here from now on. That sure didn't take as long as I thought. I just had to click a single button, rather than look up each individual article on archive.org and reinsert it into the system. Pleasent surprises rock.
Update by
Sparky Z

I'm back, I'm back, now did you miss me so? I'm back, and....so is my big toe.! I'm back, and here's some new Star Fox 2 screenshots straight from Nintendo Power which we seem to have focused on lately! I! AM! BACK!....*Doo-doo!*
Update by Behonkiss

Today we have a steaming vat of Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour shit for you. If you're too lazy to click the link, it's screenshots and general game information. Myself, I'm going to work on some stuff for the new DKC GBA game, as I've been able to play it a bit earlier than should be. It's not as bad as we expected, thankfully. That's all I'll say for now. I mean, God forbid I say something that prevents people from checking the website on a daily basis. That's right, gentle reader. You'll have to wait in ABSOLUTE AGONY for coverage of the game.
Update by Klobber

Oi, I've been really busy, OK? Anyhoo, I have some DKC GBA info from the greatest magazine EVER. That's right, Nintendo Power had an article on it which revealed a bunch of details. For starters, Donkey Kong rearranged all the furniture in his treehouse. The beach ball has been moved slightly to the left, the tires, bed, and banana piles have all been moved around, the sailboat picture was replaced by a "Home sweet home" picture. The picture of Candy is nowhere to be seen. More as this develops. There will also be a DK Attack mode which gives you a time limit and keeps a score, kind of like that competition cartridge that Blockbuster had when the Super Nintendo version was first released. Cranky's Cabin seems to be indoors this time around, and Funky's Flights and Candy's Save Point are replaced by Funky Fishing and Candy's Dance Studio. It seems that you can go back to the main island map any time. There will also be 52 cameras hidden throughout the game. You get some of them from Cranky, but most of them are hidden in the levels. I think that's it. Anything else will be covered in these Crappy Nintendo Power Scans
Update by Chiphead


GODDAMIT! DOESN"T ANYBODY BUT ME OR SEAN KNOW HOW TO UPDATE!! No...no...must keep my cool... Anyway, we couldn't leave you with just a FAQ update, so I've taken the liberty of reupdating the Timevine. I say reupdate because it is now as advanced as when the site went down for the first time. We've been using an older version. It now covers everything until MT GBC. Cheers times two.
Update by Sparky Z

Life, it tis a strange beast. It's wonders are all around us, provoking us with many questions and too few answers. There have been many scholars throughout the ages who have tried to answer these questions.

But we're not scholars. We're webmasters on a video game fan site. So the closest we're going to get to answers is the almighty FAQ. Cheers.
Update by Sean

I've hidden the update, and you'll never find it. Ahahahahahaha!
Update by Sparky Z

Howdy, boobies. Today we're serving up some more nifty StarFox Adventures mp3s, courtesy once again of Chad. I hope they're of satisfaction to you yuppies. Push the button, Frank.
Update by Sean

Update #2
E³ may be over, but the news keeps pouring in. According to Mundo Rare, Diddy Kong Pilot and Banjo-Kazooie: Grunty's Revenge are complete and ready for shipment. There's some confusion over whether DKP will ship because of licensing problems. Sabrewulf is also ready, and there's a slight chance its DKU. Also, there have been whispers of B3 confurmation. At least this was what I gathered using my extremely limited knowlege of Spanish. If only that whole Esperanto thing had worked out...
Update by Sparky Z

Update #1
Things have slowly come to a halt since E3, giving us time to tackle the bevy (ha!) of news we've recieved and applying it to our hallowed Games page. Speaking of which, board regular and good chum Saf (the cousin of Squitter, so he claims) has given us a nice in-depth look at Mario Party-e for the GBA's e-Reader. As it turns out, there's not one bit of DK related stuff actually IN the "game" parts, which means that the game is NOT DKU. So it's going down to make way for Mario & Donkey Kong and Mario Golf: Advance Tour, etc etc. And that's all. Oh! And a little piece of possible news I picked up while snooping on GameFAQs. The word from Miyamoto Monster is that yes, a DK game is under way, and that there was a video hinting at it in the long press release cutting Nintendo showed. Naturally we can't verify this, so if anybody out there went to E3 or has a link to where we could download said reel and see this so-called footage, then please come up and say so. We'll reward you with pie.
Update by Sean

Geez, when its updating time, everyone seems to conveniently dissapear. Today we have a Mario & Donkey Kong page and a Mario Party 5 page, each with screenshots and General Game Info in tow. It just about killed us, but We live on to fight another day.
Update by Sparky Z


Hey, now. That's not quite fair. I was getting to it. Futurama doesn't watch itself, you know. Anyway, we have some new Donkey Kong Country GBA screenshots. We'd have more, but since Chad already updated, we wouldn't want to overwhelm you. Blame him.
Update by Sparky Z


I guess the new staff is incapable of updating, though E³ is in full force. I'm just sticking in . . . yet again . . . to remind you that there are ten new Star Fox Adventures MP3s over at my little homestead, Tempus Fugit. The total now is twenty.
Update by Chad


Ladies and gents, check this one out - Hyle (Slush, to you morons in Internet Land) has written up the first of his semi-consistent articles for DKVine, this one called Liberal Bias. Or maybe they're all called Liberal Bias, and this is the first in the Liberal Bias series. I spent 45 minutes making a 3D logo for the top of it, so you should check it out. Also, I'm sure the article's good, but I haven't actually read it.

Oh, and once again, your dedicated New DKVine Staff are all asleep when they should be awake refreshing the same five websites over and over hoping for new things. For example, I just discovered that Donkey Kong Country for GBA was actually developed by Rare, not Nintendo. If you check the bottom of the Rare Company Profile on their new site, it lists DKC for GBA as one of the handheld projects they're creating. Granted, the developer won't change the fact that this game will sell better than Rebecca Romijn Stamos on a streetcorner, but it's nice to know that only Rare is responsible for recreating the magic of the originl DKC.
Update by Chad


I haven't been typing for half as long as Sparky, but I feel just as tired. I spent hours today hunting down information and screenshots, and now my legs feel like they're about to fall off from sitting useless so long. Where have I been? In the trenches of Nintendo's E3 showing, searching endlessly for DKU-isms. Those of you who were looking forward to DK GCN, like me -- tough rocks. Not a hint of a GCN installment of our favourite ape anywhere. So, we have to settle for Starfox 2, which means Krystal's back for more AND means that the franchise is now officially a spinoff of the DK series. Wee. The GBA side of things looks little better, with Mario Golf: Advance Tour and Mario & Donkey Kong, which is leaving us all scratching our heads at the moment. It's based on the old arcade games, but it has the current DK, meaning it's DKU. We'll figure that out later. All in all, a rather underwhelming showing from the Not-So-Big N.

Oh, did I mention Mario Party 5?
Update by Sean


I've been typing for four hours straight. My fingers feel like they're about to fall off, but that's not going to stop me from updating. I've got a lot of news for you. First of all, the fifth incarnation of Rareware is up with some actual information abut their games. We've nicked their Conker screenshots, and, after all , what are screenshots without a games page to put them on? There's also a General Game Info tacked on the end. In other news, this Grabbed by the Ghoulies wallpaper has a pirate in the bottom left-hand corner who looks suspiciously like Captain Blackeye. He just might be, especially since this game is being made by the Banjo team. Chalk up one more for GbtG being DKU. One last thing. I was pawing through the ftp, and I came across this Diddy Kong Racing Swanky's Strife. The old staff updated with it long ago and forgot to put a link on the games page. History became legend, legend became myth, and for two-and-a-half thousand three years, the page passed out of all knowledge. To Orodruin!
Update by Sparky Z


It begins. Thanks to C&S for taking care of business while we were asleep. The latest news is thus. According to IGN X-Box, C:LU will also contain a copy of the original Conker's Bad Fur Day. This version will have X-Box quality graphics and sound (can you say Orchestrated Soundtrack? We live in hope), and will also include the naughty content that Nintendo wouldn't allow. Sound's like, if its done right, the game will be worth it, just for that.
Update by Sparky Z


Wakey wakey! You know, they say you can't go home again, and we're not. This place smells of mothballs and clown semen now, but we couldn't stand it any longer. The new staff is asleep, and we just had to update with the latest news from E³. That's right, it's your old friends, Chad and Slush! Okay, to begin with, IGN Xbox must be too busy gawking at their Halo 2 clit rings, because according to Gamespot, the name of the Xbox Conker game isn't Conker's LB, but "Conker: Live and Uncut." It will be a multi-player, team-based game for Xbox Live, and it will be "storylien driven." Hmmm... not exactly what we were hoping for, but it's an intriguing idea that will certainly grow on us. We've got some screenshots for you, courtesy of the God-like Mundo Rare, who's just put up a Live and Uncut movie for the hispanic Rareheads out there.

Also of note is Grabbed By The Ghoulies. What was once thought to be the possible subtitle for Conker is actually a game in itself, and here's some shots of it as well (again, head on over to Mundo Rare for a movie). While it's not confirmed to be DKU, it may turn out to be (remember Dinosaur Planet). At the very least, we don't have to worry about it becoming Luigi's Mansion 2: Grabbed By The Ghoulies.

Anyway, we're out, but if our services our needed again on the updates page, then so be it. Slush will be back later on during the E³ rush to write the debut of his column "Liberal Bias," which he'll write for the Vine until his new site, Donkey Kong Universe, debuts in the coming months (which the entire old Vine staff may play a hand in). Stay tuned for more DKU E³ news as it breaks, as we've yet to see from the Nintendo side of things. Will there be images or movies for that Nintendo DKU game we're all just anxious to see... Mario Party 5? Ernest Borgnine's crystal asshole says "YE-US!"
Update by Slush and Chad

Today is a berry berry good day indeed. We got a pletora of new DKU games annouced today... ok, only two, but one is of incredible look-into-ness. For the GCN - and this should come as no surprise - we have Mario Party 5. That's right, it's back again. There's no stopping it. Over on the other spectrum, the X-Box, however, our good friends at Rare have pulled through and and preparing to show a playable gem at E3: "Conker's LB", according to IGN Xbox. This is all so amazing and cool and I'm going to faint ARGH. Unfortunately, there's no news at all of our big ape friend, though I'm sure that will come in soon enough.

Right then. Update. We've got a Luigi bio by Behonkiss, an updated MK:DD!! Items Checklist, and... that's it, I think. Ahem. CONKER! WOOHOO! Damnit, I need an X-Box now.
Update by Sean

Another slow day today. Still no news on Donkey Kong Island. Ho hum. In the meantime, here's some SFA MP3 goodness courtesy of Chad.
Update by Klobber

We seem to be out of Mario Kart: Double Dash!! checklists, so we have no update tonight. Sorry.

Oh, what the hell. Here's our first-ever Letters.
Update by Chiphead

Or maybe I'll just go ahead and make up for it now. I finally got myself a working version of the CNN clips of Mario Kart Double Dash!!. The video reveals a lot about the item system in the game. It works very much like MK64. There are item boxes that give a random item when hit. The "roulette" part takes a much shorter time now. Also of note is that an itemless gunner can punch off to the side at his opponents. Should make for some interesting new strategies when each player can attack at any time. The items we saw are on the brand new Items Checklist, and some reletively minor updates have been made to the generic crotch-smacking old Racetracks Checklist.

And that's the way it is.
Update by Sparky Z

See, this is what happens when you leave me to do the update at 10:00 PM at night. Eastern Central Time. Since Google has decided to be an arse, I'm afraid all I can present you tonight is a Kleever bio. Don't worry, if all goes well, tomorrow's update will more than make up for this. Whatever. E3's next Wednesday. Huzzah and all that.
Update by Sean

I am so sorry.
Update by Behonkiss

It's late, I want to watch Tremors: The Series in peace in an hour, and I'm bitter because there's no info on Donkey Kong Next yet. Just take this MK:DD!! Known Character List and leave me alone, would you?
Update by Sean

Japanese Executive: Haha! Kkkrrrazie Donkey Kong Vine be needing more stuff on the BIG DK BOOK!(Even though they reading WRONG WAY!) Also a nice bit of propaganda from OUR MASTER DIABOLICAL WORK! NOW TO WORK FOR SUPER MARIO CLONES HIMSELF MANY TIMES! AHAHAHAHAHA!
Update by Behonkiss

Driving Miss Daisy. There. I said it. SO STOP CALLING ME! Click the picture at right to make your way to the Mario Kart: Double Dash!! Speculation Center. If clicking on images frightens you you can click here, or even here. You can also try clicking here if you want, but that might lead somewhere else. I can't remember...
Update by Sparky Z

King Zing biography! And if that's not enough, well, Master Hand biography! Oh yeah. And if that's not enough, well, these penguins should amuse you greatly. Damn, penguins rock.
Interpretive dance depicting the relationship between Rare and Nintendo.

Update by Klobber

And on a random note, my brother's Harry Potter DVD is a bitch.
Update by Behonkiss

Skimpy Peach, evil Mario and KOOPA TROOPA!!!111=Good times. Well, this one sure popped out of nowhere. Straight from the bowels of GameFAQs comes this filthy piece of sludge. Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour, eh? Interesting. Here's hoping we have Diddy in there somewhere. Anyhoo, the game is schedualed for a June 30th release, apparently, so I've gone and fixed up the Order of Releases. There's your update, now leave me alone: I want to watch my Ghostbusters DVD in peace, damn it.
Update by Sean

You were expecting me to update with something else?
Update by Behonkiss

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