Today on this MEANINGLESS day in history, we have the other half of the Mario Party 2 Minigames Checklist and a the last feature of the year: The 1st Annual DKU New Years Forecast: 2000 'o Fun. Now, if you even THINK about calling this the new millennium, here's something a man named Joe Angert said:
"Greetings, and welcome to the beginning of the last year in the second millenium. In only twelve short months from now we will begin the third millenium of human history in the AD portion of the calendar. Oh, and for those of you who may have mistakenly celebrated a year early, I'm sure you can find a kindergarten teacher somewhere who will let you sit in when the class learns how to count."
So have a happy New Year, and we'll see you tomorrow for the beginning of the last year of the second millennium (Gregorian wise, that is).
Update by Slush.

Okay, I'm going to make this quick so I can try and avoid any tyops like last night. Wait.... aww, I misspelled "typos"! Oh, the irony! Well, that Backspace key is too far to reach for, so I guess you're stuck with it. Tonight's update is nothing less than the Mario Party 2 Minigames Checklist. And tomorrow everyone on some remote Pacific island will die because of Y2K! (snicker)
Update by Chad.

I think I know why Chad's update yesterday was filled with typos. A person called him with an offer to take out his brain and replace it with rat droppings. It was a good deal, so he went with it. However, now he's regretting it. Good thing the rat droppings came out easily when he decided to take a brick upon his head. I think he got his original brain back too! Anyway, Letters are up once again and simmering too! Battery acid? BATTERY ACID??? You insult me, Mahoney. Unless you represent.....MEATS OF THE WORLD USED AS MOIST NAPS!
Update by Slush.

hey, I just noticed something! Slush is starting to go insane at the end of his updates! Hahaha! Isn't that great? I can't wait to see what his Accounts look like! Anyway, if you are a subscriber to Nintendo Power Propaganda and got the "Subscriber Bonus 2000" thing, don't bother reading it. It's ntohing you don't already know. There is nary a mention of the DKU. They basically get down on all fours and lick Mario and Pikachu's arses, which is not a pretty sight. But the actual issue contained some very interesting Mario Party 2 information! First, to everyone's delight, those wretched spin-the-control-stick mini games are GONE! No more blisters! And Baby Bowser is not playable, but has a highly expanded role in the game. He shows up on spaces that Toad's star was before. Stars do not play as big a roll in the game aside from helping you win the round. At the end you trade in each of your stars for 50 coins. Very nice indeed. Mushroom Village is not in this game, but the main area is "Minigame Land" which replaced Minigame Island, but is bigger and far more complex. At the end of each board game you fight Bowser! Huzzah! And DONKEY WEARS A SHIRT!!!! Wow!
Update by Chad.

Hope everyone who celebrates the holiday had a great Christmas weekend, and I hope if you were traveling on the interstate in the USA past midnight you saw the MOONMAN. Okay, then. I also hoped everyone who has the Sci-Fi Channel watched some of the MST3K marathon today. Puma Man was the best episode today, hands down. Not to get off subject (even though there really is NO subject), today's update is of two things. One is the updated Donkey Kong 64 Merchandising Campaign, two is the updated TimeVine. In case you're wondering where the exact update in the TimeVine is, here's an explanation. We simply added backhistory on some main characters in DK64 and other stuff. We didn't add anything past DKC3....YET. Oh, and we also fixed this little "problem" that wasn't even a problem that was brought up in Letters. I'm not going to address it any further, but I hope you're happy. We do deliver what the people want. No, wait, if we did that we would destroy this site. Well....we go AGAINST what the people want! YEAH! DOWN WITH THE ESTABLISHMENT, MAN!
Update by Slush.

This must be the Puzzled Japanese Tourist in America board! Well, not too big of an update today... in fact, it's rather quite small. But we have got a shiny new Mario Party 2 box art picture for you to see! Drool! Donkey is a witch! Mario is a cowboy! And the rest. Here on Gilligan's Iiiiiiiisle!
Update by Chad.

Merry Christmas! We may be the only site sacrilegious enough to have the gall to update on this holiday. Being that everyone working on the Vine celebrates it (gee, we need to get more diversity in our staff, don't we? Maybe Our Friend needs to convert religions). Anyway, as you try and escape those relatives that just won't leave (assuming you have any at your house), then escape with your replacement relatives at the moment...the Kongs! Today we have a new holiday filled feature called Top Ten DKU Holiday Thingos. Meanwhile, Santa Claus is finally home again doing the nasty with the Mrs. Uh.....MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!
Update by Slush.

Today is Christmas Eve, and Christmas is the holiday both Slush and myself celebrate, so it's no surprise that today's single-shot update to the Banjo-Tooie Screenshots is a Tiny Tim of an update. But you will be surprised to hear that tomorrow's update will be yet another full-blown Ghost of Christmas Past-sized feature! And on Christmas! Well, we aren't about to stop at 114 consecutive updates just because of some holiday....
Update by Chad.

Well, it's Christmas Eve Eve, so how about a nice heaping helping of cookie dough baked Letters. And a quick news slice, shall we? Leigh Loveday said today at Rarewhere that they originally had a plan for a two player co-op mode in DK64, but dropped it because it didn't work as well as one might imagine in 3-D. Before I leave you tonight I would just like to say that there IS a Santa Claus. You see, your parents lied to you about lying to you. There IS a Santa Claus. He even called me on the phone once. SERIOUSLY!!! Oh no, here come the guys in white coats again. I'M SERIOUS THOUGH!!!! HE CALLED ME ON THE PHONE!!! HE KNEW MY NAME!!! HE KNEW WHAT I WANTED FOR CHRISTMAS!!! THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS!!!! NO, NOT THE TASER!!! BZZZZZTTTTTTTT!
Update by Slush.

Aww, man! I hate having to introduce my own feature. I can introduce Slush's features, but not my own! It's just some psychological thing. Anyway, my mental health aside, I stayed up typing into the wee hours of the morn just so you.. the viewers could finally realize why critics are criticizing Donkey Kong 64. It's because of their own inability to think that the games might actually be going somewhere. So at the risk of copyright infringements, I give you The Theory of Evolution. Darwin must be spinning in his grave! Wait, in the past few sentences I just told you part of what's in the feature... umm... it also has a shiny picture and a cure for cancer! Click the link! Update by Chad.

How does Chad always get the important updates? Oh well. With Mario Party 2 springing up late next month, it was about time we got up the Mario Party 2 Section, don't you agree? With Mario Party 2 Screenshots? Life is good. And I'll personally spit in every fiftith screenshot! I like those odds!
Update by Slush.

WOW!!! Today is possibly the greatest day in the history of the Vine, aside from the day DK64 was released and the day we discovered DK Dolphin and...well, today is a GREAT DAY!!! Finally, Rarewhere released an octet of Banjo-Tooie Screenshots! And holy crap, the graphics are better than DK64! The game has a new footprinted logo! And along with the shots was the information that Mumbo is playable, Kazooie will be ejected from Banjo's backpack, there are new moves to learn, there are nine huge new worlds, each with a respectable boss, a release date of mid-ish 2000, around 150 characters, 150 areas, and to top it off, an interactive soundtrack! We have no idea what this means, but WHOOO!!! Hah! When Super Mario Dolphin is released, we will all laugh and call it a BANJO-TOOIE CLONE!!!
Update by Chad.

With the recent popularity surge in game shows, we though you could use Swanky's Strife: Donkey Kong Land and Swanky's Strife: Donkey Kong Country 2. Spin the wheel and push your opponent off the high ledge to their doom! Remember when they did that on the original Hollywood Squares? Take THAT, Joan Rivers!
Update by Slush.

Ahhh.... Mmm... Yes, Eggnog tastes good, doesn't it? Donkey Kong should do a "Got Nog?" commercial to counteract the hideous Mario "Got Milk?" one. And on the subject of Mario, how about some long-overdue Mario Golf Screenshots to reinstate your trust in Our Friend. He was having some difficult times with him graphics card, but they've patched things up. Hey, wait a minute... I thought this was non-alcoholic eggnog!
Pink Elephant: Of course it's non-alcoholic, Chad!
Update by Chad.

Let's all do the weekend dance, the weekend dance, the weekend dance. Let's all do the weekend dance, until we mess our pants! The Mario Golf Story So Far is up, and Richard Simmons is inside my neighbor's trashcan druken like a booze hound. I suppose I should do something. Sigh. First I have to remove that dang Mr. T off my roof (parachute didn't open, suffered mild bruises across the elbow). I declare...
Update by Slush.

Holy Shnikeys! Go on, say it. Holy Shnikeys! Well, it's something I said a lot in 1992, and for some reason I just remembered. So you are rewarded with the odd saying. But it's not so odd considering tonight's update! Yes, this star-studded update marks the second original interactive section in a row for the Jungle Vine! First you got Brentilda Clues, now you get Swanky's Strife: Donkey Kong Country! The famous gorilla is back in his gameshow gear and ready to quiz you on the first game of the DKU! But don't think this is a one-time occurance... eventually, there will be one for every game. But until then, see how good of a score you can get without cheating and using the players guide. And I love Fungi Forest's music. Dum, da da dumm, dumm, doo dee doo, doo doo doo...
Update by Chad.

Today something new is stirring in the Banjo-Kazooie part of the Vine. It's called Brentilda Clues! Ever wonder what different people got Brentilda to say in their favorite B-K files? Here's your chance to read theirs and have them read yours! I guess it's for really obsessed fans, but give it a shot! It's not like you'll lose your life if you hate it. Ow! My skull aches! What does that have to do with anything.....
Our Friend: Well don't look at me!
Update by Slush.

FLAR FLAR FLAR FLAR!!! Whee, that was so fun being lazy and surly! Just like a teamster! Anyway, to continue the laziness and surliness, you get only one more sentence for the update. Here we go with the update for the night, the close relative to the DK64 Marketing Campaign, the Donkey Kong 64 Merchandising Campaign, which features nice pictures of the new DK64 merchandise, courtesy of Our Friend, along with sarcastic quips strewn about! See? I only used one more sentence in the update. Wait....aww, crap!
Update by Chad.

Today we have the starts of the Mario Golf Section. No, no Screenshots. No, no General Game Info. But it's in the works, that Mario Golf section is. For the N64 version. And remember that Mario Golf for GBC isn't out yet in the eyes of the DKU fan. Because of the Transfer Pak and all. Ahh, read old updates. That'll explain what I'm trying to yap at you. And remember: next month is Mario Party 2! (Note: This update sure as heck sucks. Come back tomorrow and we'll attempt to knock the urine out of you. Or we'll get lazy and decide to just say FLAR!!!)
Update by Slush.

If you ever want to ask me what games to get for Christmas or Haunakah or Kwanza, please do not ask about non-DKU games, because no matter what you say, I'll say Donkey Kong 64. So, as if the Stuff List weren't enough, we bring to you the partially complete Big Ol' Donkey Kong Universe Character List Drones Version (In English)! We wrote it all the way up to Banjo-Kazooie, because unfortunately, the B-K drones can only be seen during the first ending credits, and you only see them once. We're playing through it again to find their names (as we only remember a few). Don't worry, we're already at Freezeezy Peak, so it shouldn't take long. And did you know that it's very easy to talk like both Norm Macdonald and Jeff Goldblum if you vary your levels of mumbling? It's true! Try it!
Update by Chad.

I'd just like to let everyone know that in the great war of Joel versus Mike, I prefer Mike. Most of you out there have no idea what I'm talking about, so HA! Today the Letter Section gets shifted up to a third degree. Ahhh...just think, one month from now we hear at the Vine will be laughing at all of you Y2K worry worts. The only problem it may cause is a decline in sales for Y2K protection software. Haha!
Update by Slush.

Ahh, Friday. Wonderful, GREED-watching Friday. Wonderful, MOONMAN-seeing, DKU Drink-devouring Friday. And a break from the monotonies of the occupation, whatever yours may be. And it's over, unless you only get Sunday off. And if you don't get Sunday off, then Ahaha! Anyway, you've heard our unpleasant rants and raves about DK64 getting the crap treatment from Internet Critics, but no one payed attention. You don't want to ignore Slush, or prepare to face his feature-riddled wrath! So Attention Hate Filled Donkey Kong 64 Internet Critics! We're calling you out....
Update by Chad.

Ladies and germs, we have tonight (once again) a slice of Cameo Heaven. The Mario Party Story So Far is up and running, after the Mario Party section wanted a cute little Story So Far to cuddle and be a friend to. Not to be outdone, a member of our many competing sections of site (the Artwork page) wanted to get a new "friend" for some time. And one turned up on it's doorstop, so we've given it a home in the Artwork Section to make the Artwork Section happy. No, I don't know how the Artwork Section can be happy if it's living "inside" of it, but don't ask me. Ask....the MOONMAN....when you see him....some night....
Update by Slush.

I apologize for the December 6th update. I don't know what I was on about. In fact, I don't even remember writing it. That aside, we've got a rather large update. Feel free to replace the word "rather" with "incredibly MEGA". Out from the depths of the Games Page comes the closest kin to the Big Ol' DKU Character List Singles Version (In English), the Big Ol' Donkey Kong Universe Stuff List (In English). We didn't bother learning French or Swahili for this update, no sirrie! It's pure European/American English (even though the British don't believe the Americans speak the same language as they)! And it turned the hand of Slush blue! Yes, there are thousands, perhaps millions of Stuffs in this list if we bothered to take an inaccurate count! Okay, I'm done promoting the link. Just click it already.
Update by Chad.

Actual cord length may vary. I have no idea what Chad was talking about yesterday. Anyway, today we have a slice of news for you. Okay, maybe it's more like a slice of more popular sites' opinions. Well, good then. Yesterday, Nintendorks came up with the brilliant (and I use that term loosely) theory that Super Smash Bros. 2 will not be coming out for the N64, but instead Dolphin. To them I sigh! Doesn't ANYONE remember the N64 delays? Doesn't ANYONE remember that just because a new system is coming out doesn't mean that every new game in the next year and a half will NOT be for the old system? That's not to say that I don't think there will be an SSB game for the Dolphin, because I'm sure there will be. But I think we will see one more (or two more if lucky) for the N64er. Meanwhile, Gun Toting Retro Net...er...Rarenet has posted their first PRO-DKU column in well over a year. It supports DK64 and wipes out this false glitching that inferior sites claim occurs (we have yet to have ANY problems with the game). Thank you Rarenet. Oh, and Chad just got his special Donkey Kong 64 edition N64 controller in the mail for renewing his subscription to Nintendo Propaganda. But I think he just did it to get the controller. He'll probably cancel it the next time they slam the DKU. Oh, and IGN, we heard what you said about Conker's Pocket Tales in your Mickey's Racing Adventure review. Your neglect will do you in, FOOLS!
Update by Slush.

You ingrateful pig-dogs! I slave over a hot keyboard all day to give you a Super Smash Bros. General Game Info, and you just turn your nose! You treat me like dirt! I'm wondering if this "1/3 site owner / mass of site viewing public" relationship will really work out... oh, well. I'll just go cry about it and eat a bucket of icecream. Sniff...
Please note that the opinions of Chad do not necessarily represent those of the Jungle Vine. Any likeness of this staged relationship is purely coincidental, as this was only created as a mockery of sappy daytime soap operas. Please be advised that if you took this update seriously, you are a moron. Please do not retransmit without express written permission of Major League Baseball.
Update by Chad.

Having fun with the best game of all time, I presume? Well, while you're drooling at DK walking around in circles, remember the good old days of 2-D DKU action with my long delayed and awaited Donkey Kong Land III Review. The Roman Numeral is for good luck. That's why they made all those Rocky movies!
Update by Slush.

Ho ho ho! Merry Fourth of December! Would you like to sit on Santa's lap and tell him what you want for Fourth of December? What's that, you say? A Super Smash Bros. Section with the Screenshots accessory? Well, there you go little boy/girl! Don't forget to see the elf on your way out!
Our Friend: Why do I always have to be the elf?
Update by Chad.

Sugar! Oh, honey honey! You are my CANDY girl.....something something something something etc. That's an older song, and they sang it once on the Simpsons. The word Candy is in it. Now to business. If you didn't know, IGN.com recently posted an article saying that DK64 was rushed out for the holidays, and this was clear because the game is full of freezing and clipping. However, I have noticed NO problems with this. For some reason as well, I noticed with other games on the N64 that if you play for nearly five-ten-however long hours straight, the console will get super hot and cause the game to start freezing. Methinks IGN was just trying to stir up some negative publicity over DK64 since it's being hailed right now as the greatest thing since sliced bread (sliced bread having been invented the previous year). Now that the DK64 greatness lecture is over, and IGN has been put in their Rayman 2 loving place, we can talk about some SUPER SMASH BROS. 2 NEWS! Nintendo.com put up a poll today asking various Super Smash Bros. questions. The odd part was, they asked questions that aren't relevant at this point for the original game. And why put up a poll on a game that's more than six months old anyway? They asked if they made a SSB player's guide, would you buy it? They also asked what characters they should have included. This is an obvious way of deciding what to put in the upcoming sequel. Some basic questions were, "what is your favorite character?" So if you're a tried and true DKU fan, go and vote for DK! Then vote for another DKU character that you would like to see in the sequel! We here at the Vine voted for Diddy and Mumbo. Our Friend has decided to vote for Ted the boatbuilder from Conker's Pocket Tales. Play that FUNKY music, whiteboy!
Update by Slush.

Woah! The FAQ has been sulking around lately, with no new questions springing up... until now! The FAQ is back, Jack, and he's ready to attack! (ugh) So strap yourself in, for the three new questions, debuting at the bottom of The FAQ! Good day to you, sir! Update by Chad.

A new month, a new look, and a new attitude. Well, maybe just a new month. All the old November updates can be found swimming in the pool of the Update Archives. Also today, the October Accounts get a buddy with the November Accounts! Oh, it can swim.
Update by Slush.

Update Archives