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DKVine Staff Discussion
Chad: Okay.
Andrey: orright
Slush: SPORK!
Chad: We're going to do a follow-up on the Star Fox SNES booklet news story, because Andrey has gotten
Chad: several confirmations
Slush: Hey Chad, remember PennyWinkle? Heehee, remember him?
Slush: Okay, great!
Slush: Or not great
Chad: yeah, but he's dead now.
Slush: True.
Chad: Last time, we had a Not Cool, Zeus thing.
Chad: This time, I want to have a picture of Coily saying "Noooo hoax! A hee hee hee hee hee!"
Chad: Andrey wants "Still Not Cool, Zeus."
Slush: And I'm the deciding vote?
Chad: What DO we do, what DOOO we do?
Slush: Well, it's NOT cool. But it's also apparently not a hoax.
Chad: This is true.
Slush: My heart tells me Coily. But my groin says Zeus.
Slush: So I will decide in a scientific manner
Chad: Let's let Lorena Bobbit decide
Andrey: I hate coily
Andrey: does that help?
Slush: Let me flip a coin
Chad: (you better still have that GBCamera pic of the coin you flipped last summer, bitch)
Slush: However, I have no coin with me.
Slush: (I do, don't worry)
Slush: So I will flip a pair of scissors
Slush: One side says stainless steel
Slush: That will be tails
Slush: The bare side is heads
Slush: Someone call it
Chad: Steels
Andrey: heads
Andrey: um
Andrey: bears
Andrey: bares
Andrey: boars
Andrey: beers
Chad: DeBeers
Andrey: bees
Andrey: bars
Andrey: Tha-Bearss
Slush: Tails wins
Chad: Whooo!
Andrey: yay
Andrey: Zeus
Andrey: we win!
Chad: No, I win.
Andrey: no
Andrey: I win
Chad: you said heads. I said Steels.
Andrey: Slush- flip a coin to see who won
Chad: Stainless Steel side was tails
Andrey: I know I know
Slush: I'll flip my Ghostbusters DVD
Andrey: bassfish
Chad: EGON!
Slush: THERE IS NO EGON SIDE, FOOL!
Andrey: I never win these things
Andrey: SPANGLER!
Chad: VENKMAN!
Slush: Okay, I know how to settle this.
Andrey: beer?
Chad: Mud Wrestling! Woot!
Slush: I'm thinking of a number between one and ten. Whoever gets closest, but not above, wins
Andrey: -4
Chad: One
Andrey: wait
Slush: Between one and ten
Andrey: no
Slush: No negatives
Andrey: seventeenity
Slush: Start over
Chad: Sasquatch
Slush: JUST PICK A NUMBER
Andrey: 56
Andrey: 34865
Andrey: what?
Andrey: who?
Slush: BETWEEN ONE AND TEN
Chad: I waive my right to pick a number. I'll let Slush pick it for me.
Andrey: exactly between?
Andrey: is that 5 or 6?
Andrey: 5.5?
Slush: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, or 10
Andrey: does 0 count?
Slush: And...begin!
Chad: Three!
Andrey: 6.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
Andrey: that way, I snag two numbers
Slush: The number was six. Chad wins
Chad: Sweet. Coily.
Andrey: WHAT?
Andrey: 6??
Andrey: that was me, junior!
Andrey: Chad picked three
Andrey: my number WAS 6
Chad: s.9 is bigger than 6.0
Andrey: no it's not
Chad: 6.9
Andrey: that was just "joke fodder"
Andrey: I meant 6 and you know it
Slush: Fine, fine. Start over. New number. BUT NO JOKES, OR YOU WILL BE DISQUALIFIED
Slush: GO
Chad: Fuck no, bitch! I win!
Andrey: -----------4
Slush: Chad wins
Andrey: (that means 4)
Slush: By default
Andrey: vote, Chad
Andrey: why?
Chad: YES! I WIN!
Andrey: that ---------- is a silence
Andrey: that wasn't a joke
Slush: Fine. START OVER
Chad: Default! The two most beautiful words in the English language!
Slush: THIS IS THE FINAL TIME!
Chad: DE FAULT! DE FAULT!!
Andrey: look
Slush: GO
Chad: 3
Andrey: how bout this
Andrey: we use the damned spring
Slush: Ten seconds
Andrey: but I get the quote?
Slush: 9
Slush: 8
Slush: 7
Slush: 6
Slush: 5
Slush: 4
Slush: 3
Slush: 2
Andrey: 4
Slush: The number was 1
Slush: YOU BOTH LOSE
Chad: Well, shit
Andrey: Chad
Chad: No.
Andrey: use the spring
Andrey: but I get the quote
Chad: Coily has the SAME quote ALL the time.
Slush: I AM THE RULEMASTER, I DECIDE THE RULES
Chad: Noooooo -------! A hee hee hee hee hee!
Andrey: fine
Slush: A simple trivia question will resolve this
Chad: Yes!
Andrey: fin3e
Chad: Trivia!
Andrey: shoot
Slush: Whoever answers correctly first wins
Slush: What hour-long television show in the early '90s was set in Alaska?
Andrey: Northern Exposure
Slush: Andrey wins
Chad: ba.......ba......
Chad: WHAT THE FUCK?
Slush: Problem, Chad?
Chad: I won like six times!
Andrey: those weren't victories
Chad: And we did a billion do-overs!
Chad: This is bullshit!
Andrey: those were nansy pansy dilliewhoppers
Chad: The number was six. Chad wins
Slush: Okay, okay. Chad does deserve a second chance here.
Chad: Chad wins
Andrey: it was number pickins. And it was all circumstantial.
Andrey: I guessed six
Andrey: but anyway
Andrey: fine
Chad: You guessed 6.9, dillhole
Andrey: Chad has another chance
Slush: However, Andrey is up to six points. Chad is up to six points. This determines it all
Andrey: fine
Andrey: shoot
Slush: Since Andrey had a six point question
Chad: THE FUCK?!?
Slush: Okay, another trivia question
Slush: NAME THE 7 DWARVES IN SNOW WHITE
Andrey: Dopey
Andrey: Sneezy
Andrey: Happy
Andrey: Doc
Slush: Chad wins by default
Andrey: Sleepy
Andrey: heey
Chad: YES!
Andrey: how's that?
Chad: Only pussies know the dwarves!
Slush: THEY DIDN'T HAVE NAMES. DISNEY WAS THE ONE WHO INVENTED THEM
Slush: THEY'RE DISNEY TRADEMARKS!
Chad: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Slush: THE ORIGINAL TALE DIDN'T GIVE THEM NAMES!
Andrey: you didn't specify, pal
Slush: ......fuck
Chad: Well, shit in a bucket
Slush: Okay, throw that one out.
Andrey: another question
Slush: Are you ready?
Andrey: no
Andrey: but go ahead
Slush: Sorry, the correct answer was yes.
Chad: I'm ready to rock
Slush: Just joking, folks. Haw!
Chad: *rimshot*
Chad: *bugle noise*
Chad: *bugle shot*
Slush: I just took my SATs. I only missed two analogies. So this is an analogy.
Andrey: ok
Chad: Fine by me.
Slush: Tony Bennet is to "I Left My Heart in San Fransico," as Siegfried is to...
Chad: I LOST MY RING IN ROY! THANKS, CRISCO!
Slush: CORRECT!
Chad: YES!!!!
Andrey: what the hell does that even mean?
Chad: Whooo!
Slush: It was blantantly obvious
Andrey: ...
Andrey: what?
Andrey: I dont even know what the hell is going on?
Chad: It was an analogy. You know what analogies are, right?
Andrey: yes
Andrey: but...what the...
Slush: Tony Bennet left his heart in San Francisco. Siegfried left his ring in Roy.
Andrey: when?
Chad: Thanks, Crisco!
Andrey: why wasn't I informed?
Andrey: crisco?
Andrey: what?
Slush: Next time you should buy a practice book to prepare
Chad: Crisco is a popular sexual lubricant, as well as a cooking product
Andrey: and this is some kind of popular...joke?
Chad: If you studied for the SAT's, you would have known.
Slush: No, it's no joke
Andrey: what the...
Andrey: what ring?
Chad: On his hand
Slush: But, you did do pretty good Andrey. You got 6 points, Chad got 7. No big deal
Chad: Yeah
Andrey: wait wait
Andrey: I seriously have no idea what going on
Andrey: Chad won- sure. But I don't even know what that was all about.
Andrey: what ring?
Andrey: crisco...
Chad: Sigfried lost his ring in Roy, thanks to Crisco.
Slush: Siegfried's ring. Crisco. Roy's ass.
Andrey: yes
Andrey: but what is that?
Andrey: a fact?
Slush: Tony Bennet. Heart. San Fransico.
Andrey: how the hell does ANYONE know that, if so.
Chad: It was the only phrase that made sense in the analogy
Andrey: you make it up?
Slush: I'm no analogy writer
Chad: It was so obvious.
Andrey: alright but...roy....crisco...I don't even begin to understand.
Andrey: maybe it's just my politically correct mind. That that didn't spring right forth streight away...
Chad: Siegfried stuck his hand in Roy's ass without removing his ring in the heat of sexual passion. His ring was lost.
Andrey: (and continues to elude me)
Chad: And this was because they were using Crisco as a lubricant
Andrey: I don't understand- you see- how that could come to anyone, or how that is prime analogy material
Chad: As Slush said, he's no analogy writer.
Slush: I think I got it from my SAT practice test. I forget exactly where
Andrey: I don't even know any words that rhyme with San Fransisco, dammit.
Andrey: except Disco
Chad: And now Crisco
Chad: So, Coily goes up on the News item
Andrey: what news item?
Chad: The one you're going to write
Andrey: eh?
Andrey: I recall no such thing
Andrey: (just kidding)
Chad: Oh no, we're not playing that game.
Chad: Good
Chad: With the alt "Nooo hoax! A hee hee hee hee hee!"
Chad: Nothing more, nothing less.
Andrey: I don't get coily
Andrey: he's ugly and his quote is redundant
Slush: The Spring Sprite!
Chad: You had to have seen Spring Fever to "get" Coily.
Andrey: I think I get coily.
Slush: No, you can't
Andrey: he's not too deep is he?
Slush: You have to see Spring Fever
Andrey: especially since he's a sprite
Chad: He's the demonic existance imp of springs.
Chad: Everything has one.
Chad: Watch.
Andrey: Sigfried...
Chad: I can't wait for that new Ernest movie to come out!
Andrey: he's dead, Chad
Andrey: I'm sorry to break it to you.
Chad: Varnsey: Nooooo Jim Varney! A hee hee hee hee hee!
Andrey: oh- Isee
Slush: Everything has a sprite
Slush: EVERYTHING
Chad: That's right.
Andrey: I'm still not cool with Sigfried and crisco and everything.
Chad: It's just a mere analogy.
Andrey: couldn't you have made it an anaolgy that- you know- not only homo-enthusiast magic lovers...
Andrey: ...could invent
Slush: THE OFFICIAL MST3K SITE LOST ITS DOMAIN TO A PORN SITE!
Chad: Was it censored.com?
Slush: No, mst3000.com
Chad: *phew* That was a close one. We'd better register censored fast.
Andrey: pimpmasters.net will do too
Chad: No it won't.
Andrey: sure it will
Andrey: Slush. Flip a bicycle or something, quick.
Slush: censored.com is the future home of our comic strip
Chad: Yeah
Chad: It'll be called - drumroll - censored.
Andrey: sounds great
Chad: Oh yeah.
Andrey: lots of anal ring losing? Crisco ads?
Andrey: Magic?
Chad: Nothing but.
Slush: http://www.scifi.com/mst3000/experiments/1012/
Slush: So Andrey can understand Coily a bit better
Chad: Still, it's not the full experience.
Chad: May enlighten you a bit. But it's not like actually seeing it
Andrey: ok
Andrey: so after readong that
Andrey: we have established that coily is, indeed, a spring sprite
Andrey: and he, indeed, has an annoying hilbilly voice.
Chad: Not really.
Andrey: wonderful. Just makes me cling right to the idea.
Chad: More like a grizzled prospector
Chad: Or a fraggle
Andrey: I mean really
Andrey: he seems more of an inside joke than anything
Chad: I knew it. You have to see it to appreciate it.
Slush: And don't forget that Mike Nelson had a hellish little sprite named Mikey
Chad: Mikesy, actually
Andrey: I get it, don't worry.
Slush: Whoops, excuse me.
Slush: No, you don't
Andrey: The sprite is a sprite and does spritely things
Chad: And Mike's socks had a sprite called Mike's Socksey.
Slush: Haha, oh yes.
Andrey: but he's still an annoying, ugly little springy thing that just looks weird and isn't amusing to watch
Chad: You just don't understand.
Andrey: and neither does a pantload of other people, no doubt
Chad: But it works so well.
Andrey: I'm not urging you not to put the spring up now- because I cant stop you
Slush: HOLY SHIT DEJA VU
Andrey: you won fair and...well. Whatever. Sigfried.
Andrey: but Im saying that maybe next time we should think about this
Chad: What's that, Slush? Tha bat sign?
Slush: I remember having this exact same conversation this late at night
Andrey: about Springy coily jerk thing?
Andrey: no. That's too much to hope for, isn't it?
Chad: You know, I think our readers would enjoy seeing this. How we make crucial decisions about dkvine.
Andrey: yeah
Andrey: this really is rather pathetic
Andrey: and the decision is so crucial
Andrey: "Flip the scissors again"
Chad: I think it shows that we care about the issues.
Chad: We care..... about you. (points straight ahead)
Slush: Actually, that's a good idea, Chad. They must know
Chad: Nooooo shit! A hee hee hee hee hee!
Andrey: *buries head in hands*
Chad: Okay, well, who's going to put it up? Andrey has a prior engagement he's already late for, and Slush is at 4:00 AM right now.......
Chad: I went to sleep at 6:35 AM yesterday morning and have absolutely no shame, so I'll do it.
Andrey: alright
Slush: Great.
Slush: Because I'm watching a farm report right now, as Conan may say
Chad: Right. Don't want people in mah bean crops!
Chad: (oh, the memories)
Andrey: this chat starts in a very funny way
Andrey: depicts us well
Andrey: kinda like that whole Woody Allen eye thing
Chad: Yup.
Chad: By the way, it's Billy Crystal.
Slush: Woody Allen porks little Asian Women! Hee hee hee! Little Asian Girls!
Slush: Tee hee!
Chad: *slapslap* This is going public, bitch! We have to look respectable.
Chad: On a completely separate note, I LIKE THE BOOBIES!
Chad: Okay, so, where's the cutoff point?
Andrey: somewhere near sigfried and roy
Andrey: I guess
Andrey: porbably when you "win"
Chad: No no no, we need to show it all.
Chad: Including this.
Chad: I'm just wondering when we stop.
Slush: Including my 12-inch penis?
Andrey: too much censoring
Andrey: we say the F word a lot
Andrey: especially you earlier
Chad: We can just give a "WARNING: WE SAY FUCK AND SHIT AND COCK"
Slush: Fuck fuck fuck fuck on a mule...
Andrey: *sigh*
Chad: Well, not cock. But now we do.
Slush: We don't use racial slurs!
Slush: That's got to count for something
Chad: Yeah.
Slush: So relax. You didn't kill no injun's
Chad: (takes off hood) Not today, Izekial!
Slush: Oy!
Chad: Right, I think that's enough. ALWAYS RACE!
Andrey: and now MOONMAN referances
Andrey: give it up for Tara, everyone!
Chad: That was the end, dickweed! You just screwed it up!
Andrey: whatever
Andrey: dickweed
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