You gotta know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run. That being said, here comes a Speculation Center for Mario Golf Toadstool Tour. We also have some new Links.
Now everybody polka, because I have something very special for you all tomorrow. Something so good, it makes rap music look like garbage. Uh huh. That's what I said.
Update by Klobber

Well, I'm back so that I can infect you with my presence one more. Seems a lot has happened since I've been gone. I've been watching silently from the sidelines for about a week, unable to e-mail or use the UBB. My only regret is that I wasn't here to help fix up the boards. Then there's the other half of my brain that keeps saying "Don't be sorry. This is the best time it could have possibly happened," and in retrospect, I'm inclined to agree.

Anyway, while I was sleeping off the jet lag, Behonkiss wrote up Chapter 4 of his DKC book project and even got a special guest star to do the MSTK3ing. How he ever managed to even contact this guy, much less convince him to write for the site, I can't imagine.
Update by Sparky Z: Back From The France to Eat Your Brians

First off, today's update. We have bios (oh joy, I hear you wail) of Ridley and Kraid. Sick of bios, are you? Well here's another one: Fox.

Second, the situation with the forums. Despite my efforts to prevent it, the forum has once AGAIN been hacked. Fortunately, I was notified and took them down before any major damage could be done. As a result, most of the topics (if not all) have remained intact. On thing is for certain, however. We can no longer use those forums. Fear not. When the boards were hacked the first time, preparations were made for a new and better forum. One with increased security, avatars, and much more. You can definitely look forward to that very soon, the board is in fact already operational, I just need to set up the layout and whatnot and we'll be good to go. So I do apologize for the forum downtime, but the new ones will be much MUCH better and worth the wait. Really. I also have some other plans in the works, secret plans, so you never know what might happen in the near future.
Update by Klobber

Once again the message board has been hacked, and once again we're updating to inform you of its downtime. The boards will be down until further notice. That is all.

What? You want an update? What am I, Santa Claus?!
Information by Sean

Miss me? Considering that I never do anything special, I'm guessing the exact opposite. Too bad. It's my turn to update, and you're getting bios for Mewtwo and Ganondorf. Have a lotta fun. Or something.
Update by Behonkiss

I figured that by now you're tired of listening in on the message board's situation and want some actual update fodder, I'd treat you and put up the latest update to the lip-smacking Order of Releases list, and I think I chucked something into the Links at the back. (no, I'm not giving you the link, considering it's right - in - the - bloody - sidebar) Who knows, maybe Behonkiss will have that 4th chapter of the DKC book done tomorrow. We live in desp--er, hope.
Update by Sean

Okay. The forums are, for the most part, fixed. That is to say, you can once again post. I have spent quite literally all day working on it, getting my admin powers back, elliminating the spam and generally working my ass off to restore the carnage. Thankfully, a friend of mine who goes by the alias Retriever II was able to help me get things back on track, and helped me to clean up the mess. So help us bring them back to their former glory...unless you're new, in which case, new memberships are still disabled for a while.
Update by Klobber

Okay, apparently some people with way, WAY too much time on their hands have thought it would be a good idea to hack our forums. Yes, this is for real. No, this isn't a joke. Do you really think we'd do something so downright stupid and tasteless as this? We're trying to get the forums fixed and get to the bottom of this, so please bear with us. Also, whoever hacked them claims to be from Rare-Extreme, but remember that we don't yet know for a fact this is true. So please do not go flaming at the Rare-Extreme forums. I'm about to go there myself and see if I can find any evidence.
Update: It is not anyone from Rare-Extreme, as I suspected, but rather long-time DKVine hater Lankydavid. He honestly thinks he's really accomplishing something by doing this.
Oh, one other thing. No new members are to be allowed to join the forums for the next while. This is only temporary and is for security purposes while the place is cleaned up.
Update by Klobber

Poor Sean. Long summer nights are supposed to get you pumped, not exhausted. I'm lounging, watching Adult Swim, and looking at Asuka Lang-forget the last one. Just look at these bios for Zelda and Pikachu. I SAID FORGET IT.
Update by Asuka's Man

Must... sleep... ugh, these long nights will kill you. Ahh... for your reading pleasure, I've whipped up two biographies, neither of them having to deal with Conker's Bad Fur Day(haha). Here's Mr. Game & Watch and Krystal. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with a hard mattress.
Update by Sean

Some of you might be getting tired of reading new stuff, so give your eyes a rest. I just finished creating a special page for you, so you can give your ears a workout. Presenting DKJV Radio's Greatest Hits. It's absolutely guaranteed NOT to kill you. How many products can lay claim to something like that nowadays?
Update by DJ Klobber

Hurrah! School is officially out for me! More painful DKC books for you, that this means! But I don't want to do it today, so here are bios for Kirby and Bowser! Now let me sleep! I'm surprisingly tired!
Update by Behonkiss

God, I'm tired today. The school year is technically over, but I, like most of you guys, but go through the agonizing heck that are exams. Bah. Anyhoo, I saw that no one tinkered with the Order of Releasahs to reflect Donkey Kong Country's release(the GBA one, dumbnuts), so I went ahead and did that. Crap update? Crap update.
Update by Sean

Here's Chapter 3 of the DKC book. I gotta say that I was in a wacky mood with the MST3King for this one.
Update by Behonkiss

Well, Sparky's gone and we're ALREADY slacking off. Hey, who thinks we should do another Buck Ass Slush week in lieu of his absence, eh? Eh?
While I ponder the answer to that burning question, here's a Rodent bio.
Update by Klobbthulhu

Been awhile since I updated, eh? OK, so it was only two days ago. That's a long time around here, ya know. Anyhoo, I've decided to rip-off Chiphead and write my own Donkey Kong Country Impressions. Oh yeah, and I might have done something to the Links page. I'm not quite sure about that. I'm not sure about anything anymore.
Update by Sean

Believe it or not, HappyBob actually let me steal this image. He seemed almost too eager... Today, thanks to a reader tip-off, we're updating one of our older pages. Advertisement Atrocities for the CBFD section has been augmented with a making-of documentary. In site news I'll be taking a leave of absence for 2 weeks or so to go on a summer vacation to Europe, so if the staff starts slacking off, you'll know why.
Update by Sparky Z

It's Friday the 13th!! Make sure you protect your headcabbage from vicious, axe wielding clowns and the like. Just to be on the safe side, you'd better look both ways before checking out the MKDD!! Items Checklist. And if you feel something sharp in your back, that's just a knife that has been cleverly thrown by the MKDD!! Racetrack Checklist. I'm not entirely sure how a checklist can throw knives, but it's Friday the 13th. We here at the Vine aren't worried about bad luck in the least. Because we have AFROS.
Update by Klobber the Homicidal Maniac

What do you get when you cross a relatively large sea bass with the cast of Welcome Back Kotter? I don't know, but it sure as hell has nothing to do with my Donkey Kong Country Impressions.
Update by Chiphead

"Something strange going on / something's wrong / ghoul in the room / outside is the storm..."

Oh crap, am I on? Uhhh... here. Franky and Reg bios. Bye.
Update by Sean

Hey, an actual Update by me! Oh wait, it's just Chapter 2 of the DKC book. Ha. Sucks to be you.
Update by Behonkiss

Hark, there is no better way to spend an evening than sitting in a comfy chair with a Ghostbusters DVD. Aaahh... er, right. Update. I'm busted my chops and racked my brain to give you a Smash Bros. Melee Swanky's Strife. Let's see how pathetic you guys really are, hmm? Mwahahahahahahaha... hum.
Update by Sean

It seems that when Behonkiss updated yesterday, he forgot the latest DKU based book, The Multi-Thousand $ DKC Adaptation!. How he forgot it when he was the one who wrote it, I can't imagine... Update by Sparky Z

Hey. I gave Sparky the text for this and told him to update. Then he lost it. So this is him sort-of winging it. Anyway, I wrote my Starfox Adventures Review, even though Sparky doesn't agree with it at all. Update by Behonkiss

Alright, me hearties. Today we have a scurvy batch of General Game Info for DKC GBA. If yer not satisfied with that, buckos, you might want to swing over to yonder Spanish galleon, where some Japanese logos are being held prisoner. If yer still not satisfied, ye can walk the plank. As for I, I'm off to see yon pirate movie, the one which be rated arrr.
Update by Klobber

Me have Virtual Boy. And Galactic Pinball. Therefore, me cooler than Sean. On a more gramatically correct note, I have some sort of Donkey Kong Country Review.
Update by Chiphead

Bugga the Knut biography. On another note, ME WANT VIRTUAL BOY.
Update by Sean

It's my BIRTHDAY! And like the hobbit I strive to be, I'm going to give you the gifts. Have some more challenges. I'm off to watch the Animatrix.
Update by Sparky Z

What do you get when you have a stuffed nose and update duty? Bitter. Hoping you a not-so-well night, here's an SFA review I just whipped up. It should work properly - if it doesn't, too bad, I'm tired and I wanna go to bed, I'll fix whatever's wrong later. G'night, I'm off to play Wario Ware.
Update by Sean

The good news: I'm finally done with the crazy school play, and school itself is finishing up, so I'll have more free time to work on the site. The bad news: My scanner needs a little repairing, so the further adventures of DK in novel form must wait for another day(Not too far off, though). Settle for bios of Marvin and The Sunflower. I shall return sooner than before.
Update by Behonkiss

Today, for starters, we have the obligatory Update Archives. Go ahead and take a look at last month's updates. That is a healthy, full-bodied update page. Not like some of the annorexic super model wanna-be's you've been getting for the past couple of years. You'll have to use the link down at the bottom, though. The one up there doesn't work.

Because I'm evil.

In terms of actual updates, I've spent the afternoon messing around with my B-K cart (gotta love summer) and have ironed out 3 new challenges for you. Also, let it go down in the DKVine lore that loyal reader BaronKrusha was not only the first one to submit a challenge, but also the first one to have it published. Kudos to him.
Update by Sparky Z

Update Archives