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 There ARE 
Chad got stuck in the DK universe when he played DKC at a neighbor's house back in the "day". He didn't put down the game for a week and began to grow frail from lack of food. His parents thought he had gotten hit by a car, because he didn't come home for such a long period of time. Chad owns hundreds of dollars worth of completely pointless money-wasting DKU merchandise. When he's not dancing around with his DK games he's either acting as a technical/media consultant to the site or getting paid in Hot Pockets to design other websites.
H. "SirSlush2" Russell, Esquire (or Slush for short) was always a big fan of Nintendo. The Nintendo Entertainment System helped get him through his childhood, with such games as Pinball and Super Mario Bros. 2 leading the way. However, he was always used to the subpar graphics (or fantastic graphics, for the time being) up on through the SNES era. Then one day he rented a game that was just recently released called "Donkey Kong Country." It blew Slush's pants off, and soon he became an advocate of Rare Ltd. When he's not wasting his time on his new site, Slush spends his time doing other activities.
So, then we met one fateful day online, and decided to create a huge Donkey Kong-related site that would make Ernest Borgnine proud. Time passed, and we decided to expand the staff before people started to hate us for the exceedingly crap updates. Frequent contributor to the site, "Aussie" Ben Kosmina, seemed to fit the bill quite nicely, so we hired him on at the start of the third millenium, A.D. 
Ben first became involved with the DK Universe while playing a seemingly innocent looking game called "Diddy Kong Racing". Little did Ben know that at the heart of the game was an unforgiving racing simulation that would suck your soul dry. While playing DKR, Ben discovered a racer named "Banjo", who was soon to star in his own game. By the time he got Banjo-Kazooie with its bird that sounded suspiciously like Fozzie Bear, Ben was stuck in the DKU and unable to get out. While hanging around the Rareware homepage in search of more news (and only finding strange letters and a mysterious character known only as "Mr. Pants"), Ben stumbled upon a link to a site called DK's Jungle Vine. After meeting the site Webmasters, Ben was declared criminally insane and has since been lavished with many strange and wonderful gifts, mostly involving sedatives. He also likes to buy anything that says "Not For Retail Sale" on it.
And then, mere months after Ben's initiation, a bizarre series of events, most involving wombats and sedatives, Andrey Summers of the former NDK64 and RareOps decided to hop on board. 
Andrey (pronounced Awn-Drei) Summers was first pied in the face by the DKU during a seemingly innocent game of the newly-released Donkey Kong Country. Unfortunately, the game was then owned by an old man living near Andrey's Australian residence and the whack-job was going to sell it. So Andrey siezed the day and, in doing so, vowed not to cease harrassing the old man until the game was beat. A few weeks and a restraining order later, Andrey was the owner of his own Super Nintendo and the ever-glorious DKC, which he pre-pubescently assumed must be better than sex. Donkey Kong Country 2 and 3 only dug Andrey's hole deeper and now he is a thoroughly earthy DKU and Rare enthusiast. His favourite game is DKC2, because it is the Empire Strikes Back of videogame history and...it's DKC2, you gits!
When he is not glued to an electrical appliance, be it a gaming system or his exceptionally gluey computer monitor, Andrey is out trying his hand at acting, writing all sorts of other irrelevant garbage and changing countries every few years just to stay ahead of the tax man. Andrey was born in Russia, but has since been to Canada, Australia and Pixie Land, which really does exist, but only if you don't look at it directly. Andrey has friends. The list is just far too large to print on this site. 
Oh, yes, and there was also this quirky floating camera on staff. When he's wasn't being forced at alkaline vaccuum-point to scan, capture, or take pictures for the site, Our Friend, as we call him for lack of anything better, was having his way with impressionable, sexy young 8mm cameras from Tahiti. Unfortunatly, after being hit in the lens cap by a wayward hoe, he has since slipped into a comatose state.
Hark the tale of the brave former Jungle Vine team. And then, there were these 
Klobber is completely, utterly insane. When he was a small child he ran headfirst into a swingpost, knocking his two front teeth out in the process. Ever since then, he hasn't been quite all there. Klobber first came to know the DKU back when a little game called Donkey Kong Country was released for the SNES. He was immediately entranced by its excellent gameplay and stunning graphics. Later, when DKC2 was released, Klobber became obsessed with both the game itself, and as a result of its prominent motiff, the life of a pirate. Klobber tried his hand at many different websites before joining up with DK's Jungle Vine, including co-running Rarchives with now-moderator Retriever II, and working for the staff of DKTropics. Now, Klobber works here, where he is beaten unmercifully with a stick until he actually DOES something. Everybody polka!
Sean came into contact with the DKU madness several years ago when he rented a game called Donkey Kong Country. It was immeasurably fun, but unfortunately he never got the opportunity to actually own it. He never rented DKC2, alas, but he did rent DKC3. He loved it so much he stole the manual in order to help him draw Kiddy Kong, who he to this day likens to a god, or some variation thereof. He later stumbled across the Lord Harry show, which made him get DK64, which lead him to the Vine in February 2000. Sean has done everything from inadvertently starting up the Pikachu killings in Letters, to singing the damned Monkey Rap in front of an entire school (TWICE) in 6th grade, just to express his fanatical lust for the DKU. Today, Sean juggles between Vine work and his other website, attends his first year of something called "High School", and hunts over eBay vigourously in order to find good deals on Diddy Kong Racing.
Behonkiss's long and fascinating DKU obsession is the stuff of legends among his family, along with his Pokémon and Mario addictions. A born gamer since '91, he jumped on the DKU the moment it was born and has hung on for a piggyback ever since. Staying in his den and only coming to "The Outside" for school, his family keeps contact with him by sending emails in the virtual chum bucket delivered daily for nourishment. Because of his lack of UV exposure, Behonkiss is often mistaken for an albino.
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