Well, we all know what's tomorrow. The same thing that comes the first of every month. And you'll just have to wait until tomorrow to see! Ahaha! And while you're waiting, you can take a look over the Mario Party specs at its respectable General Game Info section. So what Donkey Kong 64 news do we have to satisfy your dribbling quest for information? Well, in the great tradition of Weekend Update, we're bringing you a bit of news that dares to stretch the truth a bit. In response to yesterday's biting update, Dan Owsen, Editor in Chief of Nintendo Power Source, decided to retract all statements regarding the low score of Donkey Kong 64. Furthermore, he stated that those who had rated it had been canned, and those who were responsible for canning the people who had just been canned had been canned. And after the canning, he decided to can himself, because he was repsonsible for overseeing the game rating. They are recalling all issues with reference to Pokemon Snap's greatness, and are fixing the typos in the word "greatness" to "sub-mediocrity". And as if that weren't enough, the newest issue of Nintendo Power, with the scary cover, has been recalled so Donkey Kong 64 can get the highest rating ever.... twelve thumbs up accompanied by a nice 10.1 score. And in other news, Nintendo Power is currently looking for a new staff, because of all the canning that has been going on. Perhaps the new magazine staff would be filled with unbiased Pokemon-indifferent good writers. But they'd probably just stick with the same kind of people, the propaganda tainted, Pokemon-worshiping, sentence scribbling bozos. I swear, some magazine staffs never learn...
Update by Chad.

Hello, all you proud and true Donkey Kong fans! Today we have some DK64 meat, some DKU news, and some typical Nintendo Power disgruntlement. We've updated the Donkey Kong 64 Screenshot Section with what else? New Post-Release DK64 Screenshots! Consider these mild spoilers, as it's not like we're showing you the end of the game or anything. It's not real different from viewing shots before the game came out. Now, for the DKU news. We've recently learned that one of the Baby Bowser enemies from Mario Party will be playable in Mario Party 2. Probably the "main" one that did all the talking in the original MP, and stuck with Bowser through the end of the Eternal Star boardgame. Now, for the Nintendo Power disgruntlement. At the Vine, we've lost all respect for Nintendo Power. They recently gave Donkey Kong 64 an 8.6. To compare this to other scores, they gave Rogue Squadron a 9.1 and they gave Pokemon Snap an 8.7. Their excuse was that there was too much stuff to collect, and it was too easy to get sidetracked. Funny, I thought that's one of the best parts of the game. There was so much stuff in Ocarina Of Time, and yet they praised it because it was a Miyamoto game. Pokemon Snap was nowhere near the level of quality and fun that Donkey Kong 64 is. In fact, Pokemon Snap is a sad excuse for a game. But it's Pokemon, so it's automatically one of the best games ever, right Nintendo Power? This issue goes way beyond us favoring Donkey Kong games, so stay with us before you readers shut us out. If you look at their "respectable" Power Charts that are voted in by readers, you will see that the same games have been on top for a LONG time now, and that the whole system is screwed up. While it's Nintendo Power's readers that vote for this part, one can clearly see that the readers never give a new game a chance unless it's Pokemon, Zelda, or James Bond. James Bond 007 for Game Boy is NOT an excellent game, but it's merely being voted for by Goldeneye fans. The Power Chart voters clearly have their favorites, and they refuse to give other games a decent chance. NP can clearly see this, yet they continue to sponser and celebrate these shammy charts. NP's letters section is also a joke, since all the letters are two sentences in length, and do nothing but give us mindless messages such as "IS POKEMON Y2K COMPLAINT? I CAN'T GET IN CONTACT WITH PROFESSOR OAK????" or the classic "MY LITTLE BROTHER FLUSHED MY COPY OF GOLDENEYE, BUT AFTER TRACKING IT DOWN IN THE SEWER IT STILL WORKS! THANKS NINTENDO FOR MAKING SUCH STRONG PLASTIC!" Nintendo Power is simply a shell of a magazine it was years back. Even then it wasn't a five star publication, but it's nowhere near one star today. My point is that Nintendo Power is run by a group of corporate shills who cater to the fans who like the same games as they do. Or as the case with Pokemon, they cater to whatever brings in the cash. Of course they like Goldeneye. It has big guns. Of course they like every Mario and Zelda game that comes out. It was made by Shigeru Miyamoto, their love god. Of course they like Pokemon. Everytime they put Pikachu on the cover they get more sales. And yet the best game this year (and of course we here argue of all time) gets a cold reception. Get your act together Nintendo Power, or you will lose a longtime customer.
Update by Slush.

I sure hope you aren't reading this, because you should be devoting all your time to Donkey Kong 64. But if you're one of the unloyals, you can have an updated Big Ol' Donkey Kong Universe Character List (In English). We included a few of the nameless DK64 blokes for your enjoyment. And it's spoiler free, too! Now I'm going to cry about Twelve Tales, eat a tub of ice cream, and play more Donkey Kong 64! Weehee!
Update by Chad.

Are you enjoying the full thrust DK mania that has finally returned? Great! As Donkey Kong 64 closes 1999 for the Donkey Kong Universe, we thought we would look back at the first DKU game of 1999....Mario Party. We have launched the Mario Party Section with Screenshots hanging on like innuendo on Candy. We should have a more substantial update for all you Donkey Kong 64 hungry loons tomorrow. Hey......cool! Okay!
Update by Slush.

Hum. I seem to be unlocking many a secret in DK64. The game is truly amazing, and as DKC was, it is a generation ahead of its time. So today we've got a good update, and some bad news. But first, the good update, so we can leave you sniffing and sobbing your way through countless leftover turkey sandwiches. So, with the aide of the hilareously written DK64 Manual, we mashed several new Donkey Kong 64 Renders into their respectable page. This includes some crocodile men, two mammals that are not usually furry, and a furry mammal. There, you're nice and confused for the heartbreaking news. Earlier today, Slush discovered that Rarewhere has removed all but one unapparent reference to Twelve Tales: Conker 64. Probably the most disheartening removal was the one in the Q and A that asked if TTC64 was cancelled, and the reply of "no" was given. Now, we don't know what happened, if Loveday had a period of insanity, or if we are just seeing things. Some of you may not care, but we are very chagrined to learn that Conker 64 is hereby in limbo.
Update by Chad.

If you happen to live in the United States as we do, then Happy Thanksgiving. If you do not, please don't look down at us as stupid Statesians, as we are, but we look at you as stupid non-Statesians. So there! The Donkey Kong 64 Section has been juiced up for the game's release, most notably with the concrete Story So Far tagged on. Keep in mind that while the Story So Far should contain no spoilers if you were keeping up with DK64 news before it's release, it still may reveal one or two things you may not want to know. So read at your own judgement. Also starting today, we begin our "year long" (how about the rest of the year?) celebration of five years of the Donkey Kong Universe. Just think....the pilgrims and Native Americans never had DK64 to play while cramming food down their throats. Too bad. Maybe they wouldn't have killed each other if they did. Wait....oh, never mind.
Update by Slush.

Today truly is the best day ever. First off, it's the first full day I've had with DK64 at my fingertips. I'm 34% into the game, and am loving every minute of it. Why am I going so fast, ask you? Well, I have the "beat first, savor last" mentality. If I try to savor the game with closed doors, I can't. To truly savor it, I must be able to move freely. Slush has the opposite, more sane "savor first, beat last" mentality. He savors as he goes. But that's not all! We created the amazingly transcrupulent DK64 Stuff THEY dont want you to have on a whim today, due to some heavly dosages of luck. So huzzah, then. And lastly, I'm starting to try to put two spaces between sentences, as I was never instructed to do so when learning to type. Public education. Go figure.
Update by Chad.

Why hello there! Do you have it yet? Donkey Kong 64? We at Jungle Vine have it, and it is great. However, for all you people who don't have it, we will remain Donkey Kong 64 spoiler free until January 1st, 2000. And after that we will warn you of spoilers for three months afterwards. I'm currently buggering out trying to avoid Chad's frantic yelps of excitement, because I refuse to leave the starting area before tomorrow (must soak it all in). I think I'm worrying Chad too with my insanity. Sorry Chad! However, you can rest assure we will bring you all the news in the Donkey Kong Universe even while remaining spoiler free. I'll say one thing. The instruction booklet is worth the $49.99 itself. Why? Let's just say the thing is a tribute to the Donkey Kong Country games of old. I also love Dolby Surround Sound. Where Avaliable.
Update by Slush.

The day has arrived. For five years we've been waiting, and the wait is over. The greatest game of all time is being released/shipped today. It's my birthday, and I really don't care. Everything doesn't matter compared to Donkey Kong 64. If you're at this site, then that probably means you are planning on getting it today, tomorrow, or whenever you can. Be joyous. Rare has put so much effort into this game, you almost HAVE to buy it and love it. And love it I shall. I'm sorry...I can't talk.....I'm shaking too much with excitement....

It's finally here. We have waited so long, and now this joyous event has happened. At this moment Donkey Kong 64 is making its way to toy stores and homes everywhere. The day has finally come when we all play the game we have been waiting so dearly and long for. I said goodbye to all my current games for the next month, because in a few hours, they will turn to crap and disappear in my mind. One game will be left. Donkey Kong 64.


Donkey Kong is here.
Update by Slush and Chad.


Update by Chad.

Well, not much shaking in the world of Donkey Kong 64 news at the moment, with the exception that the game will be released in two days. Keep in mind that two days is the shipping date and the game may not actually arrive until Tuesday or Wednesday. That is if you live in North America. You other countries will have to wait a little while longer (ahaha...suckers). So, let's see what those greasy critics have to say about Donkey Kong 64 (which I should note that to these critics this is just another game, not the greatest event of electronic kind). Electronic Gaming Montly (shudder) says, "The comical aspects of the game will grab your attention, and the sheer size and vast quantity of secrets will keep it......DK64 is the pre-millenium equivalent of Donkey Kong Country, which released just as the Super NES neared the end of its lifespan......Is DK64 and its bells, whistles and golden bananas all it's cracked up to be? The answer is a definite yes." I should also note that EGM is notorious among Donkey Kong Universe fans for thinking that the original arcade games are superior. Apparently, Cranky would get along with them. However, they seem to be really bonked over this game (bonked, in this case, equals amazed). After playing it, they let their staunchy attitudes go away (when reporting for the E3 special, they didn't put much hype behind DK64 because THEY didn't care about it.....that was then, this is now). Also, those "respected" (cough cough) fellows at IGN have posted their review. They gave it a 9.0 (out of 10.0) amd claimed that the only downside was that (get this) the graphics were not as good as Banjo-Kazooie. Both Chad and I scratched our heads when we read this. While we love Banjo-Kazooie, it can't hold a slice of rabbit poop to Donkey Kong 64's graphics. Yeah, I know, we may not be the most respected source of opinions (since everything we say practically is one step away from oralizing Donkey Kong games), but the movies and screenshots have looked so much better than any game on the market (including Dreamcast, which is really just super bright and easy to see graphics). However, don't listen to IGN when it comes to this matter, as they always find a way to be hard on Rare's "cutesy games" (cutesy is something they strongely detest, even when the DKU isn't really very cutesy...it's more like serious games with whacked humor starring animals that can talk) and find ways to praise Miyamoto's cutesy games and Rare's shooters. So basically, the overall vibe is that Donkey Kong 64 is very much in the category of best game of all time, more so than Zelda (those staunchy men at IGN say this game is three times the size of Zelda world wise). So whether it be Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza, your birthday, or a later date; Donkey Kong 64 will be the biggest baddest (bad in the good rapper sense) game ever to rock your console. And DK will eat flies too!
Update by Slush.

Kreb? See loo-an haffelengen orrawegggenalelefalelefalent. KARK!!! NO!!! Lanky Say-daw el porfavor. Srekkkenteytwo THREE flawg DAYSSELO!!! Seeeeberdty GEEEEbert! Oko-poko-yoko-ono-updated-siki-It's All Relative shnoikel DK64 INDUCED INSANITY BWAAA!!! Sekkerelemenopee!!! a1 b2 c3 d4 e5 f6 g7 h8 i9 j0 k10 too excited to keep pattern Bwa?
I........ what? Where am I? Uh? What? Three days left? What? WHAT? I guess we updated that red-texted section with new Kongs! Sorry about my insanity. I'm having trouble keeping control over it. Well, next time I lay down an update, I'll be too insane to see straight, so consider yourselves lucky that I clicked out of it. Ahem.
Update by Chad.

Nomekop. Yes, I knew Pokemon spelled backwards gave evil Satanic messages. Knome Cop, protector of all evil. Knome Cop, he's a bad arsed mother sucker. Sorry, I must still be slipping into insanity. For good reason though. And we all know what that reason is. The Summer Olympics are next year! Knome Cop will be participating in the pig beheading event. Our very own little DK64 Marketing Campaign will be competing in the Dr Pepper info updating event and our very own little Fan Art Section will be competing in the odd picture updating event. Now, for one other thing. We know there are those new fangled movies running around the internet of Donkey Kong 64's intro scene. We have made no mention of them. Why? Simple. With only a few days left until DK64 is released, do you want to spoil the incredible intro watching it on your computer monitor? Chad and I both didn't watch it. And it will be well worth it. Oh, and just forget that Olympic gibberish. I was going very insane. The true reason I was going insane before I went double insane was because Donkey Kong 64 is coming in FOUR days. Knome Cop gonna bust yo' hump down, slapnuts!
Update by Slush.

Well, here we are. Five days left. I was trying to remain sane until two new Dr Pepper bottles featuring DK came by my house, and that set me off into a rampage of joy. But that's beside the point. Since there are only five days left, we decided to whip up probably the last feature before DK64... Running The Five Day Gauntlet: Donkey Kong 64's Impending Arrival----- The Emotions. In this, we break down and get all emotional over DK64 and the whole DKU in general. Slush was able to maintain his composure a little better than me, so his half is a little easier to follow. I'm just amazed at how good the DKU has been to us, and how little it has asked in return. FIVE DAYS! WHOOO!!!
Update by Chad.

I like ham and butter, I like toast and jam, I like silly smhackey things, and that's why I like SPAM (Super Powerful Arseifying Monkeys). As you see, three Super Powerful Arseifying Monkeys are flying our way in six days. They go by the names of Diddy, Tiny, and Chunky. I'll silence myself now, as I prepare to induldge in feversish pitches of high frequency blabbering excitement. As you see, the greatest game of all time is coming in more than 24 hours, but less than 70 billion hours. It's really close. And I'm excited, as well you should all be. So upon our excitement, take these crap updates and be excited with them, because they reek of excitement. Yes, this should provide adequate substenance for the Dr. Who marathon! The DK64 Character List and The DK64 Level Checklist. They've been updated. Hmmmm.....(looks around, scratches himself). Harm.....hmmm.....sigh. 1-800...C-O-L-L-E-C-T, SAVE A BUCK OR TWO OR THREE!!!.
Update by Slush.

SEVEN!!! LESS THAN EIGHT!!! YAHHH!!!!!!!!! Oh, pardon me. It seems that after over a month of stillness, the Letters Section is once again stirring, with Letter Archives along for the ride. And there are only SEVEN DAYS LEFT! YAAAHHH!!!!
Update by Chad.

Eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, and EIGHT!!!! Days until the greatest game ever that is. Donkey Kong 64 is growing ever so close, and I'm coming down with a case of Lanky fever. But Lanky and his DK64 comrades will have to sit out today's update, because all we have is the Mario Kart 64 Reviews. But we are now entering the big COUTDOWN WEEK. Excited? GOOD! DonkeyKong64.com counter be domned, we have EIGHT DAYS LEFT.
Update by Slush.

A Kasplat tries to individualize from the army of his clones Uh oh! It appears the fine blokes at IGN have sent us some new movies! Well, let's take a firm dip into them with the DK64 Movie Analysis Section. Lots of pictures and lazy drawings, such as the Kasplat picture to the right. And we're continuing the Mario Kart 64 coverage with the Mario Kart 64 Story So Far. Horray! So take a gander or two. Or three. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Update by Chad.

This just in: Perfect Dark will suck hard compared to Donkey Kong 64. This landslide vote was conducted by all three members of the Vine staff interviewing ourselves. So to mark this special occasion, we decided to pay a tribute to the greatest N64 game ever (DK64) by having a Palooza Weekend on the first DKU N64 game ever: Mario Kart 64 with the usual Mario Kart 64 Screenshots Section and Mario Kart 64 General Game Info. Tomorrow we will have more tattered MK64 stuff and some DK64 stuff thrown in. A Banana Fairy? Hmph. Indeed
Update by Slush.

DONKEY KONG DOLPHIN: CONFIRMED! Well, partly. But more on that later. We're halfway through November to the day we all go into uncontrollable spasms on the floor. I can hardly contain myself. Yesterday, upon getting my Nintendo Propaganda Power issue of DK64, I started hyperventalating and could barely make it the rest of the way home. Okay, now I'll stop with my pre-DK64 anxiety and get to the important stuff. Donkey Kong Dolphin. Just today, Rare's Leigh Loveday reported that there is a "fair chance" (which in Lovedaian means definitely) there will be a Donkey Kong game for Nintendo's next console system. You can all bow down and kiss Slush's toes for asking this question. But don't slobber. And yes, The Vine is the first site in internet history to report on Rare's Donkey Kong Dolphin game. Not to gloat, or anything..... okay, so we will gloat. Nyah, nyah! But regardless of who reports on it, November 11 will always be looked back upon as the day in which our dreams and extraordinarily long wait will be renewed. Go on Rare, make us proud!
Update by Chad.

Okay....where should we start? The DK64 Good Guy Checklist has been updated with stuff added on Funky, The DK64 Bad Guy Checklist has been updated with stuff on the armidillo boss, The MIWAFYH Checklist has been updated with info on the pig and hippo, The DK64 Character List is updated with additions and remixes, and The DK64 Move List is up at a time when it will clearly seem like rehased news but from which we just stripped from the freshly delivered pages of Nintendo Propaganda (erm, Power). Hey, don't yell at us! We deliver you...um...the most ridiculous character bios on the Donkey Kong related portion of the internet! Love us tender! You still hate us? Curse you, slapnuts!
Update by Slush.

I doo believe Slush has calmed down since yesterday. Anyway, his two minutes of rage are over by a while. And you should be in an equally anti-rage state right now, because tonight's four-parter update features the up-to-dating of three sections, and an all new one! So let's see.... It seems the DK64 Commercial is a bit longer now. Let's go see the updated Marketing Campaign section for details, shall we? And then, the DK64 Checklists for Items and Good Guys seem to be shining their rears in your general direction, the latter recovering from its severe ladder beating. But if rear shining isn't enough, the new Mindless Idiots Who Ask For Your Help Checklist is up and farting in your general direction. Great, now let's see how many obsure Monty Python quotes we can cram into one update...
Update by Chad.

We have small tidbits of rehashed news today, but size doesn't matter, right? First of all, it's 14 days until Donkey Kong 64 arrives which means that it WON'T be delayed like a certain trigger happy DK site promised it would be. Plus, we have some old Mario Party 2 news that Nintendorks reported on. Five mini-games and one "special activity" for MP2 has been announced. The five mini-games are Tank Challenge, Speed Hockey, Balloon Stricken, Barrel Mix-up (barrels are good), and Bowl Away (which is pretty much the same bowling mini-game as in the first, only this time in a snazzy new locale). The other activity is called Duel and takes place on the Board if two players land on the same space. We also have yet another piece of Artwork. Today's update sure does suck, but it beats the freakin' snot out of the competition. Grar, that's right spankey! No more mild mannered Slush! At least not for the next minute or two. Bring it on, slapnuts!
Update by Slush.

I'm sorry, but DK's 4-year-old render can go in the background. When he gets a new render, then we'll talk. Hey, there. We've got a special......thing for you today! It's none other than an updated DK64 Marketing Campaign! Yeah, that makes two days in a row. Slush bought a large box of Dr Pepper just because it has DK on it. So read all about it. Go on, you. And when you're done, it seems we've gotten yet another Fan Art submission. Remember, we'll post anything. Sure we may censor it, or laugh so hard that we forget to post it... ahem.... but if you're going for stupidity, this art section's the place! But wait! Last night, in a fit of pure, unadultured boredom, I made a snazzy poster for DK64, seen at right. Lousy Nintendo Power take too long with my poster, I'll show them... grumble, grumble...
Update by Chad.

Salutations! With only 16 days left until Donkey Kong 64, everyone better be getting excited to a fever pitch. First things first, we added a new conceptual cartridge design to the DK64 Marketing Campaign. Then we were planning on updating the DK64 Good Guy Checklist, but the DK64 Speculation Center smashed it over the head with a steel ladder, prompting us to send it to the site's hosptial and update the Speculation Center before it does anymore damage while it's on it's cough medicine.
Update by Slush.

Woah! You saw yesterday's massive DK64 update, correct? So, we must be gearing up for our second DK64 WEEKEND PALOOZA! Well, naturally, we've smeared up the Donkey Kong 64 Bios Section, with the brand new stories of Funky and Wrinkly Kong (no relation). Also, the Kong known as Swanky is making his biographical debut for no good reason. But wait, that's not all! You're gonna hear us rant and rave and rant once more about the DK64 Commercial! Well, where you gonna hear 'bout it? The DK64 Marketing Campaign, of course! If you didn't know that much, please leave my sight. Go on, leave. My sight. Leave my sight. Okay, I'm just fumbling around here for a clever way to end the update, to no avail. Erm... PORK RINDS ARE GOOD. There, that got it. Update by Chad.

WRINKLY KONG REVEALED. Yes, the old piece of crap is in this game. Well, we don't have a physical picture of her just standing there, but we do have an image of the game with her picture on a wheel. The wheel seems to represent a "select your destiny" type setup, but we have no idea what it's for 100 percent. We have theories, but they seem invalid at the moment. So just take note that Wrinkly is probably in this game "physically" with the updated Donkey Kong 64 Screenshot Section. Also, a few noteworthy things that we already knew (or didn't) but haven't addressed yet: hovercraft zippers from Diddy Kong Racing are in this game, and those metallic Kremling-type creatures are Kremling cyborgs, as one of the pics shows them being split in half revealing all the mechanical workings. Now, are YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL? No? Good, because I cry whenever a football player yells at me, so I stay away from them.
Update by Slush.

Woah-hoah! You all saw the Banjo-Kazooie biographies yerterday, so you knew we would be gearing up for something unexpected.Right? Anyhoo, the Banjo-Tooie Section is grafting onto the site, accompanied by General Game Info. Yes, we know game sections are always launched with screenshots, but those pictures you've seen are either secrets in B-K orjust shots of early versions of B-K. So there! But wait, there's more! We now have the box art for none other that the Nintendo 64 DK64 Package! Wow! Ain't it perdy? Okay, then. I still have yet to see the coveted Donkey Kong 64 commercial, but I got a DKC shirt in the mail, so I'm content. And you have not seen anything funny unless you have seen a three-toed sloth trying to swim. Ahahaha!
Update by Chad.

Today happens to be Election Day, aka Stupidity-o-Rama. Since stupidity rules today, enjoy the two new mind warping Banjo-Kazooie Character Bios (Loggo and Eyrie). Here's a quick question before I sign out today. What is the deal with those Slim Jim commercials where the human Slim Jim wants people to eat him? Cough cough.
Update by Slush.

Whew! We've all been busy as beavers preparing for the new month (did you ever wonder what it would be like if we really were beavers?). Okay, I'm sorry for the out of place Simpsons quote, but I couldn't resist. Slush saw the first DK64 commercial today! It was in New York, in a police conference, and a Hindu guy started yelling! It was on TNT! Go watch it now! Anyway, as you people with extremely slow browsers have noticed, the updates page loads much faster, thanks to the slate being cleared for November, and October appearing in the Update Archives section. And in typing that last sentence, I just realized that we are in NOVMEBER!!! This is the greatest month in the history of videogames. The month in which our non-sexual dreams will come true! Donkey Kong 64 will finally be released! AAHHH!!! But before you get all worked up, we have one last update for you. This is a big one. If you've been to the main page in the last two minutes, you would have seen a new section added to the navigation bar. This one's big. One month in the making. So what is it? None other than Accounts! Accounts will be a monthly occurance, in which we will write all the daily tat that happens to us, the site and the DKU. It's very interesting, and very insomnia-inducing. So hark forth to November: a new month, and a new section for the site. And Accounts is very sophisticated, that's why there's fancy text. That's irony, it is.
Update by Chad.

Update Archives